Now i stand here, betrayed and broken.
hm yeah i've been off of the computer for this week beacause i had two Ds on my progress report. Psh...

Monday- Eh, nothing too special. One of my blander, non-exciting days of the week.

Tuesday- This was one of my depressed, saddish days. On Friday Armando said he was giving Juilia until Monday and then he was "cutting her off." Well here we are on Tuesday he was still with her. At lunch he has his hand flipped over on the desk so no one could read it, but i had seen it already. It sais Armando <3 Julia. So yeah i was all sad and shit, just pretty much sitting there thinking all lunch. Then i was walking to 6th period with Joana and he was over with Julia and her huge group of loud annoying friends. They were like "C'mon i wanna see you guys hug and kiss. You dont even act like you're going out." He knew i had just walked by and i looked back trying not to be obvious to see if he would kiss her. Then she was like "Im gonna be late for class" and started walking down to her class. He waited for a second and then followed her. He walked he bascially all the way to class and, well, i could still see them. He kissed her and i just about brang me to tears. All 6th period all i wanted to do was break down and cry. It sucks seeing the guy you're in love with kissing someone else. Bleh...

Mr. Orton and Mr. Davis are on administrative leave for letting the kids use the computers in their class and they watched the beheading on Nick Berg in Iraq. I guess a couple of the kids went home and told their parents they had seen it in their class and their parents called and complained to Mr. Perry. So now the teachers are basically fired....how messed up is that? It was their TAs who showed it anyways.

Wednesday- It was okayish until about 6th period, then things started looking up. Jimi told Julia in second period about Armando and i on Friday. She didn't believe her. So then i guess Fez and Monique were talking about us loud in front of one of Julia's friends and i guess she went and told Julia. So then at lunch i was walking with Jo and Jimi out to the soccer feild and one of Julia's friends comes up to me and goes, "Hey, can i talk to you? You better stay away from her man, because you dont know who you're messing with. We'll kick your ass." lmao i just laughed in her face. I found it quite hilarious that "her man" is the one coming to me, dumb bitch. XD and also the fact that Julia didn't have to balls to come up to me and tell me that herself, she had to send one of her stupid little friends. XD so yeah then we walked out the the feild and Joana took Branden's jacket and she goes "C'mon Manda, get Armando's jacket. We're going under-cover." lol so i took his jacket and put it on. Man, was it big but damn it was warm and it smelled so good. Well, probably not good to other people, but it smelled like Armando. So to me it was the best XD. I wore it all 6th period and man, i think i smelled it like everyother second. So then i was walking with JO to the bathroom and i put my hands in the pockets and there was a letter in there. Being the curious, coughnoseycough, person i am...I read it. I was from Julia. It said something like "I want to know why you broke up with me. If it was because of Ben i kinda thought you let that go. I tryed to make our realationship work and i have been talking to you and hanging out with you more. I wanted to be with you for as long as possible...yada, yada, yada." Hunny, you just got dumped. XD. So yeah i had written him a letter the night before and it basically told him how i felt so i decided to leave it in this pocket. I gave him his jacket back. Man, lol i so wanted to steal it. I probably would have slept with it. lol it smelled oh so good. Oh yeah so i walked out to the car and i looked back at him and the first thing he did was put jacket on and put his hand in the pocket. Then i saw him look back at me. lol he found it. Then later that night we were talking and he goes "Oh yeah, i broke up with Julia today." I asked him why and he said, "Well ya know how i told you we were having problems on Friday or whenever well thats why. And she found out about us on Friday. She wanted to take me back no matter what, but i didn't want to go out with her anymore." Then he was kinda quiet and goes, "And, i did it for you. I wanted to prove that what happened on Friday was serious." You should have seen the smile on my face. :D lol i was so happy. Then he said, "I noticed the look on your face Tuesday at lunch. It wasn't happy. And your poem/letter you gave me today. Did i really makey you that sad?" I told him "yeah, sorta." and he said, "Aww, that sucks. I'll make yup for it though." :D So im guessing thats a good thing. He said he told Julia to leave me alone. Im not scared of her or he little friends but i really dont feel like dealing with their bullshit right now. So yeah...

Friday- [will be added later tonight.]

<3 Amanda

Deep inside secret's burning
I Should have known all the while what's true
I went along, to fool myself
Can't go on, I can't escape it

All along
I think I really knew
It was there in the words unspoken
All along
Still believed in you
Now I stand here betrayed and broken

Close my eyes from the burning
All along all the while it's true
Take it on, or turn your back
Either way, you can't escape it

You're a heartbreaker, dream maker, love taker. Dont you mess around with me
Woo yeah this week has been purty good, not the best but it was good. Today on the hand was another story...lol.

So yeah school was, eh, boring. XD at 6th period we almost had a cat fight. Sal wasn't there today so Mr. Davis was our sub and he was outside talking to some teacher. Denise and Krysi and Melissa have something unknown against Joana. lmao on day Jo and i were talking and she said something about them being 'wanna-be surfers' XD the funny thing is, they so are. Haha so i guess Miguel was there too and he told Krysi and Krysi was like "If you have something to say fuckin' say it to my fuckin' face." haha then Jo goes "Okay" So yeah...the rest of it was Denise likes Daniel. haha i told him and he goes. "Oh my god, that horse?!" XD yes "that horse." So yea I was sitting over by Jo and Jimi and Kiri and Monique and they said something about Daniel and then Jimi, knowing Denise likes him, goes "Who does Daniel like now?" And i was being all loud and i said "Duh, Joana." lmao. Then Denise, under her breath goes "Yeah thats why hes not going out with her anymore." Stupid bitch, hes not going out with her because he respects his parents. Lmao and if it weren't for his parent he and Jo would still be together. XD He wouldn't want to go out with that fat bitch anyways. lmao we were making fun of her like loudly, but i doubt she knew we were talking about her. Okay, at banquet, she wore this ugly, tight white skirt with granny panties. XD you could see them and everything....so disgusting. So yeah, she was wearing that skirt today and we were making fun of her. haha. Im completely on Jo's side for this whole "ordeal." Oh haha and the only reason Melissa told Daniel that Krysi wanted her to come to her party was because Denise likes him. Duh, why else. He said he wasn't going. I dont know if im going either. The twins are going to be there and i could just see the drama now. Anyways...this wasn't the "whole 'nother story" part.

Armando told me to stay after school and play soccer so i was like okay and i stayed. Miquel O'Maly was there and Daniel, and Wade and Daniel's brother, Alex. So their ride came and they left. Now its just Armando and i and Miguel. Then like 10 minutes later miguel's mom came and then i was just mre and Armando. :D lol. So we shot and crossed and stuff and then we had this bet that whoever scored the most P.K.s got to give the loser sex hair. Long story short, i lost. So yeah my hair got sextified. Woo. Anyways, we shot around some more and then he sat down and goes its halftime. lol alright. so i sat down kinda next to him. Then he started throwing flowers and grass in my hair and i was throwing then back. And then he was trying to mess up my hair some more and so i messed up his. Then i rolled over so i was laying on the ground and he sorta leaned on top of me and held my hands above my head and messed my hair up with the other. So yeah...then we were like wrestling and throwing grass and floweres at eachother and then he pinned me down again and held my hands and just looked at me. Then i was like "What?" And then he leaned down and kissed me. Of course i kissed him back, im in love with the kid. What else was i supposed to do? so yeah then we stayed till 4:00 just talking......and kissing lol. The only thing bad is he still does have a girlfriend. God, i wonder how many girls he's cheated on. Seriously. This isn't fair to me. For him to get my hopes up like this and then hurt me again. It just isn't fair. I dont know what to do. I dont know if he likes me or what. Im so confused. He kissed Melissa just for the hell of it so he very well could have did the same to me. God, why am i the one always getting screwed over. Us kissing just felt, so right. I dont know how else to put it. It felt good. I've missed being close to him so much. It took me 45 minutes to walk home but i didn't even realize it took me that long because i was lost in my thoughts. The flipping sky could have fallen and i wouldn't have noticed. Damn, now i've got myself in tears again because im so confused. I dont know what to do. My heart is telling me to give him another chance to tel him everything you feel and ignore what everyone else thinks. But my head is telling me to not give in, because all im gonna end up with is a broken heart. Im tired of being stepped on, but ive been told to follow my heart. well, i guess im gonna go and see if he calls me. :shrugs: Goodbye

<\3 Amanda

I told Melissa what happened. I dont know if that was such a good idea, she going to tell Krysi and Denise the first chance she gets and then it'll be all over the place. Damnit.

Me=BR0KEN STAR xo
Melissa=lckyducky613

lckyducky613 (9:03:53 PM): hey
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:03:58 PM): hola
lckyducky613 (9:04:03 PM): whats up?
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:04:08 PM): nothing much u/
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:04:10 PM): u?
lckyducky613 (9:04:14 PM): nothin
lckyducky613 (9:04:19 PM): so did you win today?
lckyducky613 (9:04:20 PM): lol
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:04:23 PM): lol no...i lost
lckyducky613 (9:04:27 PM): aww
lckyducky613 (9:04:29 PM): what happened?
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:04:45 PM): haha we took pks and he scored one more than me
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:04:48 PM): rawr
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:04:49 PM): lol
lckyducky613 (9:04:50 PM): haha
lckyducky613 (9:05:02 PM): so what did you lose? like what happened?
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:05:11 PM): lol he gave me sex hair
lckyducky613 (9:05:16 PM): haha
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:05:30 PM): yea it sucked, it was all messed up
lckyducky613 (9:05:33 PM): how long did you guys stay after?
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:05:44 PM): like until 4 i think
lckyducky613 (9:05:52 PM): oo wow!
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:06:04 PM): yup yup
lckyducky613 (9:06:14 PM): anything else happen?
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:06:18 PM):
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:06:21 PM): lol
lckyducky613 (9:06:30 PM):
lckyducky613 (9:06:35 PM): what else happened?!?!?!
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:06:42 PM): lmao...he kissed me
lckyducky613 (9:06:52 PM): are you serious?
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:06:56 PM): yes
lckyducky613 (9:07:01 PM): wow!
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:07:11 PM): yeah
lckyducky613 (9:07:23 PM): like a peck or tounge?
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:07:33 PM): XD no comment
lckyducky613 (9:07:38 PM): tounge
lckyducky613 (9:08:31 PM): did he break up with his gf?
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:08:52 PM): i dont think so
lckyducky613 (9:09:10 PM): what did you do when he kissed you?
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:09:32 PM): he had me pinned down so i kissed him back loil
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:09:34 PM): lol*
lckyducky613 (9:09:40 PM): whoa! amanda
lckyducky613 (9:09:45 PM): how did he have you pinned down?
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:11:23 PM): lol well we were like messing up eachothers hair and throwing flowers and grass and then iono lol
lckyducky613 (9:11:36 PM): oo
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:11:53 PM): dont tell anyone k?
lckyducky613 (9:12:02 PM): dang thats another gf he cheated on
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:12:07 PM): ..i know
lckyducky613 (9:12:20 PM): dang i would never get with him
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:13:06 PM): :shrugs: im probably just gonna end up getting hurt again
lckyducky613 (9:13:16 PM): are you gonna get back with him?
lckyducky613 (9:13:42 PM): or would you?
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:13:45 PM): i dont know
lckyducky613 (9:14:26 PM): honestly i think thats a dumb move if you do....b/c he juss cheated on another one of his gf's
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:15:07 PM): yea
lckyducky613 (9:15:24 PM): did you invite him to our games this weekend?
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:15:43 PM): he said he was gonna try to go
lckyducky613 (9:16:03 PM): oo
lckyducky613 (9:16:47 PM): did you talk to him today after you guys practiced?
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:17:14 PM): no he said he was gonna call me
lckyducky613 (9:17:18 PM): oo
lckyducky613 (9:17:37 PM): do you talk to him alot on the phone?
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:17:46 PM): like every night
lckyducky613 (9:17:52 PM): dang
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:17:59 PM): lol
lckyducky613 (9:18:00 PM): what do you 2 talk about?
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:18:10 PM): iono
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:18:19 PM): nothing special
lckyducky613 (9:18:19 PM): does he like you?
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:18:34 PM): :shrugs:
lckyducky613 (9:18:44 PM): you dont know?
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:18:54 PM): no
lckyducky613 (9:19:00 PM): oo
lckyducky613 (9:19:04 PM): he is such a player
lckyducky613 (9:24:41 PM): anywho...
lckyducky613 (9:27:41 PM): are you there?
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:27:50 PM): yepper
lckyducky613 (9:28:04 PM): what are you doing?
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:28:20 PM): um nothin really
lckyducky613 (9:28:28 PM): oo
lckyducky613 (9:28:34 PM): your not talking very mucho
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:28:55 PM): i know...i dont have much to say
lckyducky613 (9:29:00 PM): why not?!
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:29:07 PM): iono
lckyducky613 (9:31:10 PM): oo akie dakie
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:31:21 PM): uh huh
lckyducky613 (9:31:33 PM): are you thinkin about mando?
BR0KEN STAR xo (9:31:44 PM): ...yea
lckyducky613 (9:31:50 PM): oo
lckyducky613 (9:32:08 PM): well i hope you make a good choice if he wants to get back with you

Aruba, Jamaica, ooo i wanna take ya!
Yep this weekend was pretty coolioness. I talked to Armando for 2 hours on the phone on Friday night, like an hourish on the computer Saturday night and and hour and a half on the phone last night. Weee. lol

Saturday i went to the movies and saw Van Helsing That movie rawked!! lol. I was awesome, y0.

Sunday was Mother's Day as we all know. We went to breakfast/lunch at Johnny Rebs and then my mom and i went to the mall. I bought a new skirt and some new smexy bracelets....lol i only where four on each wrist XD. Then i came home and talked on the telefono with Armando ^.^ ...thats about it.

lmfao....today at lunch Tori grabbed my ass. lol she didn't just smack it she full on grabbed it. XD i had a skirt on too. Then 6th period she was trying to put a sticker on me and she grabbed my boob...on purpose lol. I LOVE YEW TORI!! XD <333

Today lol was a purty good day actually. XD in second period we were taking notes and i threw a peice of paper at Armando. lol he turned around and i was laughing but he thought it was Armando. lol then i confessed and said it was me. haha me, flirting much? lmao then at lunch Jo and i got Miguel to hold Armando while i gave him sex hair. Hr moved away but i still kinda got him. Then he and Omar and Miguel decided to get us, so our hair was messed up by the end of lunch lol. Then Mr. Irving made us get out of his class so he could go get lunch, so we were standing outside his classroom and Miguel held Armando and i got him good. lol. His hair was all fluffy and i made all the gel come out. XD it was sexy. So yeah....he had to practice like that. Woo, i told you we were gonna get him. Then after school Jo and i ditched Sal's class like 10 minutes early and went out to the feild. lol. Armando was walking away when the bell rings and my hair was all messed up and blowing all over in the wind and he goes "Hey you have sex hair." lol i was like "You like it?" and he goes "I love it." lol. ;D. So yea we'll see if he calls me tonight.

I have practice in 5 minutes and im gonna be late....so ill update more later. Adios. -.^

<3 Amanderz!

x[Inside Joke]x The running bananas!!! haha.

Bramuda, bahama, come on pretty mama!

Wow lol. I just got off the phone with Armando. We talked for 2 hours lol. Right now, my hopes are so high that i pray he doesn't send them crashing down. I like him so much, and god, do i miss him. XD yesterday i talked to him on the phone for like an hour and he called me Armanda on accident. lol we were cracking up. It was funny because it just came out of no where. haha then today i was walking with Joana after school out to the feild and she goes "Hey Armando, c'mon over here so we can give you sex hair." lol then he said he was gonna tie me down to a chair at lunch and do it to me. haha i was like "You'll have to catch me first." XD. Im gonna get him on Monday at lunch. We usually all go into/outside Mr. Irving's room and he's usually on the computer closest to the door. haha and when he least expects it im gonna come up behind him and give him sex hair. YES! lol its an awesome plan. :evil laugh: ...and then he doesn't have practice on Monday so he'll have to sit through 6th period in Coach Headley's room with his gorgeous sex hair. Yes, lol this is gonna be fun. Anyways...

I'm sorry, but red's my color now
guess you got to me somehow
this mistake is breaking me,
she said.

Tonight i was gonna go to the carnival over at Mayfair Park but i decided not to. Omar and Miguel were the ones who invited me. Not Krysi or Melissa, so i was like whatever im not going. They didn't even call me or anything to see if i was going, Miguel called me. Psh, im glad i didn't go. It was just Miguel, Omar, Krysi, Denise, Melissa, the girl, Nikki[the bitch], and Nikki's little brother. I hate Nikki with a passion. :growl: So im kinda good i didn't go. I guess Melissa called Armando to see if he could go and he told her he couldn't because he had homework. lol i think that was just an excuse. I've told Melissa that Armando and i are talking again. :shrugs: Whatever, she still flirts with him right in front of me. But i hope she's jealous because she asked me how long i talked to him for and i was like an hour and a half on Thursday. Woo lol she was like "Holy man." :D. I told her he was staying after to teach me how to bend the ball too. Hopefully that'll happen sometime next week. We were supposed to stay today but he got in trouble last night and his mom wouldn't let him stay. lol o well. Then he said if he could stay what if we couldn't get a ball out of the bin. He had this great idea that we'd condition. XD i was like "Heck no, im not conditioning." lol he said we were gonna run 5 greens. @.@ Yeah right. He said we'd run them slow and on the last one if i couldn't make it he'd carry me. XD. lol, that could get interesting. haha man, then today i was talking to him and my cat was laying on my stomach and he goes "Oh you must be comfortable." XD then he goes "Actually you are comfortable, well from what i remember." haha it seems like he likes me but iono. He's still with that she-man, Julie. rofl. Hopefully that wont last for long. XD. haha and you know how i was freaking out about his profile thing? lmao Miguel wrote that on there he didn't. lol i feel so stupid.

Today is just like all the others
I'm not alright i've cried my last tears
I'm bleeding out my pain as you scream at me

lmao....i just realized that this entry is back to Armando. Notice when i ended that first paragraph ^ it was supposed to start a new topic. lol. Whatever...

I failed my algebra test, but i still have a B in that class. Yeesh.

<3ish Armanda....XD lol.

x[Inside Joke]x Yellow is not an ugly color....red is! lol.

You've got me waiting by myself
I never wanted more than this
What will it take to get the truth
I'm on my knees

It hurts to breathe, imagine how it hurts to laugh
Eee, yes last night was a very good night. I went to my dads house as usual and i was on the computer and then Jake called me. This isn't really this good part but anyways. I've realized by our conversation that Jake and i have a lot in common. He told me something he's never told anyone else. He has serious depression, but he hides it well. Thats why hes always hyper, doing crazy stuff and why most people find him annoying. Me, not one of them. I love Jake he's awesome. Anyways, he told me something else that very few people know and it kind of scared me. He was going to kill himself a while back. When Kalie broke up with him, is when things started getting bad. I wanted to tell him about my depression, ecetera. Maybe next time we talk i will. It'll be nice to have someone to relate to who really knows what im going through. Then we were talking about who lives near me and he asked exactly where i lived. lol so i told him and he goes "I coming over, ill be there in like 20 minutes." lol i was like "Okay." So yea he came over and we just sat on my porch and talked. It was cool, i haven't talked to him in a while.

And here's the good part. ARMANDO. CALLED. ME. lol yippeeeeeee! haha it was one of those things, where my phone rang, i saw it was a blocked number and i knew it was him. We talked for like an hour and 20 minutes. It was like old times. It felt so good to laugh with him again, yet the whole time all i wanted to do was spill my heart out and tell him everything i feel towards him. But i didn't, i dont know where to start. Maybe next time i talk to him ill tell him i miss him. Yes, maybe ill start there, with something simple. My cheeks hurt when i got off the phone because i was smiling the whole time. :D It felt so good to finally talk to him again. Ya know? XD he said hes scared of me because everytime i look at him i give him dirty looks. haha No buddy, those aren't dirty looks. lol. I sorta roped him into teaching me how to bend the ball for a corner kick. So hopefully that'll happen soon. Today, i was in a good mood. I saw Armando at snack and he was looking at me and i looked at him and smiled and did my little look at him out of the corner of my eye. He used to hate that, even though i know he'd miss it if i never did it. lol im talking to him right now! I have butterflies, its so weird. :breathes: I was talking to Bry before 2nd and he goes i have good news. And i was like "What!?!" because when he tells me he has good news its usually about armando. So he goes "He wants to go back out with you." lol i was blushing like no other, and believe me its not easy to make me blush. :D Anyways enough about my non-existant love life. @.@

I think im gonna bring my cleats tomorow and play soccer after school. Armando said hes gonna stay and shoot around so i think i will too. Woo yeah. lol heres our convo

me: hey!
armando: hello
me: ya know who this is?
armando: yup
me: who?
armando: the girl with the sex hair
armando: right?
me: lmao
me: yep thats me
armando: how are you doing?
me: alright
me: u?
armando: pretty good also
me: well thats good
armando: i know thanks
me: lol
armando: sorry i didn't talk to you today
armando: it's just that i got to get use to it
me: oh its alright
armando: but at least you didn't give me those dirty looks that you use to give me
me: lol those weren't dirty looks
armando: then what were they?
me: haha iono
armando: looking pretty cute today girl!
me: nah
armando: :-)
armando: i think so!
me: lol shpanks, you weren't looking too bad yourself
me: of course you never look bad lol
armando: oh maan!
armando: you're a good liar!
me: haha except im not lying
armando: guess what
me: what?
armando: i shaved my head after school
me: no you didn't
armando: oh yes i did!
me: omg seriously?
armando: no j/k
armando: haha
me: lol told you
me: ya'd still look dead smexy anyways
me: lol
armando: stop lying
me: oh im not
armando: so you didn't stay after school today with melissa?
me: she stayed?
armando: oh yea
me: lol i didn't know that
armando: ooooh
armando: you should stay tomorrow
me: alright maybe i will
armando: i think i'll stay and shoot around
me: alrighty ill bring my stuff then
armando: kae
armando: soo....
armando: do you like how or field is gettting fixed?
armando: our
me: yep its pretty cool
armando: ino
armando: mr. perry is gonna try to keep football off the field so that it could be nice and green for soccer season
me: yeah, because they always tear it up
me: ...stupid footbal
armando: heck yea maan
me: lol
armando: hahahaha
armando: i'll talk to you later
armando: cuz i gotta go
me: alrighty
armando: you want me to call you
me: sure
armando: ok then
armando: take care
me: k you too
armando: alright bye
[insert his sn here] signed off at 5:50:56 PM.

lol. :DDD. I should have told him that those looks weren't meant to be dirty looks. They were actually, 'Im in love with you, but you broke my heart, i can forgive you and give you a second chance, so get over here, apologize and fucking kiss me' looks. Yes, i believe thats what they were. XD Well, i have no practice tonight so i think im gonna go get this stupid book for school and then come home, eat dinner, and wait for Mr. Armando's call. :D

Buh bye...

|oxox| Amanderz

What does it mean to me to live...nothing.
I cant get over this feeling like i mean nothing.
I am nothing.
I wish i was something.
I wish i was beautiful like you...
But im not, im beautiful like me.

A tear for everything that i did wrong
I was talking to Jimi last night at practice and i told her about me IMing Armando and his profile and stuff. She has Armando's girlfriend, Julie, in her second period. Jimbo and i were kinda talking in code, sorta, basically we weren't mentioning names because Melissa was there. I love her and everything but i dont feel right talking to her about Armando. So yea, Jimi was talking to Julie yesterday and somehow she know that theres "someone else in his life." Wink, wink, nudge, nudge ; basically she knows about me. haha, good. She should know about me because im not going anywhere. Monique told whomever she was going to tell, to tell Armando that i still like him. XD she told Bryan too, not like he doesn't already know or anything. lol. Hah stupid Erik i first period was all "So did you start a conversation with him yet?" I was like "hah, no." Then he said he was going to lock us in a room together until we talked. XD You do that then. I t might do us some good. lol. Oh my gosh, then in second Erik goes "Hey Armando you know my friend Amanda?" and "Hey Amanda, are you gonna talk to Armando?" Geebus. Then Daniel in his little trying to sound like me voice goes, "Hey Armando, my names Amanda." lol. Stupid, Armando didn't even look at me. >.< WHY? He just sat there and basically laughed at Erik and Daniel. Yep thats me, ignored again. Well, maybe once whoever tells him i still like him, he'll talk to me. I dont know how he hasn't gotten the hint already. >.< I only stare at him everytime i see him. :shrugs: And if, after being told i still like him, he still doesn't talk to me, the only thing there is really left to do is to walk up to him and talk to him myself. :/

Even though you left me by myself, do i want you back? Will you stay or will you walk? Will you let go? Leave me all alone. im giving you one more chance to make things last.

I hate love you.

Haha yesterday Jimi and i wore skirts to school and i was walking with her and Joana to the locker room at lunch and Jimi lifted up the back of my skirt. XD and she showed half the world my ass. haha no i dont think anybody saw, well, except Jimi and Jo. Omg lol good thing Armando wasn't where he usually hangs out because he would have seen my right ass cheek lol. XD lmao i would have been so embarassed and probably would have killed Jimi. lol.

Lmao my hair is so tangled. Jo and i were sitting over by the guys stuff and watching them practice. I was laying on my stomach and she was sitting on my butt. XD then that silly JoBo gave me sex hair. lol what exactly is 'sex hair' you might ask? Well its when you mess up and tangle someones hair as much as possible while scratching their head. lol it actually feels really good except for the end result isn't too fun to untangle. haha then Leslie and i gave Joana sex hair. Woo, it was mighty fun. :D

Ring around the roses then she'll say. Leave me once. Leave me twice. Kiss good-bye that will suffice. When you go away dont look back. Leave me once and ill be fine. leave my twice, ill make you mine. Just one more chance to make it once again.

I failed my spanish test. Yay, go me.

Me: What would you do if i had no head?
Jimi: I'd rape you and pretend i was a guy.
Me: Ya better not Jimbo, i might just like it.
....lmfao that was too funny. XD

I've come to the conclusion that Denise, krysi and Melissa are sheep. Where one goes, the other two follow. For instance, all three of them didn't practice today. Krysi's excuse was "my heart is broken because its cinco de mayo and im not mexican." Bullshit. Melissa's excuse was "my mom said i cant practice in this heat." Bullshit, it wasn't even hot today. Denise didn't have an excuse, she admitted it. But i think she didn't practice because she's a sheep. Therefore, its bullshit. So now when they follow eachother i 'baa' at them like a sheep. Wow, im so nice.

Happy cinco de mayo! Im mexican now because Joana adopted me. Yes now i get to partaaay. lol.

Adios amigos.

<\3 Manderoo

I am asking why did you leave. You left me alone and then you walked out on me. Thinking of days, thinking of ways, thinking of things to you that i should say. I wanna be with you and thats the only way. Dont say good-bye.

I love Jimbo-Limbo :D

When he's all you're thinkin' about
Today was bleh, not good, like always.

2nd and 3rd period we had a Hollocaust speaker come and talk to us. That was pretty cool and very interesting. She was in one of the ghettos in Poland during the war. She went into hiding and survived to tell her story.

I sat next to Omar and he kept poking my leg lol so i was pulling his leg hairs. Then he drew a moustache on Landon Donovan. :rawr: For those of you who dont know Landon Donovan is an extremely sexy beast. Im not even kidding. :drools: He's hot, and hes an awesome soccer player, and he wears my number. :D #10 rocks.

Anyways....i got Armando's sn from Bryan. It took me 20 minutes to get up the courage to IM him and just say hi. Hes been idle for like an hour and a half so he never wrote back. >.< Heres whats on his profile:

"hey yo wut up , this is armandizo from mayfair high. i currently play soccer, but once i stop having a gf im gonna start to play soccer and girls. if you're a female and feel like talking to me check me out"

Bleh, once he stops having a gf? What does that supposed to mean? And hes gonna start playing soccer...and girls? Oh wait, hes already done that. Fucking bastard. >.<

His sn is something like Amandizo. In his profile he says his name is "Armandizo. Bleh, Amandizo looks suspiciously close to my name. Why didn't he put the 'r' in his sn? Psh, im probably just being stupid. @.@

I dont know why i love him, but i do. Psh...

I have practice tonight so im going to go get ready. Hmpf.

I hate boys. >.<

<\3 Amanda

You mean nothing everything to me.

147

>.<
I cant ignore these feelings anymore. I cant push them deep down inside where no one can see them and pretend that i dont feel what i feel. I cant pretend that i dont like him anymore. I'm through pretendin. I'm done. I was talking to Bryan on Friday and he told me that he was talking to Armando and he said that Armando likes me more than the girl he is going out with now [Julie, that extremely ugly, ghettofied freshman >.<] and he is thinking about breaking up wit her and asking me out again. I believe in giving people second chances. I've been hurt and cheated on way too many times to count. I think this is part of the reason i i dont feel the same way that i used to towards Juan. He's pushed me away. One of the biggest factors is trust. I can not trust him. As much as i want to, and as much as i say i do, i cant. I dont. I just cant. It isn't possible for me, as a human-being with feelings, to trust someone that has hurt me so many times. How do i know im not being screwed over as we speak? If i was, i wouldn't know. He hasn't called me in 3 weeks. Things aren't working anymore. He's pushed me so far away, that ive buried every feeling i've ever felt about him. They're gone, they dont exist. The more i tell people that i dont feel anything towards Armando, the more those feelings grow. They're there and they aren't leaving anytime soon. I cant control who i love. I just follow my heart, blindly, and hope that it leads me to the right person. :shrugs: Bryan got my hopes up by telling me that. >.< I still like Armando so much and im tired of hiding these feelings. I refuse to do it anymore. At snack and at lunch i'll catch him looking at me, but he never talks to me. He doesn't even glance at me in second preiod. I feel like i dont exist. And to top it all off Melissa sits there and flirts with him as if i am not sitting one seat away from them. >.< She knows i still like him, she knows. It pisses me off, and makes me extremely depressed because he ignores me and she flirts with him, while also ignoring me. Wow, i feel loved. :sarcasm: @.@ I guess Monique is gonna talk to someone who knows Armando and they're gonna tell him that i still like him. :shrugs: I guess we'll see how it goes from there.

Long time no update. Last Thursday, i think, i had an entry all ready to update and then my computer froze and i was too pissed off to type it all over so bleh, whatever. Nothing too important last week though. Saturday i had 2 games in Tustin. I was HOT! lol we won out first game and lost our second. Then on Sunday we had another game in San Clemente, where is was even hotter. Not kidding, it was 100 degrees there. We lost, so that sucked. Melissa scored off my assist in the last minute of the game though so that was pretty cool. Eh, nothing else exciting this weekend, or today for that matter. It was hot today, it feels like the middle of summer. Bleh....

Well, i have to go my sister is bitching at me to get off >.< Bye.

<\3 Amanda

I woke up this morning
To face another day
The sun wasn't shining in this world that I had made
I looked to the mirror to see what I'd become
And somehow I knew that part of me was gone
I looked and looked and couldn't find
Something to fill this heart of mine
And all that I could do
Is think of you

one boy, one girl, two hearts, their world.
[ENTRY FROM MONDAY]

Man, it is so hot today. :dies: My thermometer says its 100 degrees. And it sure feels like it. Bleh...

Woo! Yesterday guess who won the NASCAR race at Talledega? Jeff Gordon, baby. lol it was an awesome race. There was like 11 cautions, an 11 car wreck and 54 lead changes. On the last three laps Dale Earnhart(sp?) Jr. was in first and Gordon was in second. Jeff passed him and then a caution came out. Jr. re-passed him but you cant change position under caution so he was back in second. They ran the last 3 laps under caution and Jeff won. Woo! Yeah lol i was like dancing around the living room. lol then i called my dad because hes in Las Vegas for Natalies tournament. XD. So yeah, that was my 10 minutes of happiness.

Tomorow its back to our flucked up schedule for testing. >.<

All the perfect words, they seem so wrong, shes gone

Today, bleh, basically sucked. It was hot and eh it just sucked. @.@Okay well i have a load of homework to do so i shall be going <\3 Amanda

Alone with you, alone with me. What can i do, i cannot breathe. My heart is torn, for all to see.She walks once more, out that door. Please stay, dont go away. The hardest thing is letting go of you.