YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT

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:: 2005 30 January :: 2.24pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: Bright Eyes - The Calendar Hung Itself

This isn't working...
and neither is my floppy disk. Meh.

:: 2005 27 January :: 8.15pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Coldplay - We Never Change

Dashboard Confessional

"Anyone, Anyone"

I'm not sure of anyone, anyone
But I've got plans
I'm not asking for everything but sure I could use a hand

Get a little anxious
Sometimes you'll be gone and I'll be left behind
Get a little nervous
Sometimes it'll be my cue and I'll forget my lines
Get a little lost look
And some staring from the corner of my eye
Never really mastered disinterest

I can't see how
The way that you leave me alone makes us close
I must be out of touch
I won't ask you
To give up on the things that seem to keep you gone
But I can be gone too

Feel a little sorry
Sometimes you're not here when I am writing
Feels a little awkward
Sometimes you won't talk but we're not fighting
You hold on to your secrets
And I'm not privy to what is on your mind
But I can't help but feel tired
So tired, so tired, so tired

So tired

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:: 2005 21 January :: 4.14pm
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: Sheryl Crow - If It Makes You Happy

Have you ever had a dream where you can't move your legs and you have to drag yourself places with your arms? ... o_0 ...

mle

:: 2005 19 January :: 6.32pm
:: Mood: . frustrated .
:: Music: . incubus . pardon me .

yea kiddos... marcus found this journal and all of the scandalous boy escapades i shared in it. that was last week.
i dont think i can be nearly as candid anymore. about anything.
i dont know if ill use you again...

mle

:: 2005 12 January :: 6.00pm
:: Mood: . chilled out .
:: Music: . tony rich project . when can i see you again .

. more boy banter .

so i will keep the scandalous kiss-and-tell to a minimum... maybe. :)

lucass = the love of my life. (although he does share the title with an anonymous male that i will discuss at the conclusion of this entry.)
we finally hung out again last week friday - i ditched some of my girl friends (and random people) while we were hanging out at morningstar (kickass coffee, btw). got drunk at jimmy's. that's another amusing thing - that was definitely the only time i've been to jimmy's without getting baked out of my mind. jimmy without weed is like a desert without sand. bizarre.
anyways - that was a crazy night. definitely made out with everyone there (minus jimmy). including amy. check off "make out with guy with hair longer than me." hah. i'm such a lip slut. speaking of which, lucass had a mustache. wtf? lol. it needed to go. badly.
ok ok ok - i'll get to the best part of the night: lucass being the love of my life. he's definitely a big slacker and way laid back, to say the least. mid-makeout, he pulls away and says "emily, i missed you." "i've missed you too." "you need to come find me when you're done out there at msu." *key cheesy romantic music*
and all i can say is *smile*...

talked to him again tonight, online cause he hates phones.
me: i just ran over to pick something off the printer and saw the picture of us from hmh junior year. you're definitely the only person other than marcus and my family that i have pictures up of out here.
him: the dance you took me to? haha. that was a hot date. mostly because of you. good times with my bald head. i'm touched.
me: the girls are always like "who is that?" lol
him: who is that freak. and you answer the greatest man i know?
me: the love of my life
him: well eventually
me: although you did share that title with *name omitted* for a brief time
him: i'll fight to the death for that title

so the last month has been the best one of my entire existence, even with the ever-growing mound of bullshit marcus throws on me.

although, i must admit: i did get my heart broken on saturday.
let's just say a guy i adore definitely came out to me while i was trying to pounce on him. shocked. why? why? why? why? he was seriously... like if he asked me to marry him today, i would say yes without even thinking twice. he is the fricken love of my life... and to make matters worse, we were drunk when he confessed his love of men, and i left him a message the next day for him to call me when he had time to talk about it... hasn't called yet. that was 4 days ago. *tear*

on that note, i think i'm going to go listen to r&b love songs while i clean up the crap from our welcome home party.

:: 2005 12 January :: 12.35am

i don't know what to do...

someone please help me

:: 2005 11 January :: 5.29pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: Coldplay - Parachutes/High Speed

Mm.. I'm sleepy.

So yeah.. Ear infections/sinus infections suck. And they've got me on these super strong pils since the first ones didn't work and it's killing me. It's got all these crazy side effects like depression, confusion, nightmares, and a bad taste in your mouth. lol I mean.. for something for ear infections... I think that's sorta weird. Now I'm gonna be way behind in drama and everybody is gonna be pissed.. But.. too bad because I stuck it out after 4th hour and came back.. I get some credit for that, man. lol So yeah.. Maybe you won't see me a couple more times this week.. I don't know. I hope I'll get better.

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:: 2005 5 January :: 2.01am

i guess when things change they change for a reason. i guess when things hurt this bad they can only get better. i hope you're happy andrew. i really do.

plainmornings

:: 2004 31 December :: 10.01pm

wow...

its been entirely too long since i've stepped into the newly "elite" land of woohu. Well Andy, I must say that the place looks good!

To a new year... God help us in what may come.

mle

:: 2004 30 December :: 3.29am
:: Mood: . scandalous .
:: Music: . lenny kravitz . lady .

. shh - dirty little secret .
hehehe

i never thought being bad would be so good. even that sneaky drunken/high escapade with larry wasn't this fun (well, i guess i can't compare something i don't remember).

so i randomly called alters tonight - went to margarita grill (club) with her and jamie. remember, i am fat, don't really own anything ridiculously cute that i would feel comfy dancing all night in, and i've only been clubbing twice. it was crowded with cute girls and craploads of people i know, but not well enough (or too long ago) for me to strike up a conversation with. plus, i'm sweaty, gum-less, and tired.
this guy comes up to me and tells me his birthday yadda yadda yadda...
we dance for a while. and talk. nice guy. whatever.

let's just say that i went home with this guy to his ridiculously nice apartment (in one of the old victorian homes in downtown!) and .... i'll spare you the details.

best part? not only is he from chicago, 24 (as of midnight), and in grad school at gvsu, he's also palestinian. first generation. wohoo! check the "get with a middle eastern guy cause they're hot" off my list of things to do before i throw in the towel. abdallah. what a killer name. i like it :)

anyways.. it is now 340am and i have to be up by 615 to babysit, then pick up my stuff from the girls i rode with last night, then work a 6 hour shift, and hopefully head out for another night of awesomeness.

you know how they say you learn something new every day?
yesterday = beaners coffee cups stack perfectly with the lids on.
today = spontaneity IS FRICKIN AWESOME!

i have never been so proud of myself for not only living life, but knowing how to keep it within boundaries too. :)

UPDATE: the next night, i went home with a guy who also works in the mall after he hit on me for like 5 minutes after my shift was over. check off "make out with a guy who has a tongue ring". best part: he is an exact replica of the "o-face" guy in office space. definitely will never return his calls, but he was good for a couple drinks and laughs later. :)

:: 2004 27 December :: 8.58pm
:: Music: adam's song

it hurts to get ditched by your "best friend". these last few days have really made me realize just how much she cares about our friendship. so thats it. i'm through with her.
and i'm applying to transfer to slu next fall.
and i don't care if they say i'm throwing my life away. sometimes you have to do what you feel you have to do.

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:: 2004 27 December :: 9.08pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: Duncan Shiek - November

Dream
So I had a really weird dream. One so weird I don't understand how my unconscious brain was creative enough to think it up.
I'm in this large place... heaven? or just a big building...? There were a lot of other people. I think only other girls though. We were all... angels? I think? We had to pick up a cross and a bible verse that we liked or just a bible verse. We were supposed to get in line, have someone nail the cross to your back, hang the bible verse on your back also, and have the priest read the verse to the... church? Maybe it was supposed to be a blessing thing, I dunno. But anyway, I was afraid to nail the cross to my back, because obviously, this would hurt. But if you didn't do so, it would be a big disrespect to Jesus or God. But I ended up taking the easy way out, which was frowned upon by the other girls/angels or whoever they were. I took a plastic thing and had it nailed to that instead and wore it, so that the cross would hang on my back and not harm me. But the verse was still read by the priest. That was the end. I woke up feeling really... bad. Weird, eh?

:: 2004 27 December :: 12.25pm

so i thought a best friend was someone who was supposed to tell you that everything is alright and be there for you when you are feeling down.
so why does mine tell me that the love of my life is just an aquaintance and i'll get over it soon as soon as i meet someone else. and all the good times we had together are just a joke to her.
all she talks about is his best friend and how they should be together. and how she feels sad when he doesn't call.
i can't take it anymore... i can't even remember the last time i cried so hard and so often.
i thought i could talk to her about how i was feeling, but she just makes me feel like we'll never have or never had a chance.
well thanks for being a friend.....

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:: 2004 22 December :: 8.10pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: Coldplay - Warning Sign

How can you compare a relationship to a job...IN A GOOD WAY? ugg.. people are stupid.. Ok no more of him..
So how's your Christmas Vacation going? Mine is pretty good. But we didn't get a Christmas tree.. lol So yeah. I wanna hang out with ppl some more this week so if ya wanna hang out or something then comment. Well everybody have a Merry Christmas!