UGH. i am so pissed off right now. god damnit.

so to take you from the beginning.. samm is in my room and im watching tv and shes just getting dressed and ready and stuff and she starts like asking me about shit and im like "you can use this, but dont use this" so she keeps like.. repeating herself so i get up and im like "no, you can use this, but you can't use this" and she just makes the snobbiest remarks about shit and im like "DUDE just use this, and not this" so then i go and sit back down and she just like starts mocking me and im like "samm, what the fuck is your problem" and i dont even know what she said but then i said something else and i was like "samm i will fucking kick your ass" and she was like mm yeah okk and i was like i will fucking fight you dude don't even try. and so like i get up and im like let's fucking go then so then she starts mocking me again and leaves so i follow her and i was like dude, i'll fuck you up! and she keeps doing it so i start walking down the stairs and i was like I WILL CUT YOU and then she runs away and acts like im going to freaking MURDER her! and so dad grabs me and sits me on the chair and was like (A#*$)(#4 bleh i dont even remember but just stupid shit and im like dude.. i dont care. stop acting like its just me randomly going off about shit when samm is just sitting there being an angel. so hes like "oh well ill deal with samantha" and so of course in his language that means, ill say "dont do it again" and leave while i always get the youre going to prison talk even when i NEVER start any of this. seriously never. i cant think of one time that i ever started something and it turned into a brawl. and so i get up to walk out and dad puts his hand in front of me and is like "did you do your blackboard?" and i was like uh no and he asks me if im going to and im like no and he was like well alright but theres going to be consequences and i was like consequences from who and he was like from me and i was like that is such bullshit you only give a shit once someone from school calls but not fucking once to you ask me on your own free will what shit i have to do or anything about school in general. so i walk upstairs and im just chillin in my room and i can hear samm and dad talking like "oh well then do you want to go to the 8:15?" or something like that and im like what the f u c k. i get the fucking huge talking too and threatening and shit and theyre gonna be all buddy buddy and keep in the back of their minds that im the fuck up. god damn that is so like people. god damnit. so anyways dad comes upstairs and hes like "do you wanna go to the movies with us?" and im like no so he asks me whats wrong and im like im fine. so then he asks me like 3 more times and im just like im FINE. and he says "doesnt look like youre fine" so i just repeat myself and he gets down to my level and is like you dont look fine so im like IM NOT FINE. CAN YOU GO? and hes like well ill leave but you dont look fine and im like IM NOT. GO. so hes like fine. so he walks out. and thats the end.

what the hell. i am so sick of my position in my family. samm.. can fuck up and get shit grades and have jeremy sleep over and leave and come whenever the hell she pleases and she is still the fucking golden child. and me on the other hand, im a fucking good kid and i get my shit done and i dont get out of line or anything but if i get anything less than an A im labeled as the fuck up. god damnit. my dad has no idea the kind of fucking pressure he puts on me to be the best. just cause he got shit grades and everything he expects me to make up for everyone else in the entire family who wasnt a genius. because samm isnt a genius, i have to be one. and samm says the rudest shit to me every single day and i dont blow up. i probably blow up on her once every.. like 4 months. samm makes me feel so bad about myself you don't even know. like yesterday i woke up and i came downstairs and on my way back up samm was like "so what food did you get fatass" and i just lifted my empty hands and walked into my room. i am fucking 5'8" and 114 pounds. in no way am i fat. samm constantly taunts me about this shit. she always calls me fucking fatass and fucking cuts my self esteem in half. who the hell is she to call me fat? i know that im not but just hearing her call me it all the time just makes me.. like.. this morning i ate breakfast and then i was thinking to myself "if i just threw this up, i don't think i'd be hungry anyways" i cant even believe i had a thought like that. she makes me skip meals. i fucking skipped eating just because i didnt want to hear her say shit to me. we watched an anorexia nervosa video in school and i fucking envied the girl on there. she had the drive to actually do it. i can't even.. like i can't even comprehend these thoughts. i can't believe these are my thoughts. she doesnt even understand like.. today when she just mocks me and underminds me how bad that drives me crazy. like.. i can't even put into words how it makes me feel. i just can't. it is such an intense mix of anger and hate and immense sadness that.. i can't even tell you how it feels. it fucking kills me the way she treats me.

today was wednesday and i had my freaking civics SOL (: haha um i thought i was going to fail off my blackass but it was pretty easy thankfully. lmao hailey and i were the like first two people done in our class and so we drew pictures for mr.dick and they were the funniest things ever! and i partied with peter too because hes the love of my life. but unfortunately i have my science and english SOLs tomorrow.. meh. well at least i get to miss spanish and math! so then i go straight to lunch then to resource and teen living! easiest flipping day of my LIFEE!

so after the SOL i had science which was mad boring. um then gym and i had a note to get excused but i decided to do it anyway because im cool and it was pretty ok. then LUNCH! lmao! it was hilarious! luke took miles's form thingy and wouldnt get it back so miles told me to try to get it so i got up and i got it from him and i started like running and i handed to em and luke got it from em so we started having like a duel to the death! lmao! it was soo funny so em and i got under the table and tried to get it from him and em and i went over at the same time and wrestled with him for like 15 minutes but we COULDNT get it! so we chased luke all the way down the hall and into the locker area and we still couldnt get it but miles got it back from him on the way to the buses (: lmao so then it was civics and we watched national treasure? and i was like wtf? and i was bored to tears but nobody would talk with me so i was like dying but yeah that was my day so i will write you homies later

meh
today was.. um tuesday. i have my freaking civics SOL.. im going to bomb it badly. lmao its not even funny how bad im going to bomb it. ohh well! haha um well spanish was alright. not exciting but whatever. math was pretty good. um lunch was confusing cause all the schedules were messed up! gosh. well haley was on our shift! yay! haha it was fun! paige got these "chewing sticks" from this kid ben and she gave one to me and they tasted so fucking weird but then i was like addicted to them! lmao! they probably we're like dipped in god damn heroin or something! lmao and devon showed us this guy whos a heroin addict and is in her latin class and all he does is like have these spaz's and i was shitting my pants! it was the funniest fucking thing i have seen in my life! so anyways, um then i had resource and it was good for the most part like.. it was just me and nick and we were talking and working and it was fun but then colin came and then so did spencer, chris, and ryan so i was the only girl out of 6 freaking boys! oh gosh. well chris rapped me a story about me and random shit and it was hilarious but then he got a little too touchy and i was like umm.. so i got up and left and walked around a little and then i came back and i just talked with colin because hes my homie (: haha so i was kinda dissapointed that i didnt really get to party with nicholas all that much but whatever. so then i had teen living and it was good for the most part. lmao hailey's group made these apple fritters and instead of using sugar they used salt! omg.. i wanted to throw up it was so disgusting! lmao it was the funniest thing i have ever seen in my life. and um thats about it. except for on the bus i was freaking asleep and derek slapped me and was like "black mamba!" and i was like you dont even fucking GET IT! and i couldve said something really mean to him but i didnt because i didnt feel like getting in to it with him but hes just a retard and tries to look cool infront of thomas because he is a fag and a half. well im gonna go probably take a shower because my hair is a hot mess. later boys and girls

meh
today was.. um tuesday. i have my freaking civics SOL.. im going to bomb it badly. lmao its not even funny how bad im going to bomb it. ohh well! haha um well spanish was alright. not exciting but whatever. math was pretty good. um lunch was confusing cause all the schedules were messed up! gosh. well haley was on our shift! yay! haha it was fun! paige got these "chewing sticks" from this kid ben and she gave one to me and they tasted so fucking weird but then i was like addicted to them! lmao! they probably we're like dipped in god damn heroin or something! lmao and devon showed us this guy whos a heroin addict and is in her latin class and all he does is like have these spaz's and i was shitting my pants! it was the funniest fucking thing i have seen in my life! so anyways, um then i had resource and it was good for the most part like.. it was just me and nick and we were talking and working and it was fun but then colin came and then so did spencer, chris, and ryan so i was the only girl out of 6 freaking boys! oh gosh. well chris rapped me a story about me and random shit and it was hilarious but then he got a little too touchy and i was like umm.. so i got up and left and walked around a little and then i came back and i just talked with colin because hes my homie (: haha so i was kinda dissapointed that i didnt really get to party with nicholas all that much but whatever. so then i had teen living and it was good for the most part. lmao hailey's group made these apple fritters and instead of using sugar they used salt! omg.. i wanted to throw up it was so disgusting! lmao it was the funniest thing i have ever seen in my life. and um thats about it. except for on the bus i was freaking asleep and derek slapped me and was like "black mamba!" and i was like you dont even fucking GET IT! and i couldve said something really mean to him but i didnt because i didnt feel like getting in to it with him but hes just a retard and tries to look cool infront of thomas because he is a fag and a half. well im gonna go probably take a shower because my hair is a hot mess. later boys and girls

mehh
today was.. um tuesday. i have my freaking civics SOL.. im going to bomb it badly. lmao its not even funny how bad im going to bomb it. ohh well! haha um well spanish was alright. not exciting but whatever. math was pretty good. um lunch was confusing cause all the schedules were messed up! gosh. well haley was on our shift! yay! haha it was fun! paige got these "chewing sticks" from this kid ben and she gave one to me and they tasted so fucking weird but then i was like addicted to them! lmao! they probably we're like dipped in god damn heroin or something! lmao and devon showed us this guy whos a heroin addict and is in her latin class and all he does is like have these spaz's and i was shitting my pants! it was the funniest fucking thing i have seen in my life! so anyways, um then i had resource and it was good for the most part like.. it was just me and nick and we were talking and working and it was fun but then colin came and then so did spencer, chris, and ryan so i was the only girl out of 6 freaking boys! oh gosh. well chris rapped me a story about me and random shit and it was hilarious but then he got a little too touchy and i was like umm.. so i got up and left and walked around a little and then i came back and i just talked with colin because hes my homie (: haha so i was kinda dissapointed that i didnt really get to party with nicholas all that much but whatever. so then i had teen living and it was good for the most part. lmao hailey's group made these apple fritters and instead of using sugar they used salt! omg.. i wanted to throw up it was so disgusting! lmao it was the funniest thing i have ever seen in my life. and um thats about it. except for on the bus i was freaking asleep and derek slapped me and was like "black mamba!" and i was like you dont even fucking GET IT! and i couldve said something really mean to him but i didnt because i didnt feel like getting in to it with him but hes just a retard and tries to look cool infront of thomas because he is a fag and a half. well im gonna go probably take a shower because my hair is a hot mess. later boys and girls

tgif
yayy its friday. even though it doesnt really feel like one.. its freaking hideous outside and i was looking forward to just laying in the sun forever ): too bad thats not going to happen now! damn. anyways. i think im getting my freaking rediculous phone fixed tomorrow! thank godd! haha i miss it to pieces (: everyone keeps telling me how they've left me 292834 messages. its going to take forever to listen to each one! oh well, haha id do anything for my phone haha. well jeez i have a bunch to catch you whores up on

so anyways. brandon told me that he likes me and i was like umm.. haha it was really unexpected! its flattering but im really not that interested. he's kinda fun to flirt with i s'pose but still. not really my type. soo he kinda got off and on mad at e and i was talking to chris about it and i was like "should i just tell him i have a boyfriend?" and he was like "yeah dude say its me!" so i did! lmao! its the freaking funniest thing ever! so anyways chris and i were "together" but then we broke up and now we're "together" again lmao! im so mean but what brandon doesnt know wont hurt him! too bad chris & i's fake relationship is freaking spreading like wildfire among random posse's.. sexual. haha mere is freaking maddd at me like anything! oh well. i dont really give a shit because she was like begging me to go out with him last night pretending like she only "wants him to be happy" and i know mere better than to believe that and no way in hell am i going to date brandon. what the hell.. i would have to be madly fucked up on some LSD! haha hailey was like "um yeah thank god you didnt say yes because thats disgusting" hahah (: i was flaming mad with hailey but im learning to accept those things that drive me up the wall about her. OH YEAH! holy shit so now mere is acting like she is all best friends with ryan! ryan and i are like wtff! i am so overprotective of my close guy friends and there is no way in hell that mere is taking ryan from me. he is my bro. so anyways ryan and i were walking in the halls and i was telling him that she was trying to like.. turn him against me and he was like dude i know its so gay! and all she does is talk shit about me and tell ryan things that he doesnt care about! she doesnt understand how close we are because anything she says about me im just going to hear from him later. i love his loyalty (: it makes me smile. but yeah im really pissed at that. mere is an absolute retard. i dont understand why its such a big deal - we're not even dating. she told hailey she was mad because i was "all over brandon in front of her" and i was like wtf he gave me a HUG! jesus christ. talk about making something out of nothing. she has serious mental issues that she needs to work through because she doesnt understand how any of this is working. and its definitely not in her favor so she should get lost and if she tries to take ryan away from me i will CUT HER! god damn. haha dont even think i wont.

soo before i go into a jealous rage (: lmao um my day was pretty fantastic. i had spanish - gay. math - sweet. lunch - good. and my favorite class ever.. RESOURCE! i had so much fun! so anyways nick blew off hailey to work with me. i "helped" him with english. haha it took us like 45 minutes to do virtually nothing! haha so we decided to get up and go work in the corner by ourselves (: lmao hailey was so jealous! omg when nick and i were working next to eachother like in the normal area, hailey came over and i was really close to nick like.. our bodies were really close to eachother and i was just like putting my head on his shoulder and hailey was trying to do the same thing and it was nott working for her - lmao it was hilarious. i was so mad that she was even trying to intrude on us. gosh. anywayss so he ditched hailey to work with me more in the corner and hailey was like "thanks for ditching me nickk" and i was like "um im the new spanish whore, bitchh" lmao and she got really mad and i loved it (: i dont know it was just fun being with nick because i hate it when he gets in those moods where hes just pissy. so he IMed me and was immediately like "so i was wondering who you like" and i was just like well i kind of like you but im not sure and he was like sweet, thats cute. so i just laughed and then i was like "why who do you like?" and he just said "im not sure" - i mean it doesnt really bother me that hes not sure but i mean i cant deny that i would love for him to like me back but i dont really know.. i have like really strange emotions about it. i dont know how to explain it. but no matter what i always want to be good friends with nicholas because hes my hoebag (: haha nicocito (: lmao

lmao today kicked ass
haha omg today was rediculously fun! english wasnt a total SUCK FEST (: (lmao stfu) so thats good. haha we just took notes and we ended up just getting wayy off topic lmao paige told this story about how when she was little she used to eat cereal all the time and she used to like.. make families out of her cereal? so she always made sure that all the families were together on the spoon? lmao she is FUCKED UPP! haha she pretends she was like 5 when it happened haha i know she was really like.. FOURTEEN! LIARR! (: i love that girl! lmao ok my FAVORITE PART! SCIENCE! lmao! ok so paige and i turned in our super sweet poems (: lmao and jake sang this song on the guitar and it was funny so then christian went up there and sang this rediculously HILARIOUS song and he had to hit these high notes and paige and i were seriously shitting our pants! lmao omg.. you hadd to see it. omg, hahah im still laughing about it! haha soo anyways then health was boring and lunch was really fun with MR.PETER! lmao im in love with him! and um then civics was kinda fun but kinda gay with nick at the same time. i need to talk to him about all of this but i dont really ever have the chance! but i think im just gonna have a brief little thing with him tomorrow at the very beginning of resource. hot. lmao the bus ride was really hot (: had to be there!
we're just a bunch of horny kids.. on the back of a bus

lmao at the end of the day, i was with danielle, melissa, and ryan but then danielle and melissa left so it was me and ryan and we were having the funnest (sp? haha) time ever haha so we were just kinda like grabbing eachothers arms and i was just like.. i dont even know how to say it but like.. ugh i dont know (: haha well we were just flirting like crazy and it was cute (: haha i really dont know how i feel about ryan, i love him as a friend but i dont deny that we have potential.. hahah (: well im gonna go be a hoe around here somewhere.. later hotties!

hey kids (: today was monday ugh. haha um it was an A day so that was pretty good! my spanish exam posters were due today but we're presenting next week. basically because we have SOLs coming up! so anyways spanish was ok, math was boring cause my lover christian wasnt there to damn play with me! whoree! haha im going to yell at him tomorrow! so anyways lunch was good. just me paige and devon. haha i love lunch even though we're losers and dont party with anyone else! lmao tony the freshman dared russell to give someone a wedgie and the cop told the art teacher to keep our table here and paige devon and i didnt even know what the hell was going on but we were the people on the other half of the table so we got to go (: haha it was retarded. i was sitting there yelling like "WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?! HOW RETARDED!" haha i dont understand why i havent gotten my ass kicked like 2938234 times. anywayss, the it was resource which was pretty fun. lmao OMG! connor duffy did this rap and he was so little and white and he was like "skeet skeet bitches get down on the flo" and like "hoe takes off they clothes" and random shit and colin sean and i were DYING laughing! haha i have never laughed so hard in my life. omg.. ill probably make him do it for me again tomorrow (: cause thats how cool i am. um anways then we had teen living and we got to cook mac n cheese with cornbread it wasnt that bad. i had pat and anna in my group so that was good. and i was manager so i got to boss all the kids around (: haha OMG anna and i had to pee cats and dogs and i was going to die so after anouncements we RAN to the bathroom and i broke my belt and pee'd for like a straight minute and then my pen fell in the toilet! and i was like damnittt! haha so i just flushed it and now its all retarded and clogges (: lmao whooops!

hm so hailey told me today that she likes nick a lot more than she likes jimmy. and i really want to tell jimmy because i think of him like my little brother but another part of me is telling me not to get involved so i have no idea what in the world i am going to do. ugh! well anyways nick ignored me most of resource so i partied with sean and colin! haha it was so fun! i love my resource boys and girls (: haha so um i sorta kinda think that i like ryan.. but, he acts like he likes me but when i ask him who he likes he says no one. hm.. i dont know whats going to happen with us. we'll see. gosh.. haha just thinking about how freaking mad nick would be at me! well what the hell when is he not mad at me? its rediculous! so that reminds me that i have civics with the 2 boys tomorrow. seems like it will be interesting. always is! watching me and nick pretend like we really want to yell at eachother for something. lmao. he still doesnt know that ryan has been telling me everything since day 1. how retarded. anyways im gonna go finish watch desperate housewives. later kiddos (:

today was thursday. pretty chill for the most part. i had spanish which was pretty normal. lmao GUESS WHO MY PARTNER WAS, RUBEN! lmao or chris in english but whatever. i was like omgg you are fucking kidding me! haha so anyways we played some spanish game and thats about it. um then it was math which was pretty fantastic with christian as normal! lmao omg i have a 64 in math.. fuckk.. haha god damnit i cannot wait til this year is over and i dont have to worry about all this grade shit. gosh. ok so anyways then lunch was pretty ok i guess. omg danielle's dad called the school and danielle had to go talk to him and so i guess what the deal was that dani's brother has been pretty sick but they just thought it was strep so he went and had some tests and he has some heart disease thats really fatal! i was like omgg! danielle was crying bad and i hugged her and i just wanted to like hug her forever ): omg it was the saddest thing ever! so then it was resource. and i stayed for a while and then i was like "damnit i mine as well get spanish over with" because ive been skipping it for about 20 years. meh. so i went and got this test that took for fucking everr it was rediculous! haha but she let me and jenny go to the library for it so that took pretty much the whole time. then i came back and chilled for a little while more. then teen living was pretty fun (: lmao having bitch fights with anna and pat at our table lmao it was hot! omg anna SLAYED me with this pencil thing.. omg i have like a severed arm. gosh.

mk so im talking to ryan and he was like "i dont think nick likes you anymore" and i was like yeah i dont either, why. and he said that at the buses i was just standing with everyone as normal and as normal nick would be all over danielle and um so ryan and i were just talking and i was like "ok im gonna go, later" and so i started walking away but ryan and i were just like smiling and laughing at eachother while i was walking away and i know nick was there and i didnt think anything of it at the time but he was like staring at me so anyways ryan was like "so after you left, nick was talking to me saying that you were bitchy and i questioned him and he was like well i dont know" so now im like what the hell. like that freaking upsets me cause nick is my good friend and i dont understand what the hell i did that would make him talk shit about me behind my back. ): ugh. i was telling ryan that you know hes only started acting retarded just because ever since he told me that he likes me and i didnt jump in his pants that second that hes gonna be a whore now. ugh. i dont even know.

CHANEL ladii (6:27:18 PM): i do not understand nick at all. he has such high standards about girls that arent even realistic

i mean that pretty much says it. he really does have REDICULOUS expectations its soo retarded. i mean it didnt used to bother me but its like.. all he cares about. and i new he was pissed at me or something cause he was all over fucking hailey as normal and that upsets me in 2 completely different ways because HAILEY HAS A BOYFRIEND! and i freaking love jimmy i think of him like my little brother and ugh that just really pisses me off that she does that to him behind his back. like.. wtf. i dont know well now im in a bad mood. why the hell do i get stuck with all this damn boy drama?! jesuss.

whats upp
today is saturday. friday samm and i went to ruby tuesdays and target and omg there is the foxiest little bitch working at target! lmao i am in love with him! haha i want to meet him (: if i see him i will get the balls to go talk to him. haha gosh, hes so cute (: ok whatever

so last night nick told me he likes me. it was kinda suprising. i was happy but then i was just like.. over it. anyways he called me a liar today? i was like umm ok. so i was talking to ryan about it and he was like "thats suprising for how he talks about you" and i was like whattt, so anyways ryan wont tell me what he says but he said that i would be pissed and i know ryan wont sell nick out like that but it makes me really curious. so now im just like.. well whatever if he talks crap about me than its already not worth it. ugh these freaking boys are freaking rediculous! haha gosh i deserve so much better. haha chrissy is like freaking out about it (: haha i love him. aw he told me about his date with tara! aw soo cute! haha aw i wish every boy was like chrissy, hes so sweet, im so stoked for him! i think its adorable!

so tonight jeremy came and took me and samm to target and to like mcdonalds and all over. it was pretty sweet. i got a batman watch that is badasss! and a blue and white towel that i thought was cute lmao. it was pretty sweet. tomorrow is mothers day (: