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shannonw55
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2003 13 December :: 8.06pm
:: Mood: gone
:: Music: Alicia Keys-Troubles
I can see it all. I never ever want to think about it again.
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The wallet you kept my Spongebob Valentine card in.
http://www.woohu.com/readcomment.php?id=264707
I'm never going on woohu ever ever ever ever ever again.
Are You a Hater?
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 12 December :: 12.16am
just before i forget...
i wanted to document what i want to name my kids... lol. i used to have the guy picked out but i guess that thats never going to happen but still...
Mitchell Andrew
and
Margot Noelle
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 12 December :: 12.04am
its been terrible lately. i've lost all feeling that i had before... holiday is coming and all i can think about is leaving. i want to go to boston so bad. i just want to leave everything and everyone here behind. i want to be part of the city. big city life... being able to take the train to new york and baltimore and washington dc. all i want to do is meet new people and have a good time. i can't do that here. everything is ruined, all my big dreams have all fallen apart. i'm starting to think i'd be better off dead.
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 8 December :: 4.00pm
i had a bad day today... and it wasn't even that bad. my winter depression is setting in early this year and it hurts. i'm listening to the get up kids and wishing that i was gone. After missing 3 days of school with the flu, i am overwhelmed by the amount of work i have. i can't eat and can't sleep and i feel as if i am all alone... when in reality... well.. i am. i haven't been out for fun in weeks... after the thanksgiving night incident. friday is the concert. it was supposed to be great... but now i think it will not be fun. i think it will be a burden. i feel sick about everything... the only thing that seems to make it feel right is contemplating the biggest mistake i could possibly make right now... hooking up with dan. but it sounds so good to me right now. i don't know what i am saying anymore... maybe later i can straighten this out.
<3 always and keep on rockin.
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 4 December :: 10.35pm
i've been sick, which is why there has been no update. i am still sick and i want it to go away. its absolutely horrible.
i'm waiting on 4 college desicions, then i can finally make up my mind. i so want to go and leave this place. but all i can do is wait.
sickness hurts so i am leaving.
<3 always and keep on rockin.
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plainmornings
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2003 4 December :: 10.31pm
i really hate this feeling.
people are envious of me... i really don't know why.
if people like me, want to be my friend then why do i always feel so alone
i constantly find myself watching friends joking around, making plans... i used to have that.. if this is what everythings being reduced to by growing up then i don't know if i really want to...
16 day. 16 days until i turn 18. thats 2 weeks and 2 days.
i don't know.
i'm a dreamer... i've always held such high hopes and aspirations and .. i don't know.
i can't seem to get excited about anything anymore... is that bad?
2 People Hate Dashboard |
Are You a Hater?
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mle
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2003 4 December :: 8.30pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: . the beatles . strawberry fields forever .
"living is easy with eyes closed"
saw this in a friend's profile. enjoyed it and thought id save it here:
Yeah, I have my addictions
I keep my share of secrets
And things you値l never see
I get selfish and defensive
And pay too much attention to my insecurities
I知 just like everybody else
I try to love Jesus and myself
I don稚 know what you believe
Or what you think of what you see
But this is a part of me
Yeah, of what I do and who I am
All of my impurities
Are right here on my sleeve
This is me, yeah, this is me
Yes, my heart breaks for the homeless
I worry about my parents
And all my bills are late
Yeah, I知 dealing with the changes
Of this complicated strangeness, seeing life this way
I laugh at silly movies
Tear up when I see babies
And I知 stubborn as a stone
Yeah, I criticize my body
I wonder if I知 ready to ever be alone
mle
Are You a Hater?
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shannonw55
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2003 3 December :: 6.16am
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: Jewel-Painters
"and she threw them down screaming,
'Man don't leave me with nothing left behind but these cold paintings these cold portraits to remind me' "
Are You a Hater?
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mle
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2003 2 December :: 9.41pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: . trapt . still frame .
balance?
well there was another explosion sunday night w/ gerald. possibly the worst verbal abuse ive ever taken from him. and he still thinks its all valid.
basically, it came down to the fact that we cannot live together and one of us must go. its sad that our typically-silent hatred errupted while simply discussing my schedule for next semester. that miniscule act. but the tension had been building, so i suppose it makes more sense.
anyways... sun night was horrid. i havent cried that much in a long time. just thinking about it makes my eyes water. it was definitly one of those times when i seriously had to think why on earth i am still here on earth. because at that point, we all would have been much better off if i were not.
gerald and i have not spoken since.
the odd thing is, yesterday and today i have been intensely chipper, energetic, dreamy, goofy in school. i must get some sick high off knowing that i can hold my own in a battle against a 50-yr-old asshole.
or, a more likely case, this is just my sense of balance in my life. in a twisted bi-polar sense. i am lazy to death at home (nothing going on in extracurriculars, no work, no committments till after xmas break). i take 2-3.5 hour naps and take my time doing hw and just lounging around. just like i told the rents would happen if i have an empty schedule. my life becomes empty and fruitless as well.
anyways - back to my point of "balance" - i got out most of my anger and dissatisfaction and sadness in that series of arguments w/ gerald on sun, leaving me with only outward happiness to live in during school hours and exhaustion to exist in after school hours. this swaying would kill anyone else, but its kind of soothing in a weird way. i have felt more at ease these past two days than i have all school year. very little to do, bare minimum homework.. what more could a girl ask for?
oh, thats right, everything in the world
... i still feel it pulling inside...
*tear*
mle
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 28 November :: 9.06pm
in order to extract my revenge... last night i got drunk without him. i did the chugging and the shots that he despises, just to get him back for lying... but then i realized... it is not him whom i am hurting... it is only myself... so i regret last night now. and i realize that i can't be mad at him because i really do love him... absolutely. so now that he's gone for the evening... i can loathe in my stupidity and hang my head because i love him and he does not love me in return.
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 27 November :: 6.02pm
last night was absolutely terrible.
6:30 - dustin ims me and tells me to go to wild country with everyone. i wanted to.
6:45 - left for basketball game
8:00 - darren calls and asks for a ride to wild country if we go.
10:00 - get back from basketball game
10:30 - call darren and ask if he still need a ride. he doesn't.
10:35 - dustin calls and says leslie and i should go to wc.
10:36 - jayme calls and wants to ride around. we tell jayme we are going to wild country. she calls roger to ask if she can go. he says no. we decide to go without her.
10:40 - darren calls and says wild country is no fun tonight, don't come. we ask what he is doing now, he says probly going home.
11:00 - jayme calls and wants to go out.
12:00 - leave jayme. go to dennys to get food.
1:00 - leave dennys and go back through staunton.
1:30 - leaving staunton we see darren's car still parked at rogers house... meaning... they didn't come home like he said.
2:00 - go by dennis and dan's to see if they decided to go there. no one is there.
2:30 - go back through staunton. his car is still at roger's.
3:00 - go home very upset that a friend would lie to me.
maybe it doesn't sound so bad... but it hurt me... it really did.
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plainmornings
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2003 24 November :: 10.59pm
| ::15 Random Favorites:: | | 1: | Elvis | | 2: | Baby Kitty | | 3: | Ms. Princy | | 4: | Gatitio | | 5: | Princess Sophia | | 6: | Baby Elvis/Whiskers | | 7: | Scardey baby kitty | | 8: | Cindy woo hoo | | 9: | Layla | | 10: | bananas | | 11: | pancakes | | 12: | pictures | | 13: | happy faces | | 14: | polka dots | | 15: | happy dances | | ::14 Favorite Foods:: | | 1: | pancakes | | 2: | bananas | | 3: | palomilla | | 4: | tacos | | 5: | cheese | | 6: | ice cream | | 7: | twizzlers | | 8: | gummi bears | | 9: | heath | | 10: | hershey with almonds | | 11: | mints | | 12: | hard candy | | 13: | cinnamon | | 14: | cheesecake | | ::13 Most Watched Shows:: | | 1: | Trading Spaces | | 2: | a dating story | | 3: | a makeover story | | 4: | a wedding story | | 5: | trading spaces family | | 6: | survivor (shut up) | | 7: | the bachelor (shut up again) | | 8: | the nanny | | 9: | gilmore girls | | 10: | queer eye for the straight guy | | 11: | room raiders | | 12: | one tree hill | | 13: | unwrapped | | ::12 Good Bands in your Opinion:: | | 1: | hot hot heat | | 2: | smashing pumpkins | | 3: | coheed and cambria | | 4: | thursday | | 5: | the postal service | | 6: | radiohead | | 7: | beck | | 8: | bush | | 9: | bright eyes | | 10: | pretty girl makes graves | | 11: | from autumn to ashes | | 12: | sevendust | | ::11 Memories:: | | 1: | show at the factory | | 2: | surprise visits | | 3: | 4am visits | | 4: | twins twins twins | | 5: | the "shack" | | 6: | warped tour | | 7: | melting pan. yes. pan | | 8: | frozen pizzas & movies | | 9: | pictures | | 10: | pancakes | | 11: | party party party! | | ::10 Close Friends:: | | 1: | Jizzennifer | | 2: | Ashy Stockey | | 3: | Bright Lite | | 4: | Stephy | | 5: | Kevy Wevy | | 6: | Gregory Luke <3 | | 7: | Princy | | 8: | Lo Wang | | 9: | the triangle. | | 10: | Jess/Heidi/Sam/Dave. yes all in one. | | ::09 Things you're looking forward to:: | | 1: | end of school | | 2: | after IB exams | | 3: | after IB | | 4: | end of everything | | 5: | birthday.mine. | | 6: | ashleys wedding | | 7: | cheesecake | | 8: | after tomorrow | | 9: | something cool. | | ::08 Things you wear daily:: | | 1: | bra | | 2: | underwear | | 3: | heart necklace | | 4: | murano glass star | | 5: | jizz's ring (i try to) | | 6: | sweater | | 7: | shirt | | 8: | pants of some sort | | ::07 Things That Annoy You:: | | 1: | aware ignorant people | | 2: | people who drive slow in the left lane | | 3: | people who don't listen | | 4: | old people on the road | | 5: | jeb bush | | 6: | fucking republicans | | 7: | everything. | | ::06 Things You Touch Everyday:: | | 1: | cell phone | | 2: | car keys | | 3: | computer | | 4: | brush | | 5: | princy | | 6: | myself? | | ::05 Movies You Could Watch Over and Over:: | | 1: | empire records | | 2: | vanilla sky | | 3: | being john malkovich | | 4: | dangerous lives of alter boys | | 5: | 10 ways to lose a guy | | ::04 Of Your Favorite Childhood Toys:: | | 1: | my little pony | | 2: | talking sesame street characters | | 3: | barbies | | 4: | trolls | | ::03 People You Have Kissed:: | | 1: | Gregory | | 2: | Princy | | 3: | Brighton :0P | | ::02 Of Your Favorite Songs:: | | 1: | Smashing Pumpkins version of Landslide | | 2: | Smashing Pumpkins - Mayonaise | | ::01 Person You Could Spend the Rest of Your Life With:: | | 1: | Princy <3 |
Countdown brought to you by BZOINK!
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shannonw55
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2003 24 November :: 3.59pm
:: Mood: angry and depressed
:: Music: Mya-Man in my life and Alicia Keys-Troubles
Corbin
ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Omg that is so pointless to even do that. Its not even close to saying how i feel right now..... oahdfjasdfjkasdfjas;dfjkdddd nope nope nope... Ok.. ppl on this earth you need to leave for a second so i can scream really really REALLY loud. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhasdfjklasdfjkl asdfjkl sdfajklasdjkdjkldjklsdfjkla
I hate this so much! I am just so mad but I don't even know who I'm mad at! Its just like its sooooo unfair he had to leave! Why him! I can't blame anyone. But I'm having so many stupid reasons to be mad at myself and i feel like i can never tell anyone because they'll think i just want pity or something. Cuz thats the way my life just WORKS! and i couldn't tell anybody anyway cuz it's just so hard to talk about and i know its not my fault but i just feel so awful. I wish i could just talk to him and joke with him. I want to know he's listening but he never responds. I need somebudy to laugh at my stupid jokes i need him to listen to me when everyone decides to ignore me I want a time in the day to say, yay ok next class i get to talk to Corbin and he'll listen to me! Hes such a great guy. I love Corbin. Instead he's following me around but i never get to see him. but i guess he's listening right? I wish he was here with me to say something about this snow falling on the ground. and what about next year on Sept 11th? who'll be with me to put my flag in the ground? We should have let you in the C.O.P. so much sooner because you were so much better at it than the rest of us and we didn't even realize it!
And i feel so awful! like this jelousy is too much and its so stupid. I mean at first when i found out I was crying and felt like no one cared at all and i felt like i was all alone without anymore friends. But then the next day when they all knew he was actully killed, THEN they cared. I know they care about him though. I just feel like.... ahhhh. and my pictures of him... I want to show everyone. Give everyone a memory because i know how it will make them feel to see him in a different picture than his school picture, smiling like he is really happy. But it's MY memory! It happened to me! I know how he actully felt when we took those pictures! I remember our exact conversations! I remember the certain pictures where other ppl took the pic and who took them! But at the same time I feel so awful for wanting to keep it all to myself. Like i want to show everyone how much he meant to me or something. Its so stupid.
I just want to do something so special for you. Better than anyone but I can't find a way to show how much i love you! You have no idea how much i miss you.
Alicia Keys - Troubles
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Dear Lord can you take it away? (Oooh)
This pain in my heart that just follows me by day
And at night it stalks me like the shadows on my wall (Mmmmm)
Oh my goodness
It feels like the world is closin' on me
It feels like my dreams will never come to be
I keep on slippin' deeper into myself
And I'm scared, so scared
If your troubled, you just gotta let it go
If your worried baby, you just gotta let it go
All your hustlin' ain't for nothing, you just gotta take it slow
When you need me baby, all you do is let me know
Why does it feel that my mind is constantly trying to pull me down
I can't seem to get away
Continuous mistakes I know I've made before
How long will I feel so out of place
If your troubled, you just gotta let it go
If your worried baby, you just gotta let it go
All your hustlin' ain't for nothing, you just gotta take it slow
When you need me baby, all you do is let me know
If your troubled, you just gotta let it go
If your worried baby, you just gotta let it go
All your hustlin' ain't for nothing, you just gotta take it slow
When you need me baby, all you do is let me know
If your troubled, you just gotta let it go
If your worried baby, you just gotta let it go
All your hustlin' ain't for nothing, you just gotta take it slow
When you need me baby, all you do is let me know
If your troubled, you just gotta let it go
If your worried baby, you just gotta let it go
All your hustlin' ain't for nothing, you just gotta take it slow
When you need me baby, all you do is let me know
And when I look at it snowing outside, I realize someone's whole world has changed in less than an hour. Corbin, it will never be the same again.
For Corbin
Are You a Hater?
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 23 November :: 7.35pm
:: Music: seventy times 7
last night...
i went to the party. it was fun. everyone was there. nothing bad happened, actually it was better than usual. i got to talk to a lot of cool people. the only semi-bad thing was that when i got in my car i was seriously scared... i'd never driven when i was that dizzy... oh well, i made it home.. and next time i'll be sure to sober up before i hit the road.
then leslie called me to tell me about how some chicks from my school were talking shit on me. she hasn't told me what they said yet... but like i give a damn... i'm sorry if i'm having a good time. but things are going descent right now, i've met a lot of cool girls and guys and i am happy now with my friends.
whatever.
love always and rock it.
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 21 November :: 10.02pm
tonight tonight... my best friend is coming home. she doesn't like the friends i have here. i was worried about what was going on tonight because i was afraid i couldn't turn down an invitation to go w/ him. but he went to bed. he said he wasn't going out tonight. and tomorrow... i am going to the party... and hopefully he will be there and i can show him that i can still be a good little girl... i can still be good for him.
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