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Aaron
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2004 15 June :: 2.10am
:: Mood: I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel, I foc
:: Music: something on my uncles sterio...some rockn' roll version of an old sad song.
The wedding
So familiar and overwhelmingly warm
This one, this form I hold now.
Embracing you, this reality here,
This one, this form I hold now, so
Wide eyed and hopeful.
Wide eyed and hopefully wild.
We barely remember what came before this precious moment,
Choosing to be here right now. Hold on, stay inside...
This body holding me, reminding me that I am not alone in
This body makes me feel eternal. All this pain is an illusion.
I went to shane and stephanies wedding. I cried through the whole thing. people looked at me funny. not because I was crying, but because of the face I had on...one of pure pain, not the joy you would expect to see at a wedding. The weight that had been accumulating all these past months finally fell on me. the weight of all that had been lost rested one my shoulders. and I wept. I wept for her. for all she had lost. but mostly I wept because I know no one will love her like i did, like i do, like i always will...
For all she had lost...
We practiced loading and firing yesterday. I saw him, down by a tree. he was obviously wounded from the last time we fired. I kept loading. when my gun was loaded and primed, I waited for Jim's command.
Ready!
I go to full cock
aim!
I see him at the end of my barrel
FIRE!!!
The smoke blinded me, the kick caused me to look away. When I finally turned my head and looked again he had a gaping crimson void in his sternum. but every time I'd look away he'd go back to a state of immpecable health, all except a wound in his leg. and everytime we fired I saw him, aimed for him, and with a deep firey loathing, pulled the trigger.
Schools...
Well, The oaks is out. Saint michaels is out. NW christian is out. Gonzaga Prep is out. But I have to take care of Valley christian and Ferris and cornerstone. GODDAMMIT! I BELONG WITH MY FRIENDS NOT AT SOME PANZY ASS CHRISTIAN PRIVATE SCHOOL!!! AGHHHHHHHHHH!!!
7 spoke |
speak
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Im-sorry
[ illusionofgaia ]
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2004 14 June :: 12.05am
:: Mood: p(~~)
:: Music: Failure by desinger jeans - From first to last
this is me
i have posted an image of myself, i don't really have much pics of me thats one of the few i have here ont he pc. so if u want to see me.... the asian... go to my journal. www.woohu.com/~illusionofgaia... wonderful.
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Im-sorry
[ illusionofgaia ]
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2004 13 June :: 11.51pm
:: Mood: d(^^)
:: Music: Cuves and Laces - Famous Last Words
Thank you for welcoming a bored asian kid
The last entry i made in my journal was intended for this... hehe oops i made a boo boo and anyways this is what it read:
Hello i joined here a few days back and i want to thank Jaganshi and Aerli for welcoming me. So thank you. I'll post something more interesting next time i get on woohu. well tata - aaron paul
and yeh Aerli i am asian hehe.
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Aaron
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2004 10 June :: 11.56pm
:: Mood: Triumphant
:: Music: Something with horns...
I am the overlord!
Ha! I snuck on to my mom's computer! Oh...I have to call Tori now... okay. b'bye
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speak
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im-sorry
[ loserxdork ]
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2004 10 June :: 9.35pm
Three Colors:
1.black
2.red
3.yellow
Your name is:marissa
You love:cheese fries from outback!
You want:derek<3
You wish:i could have a father who loved me
You have:good friends
You need:love
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im-sorry
[ loserxdork ]
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2004 10 June :: 9.35pm
Three Colors:
1.black
2.red
3.yellow
Your name is:marissa
You love:cheese fries from outback!
You want:derek<3
You wish:i could have a father who loved me
You have:good friends
You need:love
speak
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im-sorry
[ 0x-FwAh-Em-ChAn-x0 ]
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2004 9 June :: 4.52pm
:: Mood: Ha.
Little Filler-outter
Fill this out and post it in the community
Give me three random colors
1. Purple
2. Black
3. Red
Your name is: Emily
You love: books
You want: some Pocky.
You wish: pigs could fly.
You have: a blacklight lightbulb.. that I believe to be deffective.
You need: some more band-aids..
speak
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Im-sorry
[ illusionofgaia ]
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2004 8 June :: 12.30pm
:: Mood: d(^^)
:: Music: Saosin
.....
Fill this out and post it in the community
Give me three random colors
1. Purple
2. White
3. Maroon
Your name is: Aaron Paul
You love: Cristina
You want: to die peacefully at the end.
You wish: People would stop being assholes. Fucking wonderful.
You have: One truly wonderful bestfriend, a very uncomfortable family, and the girl that i will never leave.
You need: New jeans to go with new shoes.... fucking superficial... wonderful
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Im-sorry
[ illusionofgaia ]
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2004 8 June :: 12.15pm
:: Mood: d(^^)
:: Music: Mookies last Christmas - Saosin
hello
Hello, my names aaron. I found this community just today and i thought it was full of interesting people so i joined. Tata - Aaron
From throat and eyes came winter and reasons
I'm told to carry on
Sad overwhelms my senses drown oh I feel dependent
The feeling that you are honestly gone
I can't shake it... - Saosin
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im-sorry
[ Aerii ]
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2004 6 June :: 12.10am
"How horrid can one person be?
How shallow-minded may one person think?
The world is dying, the stars do fall
But only one thing matters....
And that's you."
speak
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Aaron
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2004 5 June :: 11.02pm
did you happen to catch
or did it happen so fast
what you thought would always last
has passed you by
is everything speeding up
or am i slowing down
i'm just spinning around
and i don't know why
all the pieces don't fit
though i didn't really give a shit
i never wanted to be like you
but for all i aspire
i am really a liar
and i'm running out of things i can do
i'd like to stay
but every day
everything pushes me farther away
if you could show
help me to know
how it's supposed to be
where did it go?
pleading and
needing and
bleeding and
breeding and
feeding
exceeding
where is everybody?
trying and
lying
defying
denying
crying and
dying
where is everybody?
well okay, enough.
you've had your fun
but come on there has got to be someone
hasn't yet become
so numb
and succumb
and
god damn i am so tired of pretending
wishing i was ending
when all i'm really doing is trying to hide
and keep it inside
fill it with lies
open my eyes?
maybe i wish i could try
pleading and
needing and
bleeding and
breeding
feeding
exceding
where is everybody?
trying and
lying
defying
denying
crying and
dying
where is everybody?
pleading
feeding
bleeding
breeding
feeding
exceding
where is everybody?
trying
lying
defying
denying
crying and
dying
where is everybody?
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Im-sorry
[ Admin ]
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2004 5 June :: 6.15pm
So this is how it goes.
Forget it.
There's no use living in the past. But I really can't live in this moment because before I know it... It's in the past.
"Heaven's not a place that you go when you die
It's that moment in life when you actually feel alive
So live for the moment
And take this advice, live by every word
Love is just a hoax so forget anything that you have heard
and live for the moment now"
I cant...
1 spoke |
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Aaron
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2004 5 June :: 5.43pm
:: Mood: Forsaken
:: Music: More Tool
My field of ashes.
Read some of Tori's journal...so much in there about him...
10 spoke |
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Aaron
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2004 5 June :: 5.30pm
:: Mood: fearful
:: Music: Tool, Lateralus
Visions...
I had some visions today...they were really vivid. They were of Tori...it was...horrible...so many of them...
"Oh God, Save me..."
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im-sorry
[ shalee ]
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2004 5 June :: 4.22pm
:: Mood: confused
I am so confused.. But, here goes:
1. Green
2. Purple
3. Blue
Your name is: Tori
You love: The rain
You want: Another chance
You wish: For everything
You have: Everything I dont need
You need: Love
Meh?
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