YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT

YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT

:: 2004 25 February :: 10.39pm

it seems like i just can't get things right. will i ever be as happy as i am on those saturday nights... doing nothing, just driving, just talking. and even in our silence i am just enthralled. but now i sit here, waiting. its wednesday, the day he usually writes. but... nothing. and she says he wrote her a day or two ago at the same time she is telling me that he loves me. how can she do this to me? but what do i have on her? she is prettier, smarter, funnier, more flirtacious (sp?), more experienced. she is everything that i will never be. i should know this by now. i should stop doing this to myself. but i couldn't help it this time. i fell into this trap unknowing. i thought we were just friends. not even close friends... but now... i can't get him off my mind for 2 seconds. i don't know what to do. and i stupidly think that maybe things will work out. yeah right. he'll be hers soon... and she'll just turn him down. why can't i just be happy?

Shannonw55

:: 2004 16 February :: 11.05am

"and she threw them down screaming, damn you, man don't leave me with nothing left behind but these cold paintings these cold portraits to remind me"

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plainmornings

:: 2004 14 February :: 11.28pm

envy me for I have been graced with the Godly sounds of Modest Mouse<3

it was soooooooo wonderful x a bagillion & a half!! Muchas gracias to Josh/Eric/Taylor/everyone else <3<3

got dumped in Miami & did the whole UM honor band thing. It went well I guess besides crappy music and bad players. The other bassoonists were cool (and cute lol) so it was all good. <3s to Chris & Eun Joo who made 2nd and 1st chairs!!

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Alfred Reed was at our concert tonight!! We all got autographs and pictures, it was obbber cool!

going to Orlando tomorrow. busy. bye.

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plainmornings

:: 2004 12 February :: 3.30pm

don't we all just LOVE pretentious fucks.

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plainmornings

:: 2004 12 February :: 2.13pm

Fucking christ.
i come on here for 3 fucking minutes and i swear a bazillion pop ups flashed everywhere. The quicker i Xed them out, the faster they came.

This is ridiculous.

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girlxunnoticd

:: 2004 3 February :: 7.51pm

don't waste your time on me, you're already the voice inside my head... i miss you i miss you
i never thought it would be, my two favorite songs are by blink 182.
they remind me of someone...

i miss him...

mle

:: 2004 27 January :: 8.14pm

please read.
especially if you live in michigan.
even more so if you are 18 or older.

here in this wonderful state of michigan, some of you may know about the Legal Birth Definition Act. Gov. Jennifer Granholm decided to veto it after it overwhelmingly passed in the Michigan Senate. yes, she is "personally opposed" to abortion, but politics get in the way. pretty sick and twisted. anyways - this piece of legistlature would declare a baby as being born the moment any part of his/her body is outside of the mother. makes sense, right? well, there is currently no standard for when a person is legally born. under this lack-of-law, millions of babies are killed. partial-birth abortion style. for those of you who do not know, this is what most abortionists perform later in the pregnancy (2nd and 3rd trimesters). they force a woman into early labor, then partially deliver the premature baby, breech style (feet first, opposite of normal childbirth). once the shoulders are visable, the abortionist then crushes the skull of the child, typically by suctioning out the brains. the skull then collapses and the rest of the child is removed, dead. pretty disturbing, even to the most desensitized person.
anywho - there is a procedure that we, the citizens of michigan, are able to do to override the govenor's veto. there is an 180-day petition drive (began in early January, so theres still time) to collect approx 235,000 signatures of registered voters (ages 18 or older) who believe that there should be a legal definition of birth at the moment any part of the child is outside of the mother's body. PLEASE PLEASE sign this petition if you have not already. if you are not 18, are not registered to vote, or have already signed it, please do not! e-mail me at mle3102@yahoo.com if you are interested... i will go way out of my way to help you join in saving millions of lives.

check out www.thepeoplesoverride.com to see more information, including the bill itself. i believe they also have information about becoming a registered voter.

crying out for the voiceless,
emily casari

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mle

:: 2004 27 January :: 7.20pm
:: Mood: . negative .
:: Music: . yellowcard . way away .

back from the dead.
but wishing i were back there.

just got home from march for life in washington d.c... so powerful. we were 2 ppl from the front of the march. it was mind-boggling at how many people traveled so far to protest abortion in this nation of "freedom." i picked up so much information about new groups and lots of kick-ass pamphlets. i am such a nerd that i read all of them as soon as i got back to my hotel room. tons of new statistics to put up on the students for life bulletin board at school. plus a perfect article for our meeting next tuesday about debate over putting the morning after pill in the over-the-counter category.
horrible idea, by the way. the "emergency contraception" pill is equivelant to 50 doses of the typical birth control pill. and dont even get me started on the birth control pill.

over 1/3 of our generation has been erased though abortion.
save the babies.

on a more personal note, i am falling apart. today was a horrible day, even if we got out of school at 11 because of snow.

i dont think its possible to feel any more alienated than i do, even though i basically carry that school on my back, getting stuck to set-up and follow-through with 90% of the student activities. and i mean that whole-heartedly. even some of my friends that i hung out in-school and occassionally out-of-school are hanging out w/ different people. people who i could never be around because i would feel completely incompetant. sure, i get a few seemingly-genuine smiles and "hey, how are you?!"s in the hallway, but i never see those people normally, nor do they every call me or have actual conversations with me. all of the guys ignore me except for benny and steffen, and they only realize i exist during religion class. my old best friends, who now attend calvin college, on the other side of town, have created an anti-me club (titled the HOE club, "protecting the innocent" with its motto of "cute like an elephant") once marcus and i became official at the end of last summer. i cannot begin to tell you how much it hurts, especially bc 2 of my old-really-good-friends still hang out w/ them every now and then, even though they know what they do to me. my weekends consist of work, wasting time napping, and falling asleep at 9 with marcus's arms around me.
pardon my listing, but thats just a fraction of the walls i face every day.

it makes me break down just thinking about how much my life is going downhill...

saturday was 6 months for marcus and i. i got back at 7 am from an over-night bus ride back from d.c., and had to work 830-1 teaching kiddies gymnastics. of couse, my elaborate plans didnt work out bc of the parents. and i was so upset. we ended up just going to olive garden and having champaigne at his house. of course, i fell asleep immediately afterward.
sucky.

i did a revised-version of our plans last night. i made a three-course meal of everything he loves, from apples to st. julians to grilled chicken (yes, vegetarian me even cooked the chicken) fetticini alfredo to chocolate covered strawberries to spiced hot apple cider. we sat on the floor in the living room with a fire in the fireplace, the lights off, and the rest of the fam in the basement. very romantic. but before and after sucked horribly, as typical.

i dont know what to do.

mle

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girlxunnoticd

:: 2004 19 January :: 10.21pm
:: Music: "think twice" eve 6

i like to think that everything happens for a reason. and i like to think that everything thats been happening is exactly what is supposed to be happening. i mean it seemed to work out perfectly. everything was wrong and then along came andrew. and he made everything right. he is a great friend. and he makes me so happy everytime i get to talk to him or see him. so happy that i can't wait to see him again. and thats really all i have to say.

shannonw55

:: 2004 18 January :: 6.09pm
:: Mood: determined
:: Music: Aaliyah- At Your Best (You Are Love)

ok.. so I am now re-creating this woohu journal. It will no longer be negative because I am really sick of bringing myself down thinking of all this crap. So. I've privitized (privitized?) a bunch of my entries... I'm detemined to feel better (hence the mood.... yeah haw haw) ok so yeah. I know eventually I'm gonna be alright. Oh and just to top off the cheese... lyrics

Christina Aguilera- Singing My Song

Oohhh, Yeah, Oooh Huh
I woke up this morning with a smile on my face
& Nobody's gonna bring me down today
Been feeling like nothings been going my way lately
So I decided right here and now that my outlook's gotta change

That's why I'm gonna
Say goodbye to all the tears I've cried
For everytime somebody hurt my pride
Feeling like they won't let me live life
& Take the time to look at what is mine

I see every lesson completely
I thank God for what I got from above
I believe they can take anything from me
But they can't succeed in taking my inner peace
They can say all they wanna say about me

But I'm gonna carry on
Keep on singing my song

I never wanna dwell on my pain again
There's no use in re-living how I hurt back then
Remembering all of the hell I felt when I was running out of faith
Every step I vowed to take was towards a better day

Cuz I'm about to
Say goodbye to every single lie
& All the fears I've held too long inside
Everytime I felt I could try
All the negativity I had inside

For too long I've been struggling. I couldn't go on
But now I've found I'm feeling strong and moving on
I believe they can take anything from me
But they can't succeed in taking my inner peace
They can say all they wanna say about me

But I'm gonna carry on
I'm gonna keep on singing my song

Whoa, & everytime I tried to be what they wanted from me
It never came naturally
So I ended up in misery, wasn't able to see
All the good around me
They wasted so much energy on what they thought of me
Simply just remembering to breathe

I'm human, I ain't able to please
Everyone at the same time, so now I find
My peace of mind living one day at a time

I'm human and I answer to one God
It comes down to one love
Until I get to heaven above

I've made the decision
Never to give up
Til the I day I die no matter what

I'm gonna carry on & keep on singing my song.....

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girlxunnoticd

:: 2004 17 January :: 8.16pm

wow its been a while. things are happening slowly, but fast. we are becoming friends. talking all the time. i've known him for so long and nothing ever.. and now all of a sudden, i love him.

well thats all that i've got.

goodnight.

plainmornings

:: 2004 11 January :: 3.04pm

i know a lot of you have been inquiring and i really haven't had the time to get back to this so...

yes, i am fine (thank you much) & my poor car has $2400 worth damage to it... seems like the engines fine so thats good.

everything else has been okay, schools been fine.

Wished upon a star?: shooting :0)
Found a lucky penny?: heh the Jew in me I pick up pennies everywhere lol.
Had a dream come true?: dreams are always coming true
Been in love?: still am
Broke someone's heart?: i'm sorry.
Had sex with a stranger?: nope
Been turned on by some one of the same sex?: if by no you mean yes :0P
Skydived?: 1 year we're going!!!
Bungee jumped?: i've been on the skycoaster
Snorkeled?: & scuba dived!
Lied to a good friend?: :0(
Danced in the rain?: and gone mud sliding <3 Blue Ridge
Had sex on an airplane?: ha. that would be terriby inconvenient
Swam with dolphins?: in Ft.Myers
Donated something?: absolutely
Stolen something?: stupid stuff, not from stores or anything :0P
Made someone cry?: i hate it because i know this is how i feel when someone else makes me cry.
Achieved a goal?: i always find myself suceeding a little more
Made a snowman?: in Switzerland <3
Loved yourself?: yes

Have You Ever... brought to you by BZOINK!

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girlxunnoticd

:: 2004 7 January :: 12.29am

listening to azure ray...
talking to ryan and cal on msn...
thinking about why leslie is so confused...
thinking about why i am so enthralled...
wondering why i keep doing this to myself...
but loving every minute...

<3 always.

plainmornings

:: 2004 6 January :: 4.34pm

note to self:

crashing the car is a really bad thing. yup. anyone want to give me rides everywhere? (granted i'm not grounded forever.)

grrrr. welcome back to school kids.

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girlxunnoticd

:: 2003 31 December :: 5.09pm

happy new year everyone.. be safe. have fun.