tax tip
this may be more news to me than anyone else, but you can claim money paid to the sec. of state for license plates, registration, etc. as deductions.
Okay, I guess life isn't that interesting. I'll be moving to Dearborn for the summer for research on my senior thesis. I haven't pinpointed a specific question yet, but I'm doing it on Arab women and their migration into the area, what they dealt with on an individual level. Basically a social history.
music is such a huge force in my life. it brings comfort. i feel like my favorite artists and musicians are my friends, in a way. they open themselves up to such an intense degree, it certainly does provide the kind of intimacy that deep friendships attain through reciprocal disclosure. they know nothing of me, but i definitely feel close to these people. i dream about billy corgan, tori amos, and kurt cobain a lot. these are people i relate to and respect, and feel an ethereal connection to that is unexplainable in terms of time and space.
songs maintain familiarity, like the smell of a family cottage or the no-longer annoying creak of an old door hinge. a recording of a song is always going to sound the same (in the most general sense) and the lyrics will always be the same. the vocals will sound the same, too -- even the little mistakes or off-key parts or whispers. it's so nice to listen to something that brought pleasure or kept you sane years earlier and realize that it is still effective today.
i am very sensitive to my surroundings, particularly anything musical. it's like i become part of songs when i listen to them, and i feel everything the singer and instruments are expressing, even if i have never actually experienced those things myself. it's slightly dangerous because i absorb others' emotions quite readily. it's also very beautiful. i'm glad i have this kind of sensory/perceptual experience with music.
tax tip for the day
you can e-file your taxes AND have your money wired direct deposit to a variety of accounts (checking, savings, other financial institutions) instead of waiting for a check to come in the mail.
I find that I have become accustomed lately to long games of "Being Paul Banks" in front of the mirror.
Since AUD does not in fact accept AUK credits, I'm going to be spending a lot of time at home by myself, especially since the mornings leave me home alone. These mornings are dedicated to reading, writing and listening to the few CDs in my posession. After I shower, do my hair and spen agonizing ages in front of the mirror wondering if those really ARE wrinkles, I play Interpol and sing and dance in what I feel is a rather impressive imitation of Monsieur Banks.
All in all, I suppose there are worse ways to spend one's mornings.
::
2008 14 January :: 4.28pm
:: Music: Mongolian Chop Squad - Hit in America
I had a dream last night where I was leading a lot of scared people through something big and dangerous. I was younger than I am now, about 16 or 17 at most, and I was very skinny and scrawny. But people depended on me to get them through this thing.
Maybe it's supposed to prepare me for something great.
Maybe I've justb een playing too much Heavenly Sword.
I feel better now. I've been discussing options with my Mom about what to do next, and it makes me feel better to have a plan. I'm going to be looking for a job as a priority if I find out that I can't transfer credits from AUK to AUD. Part of me dreads AUK because of who I know might be there. I can't help but feel like it would be just like high school. If anything, I just wanna put all that behind me.
Jay says he'll wait as long as he has to, just as long as we can stay in touch during the time we're apart. He's braver than I am, because having to be apart from him for that long is just way too hard on me.
But it makes me feel better. My brother got me a new phone, and it's awesome. I just love it. Also, I showed them the story I got published. My mum says it's worth something to keep writing and try to get published again. I think it's worth something too. It's nice to have my mum acknowledge that I have the ability to do something that well. Very very nice.
I feel depressed, and kinda miserable. I really thought going back home would be a good thing, and that it would help me get past the issues with my family, but I feel like I just fight everyone around me while I'm here, because they project this picture on me, and if I don't fit it then I must be a bad person.
It's also kind of depressing when your own mother thinks you've been subject to some witchcraft or something and is trying to break the curse through holy water and readings from the Quraan. I'm not a bad person just because I don't believe in the same things she does. I feel disappointed and tricked, because all they've been trying to do it seems is talk me out of being with Jay.
And I feel depressed be cause I can't talk to him, I can't call him or go see him and just tell him everything until he makes me feel better.
I also feel depressed because my brother thinks I came back for some personal gain instead of to have my mother back in my life again. I feel tricked because they're telling me all these scenarios about "what if your father does this and that and this and you never get to leave the country or see him again?"
And I feel depressed because I wasn't told about any of this before I came, and I was tricked instead, and now that I'm here, there's nothing I can really do to get out, because I've put all my trust and faith in my mother to help me. And she doesn't want to. I see her reluctance. I know why she's trying to convert me back, because she's HOPING this is the work of the devil, and once it's gone I'll be her daughter again.
But this being who I am, why am I made to feel like a bad person? I know I hurt them by running away, but I wish they saw that hurting them was not the REASON for my running away, nor was it an indication that I no longer loved them.
