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girlxunnoticd
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2004 2 July :: 1.15am
if there was only one thing i could do right now i would kiss you and i'd mean it... and you'd know that i meant it.
i need you. i can't live without you.
you are my everything.
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
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girlxunnoticd
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2004 30 June :: 2.20am
i can't sleep because if i sleep i will dream about you... and if i dream about you, i won't be able to breathe without you when the dream is over...
i <3 u
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girlxunnoticd
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2004 30 June :: 1.35am
i feel so sick i could throw up. my stomach is twisted and i just don't want to go on like this. i thought i could handle it, when he wrote her back but not me... i can't. i can't handle this. i don't know whether to scream or cry. and ryan, you're not making this any easier. haha its so funny that you pretend you care. and leslie, how funny it is that you pretend to help. i don't even know anymore... i just feel numb. and with every new message or every new saturday night, i get a new found hope. and then every time it is shattered. i don't want to go with them tomorrow... they are so happy and falling in love... and i am so alone that i can't even feel. i just want to lock myself away until i can't remember his face... but will it ever go away? i thought maybe i had a slight chance to be his, but who was i kidding? only myself. i'm never going to be happy. i don't want to be this 3rd wheel anymore. i just don't. all i really want is you... and i wish you knew that... but if you did, i doubt you'd even care. i wish i could make you care... because i'll always love you... and i can't change that... at least not now.
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girlxunnoticd
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2004 29 June :: 2.08am
he's probably not talking to me because i've scared him away. why does she have to go on doing that stuff? why can't i just be happy. i don't want to go away... i want to stay... with you, forever.
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girlxunnoticd
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2004 28 June :: 1.10am
"oh how we've shouted, how we've screamed 'take notice, take interest, take me with you'..."
i wish he knew that he could make everything right... but that he could also make everything wrong. i wish he knew that. i wish he knew i loved him so. and i wish he felt the same.
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girlxunnoticd
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2004 26 June :: 2.29am
thank you andrew you made my night wonderful.
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girlxunnoticd
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2004 23 June :: 11.49pm
so maybe i should do something someday. maybe i should make something of myself. i wish i could. i wish i could be happy. its all i really want. but i'm not. i'm here at home, bored and lonely. wondering what you're doing. are you having fun? are you with your friends or are you by yourself? are you happy? i wish i could make you happy. because i would. and i would never stop. and things would be good and perfect. <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
well i guess i have nothing else to do but pray and hope that someday you might find that you need me. maybe someday i will be desirable instead of invisible to you. at least i hope that someday you will need me. because i need you... and i miss you. and i'd give anything to be with you...
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girlxunnoticd
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2004 22 June :: 2.34am
i need something to get me through this. i need you. i'd give anything for you to want me around. anything...
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girlxunnoticd
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2004 21 June :: 2.02am
i think i messed up. i told ryan the secret. but i guess it should get out eventually. tonight was good, i guess. *********************** i'm seeing stars... i can't help it. i like him so much... he's everything to me.
<3 always.
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girlxunnoticd
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2004 20 June :: 2.07am
i missed you in massachusetts, i missed you in california... i miss you in illinois. i miss you all the time. every day... especially every night. i think i miss you most on wednesdays and saturdays. i wish things were like they were. i wish we were together. we had fun. things were good. i never had to worry... only about saying something stupid. i wish i would have said more... i wish i would have said how much i care. i wish i had another chance to do that. i wish i had another chance to be with you. because i miss you. and i need you. i wish you needed me too.
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girlxunnoticd
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2004 18 June :: 1.35am
still don't know what i'm doing any why i'm even doing it. another thursday night wasted. every day is wasted. and every night is just the same. so confide in me, because i will be there. and because i won't tell because i don't have anyone to tell. i hate this town, i hate these people. the only thing i want to remember about this place is him. and i don't even know if i can do that. well actually, i know i won't forget. i need a sign... i need something to get me through to good times or something that at least seems right.
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girlxunnoticd
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2004 17 June :: 12.44am
so she can go to sleep at night knowing that everyone wants her. and i can't go to sleep at all because i know that tomorrow i will wake up alone. i can't feel but numb and i don't know how to make it better. i know i'm not ever going to be as pretty as she is.. so i guess i'm never going to be loved. i don't know what to do anymore. i just don't know what to do. i can't fake this anymore. i can't fake being okay because i am not. it hurts so bad inside of me that i can't even breathe anymore. yeah sure, i will put in a good word for you. because of course you are just using me to get to her. everyone is. i mean why would anyone want me? i'm not anything worth anything. i'm just worthlessness and nothingness. i'm everything that no one here wants. and no matter what i do, i'm never going to have what i want. because, eventually, he will want her too. and i can't run away because i can't bear these thoughts of leaving you. but i have to. i will have to. then i don't know what i am going to do. because i feel as if i can't live without the hope that maybe some day there will be an e-mail or maybe a phone call.. or maybe i will see you passing by... i live for those moments. and if they are gone... i might as well be no more. but i guess i already am... since you are easily going on without me.
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girlxunnoticd
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2004 16 June :: 11.43pm
don't you hate it when your friends turn into bitter assholes. i'm really through with caring though. i'm really through with caring about anything anymore. i'm sick of worrying what someone is going to think if i do something that i want to do. i just want to say fuck you to everyone who wants to pull me down. this is my life and i'm going to do what i want. and if that includes going to car races, playing golf, and sitting on my ass, then i am going to do it. so if everything ends up going downhill from here then theres just not much i can do about it. i'm through with this stupid teenage drama.
... but in the heat of my anger... i still miss you. <3
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plainmornings
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2004 16 June :: 7.18pm
blah.. finally cut my friends list down, getting rid of the people who didn't pay to keep their journals and the people who i have not talked to in over a year. Its funny, it seems as if the only two people who still regularly write in their journals are Lauren and Amanda.
i need college to be here now :0/
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girlxunnoticd
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2004 16 June :: 1.29am
all i know now is that i am not happy. i went tonight to see someone who wasn't there. i wish people wouldn't lie... and i wish people would show how they really feel. maybe that would make a lot of things really a lot easier. i can't figure things out, and i'm not being given a chance. i guess i missed all my chances... i don't know. i hope i didn't, but if fate is real, then maybe things will still turn out. i've been praying every night, but i don't know if its been helping. i'm still tired and lost and feel so hopeless. i only have like 2 months left and i feel overwhelmed. i don't know what i am doing here or anywhere. and the only time i ever felt okay was when i was with him... when the only thing that i was scared of was if i would say something stupid. i miss him so much and again as i have said i would give anything, i would give up everything for another night with him. and especially maybe for forever.
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