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girlxunnoticd
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2003 20 November :: 10.38pm
:: Music: "carousel" - blink 182
sorry so emo...
so i've been thinking... there are a few ways i could go with this, but its gonna have to be soon... i'm talking before february... which may seem like a hella long time... but its not. its not at all.
okay... i don't feel like typing this now... but i will later. and i'll update.... so sorry.
<3 always.
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 19 November :: 3.57pm
:: Music: "wheel" - john mayer
so we've been nerds lately. talking about our weddings and our kids and our futures like something good is actually going to happen. but i will tell you about it anyway... because it puts me in a good mood... and we all know there aint nothing wrong with that...
so... i will get married when i am 22. he will be 25. it will be october... i'd say around the 17th or so... whichever is a saturday. leslie will be my maid of honor. the dresses will be deep red... like wine.. with champagne colored sashes and veils.
we will live in the country, in a small but nice house. i will work as a freelance architect/stay at home mom once we have kids. our first child, hopefully a boy, we will have 2 years after we are married. and then a girl 4 years after that.
everything would be so perfect. everything would be so nice...
everything would be so exactly opposite of everything i want. but i'd give up everything for him... and i'd still be happy.
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 19 November :: 12.11am
:: Music: "ghetto cowboy" - bone thugs n harmony.... fucking right..
so thats just it. this weekend... i'm gonna get drunk... who knows what i will do then. but im gonna have a good time... holla if ya know what!
<3 always and keep rockin.!
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 17 November :: 11.14pm
shy is out. i'm through with worrying about what people think of me. this weekend in that car made me realize that there are a hell of a lot more important things than stupid crushes and worrying what other people think. things happen... they happen for reasons... numb is the new deep. done with the old me.
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mle
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2003 17 November :: 10.49pm
:: Mood: sleepwalking
:: Music: . hot hot heat . talk to me, dance with me .
. well . thats . typical . of . me .
im a mischevious little slut.
so marcus and i - on verge of breaking up. he came to visit me while i was working away at yearbook (like always) tonight. we walk around and chat for a half hour or so. at one point i believe we were not together. i mean, in all honesty, i do not have time for marcus as a general statement. i do not have time for a personal life, as simple as that. i have so many responsabilities and tasks at hand that i feel have priority that i honestly cannot have a personal life. why my social life is nonexistant this year.
im fine with it. as long as i can be productive. but i feel like he gets in the way w/ that. after every time im with him, i get so unmotivated, sleepy, lazy. like last night and tonight. not cool.
i have better things to do than wrestle with other people in my life.
last relationship (ok, even though it ended almost 2 full years ago), brad dumped me out of nowhere and then later that night, we proceeded to mess around in our semi-drunken states. typical me.
now, after 2 days of serious rethinking of our relationship, i do the same thing w/ marcus, except i am in brad's position. i initiated the "breakup conversation" i guess you could say, and then i was also the one who proceeded to push for the booty call at the house marcus is watching for the week.
and as disgusting as it sounds, i felt like everything was fine after that. and as stupid as it may be, i hope that i just felt so disconnected bc we hadnt been physical at all in like... couple wks? idk - felt like a long time. and yes, that can take a toll on a relationship.
yet i think/hope that there is more to the problem than just that. and that i hope i can work this all out... my mind is just overwhelmed with what to do...
public service announcement: all you little manwhores out there, treat your girlies carefully. that kinda stuff hurts after. (lol)
oh, and i am obsessed with this song. obsessed.
mle
Are You a Hater?
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plainmornings
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2003 17 November :: 6.30pm
whos a baller...
guess who won a $100 gift certificate towards a tattoo.
yup that would be me.
did you know that the Lion King is one of the top 9 most rented VHS's of all time :0)
---------------------------------------------
UF audition was decent.
fingers crossed. necessity. school sucks.
the end.
Are You a Hater?
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mle
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2003 17 November :: 12.59am
:: Mood: annoyed, spaced out
:: Music: . goo goo dolls . its over .
. this . is . ridiculous .
what the hell. seriously - if this isnt ass-backwards, then i dont know what is.
so marcus is a frickin girl and its making me physically ill. hes sitting on the curb in the mist out at calvin, cryin like a baby. i dont know when i became so mean, but i feel like i reverted back to markie and i 7th grade and freshman year, except flipped. i feel like hes overexagerating all of this and just whining for no reason.
ok ok ok. so maybe it slipped that i dont know how i feel anymore. he took it as "hey, guess what? i dont love you and im probably gonna dump you." when in all actuality, its more of a "gee, my feelings seem to have cooled off a little. i think i need to reevaluate whats going on." two totally different things, from my perspective.
i mean, im sorry i dont know how much i love you. but in all honesty, the way you handled the situation has been the biggest turn off you could possibly ever do. (yes, even worse than when you got your chin all the way down to your bowl today at mongolian bbq and you didnt even think it was bad manners.) i mean, tonight, the way you handled this, has nudged me into the direction of seriously-rethinking us. sure, i may be a take-charge kinda gal, and balance in a relationship means that we make up for each others downfalls, but dammit boy, its still not acceptable for you to act like a girl. you called yourself a wimp, and i cant deny that. you need a backbone and it drives me up the wall sometimes. you let me walk all over you and hold the door open for me to trample on your little world.
youre just asking for it.
i dont know whats up w/ me tonight and my sudden malicious, impulsive, seeking-an-end inclinations, but right about now, im ready to throw the towel in on even knowing you. just kinda wipe my hands clean of you.
its sad... but if i didnt have to deal w/ you being like this x10 (if we did break up), i would end it. right now i see no point in continuing. i have no urges to put any effort in any rescuing of any past sentiments.
but i know tomorrow i will return to my caring self and will get suckered into listening to you mope and fret and calming your sleep-deprived little body.
conscience is an awful thing.
mle
Are You a Hater?
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 16 November :: 8.06pm
:: Music: "lovesong" - the cure
Friday night... friday night could have been great... it so could have been. we went to wild country. he was supposed to ride there with me... which he did.. but then we had to take an extra passenger... it was so dumb. i really don't like the other kid. he is so annoying... so then we get there and everyone is just getting drunk. they're not even dancing. i was standing right by him and he never even asked me to dance... but dan did. i did dance with dan. he is so tall. so it was essentially gay... i just wish he would have asked me to dance... i should have asked him, but i figured that if he wanted to dance with me he would have asked. that night was just pretty bad.
saturday... saturday... after getting home at 2:30 i had to get up at 8:30. i got home at 11, went to the sub shop to get lunch and then went straight to stlcop to watch a basketball game. then later on we went to joe and amanda's house to help them move in where i succeeded to get drunk again. but its alright. he was there. but he never talks. i just wish he would talk to me... he never does and it makes me so sad... because he seems to have plenty to say to everyone else. oh well... i guess... unfortunately it happened for a reason... i just wish we could go back to the days when we were innocent.
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 13 November :: 4.21pm
Setting: Cluttered desk. cd cases and booklets and a half bowl of cereal without milk. Something corporate blares through the speakers.
This is my life during the week. pleasantly plain and uneventful.
This is me in this room. Plain pink shirt and blue jeans. Plain straight dark blonde hair. Same dreams every night. Same wishes every chance. Same cds, same lyrics, same shotty attempt at musical perfection.
I hate this place. I hate everything about it. So why then am i considering staying?
We all know why. We all know why everyone stays. Is it love? or stupidity?
I always said i'd never stay for anyone... especially a boy. but now as i prepare to leave in the summer, i don't want to go.
Sometimes i wish i'd never met him... but still, i believe in fate... i was supposed to meet him for some reason. to love him? for him to change me? to make me a better person? or just to make me realize what i can't have?
I can't understand it... its been 2 years... 2 years we have stuck it out.. never growing apart... actually growing closer, even if not much closer. And we've begin to hang out, and he's agreed to go to a show with me... a band he's never even heard... so tell me my loves, what does that mean? what does it all mean?
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 12 November :: 9.32pm
:: Music: "the no seatbelt song" - brand new
i obviously don't know what i am doing. but i know for sure... no more heavy drinking, no more smoking, no more shots.... he doesn't like those. and i, i am a good girl.
no no no, i can't change for him... can i? i mean i do need to lighten up on the drinking, and definitely no more smoking with the bc.... but shots... they are so much fun... i love keeping up with the guys... i love showing them up. oh well, he is worth a hell of a lot more to me than a little liquor.
all i want is a dance... a kiss... a bond that could last forever. i know its a lot to hope for, but... i believe he is capable of it... and maybe if i pray hard enough and wish upon every 11:11, he will see that its only him... and that i seriously don't want anyone else.. not a single other person.
<3 always and keep on rockin'!
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shannonw55
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2003 12 November :: 8.12am
:: Mood: depressed
Corbin,
I Really Miss You
Are You a Hater?
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 11 November :: 7.49pm
:: Mood: scared
:: Music: "wheel" - john mayer
i'm scared about whats going to happen next... so yes, he did say he would go to the something corporate concert with me... and he's never heard the band, but i still don't think that means he likes me. all i want in the whole world is for him to like me.
but i guess i have to keep remembering that i believe in fate and that things will work out how they are supposed to. its just so hard.
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plainmornings
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2003 11 November :: 5.54pm
i had an oober good *extended* weekend :0)
man. i sure do hate him and still wish he'd die a slow, torturing death.
anyone? think of someone from the past year of my life (not gregory) who i like ohhh so much.
my twins i highly disapprove.
poor.
history internal assessment here i come.
::sigh::
2 People Hate Dashboard |
Are You a Hater?
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 10 November :: 10.27pm
its only you beautiful, or i don't want anyone... if i can choose... its only you.
so i don't know.
i mean i do know... but i'm confused.
for one, there is dan... he is nice and cute. but way older than me... and i don't really know him. but he's into rock and is learning guitar... he's great. i do like him. but...
then theres the other one. i've liked him for 2 years... and i still do. way more than anything, i'd give my life for him in an instant, thats how crazy he makes me. i want to tell him so bad, but i honestly don't think he feels the same... and we've got a friendship now and i love it. i seriously don't think i can live without him. what do i do?
i know for a fact that dan at least likes me... he told me i was pretty... no one has ever told me that before. we did shots, we danced, it was so much fun... but actually, the whole time i was staring at the other one. leslie calls him denzel... so i guess i could do that. he's my everything. and i'm going to give up anything i could ever have with dan just because of the infinitely minute chance that something could ever happen with denzel. so call me stupid... but its only him or i don't want anyone...
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Shannonw55
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2003 10 November :: 9.08pm
:: Mood: depressed
To Corbin
Alone as I sit and watch the trees
Won't you tell me if I scream will they bend down and listen to me
And it makes me wonder if I know the words will you come
Or will you laugh at me
Or will I run
Little boy says to me,
"Where you goin' now son"
I said, "I don't know where I'm goin' boy
I only know where I'm from"
And it makes me wonder
If the stars shine when my eyes close
Or does my brothers heart cry
I don't know
I'm a stranger in my home
Now that everybody's gone
Someone please talk to me
Cause I feel you cry
And you're sitting with him
And I know I'll never see you again
Lying down in Charleston under the Carolina sky
You see I'm tired of feeling this pain
I'm tired of living my own little lie
And it makes me wonder
When I see you in my dreams
Does it mean anything
Are you trying to talk to me
I'm a stranger in my home
Tell me are you feeling alone
Someone tell me what to do
'Cause I'm feeling strong
And I wonder how you feel
Do you realize my pain is for real
I see you in my dreams
And I wonder if you're looking down at me
And smiling right now
I wanna know if it's true
When he looks at me
Won't you tell me
Does he realize he came down here
And he took you too soon
And now my days are short an my nights are long
I lay down with memories of you keep that keep me going on, going on
It makes me wonder as I sit and stare
Will I see your face again
Tell me, do you care
I'm a stranger in my home
Living life on my own
Right now I just can't see
'Cause i'm feeling weak
And my sould begins to bleed
And no one is listening to me, not even the trees
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Yeah... this right here (tell me why)
Goes out, to everyone, that has lost someone
That they truly loved (c'mon, check it out)
Verse One: Puff Daddy
Seems like yesterday we used to rock the show
I laced the track, you locked the flow
So far from hangin on the block for dough
Notorious, they got to know that
Life ain't always what it seem to be (uh-uh)
Words can't express what you mean to me
Even though you're gone, we still a team
Through your family, I'll fulfill your dream (that's right)
In the future, can't wait to see
If you open up the gates for me
Reminisce some time, the night they took my friend (uh-huh)
Try to black it out, but it plays again
When it's real, feelings hard to conceal
Can't imagine all the pain I feel
Give anything to hear half your breath (half your breath)
I know you still living your life, after death
Chorus: Faith Evans
Every step I take, every move I make
Every single day, every time I pray
I'll be missing you
Thinkin of the day, when you went away
What a life to take, what a bond to break
I'll be missing you
[Puff] I miss you Big
Verse Two: Puff Daddy
It's kinda hard with you not around (yeah)
Know you in heaven smilin down (eheh)
Watchin us while we pray for you
Every day we pray for you
Til the day we meet again
In my heart is where I'll keep you friend
Memories give me the strength I need (uh-huh) to proceed
Strength I need to believe
My thoughts Big I just can't define (can't define)
Wish I could turn back the hands of time
Us in the 6, shop for new clothes and kicks
You and me taking flicks
Makin hits, stages they receive you on
I still can't believe you're gone (can't believe you're gone)
Give anything to hear half your breath (half your breath)
I know you still living you're life, after death
Chorus
[Faith Evans] Somebody tell me why
Interlude: Faith Evans
On that morning
When this life is over
I know
I'll see your face
Outro: 112
Every night I pray, every step I take
Every move I make, every single day
Every night I pray, every step I take
[Puff] Every day that passes
Every move I make, every single day
[Puff] Is a day that I get closer
[Puff] To seeing you again
Every night I pray, every step I take
[Puff] We miss you Big... and we won't stop
Every move I make, every single day
[Puff] Cause we can't stop... that's right
Every night I pray, every step I take
Every move I make, every single day
[Puff] We miss you Big
=============================
Oh where, oh where, can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me
She's gone to heaven so I've got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world
We were out on a date in my daddy's car
We hadn't driven very far
There in the road, straight ahead
A car was stalled, the engine was dead
I couldn't stop, so I swerved to the right
I'll never forget, the sound that night
The screamin' tires, the bustin' glass
The painful scream that I heard last
Oh where, oh where, can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me
She's gone to heaven so I've got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world
When I woke up the rain was pouring down
There were people standing all around
Something warm, flowing through my eyes
But somehow I found, my baby that night
I lifted her head she looked at me and said
"Hold me darling just a little while"
I held her close I kissed her our last kiss
I found the love that I knew I had missed
Well now she's gone even though I hold her tight
I lost my love, my life, that night
Oh where, oh where, can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me
She's gone to heaven so I've got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world
Woh woh woh woh
Woh woh woh woh
Woh woh woh woh
Woh woh woh woh
Ohh Ohh Ohh Ohh
Ohh Ohh Ohh Ohh
Ohh Ohh Ohh Ohh
Ohh Ohh Ohh Ohh
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Time passes by so quickly
But I guess I thought you'd be here forever
I never even had the chance
To say goodbye
There's so many things to tell you
Left unsaid until now
Can you hear me when I talk to you
Do the words I say ever make it through
Can you hear me when I talk to you
'Cause I'd give anything if I just knew
Every night I have the same dream
The one where you get to hold me
We laugh and talk until the morning
And then you vanish, yeah
It always leaves me feeling helpless
When I wake up and you're not there
Can you hear me when I talk to you
Do you know how much I'd love to be with you
Can you hear me when I talk to you
'Cause I'd give anything if I just knew
[Instrumental break]
Living in this world without you
I constantly search through my memories
Hoping that I find some treasures
That I passed over, yeah
All that I took for granted
Means so much now and I won't let it go
Can you hear me when I talk to you
'Cause I never said some things that I meant to
Can you hear me when I talk to you
'Cause I'd give anything if I just knew
You know I never said some things that I meant to
Can you hear me when I talk to you
'Cause I'd give anything if I just knew
I miss you Corbin.
Are You a Hater?
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