amajules

amajules

:: 2004 7 May :: 9.08 pm
:: Mood: disappointed

~*oh soooooo busy!!!!! well lemme just give you a jist of what's up....i had a chorus competition this morn and we competed in classical and show...our show sucked...we prolly didn't even place, and i'll let you know later if we did...we find out tomorrow
mom and dad went up there this past weekend (fri-tues) for john raths wedding...they came back and told me all about cheryl and davi and brian...jules...i started crying b/c i remembered how close brian and i were and i miss him...weird huh...so i asked dad to call john after his honeymoon to get the house # so i can call brian up later...i can't beleive i miss him....weird....
anyways...i graduate in 3 weeks! i'm sooo excited.
um....that's pretty much it...mr. mcbroom has just been running us like crazy that's all. i miss you tho and i find myself thinking of you often. i love you. ttyl*~
love always,
-amanda-

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:: 2004 26 April :: 9.28 am

Amanda!
hey how have you been?
goodness prom was this past Friday and it went by so quickly!
but yea, ditto to your last comment about not having time for ANYTHING... goodness, somehow it's all manageable though..
anyway prom was gorgeous,
everything turned out really really well..
i'll have to see if i can post a few pictures onto here to show you..
renee had come down especially for me! :) sigh, that added specialty to the evening..
and Amanda haha you would've been proud of me, i danced the ENTIRE night without a second thought. :)
slept over a friends house friday into saturday, went to my brother's baseball game straight from there, and then right from there we went down to New Jersey to celebrate my bday which is next week..
i was kinda upset bc it was the day after prom and i didn't get to hang out with my friends... but i ended up having an extremely fun time anyway at my grandparents' house and hanging out with my cousins..
lots of laughing :)
anyway i was going to go on and write about my actual prom day and getting ready, but i have to be going,
let me know how everything is, i feel like it's been an extremely long time since we've really talked! we'll have to have a heart to heart sometime soon 0:)

well i will talk to you soon Manda
thanks for commenting on my journal i love it and i responded back :)
~mwah~
- Jules

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:: 2004 17 April :: 1.10 pm

busy, busy, busy
~*sorry i've taken so long to write. i didn't get home till 2 last night. Josh and Sara are in Aruba and wev'e been redecorating the house. ummm....i'll look at the pic as soon as i'm done here. prom is fun.....lol my spring break was ok...didn't do much spent time to catch up w/ randy...wev'e talked maybe a hour total this week..we're both so busy.um pray for tues the 20th. our chorus has competition that day. and also on May 7th we do...and we know our dances just not the "proper" notes and lyrics to it...anyways. i have to run but i love you and miss you...and i hate how there's no time...FOR ANYTHING!!!AHHHHHH lol
luv you bunches,
-amanda-

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:: 2004 15 April :: 7.05 pm

hehe forgot to quickly mention
me and my fam were watchin home family videos
guess what dance i got to watch again lol
the shackles one :)

love ya dearest
mwah
Jules

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:: 2004 5 April :: 11.09 am
:: Mood: busy

breathe
~i've been sooooooo unbablievably busy these past weeks, prom was this saturday, it was so wonderful ~*ohhhh my goodness. i can't even say how much FUN prom was. i left school, my mom suprised me by telling me that her and my dad had made reservations for Cheasnut Hill @ 6pm for Randy and i. My gift from them and my brother, they gave us $100 to spend that night. very nice. they also loaned us the explorer, which was also sweet...if you saw Randy's car u'd appreciate it too. we got to prom @ 8:45pm. considering it started @ 8:00pm. i got sooooo many comments on how i looked, and Randy was pimpin' it w/ a black silk shirt. didn't have a collar, it was that priest/chinese lookin' thing. it was soooo much fun, we hooked up w/ all our friends and just danced and danced and danced...we took a lot of fun pictures too. we came home, changed out of prom clothes, and then talked for awhile. general stuff. how'd you like it, favorite parts, dissapiontments, etc. he left and headed home. we got to the house @ like 1:30am so when he got home it was 2:15am. i don't go to sleep until enough time passes that he's home. don't ask why i do it, i just do. i went to bed @ 2:22am, making a wish.

God, i love that boy, i would just die if i ever lost him. i hope (and can't wait) to spend the rest of my life w/ him. He's the most amazing man i've ever met. He's soooo perfect, "he's the only one for me".*~

and then this week is spring break so i'll be lucky if i'm even home.
anyways, i haven't written in awhile so thought i'd drop you a line baby.
oh, no you don't sound crazy, just confused, once again Julie, the only thing i have to say to you about that, that could possibly sum up allll of what i have to say...is, "why do you care sooo much what people think of you. as long as you're doing things that are good and right, then God is pleased w/ you and the person you are. Isn't that the only thing that should matter? " i love you babe. ttys. w/b and sorry it took me so long to get back to you.*~
love always,
-amanda-

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:: 2004 12 March :: 9.59 am

make-ups (and hopefully) make-ups
~hey i like don't have any time to write anymore, so once again, i'll just paste what i already wrote in my other journal....sorry bout the cursing and the thing about adriane and lauren at the end doesn't apply to ya! luv you

~*so me and Randy talked toady @ practice. he gave me a clawduh (sp?) ring on our 5 month anniversary and when we broke up, i turned it out to show that i was single (but i put it back b/c i didn't want ppl to know) but anyways, today @ practice i turned it around, and after fighting for awhile, we "made-up" and he turned back around (to show i was taken) and he said we still need to talk out our stuff. like, just....stuff. and that's cool. my personal thought is that our relationship just needed to calm down a bit. as far as intensity goes, i mean we act like a married couple alllll the time. i mean ppl and friends call him my hubby, and just recently a friend of mine said, "You guys are already engaged right?" people were so shocked when they heard we broke up, that their reactioned was.....(eyes wide) "Oh My God? Why?"
or "What?! When? What happened?" either way...no one saw it coming. i guess cuz i like to keep our fights and our business, well, ours. everyone thinks we're this perfect couple, and they look up to it, i get grls w/ their man probs alll the time asking me for advice. Actually i told my friend Barbie (sorry Sarah, i know you hate her) and she was like " u guys'll get back together, don't worry, i know you guys will, you love him, and he loves you." then like the next day, Tiffany Payton came into class crying over her ex-boy, who whad a gf now...and she goes "god i hate it when grls cry over boys, that's sucha waste of time." and i laughed and was like "that's not what you said to me when i cried on your shoulder about randy yesterday." and she goes (in front od Tiffany none the less) "well, you guys are different, you really love each other." lol
anyways all to say. i love him, and i'm gunna make this work, and i won't get upset when he has to go to a band thing, and i'll try really hard. i mean REALLY hard. i never want to lose him again. i'm just glad he's back in my life. i just want us to be happy. and i want to make sure that he's the one by my side for prom, for graduation, for the rest of my life...in short. lol
i'm gunna go. thanx to everyone who's been there for me through all this...you know who you are....and if Lauren or Adriane think it's them...IT'S NOT!
peace*~
-getting better-
~*Amanda*~

NOTE-TO-SELF ~ i can't stand people, who are like, i'm your friend and i love you...but don't do JACK SHIT to help you out, or give you advice or let you borrow a shoulder....or in Sarah's case a leg, to cry on.....must remember that amanda, must remember that.

luv you Julie-grl
~*Amanda*~

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:: 2004 10 March :: 3.09 pm
:: Mood: soothed...if only a little

i wrote on my other journal so read this and then i'll type a response to the one you sent me.

~*yeah just by some odd coincidence me and my bf of 1yr 1month and two days broke up Monday night. when we finally hung up the phone, i cried like convulsuvely...hard enough to make me throw up and to get a really bad headache. i didn't go to sleep that nite till like 3am.

i bet some of you are thinking he did it...and that we hate each other...not the case

let me tell you about him and me, Randy goes to college, graduated last yr. he's lived here all his life. he's a band geek, and i'm a chorus/drama freak. i moved down here bout 2 yrs ago from N.Y. and met Randy during the second semester of his last last yr my first yr. (first yr in the school which was my jr yr his snr yr.) we both auditioned for the school play "into the woods", and i loved his tenor voice. we hit it off and ever since then we've been inseparable. so i'm in my Snr yr here, and he's in his freshman yr in college for music education...a 5 yr course. that's cool and i love it, b/c i wanted to be a music teacher. (he wants to be a band teacher and me a chorus teacher specifically)

so the play we're doing this yr is joseph and the amazing technicolored dreamcoat and we don't have enough brothers so the director asked randy to do the play and he agreed, so i have to see him every day after school till 6.

my chorus teacher let us stay in the chorus room from 3:30 till 6 to talk things out, and we did.

this is the whole, "right people wrong time" thing
we are very much in love and will always be, it's not that we want to break up it's that we are always arguing about not spending enough time together b/c he's always going away to do some band thing. and i'm always going away to do some chorus thing. so we're broken up just b/c we need to stop being so....all over each other, and possessive...um...i guess, but just for awhile things have been weird between us, like we're ALWAYS fighting and i hate it, something's happened where a part our relationship died. so we're taking a break and it hurts, but we always decided to stay the best friends that we've always been, still hanging out on weekends, calling each other, every (other) night (now). just like ABSOLUTE BESTEST friends. so we're cool. and i still love him and he still loves me. i know it. and so does he.

but anyways, imma gunna go, we're about to leave the library....dude, i wrote all this in 15 minutes!!!!!!
l8r.*~
-Amanda-

hey grly, i knew u'd call that's why i said not to! yeah i do feel alone. i talked w/ Josh, Sara and Jeremy, till like 1 last nite. i baby-sat last nite, and then they came home and Jeremy came over for awhile and i had already told Sara and she told Josh on the way to the church...so he asked what all happened.
--so that's the explanation......but lemme go class is about to end and i have to go to the library....again
luv you
~*Amanda*~

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:: 2004 10 March :: 3.09 pm
:: Mood: soothed...if only a little

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:: 2004 9 March :: 2.23 pm
:: Mood: crushed

break ups
okay yeah so anyways. me and randy broke up....other words for my "mood" are... devastated, depressed, alone, confused, worried, and so forth onto any other synonyms.

we broke up last night and hung up the phone around 12am, where then i proceeded to cry so hard and soooo much that i made my stomach convulse to much tp the pt where i threw up, and gave myself a migrane. i also didn't stop crying till 3am where as i cried myself to sleep, just b/c i was exhausted. i woke up this morning amd the first thing i see is the dolhpin chimes on my ceiling that he gave me, i roll over and find myself staring right into the face of the plush Nemo he bought me from Disney world.....i turn over to the other side and our prom pic is right there.....and then i sat up in bed and just picked up where i left off when i went to sleep, yes, i cried somemore.....

food for thought.....where does snot come from.......?

Julie i miss him so much, i never Ever thought it would hurt this much, i never realized how much i love him....i want him back, and i can't help it, i miss him already....then today i'm gunna see him @ practice and i know he's gunna ask me for his class ring back....the whole ride to school i drove w/ my left elbow on the window w/ my ring finger in his ring around my neck. i've been saying "just breathe" to myself allllll day to keep me from really losing it.

after all this ur prolly screamin @ me to tell u why we broke up. it's simple;

right people, wrong time.

just really think about it.
w/ him in band all summer, we'll barely see each other. and all we do now is fight about not having enough time to hang out.
i just pray i haven't lost him for good, b/c if i did i will never forgive myself. i can't believe i even agreed to do this in the first place.
this is all my fault, if i had just let him do what he want in band and not given him sucha hard time about it we'd be fine. this is all my fault......i hate myself. i hate that i didn't trust him enough, i hate that i hurt him, i hate that i tried to be selfish........i hate that i lost the best thing in the world that will ever happen to me.
i'm gunna go, b/c the more i'm typing the more people are staring @ me and i'm in the rary.....look babe, please don't call, cuz i don't want to talk about it. just w/b. i love you....i need you and ur trusty shoulder more than ever now.
luv you
~*Amanda*~

P.S. I will always love him. always.

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:: 2004 5 March :: 2.47 pm
:: Mood: aggravated

~*hey you. sorry i didn't ever call back. i fell asleep. i was feelin' crappy just my fun time has begun. well the problem w/ me and Randy is......well, i think it's just my problem.

i cried all today in chorus about it...i just don't know what to do.

Randy comes into practice on weds and is like yea so the pep band asked me to go to Virginia tomorrow to play for the boys basketball game. i don't want to but i told them i'd think about it, i have to talk to my mom.......and so forth.

sounds simple right?

today is his birthday. he didn't get home till 4 in the morning, then he tells me he might or might not sleep over in the Wheelwright building w/ some people cuz i don't want to drive home just to sleep for two hours, and drive back to the school. now that makes sense to me.

Julie i don't know why i feel or get all upset about things like this but i always feel like a bitchy lil wife.....just like a straight out asshole.

i'm so friggin worried i don't think he even understands. i'm starting to realize that if i marry this man.....he won't really be around. if he gone this much as a student and he's NOT doing everything....he's gunna be gone sooooo much more as a teacher when he does HAVE to do EVERYTHING.

i just get so scared that he'll cheat on me...that he'll turn into that husbands who cheats on me whenever he's gone b/c he ,"misses me". and o my god julie i want to be w/ him so badly...so badly do i want him to be the one. but here's my problem.

he's telling me to make a choice to stay w/ him and deal w/ it/accept it, or break-up...and if those aren't the choices he's giving me, then he needs to clarify them, but
if i break up w/ him i'll never know if it could of worked. if i don't, and stay w/ him, and we get married and all my worries turn out to be true...then all i did was drag out something that just wound up hurting me more, and prevented him from meeting "the one", and just in general dragged out something that should of never been........but, i want to try, it's just really hard to trust him w/ all those bitches. w/ all the grls there will be in the future. i don't think i will ever fully trust him till we're married....ultimate commitment. as for now, i will stay w/ him. i'm taking him out tommorrow for his b-day so pray that that goes well and we don't fight.

well lemme go please w/b asap. i really need some advice.

i love you and i used your shoulder today....trust me i needed it.
miss you*~
luv ya,
~*Amanda*~

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:: 2004 4 March :: 10.54 pm
:: Mood: not bad

everything up here is reminding me of south carolina! crazy yo.
Amanda......

oh how i miss you!

and well, i hope everything with you and Randy is being worked out, truly... i'm sending my shoulder and a hug to you -

i love you much
always,
Jules

p.s. - this week, the weather got up to 50 degrees = perfect spring weather...
then these last two days we've been getting rain - but we're then expecting snow this weekend :(

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:: 2004 2 March :: 10.10 pm

~~ah yes 2 seconds of spare time! i just read all ur stuff babe...which you have already told me about that night on the phone...i am now @ rehersals till 6pm home 'round 6:30...so long days ahead. on a good note our drama teach. Mr. Canady became desperate to find brothers b/c so so sooo many have just dropped out/not showed up to rehersals/been kicked out, that he asked Randy to be a brother...so he is my one light in this thing. ick...on the other hands my 2 friends are being dikes to me (not literally) they're just being mean and hateful and whispering and then when i ask what they say, it's always some dumb excuse...and it's always the same one....i miss my true friend......*sniff*
::i miss you::
*re-sniff*
anyways lemme go...i need to bathe. i stink. lol! oh btw (<--by the way) weather is up to 75 today maybe 80 tomorrow!!!!! i'm wearing a skirt to school tomorrow....and yes it came from the o-so-fabulous and trendy.............Wal*Mart!
love you much....could really use my friend.
~*Amanda*~

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:: 2004 13 February :: 11.47 pm

i felt like doing a bunch of these...
You are the silver moonlight. You have a deep soul.
Many people call you mysterious but they just
don't know you. You are often alone but shine
hope on every one else. People look up to you
and call to you for advice. You have been
betrayed but you have forgaven them. Your faith
in life has made you an inspiration to us all.
You are intelligent, quiet, beautiful, and
kind. You will become very sucessful. Your
dream career could maybe deal with the joy of
music. Keep up the spirit and let your mind
drift to the shining hope of the silver moon.

What shade of moonlight are you? (Boys or Girls)
brought to you by Quizilla

<3 Julie

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:: 2004 11 February :: 11.16 am

i had to go home ealry yesterday sara came and picked me up just b4 my last block, i threw up in the nurses office, on the way home (right out of the Expedition window) and at sara's house....ugh. i had my period cramps SOOOO bad. it kinda scared me b/c i never get them to the point that i throw up...that much @ least. anyways....
i'm still laughing about that fat kid on the stairs that i hit...lol
i'm supposed to be doing a lab right now...marine bio. this is the first yr. that valentines won't suck...oh...sorry lol. j/k babe. actually it sorta, but won't "suck"
Randy has to play @ a pep game that they university scheduled for some unknown reason...he has to be there @ 5. so it's like bring a date, pep game, day,...yeah. it's cool tho. i like hearing hime play and i like watching him do what he loves and makes him happy.
anyways my teacher's coming over here so lemme run
i love you, and i really miss you a lot.
forever and always
~*Amanda*~

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