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2019 5 January :: 10.59 am
:: Music: Bikini Kill - Feels Blind
Going through my journal is always strange. I get so many mixed feelings. It's interesting to read where I've been, what I've done, how I felt.
Some spots are incredibly cringe worthy.
Found an old Photobucket with pictures I thought I'd lost when my old laptop was stolen.
It's neat looking through a timeline of my life expressed in my own words.
It's also painful. Looking back at the relationships and friendships I trashed. All of the horrible and tragic decisions I made. Time lost and people I've hurt.
I fell so far down the rabbit hole. I'm surprised I ever made it out.
Although sometimes it makes me sad to go through my old journal, it does remind me of where I've come from.
There has been much progress and personal growth.
So much more to go.
It's good.
1 people's love me! |
let's hear it! |
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2015 6 March :: 2.41 am
:: Mood: Tired
OK, so, today was alright. Which is fantastic because the past week has been very depressing.
I genuinely smiled/laughed at a couple things today. I didn't have the overwhelming feeling of awful gross all day, which again, was pretty sweet.
Tomorrow my dad is having surgery on his neck in GR.
Apparently he has some sort of hereditary spinal degeneration something-or-other that my grandma also had.
So I can look forward to that coming down the pipeline eventually.
The surgeons with be removing a vertebrae from my fathers neck and fusing the remaining vertebrae together. Its a three hour surgery that requires an overnight stay.
I'm nervous because in my eyes, my big, heroic, invincible father will be going under the knife.
I'm going to be thirty in a couple years, my dads heath is staring to deteriorate and how the fuck did we get here.
Its really alright. I just am jolted sometimes when time slaps me in the face.
So I'm going to the hospital to be there for my dad. I'm also going to be there for my mom, who needs emotional support since it will be in the same hospital my grandpa lost his battle to cancer just over a year ago.
I've been pretty shut-in the past couple of months and spending the next couple days with my emotional, concerned and neurotic mother is not something I am particularly looking forward to.
But.it.must.be.done.
I just hope the surgery is 100% successful and that my mother and I can play cool.
1 people's love me! |
let's hear it! |
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2014 29 May :: 11.16 pm
fuck bitches, get money
I'm making enough money to buy the shit I want and do the things I want to do.
You can call me a quitter because I'm not doing my "dream job".
Money cant buy happiness.
But it can sure buy me the things that make life cushy.
And I like that.
1 people's love me! |
let's hear it! |
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2014 14 February :: 2.32 am
I feel like a 16 year old girl again. Not the best time in my life...
The same man keeps breaking my heart time and time again.
I can’t help but always be there for him. I am unable to separate myself from him.
And it’s fucking killing me.
I broke up with my past 3 boyfriends. It just wasn’t right. I know this.
But how am I supposed to move on when I gave my whole heart to someone else?
That’s not fair to the men I am dating. And I know that.
What I don’t know is how to make these feelings stop.
Fuck.
After a year and a half of not being with you, you come back into my life and it’s like I’m unable to function. Paralyzed by your presence.
What the hell is my problem.
Why can’t I just leave you and be on my merry way?
I have to do something but am completely at a stand-still.
I would rather have you in my life than not. Even if it’s just as friends. Because after all, you are my greatest friend.
But emotionally I am a shit show because of it.
2 people's love me! |
let's hear it! |
::
2013 5 June :: 8.51 pm
You're.
let's hear it! |
::
2013 3 April :: 1.27 am
:: Music: Queens Of The Stone Age
The album is due in June, titled "Like clockwork".
You can read a little bit about the album and check out their new song "My God is the sun" on this link.
Queens of the Stone Age's new album
It's been 6 years since QOTSA has released any new marital.
"My God is the sun"
Far beyond the desert road
Where everything hangs off
So good the empty space
And to erase the given......
Healing, like fire from above
Kneeling, my god is the sun
Healing, with fire from above
Kneeling, my god is the sun
I don’t know what time it was
I don’t wear a watch
So good to be an ant who crawls
Atop a spinning rock
Healing, like fire from above
Kneeling, my god is the sun
Healing, with fire from above
Kneeling, my god is the sun
Healing, like fire from above
Kneeling, my god is the sun
Feeling, healing, nothing (loving)
...
Love us
Heal us
Always (look at) the sky
2 people's love me! |
let's hear it! |
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2013 22 March :: 11.19 pm
Woohu,
I'll write you tommorow.
-Jacqulyn
let's hear it! |
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2013 13 January :: 3.12 pm
Sorry I'm too rock for you bro.
1 people's love me! |
let's hear it! |
::
2012 19 December :: 5.47 am
:: Music: Deftones - Drive
Drive me far away.
let's hear it! |
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2012 11 November :: 1.56 am
So I made the roller derby team here. Its called Mountian Town Mayhem. I'm pretty excited because I've been talking about this for awhile.
Feels good being part of a team again.
let's hear it! |
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2012 26 October :: 3.31 am
:: Mood: disappointed
"In August 2012, she (Wonder Woman) and Superman have begun a romantic relationship, which, according to Chief Creative Officer and Justice League writer Geoff Johns, will be the new status quo..."
What a load of shit.
1 people's love me! |
let's hear it! |
::
2012 25 October :: 5.21 am
Update
I’m doing well. I'm in school once again. This time I'm getting my one year certificate for accounting and my bs to be decided at a later date. I got a nice promotion at work. I am now a night auditor and front desk manager. Never thought I would enjoy pushing papers and crunching numbers as much as I do. My mom was an accountant thought so perhaps it just runs in the family.
I'm on top of life right now and it's great.
I'm sick of this town though. I'm jumping ship as soon as I can. There is nothing left for me here. I'm going to save up a little money, find a job in Kalamazoo and move back. It’s rather exciting for me to think about. I miss Kalamazoo and I know it holds more opportunity for me than this shit hole. I'll be by family and friends, and a little closer to GR which makes me happy. I just need to have a job secured before I make my move.
In two days I will officially be the owner of a new car :) It’s been two years since I had my license or a car so I'm pretty geeked.
This guy I was seeing turned out to be a total boner so that is no more. Lol oh well, I feel better single so I won't complain any.
I feel more confident than I have in years.
let's hear it! |
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2012 4 October :: 6.48 am
Cock Nozzle.
1 people's love me! |
let's hear it! |
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2012 15 September :: 9.13 pm
I would just rather abide by the code of hammurab.
let's hear it! |
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2011 21 November :: 11.53 pm
Do you ever miss something so much it hurts?
Such good times I'll never forget.
And at the same time horrible life changing events.
Internal conflict of emotions.
Ewwww.
1 people's love me! |
let's hear it! |
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