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shannonw55
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2005 14 August :: 1.24pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: The Postal Service
Uggg...
Are You a Hater?
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shannonw55
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2005 14 August :: 11.57am
:: Mood: confused
MSN isn't working for me.
Is anyone else having this problem?
1 People Hate Dashboard |
Are You a Hater?
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shannonw55
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2005 12 August :: 6.04pm
:: Mood: stressed
:: Music: Third Eye Blind - Thanks A Lot
I hate TV appliances.
And wires.
Why can't they make them different colors? Like, hot pink or something, so 1. If you are looking for one you don't take out the wrong one cuz its the same color as something else and 2. So that it might spark a sense of joy while you're ripping your hair out.
I feel like a big ol' failure. Okay I'm being dramatic, but I'm really frustrated that I couldn't figure it out at all after I spent like... 5 hours on that darn thing.
Does anyone know what to do to hook up a DVD recorder thing when you have already used the outlet for the antenna cable?
Oh well.
Are You a Hater?
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girlxunnoticd
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2005 12 August :: 12.21am
how did it end up like this?
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shannonw55
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2005 9 August :: 5.54pm
:: Mood: giggly
:: Music: String Quartet Tribute To Incubus - Pardon Me
An update dedicated to Whetzel
So I added dear Matt Whetzel to my msn list...
And being the funny guy he is, starts talking to me in a language I know less than fluently.
KaEl ...ES MEJOR ARDER KE DESVANECERSE..... says:
hola
KaEl ...ES MEJOR ARDER KE DESVANECERSE..... says:
kien eres
¤Shannon¤ says:
hey
¤Shannon¤ says:
is this whetzel?
KaEl ...ES MEJOR ARDER KE DESVANECERSE..... says:
de donde eres
¤Shannon¤ says:
USA
KaEl ...ES MEJOR ARDER KE DESVANECERSE..... says:
soy de mexico...
¤Shannon¤ says:
Tengo el email address incorrecto. Apesadumbrado
(I have the incorrect email address. Sorry)
KaEl ...ES MEJOR ARDER KE DESVANECERSE..... says:
ahh ok.....
¤Shannon¤ says:
hmm it says its mega_zero though
KaEl ...ES MEJOR ARDER KE DESVANECERSE..... says:
si es mega_zero@hotmail.com
¤Shannon¤ says:
hmm...
KaEl ...ES MEJOR ARDER KE DESVANECERSE..... says:
(rolling eyes emoticon)
¤Shannon¤ says:
Estoy apesadumbrado. Mi amigo tiene dos rayas en el email address.
(Typed it as "sorry he has two underscores" or something. Translated again means, "I am grieved. My friend has two rays in the email address.")
KaEl ...ES MEJOR ARDER KE DESVANECERSE..... says:
ah ok...te equivocaste....jejeje
(something like, oh thats okay, you were mistaken)
And with the trusty Babel Fish Translator I discovered that Whetzel wasn't hispanic and actually had two underscores in his email address.
2 People Hate Dashboard |
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mle
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2005 2 August :: 3.06pm
maybe i just set aside
the fact that you were broken-hearted
in my own special, selfish way
and if i hadn't set aside
the fact that you were broken-hearted
hell knows where your heart would be today
maybe with me
. alkaline trio . sorry about that .
Are You a Hater?
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girlxunnoticd
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2005 1 August :: 1.39am
i don't know whats wrong with me. everything is so wrong. so now there are 3 weeks left of summer and this didn't turn out at all how i wanted. i don't really understand whats going on. how could someone use someone else so carelessly? i do have feelings even though i try not to let them show. it hurts really bad, because i thought he was a friend, but most of all, because i thought he cared about me. i know now that he never cared. and the only definition of friends he wanted to be were the kind that fool around without committment. i know its my fault. leslie says i shouldn't take the blame, but there is no excuse for me thinking there was any more there than there is. i thought he was a different person and i thought that i had found someone that would be perfect. i couldn't have been more wrong. but the part that hurts the worse is that i still love him as much as ever. and that is why my heart is broken. the love of my life feels nothing for me. he just used me for a fling. if i cried forever i still wouldn't have let all of the tears out from this. i don't know when i will be able to get over it. i trusted him, i loved him, and i should have known that i meant nothing to him. i don't know what to do now. i go back to school in 3 weeks. i know i will think about him every day and that just makes it harder to deal with. i guess its just going to have to hurt really bad before it can start to get better. hopefully someday it will get better. hopefully someday i can move on.
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shannonw55
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2005 30 July :: 6.31pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: The Beatles - Hey Jude
Why the hell am I SICK AGAIN!!
Ugg.. I hurt.
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shannonw55
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2005 29 July :: 8.13pm
:: Mood: sad
Kelsa
Have You Seen My Kitty?
Kelsa has been missing for 3 days. If you see this kitty, lemme know.
:(
6 People Hate Dashboard |
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mle
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2005 29 July :: 7.59am
:: Mood: . calm .
:: Music: . goo goo dolls . sympathy .
. welp, that's that .
misery.
but at least i know now, right?
but it's misery in a i-can't-feel-it-or-anything-else-for-that-matter kinda way. the movie didn't meet expectations. it was fucking cold out. ms76 lead to his anti-liberal chatter. coming back home until 4am just proved more awkward.
he touched me.
as in he grabbed my foot in a moment of passion answering something or another. and later he used me as a pillow, his hand brushing against my foot. with his eyes following my path of sight, i decided to be a big kid.
i told him.
in my tell-and-then-brush-off sort of way.
like "i'm really into you, but i know you're too good for me"
blah blah blah. he knew.
he never said yes or no... but we all know that means no. he more went along the lines of "i knew. don't think i didn't think about you that way too..."
blah blah blah.
stop touching me.
i want you out.
so he went home.
and i collapsed against the front door.
and tossed and turned for 3.5 hrs... until now.
and now i'm here.
and i have nothing left.
sure he's still there.. and he's an amazing guy. a ridiculously intelligent guy. but some of his perspectives on life make me uber-depressed and want to get him to snap out of it. happiness is necessary. for yourself. that's what makes the world go round.
i'd live my life of super-high to super-low than his of monotous day-in and day-out.
sometimes, i'd really like to just slap some sense into people.
but it doesn't matter. because now i know.
i was a fool all along.
i don't know what to do with myself. am i supposed to act normal- because this is what i expected. am i supposed to act relieved- because marcus doesn't think i'm anywhere near ready for a relationship (and he has some valid points). am i supposed to act upset- because there is not a soul on the face of the earth who would ever find anything in me attractive.
i choose door number 3.
"i feel like there's a wall between me and you"
(pre-confession)
duh. you already know how i feel about my academic failures.. but that doesn't give you an all-access behind-the-scenes pass into my self-hatred and other failings.
fuck you and your perfectness. in your ability to talk without choking on every fucking word that rolls off your tongue.
don't ever touch me again.
Are You a Hater?
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mle
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2005 28 July :: 8.03am
:: Mood: . miserable .
:: Music: . death cab for cutie . photobooth .
. and as the summer's ending
the cool air will rush your hard heart away .
i don't even know what to say.
or why i'm writing in here.
i know it won't help. it never does. there's always a cover-up, a leave-out, a modification. and the more i tell, the more the feelings and thoughts become cheapened. like permiscuous sex... except emotional, not physical. all these mini-confessions, mini-exposures, mini-interactions are eating away at me.
why can't it all just go away?
(eighteen) years and seems like i've just begun
to understand my, my intimate is no one...
(eighteen) years and still speaking in these tongues
such revelations were understood by no one...
i remain alone
. afi . ...but home is nowhere .
i don't even know what to do with myself anymore. it seems every breath brings with it a newfound hatred, another failure, one fewer reason to take the next one.
Are You a Hater?
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girlxunnoticd
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2005 28 July :: 2.46am
i don't know what i'm doing. i'm wasting my life away on someone who doesn't even love me. someone who isn't even a real friend. how could this happen to me?
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shannonw55
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2005 27 July :: 10.48am
:: Mood: grumpy
:: Music: Third Eye Blind - Never Let You Go
Edit all:
Today suuuccckkss.
We finally have a day off of work and I have nothing to do.
I feel really really sick. I'm drowning myself in orange juice right now. That never seems to work.
--somebody call me or something.
Oh well. I had fun yesterday at Adam's. Yay for you coming back from Mexico.
Thats it.
I take all of that back. (minus thing about Adam) Today became absolutely fantastic. Oh gosh I was gonna die in this house earlier. Yay today was good and I feel a lot better. :)
Are You a Hater?
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shannonw55
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2005 26 July :: 9.38pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: A Santana music survey
Mmm.. I feel like cotton candy on the inside.
and no work tomorrow. Hurray!
Are You a Hater?
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mle
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2005 25 July :: 12.24am
:: Mood: . silently screaming .
:: Music: . afi . this time imperfect .
. asphyxiate on words i would say .
we just talked for a brief few online. you keep encouraging me to call if i need anything. well i need you.
or, at least...
i need to know.
i can't keep going on like this.
i'm going crazy with doubt... to the point of being physically ill.
i don't know whether to try to sleep, call you and confess, or punch a hole through the wall.
why does this have to be so confusing? all i want to know is if you reciprocate. if yes, then i fucking ruined the butterfly-suspense-awesomeness of falling in love. if not, then i've fucking wasted entirely too many hours brooding over why you haven't called, if it's ok to call you...
i think about it all the time. i'm under so much stress at work... and i can't stand the pools anymore. they're driving me to insanity. literally.
how much i've failed in life... what i've amounted to.
i just want it all to end.
all too often, it feels as if it's the only way to calm the storm of obsessions cooking up in my mind.
i hyperventilate.
then i suffocate.
repeat as necessary.
Are You a Hater?
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