Love.
How can a heart that once was dead, begin to beat again?
You. You are my reason. You've revived me.
I love you with my entirety.

Last night
was insane.

Sean was on the fritz and I don't think I've ever really seen him that heartbroken.
I tried to make it better but I think I just fueled the fire.
I feel bad.
But I think he'll be ok.

I don't know.

I hope he will be.

I have an overwhelming sense to vomit.
I don't feel well at all.
And I hate my make up, it makes my eyes water.
All the time.
Everyday.
It sucks.




You've gone off the rails.

I'm holding on, and I don't know why.
I've forgotten why I used to fight.
I have this hope, but don't want to use it.
There's nothing to hope for anymore.

I want to feel, but you don't want me to.
How can I rewrite our past?
I'm putting everything plus one hundred into this
And I can't feel myself anymore.

Combustion. That's my fate.
You're so worth losing myself for.
And I know you'd never let that happen.
But it is. And I am silently fading.

I've been feeling so much for you, that everything else feels dead.
And when things are bad with us
life doesn't exist.

You know more than anything
that it's impossible to restrict my feelings.
They seemed to have gone insane
And there's no stopping them.

I can't make it without you.
because you let me live with you.
and when you want to take it away
it fear i might not be able to make it without you.
I won't tell you, that i can't make it without you
but I am dying. without you
because i am alive. with you.
But I won't tell.
I'll just fall. Secretly in love.
Secretly. I am fading.

I want to be everything you need.
I'm killing my identity just to try.
And it's worth it, you're worth it, always have been.
I'd die for you. I mean it.

I want things. I really do. But i'd still never share them with you.
I am not good enough to ask for anything.
I want to tell you all this.
But I can't.
Because I don't
want you
to think
this is
the same.
as it's been.
And so, I let my feelings remain, hidden.

I think this is...the end.

Ah, innocense.
Haven't written in what feels like months.
It's only been two days..
That tells you how I've been doing lately.

I feel awful.
And to the very extent it that word.
Things just...Suck.
I want to make them better
but everytime I do, I do something in my fricken subconscious to mess it up. Why must I always ruin things that are good!?

Ugh.
I already miss you.
Even though you're not gone.
I hope your thoughts aren't taking you to places that they don't need to be
and that you still are holding onto that last glimpse of hope.
I'm sorry I am screwed up.
Staying would be suicide...
But. I. love you.
I wouldn't ever ask you to stay. because I know dealing with me is the worst thing ever.
Please...Leave. I don't want to hurt you, and I always seem to hurt me.
:[
I'm sorry I am such a waste.
Forgive me for wanting you to let me in
I know, I don't deserve it.

things.
I should be getting ready to go out. But I am not.
I'm lost in my own selfish thoughts and desires.
Wanting nothing more than to hear your voice, touch your skin, feel your warmth.
God. This is harder than it's ever been.
But so worth it.
I know one day, it will all be better, and everything will be worth it.

I'm closing the door on my past. Completely.
Erasing names, memories, getting rid of the baggage I've kept stored in my closet for the longest time,
I have no room for any of that, because I am moving up to something worth keeping.
I love you, Mister. And I am devoted.
You are my reason.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiifreakinmissyouuuuuuuu
I will...never let you fall.
I'll stand up for you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me in heaven.

Cuz you're my
my.
My true love.
My whole heart.
Please don't throw that away.
Cuz I'm here, for you.
And only you

Please don't walk away now
Please tell me you'll stay.

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be ok
Though my skies are turning gray, gray,.

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me in heaven.