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m&ms487
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2007 29 April :: 12.48pm
:: Mood: distressed
Why is it that when everything feels like it's falling apart, we put on a smile and walk away?
The center cannot hold. Exams this week. I haven't studied yet. I will. I'll get to it. I feel like I'm in a Hemingway novel. Or Faulkner. Dewey Dell.
Will the circle be unbroken...
I'm ready to go home, but I feel like I'm sentencing myself to prison. It feels like a loss of freedom. But maybe I don't deserve freedom. Maybe I've never had it, just the illusion of it. Maybe.
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sike-a-delic_grasshopper
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2007 28 April :: 11.13am
:: Mood: excited
I'm leaving for reggae fest in less than an hour. It's a damn fine day to have it too. Woo excitement!
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sike-a-delic_grasshopper
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2007 25 April :: 1.08pm
Yesterday was a real fucked up day. I've been having a lot of those lately. Mainly a lot of people have a lot of absolutely absurd behaviors. Including myself. I need to stop staying awake for days on end, it cannot be good for my health.
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angel_bob
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2007 25 April :: 12.25pm
39 days, bitches!
I am so excited to come home!
So at the u here there are four or five levels of classes. At the beginning of the year, we took a placement test to get into a level. Most of us got in level 3 but two of us were placed in level 2. Anyway, the only test we have is at the end of the year. In France, doing well on the exam means getting 50 percent but at home, that transfers back as a D. On everything. So last year's group made a stink and this year, one of our professors here expressed concern for our sucess on the exam. She signed us up for level 2's exam so we could actually pass. I still have to take level 3 but they take the best grade you get anyway in the end.
So I am not worried.
Just waiting to come home.
I love you all.
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m&ms487
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2007 24 April :: 3.41pm
i'm sitting in the computer lab trying to finish my journal/critical analysis for my modern american literature class. it's horrible. my brain is being so stupid. i'm getting distracted easily, and i'm having problems comprehending the questions i'm suppose to use as prompts. i'm not stupid! writing these are so painful and tedious. i've gotten six done, and i only have two more to go, but they're on two novels, the sun also rises, and as i lay dying. stupid. i don't mind doing them, but i'm having so many problems concentrating! it's so frustrating!
that's all i wanted to rant about.
good afternoon.
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sike-a-delic_grasshopper
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2007 23 April :: 8.54pm
Tonight, we live like kings!
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m&ms487
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2007 23 April :: 8.00pm
:: Mood: amused
I think Patrick, my fish, is addicted to eating. He just ate twelve Beta pellets in two hours. He eats three in a normal day.
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m&ms487
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2007 22 April :: 6.11pm
:: Mood: amused
This was a long weekend. I went to the School of Music formal last night. It was really fun, but the room was super hot from all the people dancing.
Moved the room around today because of "Residence Life Order Day."
Basically had to put the desks and beds back in the same places they were at the beginning of the year. It was really gross. The bottoms of my feet were black from all the dirt on our floors that were under the rug and the beds. I sneezed a lot too.
In other news, during the ten minute walk from the parking lot to the dorms I got a pretty good sunburn.
It is summer.
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Iron-Cipher
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2007 21 April :: 3.36pm
sometimes all it would take is to see the slightest difference... But as is life I suppose.
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sike-a-delic_grasshopper
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2007 19 April :: 3.47pm
This week has gone by really fast. I can't even believe it's already the weekend. I have one more week of classes and then exams. And then, after the summer, for the first time ever, I'll be free to do anything I want. Damn.
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angel_bob
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2007 18 April :: 12.04pm
I am done with fucking France. I hate it here. I am ready to come home.
Oh and our wandering across Europe had us go to Budapest, Prague and Brussels. It was fun. And the weather is really nice.
But i just want to come home.
Oh and Kurt Vonnegut's death upset me. It made me think about Katti and Oliver and I just heard him on the radio before I left...
Then this school shooting. The world is falling apart while I am gone.
And why isn't anyone awake and on msn at 6 in the morning?
I want to come home.
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m&ms487
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2007 17 April :: 4.58pm
I'm sitting here, listening to music, burning a purple candle and reading over my term paper for literary analysis [see few posts previous]. I have more papers to write, but I haven't yet. I'm just enjoying playing with my candle wax. It's very soothing. And purple.
I was reading over my paper and thinking about what my professor said to me when I went to his office yesterday. He was telling me about how his wife was in Ohio defending her thesis. He said, "I'm telling you all this only because I have a feeling you will be doing this in the near future."
Doctorate. Getting a Doctorate. That's what he was talking about. Me. Getting a Doctorate. He thinks I could...I will...
I wish I had enough money. I wouldn't hesitate. I just...I don't...I can't. It's not feasible. I have to become a teacher and pay off my debts and become an adult, and, who am I kidding? What you truly want to do is never what you can do. It's what I learned in kindergarten:
No one ever said life had to be fair.
And it's not. We live in a society with a myth that's alive and well that you can work your way up. That may be true, but it's very unlikely. The rest of us just get to sit here, potential wasted, living at the hand of an unfeeling, unjust, and uncaring capitalist society.
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m&ms487
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2007 17 April :: 4.19pm
"Sex reminds her of eating spaghetti."
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sike-a-delic_grasshopper
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2007 16 April :: 6.19pm
You know what's great about being a philosophy major?
So I've been late to my modern philosophy class about 3 times in a row now. I don't like being late to that class, on account of it's the one class I genuinely enjoy on a regular basis, and I actually respect my professor. So today after class I apologized for being late so much and he goes "What's the problem?" and I was like "Honestly, I just lose track of time." And he says "Well, that's understandable." So mainly one of the perks of being a philosophy major is, if you're a space cadet, people will understand and not hold it against you. '
I still haven't gone to bed yet. I will need more coffee soon. And a shower.
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