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-nightsloth-
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2007 16 November :: 9.49pm
back with a vengence
My second new post as a different person on this website. And i'm already coming to see the difference between this and other places i woulld log my thought.
here, nobody sees. nobody at all, save maybe a few. I dont have to stress my likes and dislikes, i dont need an image. i dont have to choose my words.
from my mind to the screen.
and i jump back here with welcoming arms. I've thought a lot lately, but not nearly enough. and i log it. i cannot grow as such.
Here my thoughts can live. So that i may drop by now and again, and do some catching up with them. We'll have a cup of tea.
And this way, i will not forget.
Im not a fan of the screen name of this old thing, my screen name from middle school for various video games. but hey, who gives a shit. this siite is long abandoned, its members probably only in the thousands.
so welcome. first thoughts logged. more to come. I think they'll like it here.
2 spoke |
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-nightsloth-
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2007 12 November :: 9.15pm
starting anew
well, im coming back to this website.
and im making a new profile. But im not deleting this one. Im going to keep every sing post.
back when i used to use this thing. . . i was almost a different person. It was the age of reform for me. Knowledge was flowing into me faster than i could handle, i was thinking faster than i could move.
I became depressed.
I came out of it. Smarter, stronger. And as i look back. . . how much further have I come?
4 spoke |
speak
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aaron
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2007 7 November :: 8.04am
I feel like I should write something, for tradition's sake. I feel like the cliches should boil out of my skin and flow down to my finger tips, tattooing some private page with dreams of unfathomable perfection.
I wait, yet nothing comes. The difference, perhaps?
4 spoke |
speak
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aaron
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2007 2 November :: 10.21am
As flattered as I was by all the comments you guys left about Kirsten and I, I was getting a little weirded out.
6 spoke |
speak
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aaron
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2007 29 October :: 10.19am
Watered by the blood of martyrs, blessed and blind as sons and daughters. Sleep with one eye open, live with both eyes shut. So let's find the place where sight begins and see the things that we saw when our eyes were bright and wet against the light.
4 spoke |
speak
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aaron
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2007 19 October :: 6.34am
It was a paralysis inducing beauty. I couldn't go.
speak
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aaron
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2007 18 October :: 7.42am
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: Grace can still be found in the Gale. With fear and reverence raise your ragged sail.
I skipped to class to watch the sunrise
My romanticism will be the end of me.
6 spoke |
speak
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aaron
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2007 4 October :: 11.54pm
:: Music: Firebreather
What just happened to me defies all logic.
I'm totally torn in two. All truths funnel into two completely contradictory realities, neither of which I can avoid.
I love. I love. I love.
What does that mean exactly? There is a chemical cocktail coursing through my brain? There's an airy feeling in my chest?
No. No euphoria. Totally unconventional. A quiet wind, whispering constantly.
But these words make no sense! How am I to decipher that which is inconceivable? By believing one, I prove the other. And if I do not believe the one, I curse myself to the other which cannot be thereby fulfilled in my devices.
But it's not by my devices, is it?
This flesh is not my own
speak
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aaron
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2007 1 October :: 8.20am
:: Music: Digital Sea
I woke, cold and alone,
adrift in the open sea;
caught up in regrets,
and tangled in nets,
instead of your arms wrapped around me.
And I wept but my tears are anathema here,
just more water to fill my lungs.
I hear someone scream,
"God what is it we have done?"
I am drowning in a digital sea;
Here my voice goes, to ones and zeros,
I'm slipping beneath the sound.
A song from somewhere below,
deadly and slow begins.
Both sickly and sweet,
now picking up speed,
and ushering in the world's end.
And the ghost of Descartes screams again in the dark,
"Oh how could I have been so wrong?"
But above the screams still the sirens sing their song.
speak
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aaron
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2007 27 September :: 8.55pm
Happy birthday journal.
1 spoke |
speak
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wasabi
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2007 10 September :: 4.37pm
i gave me away
I could have knocked off the evening
But I was lonelily looking for someone to hold
In a way I lost all I believed in
And I never found myself so low
And you let me down
You could've called if you'd needed
But you lonelily got yourself locked instead
And you let me down
It's one thing being cheated
But you took her all the way through your bed
And now you're coming home
speak
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wasabi
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2007 7 September :: 11.14pm
the average person daydreams every 19 seconds.
speak
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aaron
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2007 5 September :: 10.03pm
I need to stop listening to music. It messes with my head when I'm trying to write.
8 spoke |
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aaron
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2007 5 September :: 9.36pm
"duuuude.
I assume you are making reference to the incident of the, ahem, "creamy concoction."
or wait, are you talking about. . . uhh. . . the cruise!?!?
thats going to be so fucking awesome.
I MEAN SO FUCKING AWESOME!!
i can't even scream loud enough to depict how awesome that cruise is going to be, let alone how much i shit my pants every time i think about it.
YES.
and also, we will try to hit on the flight attendants. just to be douhcebags. Because you know what you can't get kicked off of?
an airplane."
haha, thanks alex
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aaron
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2007 30 August :: 10.27pm
17 years gets shorter everyday.
"And though my experience is feeble, I've come to find that life is best lived away from the things we know best. I don't believe that time heals all things. But over time, we rub shoulders with enough people we can't help but love that eventually the holes get filled in. There are enough good memories to hem the bad one's in such a way that they start to matter less. They bring revelations long after the wound has faded, teaching us the lessons we wish so desperately we had been taught before.
It is one thing to love someone because we want to. When we find that we can't avoid loving someone, it something entirely different. Like slamming into a concrete wall that circumnavigates the earth. This love triumphs over pain, over passion, over hatred and malice. It shatters the darkness and lays waste to our blindness. There is no greater love than this; that a man should lay down his life for his friend."
These last three years have taught me a lot about who I really am. About what I love, and what my capacity for love is. It wasn't until I was sitting on top of that mountain telling 16 people, most of them strangers, that the Paul of three years ago would never dream that he'd one day become me that I realized how true it is. It doesn't make sense that I have become this person. That I ever grew up. I was so far gone, so very dead...how is it that I came to love life? How is it I came to love people? Me? The bitter, cold, broken child of that spring? I wanted nothing more than to watch this world burn. Now I would die to keep it alive. How did I change so damn much? I feel like I'm the second person to live in this body.
"Poignancy is the fabric of our brilliance."
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