j e s s i c a

:: 2012 29 June :: 8.49pm

The thing I really hate about the last week is that now EVERYONE is calling it "obamacare".

Usually when you steal back a word, you pick one that wasn't a turd to begin with.

2 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2012 27 June :: 12.32am

I think the only thing I even remotely miss from Cedar Springs is Sue's kitchen. We don't really have a good substitute up here. Its something about the same waiter and the same old guys in the corner every time you go there. Even months apart. The pocket change coffee and toast was nice too.

I suppose I rather miss the countryside and green things and space as well, but as best I can tell Cedar Springs has lost these things. Last I knew it lost what small town charm it had. Its slightly less dilapidated, but in the cheap plastic veneer kind of way as opposed to any real positive changes.

I suppose real estate is still pretty cheap.

:: 2012 23 June :: 10.42pm

Because I've made it a point to be nice on facebook.
Its so hard not to respond to idiots on facebook. I'll probably start ranting on here for no other reason than I can, and I need too sometimes.

Its almost prime time political season. Its early, but you can sense these things if you pay attention. The political full moon is coming out and god knows what I'll turn into.

I do know that its already affecting other people. This seasons choice of information distribution has already been chosen. Its one liner thought-dumps in the form of words/picture/words. Lolcats for idiots, and that's saying something.

:: 2012 29 May :: 10.33am

I have a notion, a feeling that something big is about to happen, something is going to change and something is going to come to fruitition out of nowhere.

:: 2012 19 May :: 11.32am

Look out, we got a badass over here

:: 2012 30 April :: 2.39pm

One exam and around 20 hours of paper writing to go.

Alllmost done.
Allllmost there.

*Que a bloke with a British accent*
"Almost where?"
There!
"Whats there?"

....
....
oh fuck.

10 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2012 26 April :: 10.36am

One lab accident short of being a super villain.

4 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2012 2 April :: 10.44pm

When I shave my beard I lose like 7 years of age.

Space time travel ftw.

8 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2012 30 March :: 4.13pm

:: 2012 26 March :: 1.31pm

strange argument last night.

Over the smallest thing too. Not really relationship-ending by any stretch of the imagination, but strange.

Did pass that dreaded 6 month mark, which may seem like nothing to you, but means a lot to me for many reasons. So here's to that.

3 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2012 17 March :: 4.36pm

Happy drinking day Mount Pleasant.

Now step it up and finish passing out so I can enjoy my music.

jes	:: 2012 13 March :: 7.12pm I hate feeling like you've supported people though out their life and circumstances but when you face your own, they have no thoughts other than about themselves. ::Yessa..::

jes

:: 2012 6 March :: 9.29pm
:: Mood: crushed

My heart is aching for you!
"Daddy please don't look so sad,momma please don't cry.
Cause I'm in the arms of Jesus, and he sings me lullabies.
please try not to question God, don't think he is unkind.
Don't think he sent me to you and then changed his mind.
You see I'm a special child, I am needed up above.
I'm the special gift you gave Him, a product of your love.
I'll always be there with you, so watch the sky at night.
Look for the brightest star and know that's my halo's brilliant light.
You'll see me in the morning frost that mists your window pane.
That's me in the summer showers, I'll be dancing in the rain.
When you feel a gentle breeze from a gentle wind that blows.
Know that it's me planting a kiss upon your nose.
When you see a child playing and your heart feels a tug,
Don't be sad mommy, that's just me giving your heart a hug.
So daddy don't looks so sad and momma please don't cry.
I'm in the arms of Jesus and he sings me lullabies!"

jes	:: 2012 26 February :: 9.29am :: Mood: annoyed So insensitive. Feels like salt is being shoved into my wounds. ::Yessa..::

jes	:: 2012 24 February :: 8.56am ughhhhhh shut up! ::Yessa..::

jes

:: 2012 23 February :: 5.06pm

It was confirmed today that we lost our baby. Today is a very sad and heart breaking day for Ryan and I. We heal/deal in entirely different ways, which is hard to make sure we're both feeling like we're "coping" and supporting one another, but we're getting through it as best as we know how.

I feel very alone, even though I know I'm not. I don't want to be around people, but yet, I hate feeling alone. I just for myself, to think about and deal with everything, need some worship music, ryan and landon, and time alone.

I really wish people would stop saying, "It's for the best", THE best would have been for me to have my baby, and just because they might not of been healthy doesn't mean I wanted him/her any less, because I STILL want my baby. I know people don't know what to say, and are only trying to help, but it just makes me feel worse. Vacation and leaving the country couldn't have come at any better of a time.

jes

:: 2012 22 February :: 10.58pm

Tomorrow we find out if God decided to answer our prayers, or if it's time to start healing and move on. I'm so back and forth on how I feel. Because I just don't know what's happened. So one minute I'm sad, and pissed off at the world. Then the next, I'm hopeful, praying, even moments where all feels "normal" again, and then they quickly pass. I just feel like this is all still a bad dream, that I just can't wake up from, it feels never ending! I just don't know how this could have happened, why did this happen, how am I EVER suppose to be ok with this? How will I ever make peace with the Lord giving and taking away?? How can I face other people??

joslyn_julia

:: 2012 13 February :: 3.24pm

yeah, so i love how I am a "bad person" because i don't go to work when i am sick. I mean honestly, if you don't have a job don't criticize me for taking a day off at mine just because you are pissed that I have a job and hate it, while everyone else you know calls to bitch because they can't get a job. I'm not bitching and whose business is it aside from me and my boss if I don't go to work.
Get real.

3 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2012 9 February :: 11.21am

gillette

:: 2012 20 January :: 6.43pm

So I start therapy on Tuesday. 3 kindergarteners and 1 5th grader. Not sure what I'm going to do, kind of frantic but excited at the same time.

gillette

:: 2012 14 January :: 3.46pm

I feel weird at the spot I am at in my life right now. Looking back at old pics from like 2 years ago and earlier..I was surrounded by so many friends and fun people...now I just feel like I'm associated with a couple casino people and Nic. Meh.

:: 2012 8 January :: 11.56pm

Things are good. I spent my birthday with the girl and a few select others... pretty much just the girl though. We did a lot of dancing with each other, both metaphorically and literally. We drank champagne. We kissed at midnight. It was nice. It was also oddly adult which kind of freaks me out.

the only thing I need is a new job. Really... that's it. I like where I live and my new room mates and everything. Just the job...

I'm really coming to grips with myself and I like it.

spud	:: 2012 5 January :: 12.26am The lions lost by two fumbles and a touchdown. And today I got a voicemail from a cemetary. Coincidence? I think not. ::Yessa..::

2 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2012 2 January :: 11.45am

2012 bucket list:

[] get a new job
[] quit outback
[] get a real phone
[] get a new car
[] have more than 5000 in an untouchable account, preferably one with high returns
[] break that 6 month relationship mark that seems to constantly elude me
[] don't stab anyone
[] work out more
[] Go back to MI to visit
[] Get a credit card
[] Go to a wizards, capitals, and nationals game (not redskins, the suck and it's impossible to get tickets)

:: 2011 30 December :: 4.06pm

guess who got the phone interview?

:: 2011 30 December :: 1.55am

Meh.

joslyn_julia

:: 2011 21 December :: 9.02pm

i don't really understand how people can be so malicious.

:: 2011 21 December :: 3.10pm

I feel like I'm getting better at managing my self diagnosed bi-polar disorder. Mostly the last week has been a test of this.

I'm all moved into the new place, which is a huge weight off of my shoulders. My room mates are awesome.

next step is to go and sign up at a recruiter. Not totally sure which one or who to go to though.