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:: 2008 14 August :: 2.45pm

Random ranting, read if you really want to but it makes no sense
at the current moment i am about to fuking burst!! im so fuckin mad that nothing could make me happy!!! we have no money cause i just paid the church the alomst 700.00 we owed them for this f*ing wedding now we have like 300.00 in the bank, bills to pay, bills over due cause someone mixes them up with random paperwork and dosent tell me they are here, and he needs to make it up to MI this weekend. some how i could have never fathomed this, i was hoping for help from my parents to pay for some part but since my dad has no jog i have to pay for it all and it is rally kicking mya ss. a few days ago everything was ok but since that check hasnt come yet i am going sooooo far into debt its horrible. not necessarily into debt cause i dont owe really anyone tons, but the money i need for next week isnt here and i dont know how i am going to pay for anyhting and i am waiting for the fucking 3 grand to get here already and even if i do get it tomorrow i cant deposit it until monday cause thats how bad my life sucks balls and tj thinks he cant go to MI for his party and i dont know how is going to get there and back and all this shit is making my fuckin crazzzzzzy..... DRAMA of the worst kind and i am ready for it be over~!

and the funny thing about it is i just wrote about how good i am with $$$ god this is fuckied up.

2 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2008 13 August :: 5.46pm

so nathan comes home today,,, im happy and sad all in the same feeling

:: 2008 12 August :: 11.36pm

either me and tj are just that f*ing awesome or really really lucky.

everyone around us is having $$$ issues, my parents, his dad all out friends, but in all honesty we are doing good. we oay our bills, and never bounce out checking account, i must be good it has to be it!!!lololo

in other news, 11more days until our wedding and its coming toooooo fast i have soo much to do yet its crazy. to all of u who wont be there...WTF!!! i understand but u are all going to miss a big party.

its amazing how u realize how much u truly love some one when you spend a weekend apart. i could not wait until i got home. and since ihave been home everytime he's around i get all happy and giddy n such. absence truly makes the heart grow fonder

:: 2008 12 August :: 8.45pm

I'm still alive, I promise. I'm having a hard time with internet access, and when I do have it, I'm typing a million miles a minute about kappa kappa psi things. Band camp next week=crazinezz.

p.s. - Rueben, I'm on chris's computer :).

3 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

spud	:: 2008 11 August :: 6.24pm gmail is having a server error. and that pisses me off. so, thank you woohu, for not malfunctioning. 4 ::..So what?..:: \| ::Yessa..::

:: 2008 11 August :: 12.05am

Ffffffuuuuuuuuuccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

Dru mk andgetti ng fired tomoorrow.yay........... fuck eveyr one of u I hate u all the only ones who matter are the oines upwhio can.put up with ot u dotnt even knoew dpoi its hot a d fukc on hre and I fu@k ng love danilelle but that's ptertty mucb it cuz idf u cxant outnup with. Ot. Then.o, .ficoignmg done

Dtimefoe.a shot.of 5 O

3 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2008 10 August :: 10.52pm

so mayhem fucking rocked, it was one of the best days ever. i was so close i could literally feel david draimin sweat on me!!! omg i am just so happy that i got to go, all my pals check out my pics on myspace...www.myspace.com/musicislife7657

:: 2008 7 August :: 9.17pm

I just finished my last day at Meijer. I'm leaving Saturday morning, and starting at the Mt. Pleasant Meijer on Sunday or after.

Things are getting back to normal.

I can't find my hair brush and it's making me quite devastated.

:: 2008 7 August :: 11.02am

Ugugugugh please someone save me I need a new job so badly. Ireally cannot take it. Im going insane

1 ::..So what? | ::Yessa..::

:: 2008 6 August :: 12.07pm

feels good man

:: 2008 5 August :: 3.48pm

so, i'm completely done done with my summer class. still hasn't quite sunk in yet. but it will soon.

and emily is gone again. also hasn't sunk in. coffee today was nice though. i can't believe she'd never played chess before.

so yeah, that's pretty much it. i lost my phone charger at kevin's this weekend. kinda sucks. but i'm getting my new one soon, so it doesn't really even matter that much.

i don't know. i'm gonna go play drums, since i'm all out of ideas.

peace.

2 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2008 4 August :: 10.46pm

Bachelorette party
going to be in MI this weekend anyone who wants to party let me know i will be in grand rapids friday night....yayayay

3 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2008 4 August :: 4.42pm

and the week continues and the plot thickend but i still feel less and less amuzed with the whole thing

:: 2008 3 August :: 1.18am

Yay I got it done! I feel l ike a badass haha. I was so scared but it doesn't hurt at all. I don't like the way it looks righht now cuz they had to use a 14 gage and a big ol ugly silver ball right now but in a wk and a half I am going to have the guy put a small cute diamond one in it. I am so excited and glad I did it. Now if only my parents won't hate me everything will be good!

:: 2008 2 August :: 7.32pm

So I've been wanting to do this for a long time. Going back and forth between a tattoo and piercing. Well im getting a piercing for many reasons
1. You can remove them so if I don't like it I don't have to worry about it.
2. I love jewelry and accessories. Anyone who knows me well knows this. I never go a day w.out earrings of some sort. I think accessories complete every look.
3. Im feeling rebelious and I need to do somethibng to satisfy that.
4. I think this specific piercing is cute and hopefully will look ok on me!
5. I need something different

So that's that its settled, im getting a "monroe" piercing. Hooray. Tonight after I get out of this shithole. Aka work.

My grandma is never going to speak to me again tho.... :0(
Forgive me!

2 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2008 2 August :: 7.12pm

so
here is me:
I currently live with my fiance in my parents house.
I am looking for a house so i don't feel like i am in a very awkward reflection of my life in High School
I have made new friends, i have lost some old ones and i am happy with how that has worked out.
yes, i gained weight, but i am also working out again and not depressed and thus i am not only loosing weight but also fighting demons so to speak...

Mike (my fiance) is leaving for Iraq next april, and i am working full time at my dad's store doing design and running most office operations. I dropped out of school because chicago is full of greedy lying bastards and scary places. But, it is a nice place to visit, and in my opinion not the best place to live (i fully admit that this statement is debatable, but i had bad experience where as you may have had good ones.)
No i am not pregnant nor have i had a kid, seeing as i have heard rumors. Other than that, i work and pay bills so i can hopefully in the near future go back to school, or at the very least buy my design programs.

toodles

:: 2008 2 August :: 10.14am
:: Music: kebbeen, buying me dinner.

Mr. J, (this entry's more for me than anything else)
movie's done, at least as far as i'm concerned. going canoing today. wrap party for the film is tomorrow. the last class is on monday, and i have to turn in a 3-5 page paper that i have yet to write. should be exciting. also going to try and schedule a job interview for that time. and go into campus view and raise hell for my damage deposit. so, staying plenty busy, even though it's supposedly over.

but that's okay. life barrels on.

:: 2008 1 August :: 10.48pm

so uh yeah
hey wassup

how are all you peeps that i see and never have time to talk with?

1 ::..So what? | ::Yessa..::

:: 2008 1 August :: 8.16pm

well today has been an adventure......to say the least

it started off ok then i get a call from my Brother that my dad has yet again lost his job because he decided to go to work DRUNK AGAIN>>>i know its an addiction and i know i need to be there for him but i feel like i am someitmes at a brick wall. my mom gave him 2 months to clean his act up or she is "leaving" i dont really know what that means but i know her and nate are going to be completly selfish about this and it makes me sad. yeah it messes with thier life but my main focus is getting my dad better. no matter what the cost. maybe im just naive and stupid but its my dad and i love him and i am willing to do whatever for him ah well he has me and maybe thats all he needs.

THEN,
when i was doing laundry a got stung by a bee, which i am allergic to. raced home and took some meds and i feel ok my arm is throbbing but pain is a necessary evil and i can handle it.

1 ::..So what? | ::Yessa..::

:: 2008 31 July :: 10.16pm

Pineapple Express is over 9000 laughs, I got to see it tonight before it comes out

I lol'd, then I came

2 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2008 31 July :: 2.30pm

i finally got all of the stuff for the hall taken care of... at least i think i did. i have all the music and all the d-cor and i think in terms of wedding i am almost done with stuff....(doing the happy dance)

my mom finally is ok with everything, i thnk oh well.

:: 2008 31 July :: 8.20am

Well, I went and saw the doctor yesterday after trying to go to work at nine and then working for three hours being extremely dizzy and holding myself up with the counter.

Rueben and Glor came and picked me up and Rueben drove me to my appointment. The doctor said it was either something with my heart (because during my recent physcial I was told for the first time that I have a heart murmur) or I'm hypoglycemic; so I got an EKG, some blood drawn, and they sent me home with at 24 hour EKG. So, I get to carry around a little bag with wires attached to me until two this afternoon, and then Rueben is going to take me to drop it off. The real EKG they did in the office was fine, and the doctor said he thinks the 24 hour one will be, too. But...but only thing he was worried about was that hypoglycimia doesn't explain why I couldn't walk for almost an hour and a half after I almost passed out.

I guess we'll see. I think my ulcer is healing. I was able to eat quite a bit yesterday (probably about 1300 calories), which isn't quite a bit, but it's a hell of a lot more than I have been able to eat the past few months...plus I didn't get nauseated!

So, as one thing gets better, another gets worse.

I have the day off today from work, doctor's orders. I have to work Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, so we'll see how it goes. I like the little vacation, but I don't like it's cause.

1 ::..So what? | ::Yessa..::

:: 2008 29 July :: 8.54am

I almost passed out at work yesterday. I was processing a return and all of the sudden I felt a wave of heat come over me. I looked at the computer screen and it split into three screens (just like in the movies, in fact), and then I couldn't hear anything like I was underwater. So, I told my coworker to finish the return and I collapsed on the floor.

I called my parents to come and get me since I couldn't drive home, and I was wheeled out in a wheel chair.

I have the day off today, so I'm just resting now. I feel a lot better; I couldn't walk for a few hours after it happened.

It was really warm behind the service desk again, almost seventy nine. My dad was yelling at me saying that I shouldn't be passing out when it's only seventy nine and there are lots of people that work in factories where it's warmer than that. It put me off. I can't help it, and there's nothing that a doctor will be able to do. When it gets really hot and humid, I can't sweat, which makes me overheat. I don't know, I feel like I'm thirteen again and I'm getting yelled at for something I have no control over.

I'm not looking forward to this weekend, however. It's suppose to get up into the nineties. What do I have to do? Buy myself twelve box fans to take to work with me?

I can tell you this, I don't ever want to be wheeled out of meijer in a wheel chair again until I'm ninety and don't know the difference.

2 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2008 28 July :: 11.27pm

ok so i have decided that no matter how much i truely grow up my mom still thinks i am stupid.... really. me and tj decided to have my work cater for the wedding, yeah it may be a little more work and such but in total we will be saving almost 500.00. i dont know about you but i could care less about a little more planning and sorting if i can save that much it is definetly worth it right!!!

Not buying a house just yet. we can save up more money if we stay where we are and just bank for a year... they rate we are saving now in a year we could have like 3 grand saved and that makes me very happy, that is it will once we can pay off all the credit cards and be ok on bills... being an adult is hard but i know together me and my soon to be husband ( its wierd to say that omg how corny am i?) cang et though it all...

1 ::..So what? | ::Yessa..::

:: 2008 27 July :: 10.37pm

Today was my day off for the week it was a good one too!
trying to get all that last minute bull shit for the wedding all together and my wonderful fience is NO HELP... boys suck balls

anyways, lifes great just chaotic such is such

:: 2008 26 July :: 12.17pm

My mind is blank now. Every part of my body is sinking and empty. I don't have to think about anything, hear anything, say anything, feel anything, worry about anything.
...there are no job interviews, no hypocrites. I do not have to... socialize. I do not have to smile. I do not have to justify my beliefs. I don't have to wear dress shoes. I don't have to pledge allegiance to the flag. I don't have to use a number two pencil. I don't have to read the fine print.
...it is true that it is nonproductive. But when ninety-five percent of out-of-bed activities hold the possibility of pain, to be pain-free is simply the most delicious feeling in the world.

-not mine

:: 2008 26 July :: 12.37am
:: Music: Go Fish - Part of the Proof

seriously. i just want a day off. one fucking day off.

we filmed again today. james's room is fully dressed. but since our camera broke this afternoon, and they didn't get to the interior shots on the call sheet, they pushed them back to the end of the schedule, so that room didn't need to be dressed at all... so dumb, but it couldn't be helped.

i'm having lots of fun. but i'm so fucking tired. and i'm just getting sick of being there all the time.

and i'm smoking way too many cigarettes. this is killing me. neither softly, nor slowly.

but i'm determined to have fun, dammit. we're making a movie. it should be a good time.

:: 2008 25 July :: 9.45pm

April 18

the slime of all my yesterdays
rots in the hollow of my skull

and if my stomach would contract
because of some explicable phenomenon
such as pregnancy or constipation

I would not remember you

or that because of sleep
infrequent as a moon of greencheese
that because of food
nourishing as violet leaves
that because of these

and in a few fatal yards of grass
in a few spaces of sky and treetops

a future was lost yesterday
as easily and irretrievably
as a tennis ball at twilight

-Sylvia Plath

:: 2008 24 July :: 8.34pm

Heather is getting married tomorrow! I'm so excited!!!

2 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2008 23 July :: 11.03pm

today was ok,,, worked till bout 10:30 and now i am sitting at home while tj makes HIMSELF something to eat and didnt even bother asking me if i was hungry...i would figure after 2 years living together he would at least do that.... wtf

wedding preperations are making way, the actual ceremony is all i really have left. im going to talk to pastor on sunday and pray the organist doesnt have plans that day or i am fucked!!!

no real drama to speak of today things are actaully going real well, me and tj are not fighting anymore and for the first time in a long time i am actually happy.,.. believe it or not i am.

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