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2006 28 April :: 1.51pm
I woke up today and Mike wasn't next to me.
I started freaking out because he was there when I went to sleep.
Next thing I know, my phone is ringing and its him.
It was like he knew that I had just woke up and wondered where he was and that i hadn't gotten out of bed yet.
And then he told me to go look at my computer screen.
There was a note that said "Hey beautiful, I didn't want to wake you. I went to go get the part for my truck so I can fix it. I will be back later. I miss you"
He makes me so happy.
And I love him more everyday.
[x]
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jayzulla
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2006 28 April :: 6.12am
Drank at GVSU all night. ( it took me 10 minutes to write that) parties are the shit. i havnt felt this great in awhile. peace bitches.
1 Open Fire |
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2006 28 April :: 2.46am
After taking my contacts out for the first time in like a week, my eyes burn.
There is a red ring around the colored part of my eye.
And they are slightly blood shot.
Not like anyone can notice, because it hurts soooo much to open my eyes.
I rented Match Point and Fun with Dick and Jane tonight.
Match Point: I watched like 7 and a half minutes of it, and was bored.
Fun with Dick and Jane: Made me laugh. Like actually burst out in laughter. Too bad, I was alone in the laughing process because my dearly beloved fell asleep and was like dead to the world. I understand though, he worked last night and was up all day.
I can't stop sneezing.
I complain a lot.
But if you don't like it, you can suck on someones junk.
I really like this song and I've only heard 13 seconds of it..
Confidence (For you I will) - Teddy Geiger
Tonight my mom and I went to dinner at Smyrna (big surprise there) and as we were sitting there talking, in walks JIMMY "TIGHT PANTS" MILLER! I totally freaked out. He works at Clarion (where i was previously employed) on first shift, as a die setter. I would stop everything I was doing, just to look at him. His work pants are so tight around his butt. And he has huge biceps/triceps. Blonde hair. Blue eyes. And he's 6'4". A total dream boy. He's 24. Anyway, he walked right by us to the bathroom, and when he was walking back by us, he goes "HOLY SHIT! I didn't think I'd ever see you again". And stopped to talk to us for like 20 minutes before he went and sat with the guys he came in with. and then he went over, ordered his food played a 4 minute game of pool and LOST.. And then came back over to talk to my mom and I for like 45 minutes. And we discussed how I can't be in there after 9 because i'm only 18. He was really shocked.. Or acted shocked.. So me being the unshy person that I am, wrote my number on a napkin and when I left I went over to his table and gave it to him and told him that if he wanted to hang out sometime to give me a call..
My mom and I are sitting there taking a break from moving furniture and he calls me. So of course our 10 minute break ended up being like 40 minutes long because I was on the phone. I was really surprised that he called me. He told me to call him back, but I didn't because I went to Mike's and then we came back here. Perhaps tomorrow..
Oh, and I still love Mike more than anything so don't be thinking that just because my dream boy is talking to me, and called me, that I am going to leave Mike. Sorry kids.
I totally fucking hate my phone.. It sucks so much ass. It's broke. And I have to wait until next week to get it fixed. Bastards. I might as well just get a new one.
I hate it when people have their phones on them, and they don't answer them. they just let it ring like 8 thousand times. Pisses me right the fuck off..
My knee hurts. I feel like bitching. Which is the pain purpose of this entry. Because it is 2:59 in the A.M. I am very tired. My head/eyes hurt. I have no plans. Can't sleep. And I keep sneezing.
Alright, Im going back to my bed to cuddle with the bed hog, who whines in his sleep and when he snores, sounds like a kitten. It's adorable.. For like 2 minutes...
2 Open Fire |
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jayzulla
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2006 27 April :: 8.55am
Cop : "He cut off my fucking ear. I'm fuckin' deformed!"
Mr. Orange : "FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! IM DYING, IM FUCKING DYING"
Ok, here it is. Pulp Fiction vs. Reservoir Dogs. List reasons why.
3 Open Fire |
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jayzulla
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2006 27 April :: 8.39am
:: Music: RATM - Bulls on Parade - Live at the Grand Olympic Auditorium
Yo yo.
Ah shit.
Whats up Cedar Springs.
Arms warehouses fill as fast as the cells.
1 Open Fire |
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2006 25 April :: 5.00pm
Do you ever have moments where you just start crying for no fucking reason. And you can't stop no matter how hard you try.
4 Open Fire |
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2006 25 April :: 1.27pm
Cocoa puff flavored milk makes me happy.
I'm flat broke.
Unemployed.
And in love.
Things are going well right now. Too well infact.
I feel like there should be something wrong.
I think I'm so used to things being shitty, that I am looking to find someone wrong. And not enjoying the fact that things are great.
Stupid life.
I'm scared. Not sure I should be, but I am.
I'm scared that I may not be able to have kids in the future. When I'm ready to have them.
Things keep happening and pointing to the possibility that I may not be able to.
And I don't think I will be able to handle it, if I can't have kids.
It would break my heart completely.
I'm too young to even have to think about this stuff..
Welp, it's time to go finish getting ready, so I can take Mike to Jodan's (Nora's baby) funeral.
[x]
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2006 24 April :: 11.57pm
Mike and I combined our movie collections.
Dear lord is it huge.. the movie collection that is.
He has me do his laundry now.
So that he doesn't have to go home to get clothes.
His time spent in sheridan, is spent with his daughter.
Our relationship grows more and more each day.
We saw Brian and his girlfriend at Taco Bell tonight
I caused an awkward moment.
I guess saying "you're out late on a school night" to Tiffany was the wrong thing to say.
Either that or it was "My Brian, your daughter is growing up so fast".
Because I got a couple of dirty looks and they didn't talk to us anymore.
Im a bitch. But it's fun.
2 Open Fire |
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spud
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2006 23 April :: 12.10pm
:: Mood: slightly disoriented
:: Music: QOTSA - song for the deaf
last weekend of the semester....
so, friday was pretty busy. class at 10. class at 2. radio show at 5. open swim at 7. dishes and dinner after swimming. then it was off to the big lake at 11. we left the big lake around 1 or so, having done all that we set out to do. saturday was moving moving moving shit, and going to the bank for cash for tuesday. i hung out with mom and bruce for a bit. then i came back to campus. placed the drink order for tuesday with andre. helped katie and ellen unloft their room. proceeded to unloft/clean/vacuum my room with jim. everything's all squared away now, i think. well, not everything. but as much as i could do. today shannon's coming back, i need to start my honors essays, maybe study for stats and german a little bit.
stats exam tomorrow at 2pm, i think ... i have it written down somewhere. Deutsche Prüfung dienstag um 12 Uhr. honors essays are due tuesday at 4pm. after 4, we're getting dinner i guess, then party at hunter's tuesday night. wednesday i have a meeting with my advisor, and jim and i are moving out of the dorm. thursday i need to go into adecco and do all my paperwork stuff for steelcase, and maybe a drug test, and shannon is moving out, and i'm going down to richland with her. marty's doing a play on friday, so i guess we're going to that. saturday shannon needs a ride up to muskegon, so we'll do that, and then i'm home for the next week or so. then work starts.
that's chris's tentative life ina nutshell at the moment. it helps me to get things out of my head and onto, erm, paper. and hopefully it helps those of you who are wondering what the hell i'm up to all the damn time.
2 Open Fire |
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2006 22 April :: 4.00pm
If I hadn't already paid for my dress. I'd tell them to fuck off.
This has been a very good week. Things are going so great between Mike and I. We are very happy. AND I have hung out with FRIENDS! Imagine that. My car got fixed as well. Mike and I went out in public together in GRAND RAPIDS. We also went to my moms the other day. And he took me to meet his grandma, and a couple more aunts and uncles.
Yesterday we went to hospital to see his cousin Nora, because she lost her baby. She was 5 months along and the baby died. However, they think the doctor killed it. I feel so bad for her. We took her flowers and a card.
We went to the Secretary of State yesterday and there was this guy sitting behind us, and the lady that was walking around asking the people what they were there for and what not, asked him if he wanted his title today or mailed to him in which he'd recieve it in 5-7 days. Without hesitation he goes "Whats faster?". Mike and I laughed for about 5 mintues.
When we were on our way to grand rapids we were behind this van that stopped at a GREEN light. Mike and his road rage that is like 10 times worse than mine, goes "People need to learn how to read". I was like "hey, uhm, I hate to break it to you, but stop LIGHTS don't have words on them".
Last night I hung out with Rachel Waringa. It was nice to see her again. I miss her.
Anyway.. Im bored.
1 Open Fire |
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2006 19 April :: 12.18pm
Me: If she had half a fucking brain, it'd kill her.
Jason says: as aposed to the 1/64th brain she has now?
Me: More like .00001/Infinity
Jason says: that was the smallest easy fraction I could think of.
Me: Im not good with fractions as you can tell.. haha
Jason says: considering you used a decimal in one.
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jayzulla
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2006 19 April :: 9.02am
:: Music: Three Six Mafia
Yawn. I might be ditchin meijer for a job at the high school for the paintball team. regardless what i do it would be something i enjoy, and am halfway decent at. otherwise, not shit has been up with me.
people. post. tell my how you're doing. im curious.
We dont give a fuck.
9 Open Fire |
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2006 18 April :: 11.44pm
:: Mood: other
:: Music: benton falls - fighting starlight
shannon is super-sexy
Put your music player on shuffle. Press forward for each question. Use the song title as the answer to the question.
1. How am I feeling today?:
2. Will I get far in life?:
3. How do my friends see me?:
4. Where will I get married?:
5. What is my best friend's theme song?:
6. What is the story of my life?:
7. What is/was highschool like?:
8. How can I get ahead in life?:
9. What is the best thing about me?:
10. How is today going to be?:
11. What is in store for this weekend?:
12. What song describes my parents?:
13. My Grandparents:
14. How is my life going?:
15. What song will they play at my funeral?:
16. How does the world see me?:
17. Will I have a happy life?:
18. What do my friends really think of me?:
19. Do people secretly lust after me?:
20. What should I do with my life?:
21. Will I ever have children?:
22. What is some good advice?:
23. What is my signature dancing song?:
24. What do I think my current theme song is?
25. What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
26. What type of men/women do you like?:
answers:
1. Weird al yankovic – like a surgeon
2. Jamiroquai - loveblind
3. Dave Matthews band – rapunzel
4. Barenaked ladies – war on drugs
5. Jamie cullum – blame it on my youth
6. Lee Michaels – do you know what I mean?
7. The Beatles – because
8. Red hot chili peppers – californication
9. Frank zappa – tell me you love me
10. 3 doors down – By my side
11. Joseph Haydn – symphony no. 95 (3rd movement)
12. Morphine – a head with wings
13. Ladd McIntosh big band – taco tee shirt
14. Alice in chains – heaven beside you
15. Weezer – The world has turned and left me here
16. System of a down – holy mountains
17. Extreme – who cares?
18. Gorillaz – white light
19. Jimi Hendrix – bold as love
20. Homestarrunner – everybody knows it
21. Queen – somebody to love
22. Bing Crosby – Last night on the backporch
23. Ben folds five – selfless, cold and composed
24. Rush – by-tor and the snow dog
25. Dave Brubeck quartet – pick up sticks
26. Jet – cold hard bitch
*note: there were some edits made to avoid repetition of artists (some would say i cheated)*
this just in:
i'm tired.
be safe! stay classy!
2 Open Fire |
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2006 18 April :: 3.32pm
:: Mood: *confused*
:: Music: *tears and rain - james blunt*
*with beautiful weather comes new beginnings*
The past few days have been the best.
Today especially.
The weather is nice.
And Mike and I have been having so much fun together.
He has smiled so much.
It feels so great inside to see him smile.
We've both learned so much about each other today too.
And I'm falling in love with him all over again.
Which makes it all the harder.
He is truly the love of my life.
I don't want it to end.
[x]
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2006 16 April :: 4.49pm
:: Mood: *pissy*
:: Music: *nobody said it was easy - coldplay*
*pictures from my surgery*
Yeah, I know this is just what you wanted to see for Easter.
I'm still in a pissy mood.
But it's okay.
I passed up my chance to hang out with the most gorgeous guy ever.
Yes, I'm fucking retarted.
And in love with a complete ass hole.
9 Open Fire |
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2006 14 April :: 10.50am
Excuse me for being selfish.
For being bitter and crabby.
It's all for good reason and will hopefully end soon.
I didn't know that having knee surgery and having a fever at the same time, would cause my mom to not want to talk to me, or come see me.
It's total crock of ass.
She's mad because I'm depressed and being pissy.
I'm stuck in my fucking apartment on crutches.
I spend too much time alone.
Yet, when she has her surgery, she expects me to be there everyday.
I don't know if I can do it.
If only I was as heartless as her.
2 Open Fire |
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jayzulla
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2006 13 April :: 9.02am
Ok, iv been away for awhile. here is the info on the paintball shit.
03 WGP cocker (green) - ebladed, working eye, nexus ram, shocktech front reg, vert torpedo reg, superfly shocktech bolt, and a shocktech beavertail. 400$$$$
04 Dragon Timmy (Steel to black fade) - Frenzy board, dye sticky grips. 600$$$$
All my other shit includes - Jt proflex mask (think its and 05), 4 barrels (cocker thread) stock cocker barrel, stock timmy barrel, stainless steel freak kit (green) and some unknow barrel (works pretty well though). and a piece of shit stainless steel 68ci 3000psi pmi tank. the gauge is busted on the tank, but it still works. and i have a nice JT gun case. 300$$$$.
if you buy it all, 1000$$ deal. both guns run well, and have been cleaned after each day of playing, the cocker has about 15-20 cases of paint through it, and the timmy has about 3-5 cases. a little bit of regulator tuning will be needed, and probley some o-rings, the guns have sat for about a year. i can tune them for you if you buy them.
ALL PRICES ARE FIRM!
2 Open Fire |
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2006 12 April :: 7.00pm
:: Mood: badong?
:: Music: exploding pop bottles
Ich heiße Super-fantastisch...
alrighty. band concert was last night. i really enjoyed it, and i thought it went well. my mallet parts were shaky, but no missed notes, and that was the important part. and i did a really good job on snare, i thought. i was pleased.
and talking with mom about stuff helped out a super lots. so that was good.
i need to find somebody to cover for my radio show on friday, since i'm going down to shannon's, and her mom is picking us up at 3:30.
k.
journal party at hunter's. jigga h007 h007?
4 Open Fire |
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2006 12 April :: 4.28pm
I heart pain killers.
But only when they actually work.
Mike had Babycock drop him off here after work this morning.
So that he could see me.
He is still here.
Asleep in my bed.
Oh so cute and adorable and cuddly.
I love him.
Very much.
He knows it.
And brags about it to his friends.
My knee hurts.
I'm starving.
I want a home cooked meal.
I need to do something with my hair.
But I really don't care, because well its not like I am going anywhere anytime soon.
You should all envy me.
Crutches are the bomb-dig.
Funny, but no really, they aren't.
I'm developing bruises under my arms from the bitches.
Perhaps I should break them.
Or just go back to bed, so I don't have to deal with them.
Well atleast until the next time I have to pee.
Drugs are kicking in.
I'm rambling.
You all love me.
Infact you all love me enough to not come visit.
Woo!
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2006 11 April :: 5.42pm
My surgery went well.
I had a large fiberous membrane that was causing my bones to not sit right because it was pushing them apart. And caused all the pain.
I have an ace bandage that goes from my foot, all the way up my leg.
It's pretty hot.
But not as hot as me, in my glasses, with no make-up, and chapped lips.
Im going to go back to bed.. Im really tired..
1 Open Fire |
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2006 11 April :: 1.56am
:: Mood: past dead
:: Music: kein musik
eine neue eintragung
(copied from open diary)
Ja. Das heißt "a new entry" (in an account of something). Diese ist ein klein Teil von meine Lebe, ich denke, also das macht gut.
Sonntag ist Oster. Die Familie von Shannon hat mir für diesen Feiertag geeinladen. Das ist sehr gut. Aber, ich weiß nicht was meine Familie für Oster macht. Ach, so... OK, ich soll spreche Deutsch nicht mehr.
i'm getting better though, and that's reassuring. it's by far my best class, and the most interesting. and i seem to be progressing nicely. i'm excited about next year. although it seems to be quite the task to get a minor. i guess i would need 22 credits BEYOND 201, and i'm just not sure about that. hell, i don't even know if i can get that much for my major... ; )
band performance is tomorrow night. i got my suit and stuff all squared away. i'm so sharp when i'm dressed up. or at least i feel like it, which is really all that matters.
i bet shannon will be upset with me. she was over here a little bit ago, and i kept falling asleep. and now that she left, i'm up and awake. i didn't intend for it to go that way. i'm gonna go brush my teefers and hit the sack now.
6 Open Fire |
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2006 10 April :: 2.28am
I suffer from Premenstral Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD).
It's the root of my depression.
Hence the prozac.
Just what you wanted to know, I know.
My car is a bitch. Really, it is.
I need a new EGR valve.
Whatever the fuck that is.
Don't try explaining it either.
You'd have better luck just fixing it for me.
My neck still hurts.
However I got a neck massage today.
Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector is a great movie.
It's fucking hilarious. I recommend it.
I'm a total redneck.
They say that everyone is different. But I think that people come in sets, they are just the opposite sex. Which in all actuality, makes them different.
Parker told me today that he luvs me. Also, that we're like the same person. Kind of weird. He's like the hot male version of me.
3 Open Fire |
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2006 7 April :: 12.56pm
:: Mood: *pissed*
:: Music: *somewhere in between - lifehouse*
*the purpose of this entry is to brag about how shitty this week has been*
I need a new O2 censor for my car.
It stahls when I stop.
I'm sick of dealing with it.
My neck is killing me.
I need to fill my prescription.
My apartment smells like curdled milk because of my garbage disposal.
Mike won't answer his damn phone. It might help if he actually turned the fucker on.
My mom and Jim are talking again. Which will result in them getting back together.
Computer is fucked up.
I'm all alone in my apartment.
In the process of trying to back up all my music files, I somehow managed to lose ALL my fucking music.
I'm brilliant.
My day just keeps getting worse.
If you have a gun, let me borrow it.
There are a few people I want to kill at the moment.
Mike told me last night on the phone that if I had a three-some with him and my sister or with him and Moms (kaylieghs mom) he'd buy me an engagement ring.
My reply was, "supply the liquor and I'll think about it"
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2006 6 April :: 3.21pm
For once I am actually glad that I went down and took the time to get my mail.
Not only did I recieve a letter from Jimi, I got an unemployment check.
My neck is doing a little better. Fucking drugs knock me right out. I sleep for hours. It's nice.
Melissa and her daughter are coming over at like 5 and we're going to make pizza and watch Elizabethtown.
Then hopefully Mike will come over. I miss him to death.
Nap time!
2 Open Fire |
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2006 6 April :: 2.01am
:: Mood: i must be eeemo...
:: Music: the Impressions - People Get Ready
these are rhetorical...
i can't focus. i can't think about anything else. i'm just so lost in my own head. so zoned out. i'm sick of having responsibilities. i don't want them anymore. i just want to subsist, but i'm in a society that won't allow it. and i want to figure out who i really am, and what i'm really here for. how the fuck am i supposed to do that when i can't even properly exist here? and how am i supposed to have a healthy relationship with anyone when i'm insane? and is there a way to have a truly healthy relationship without treating it like you're fucking married? i mean, dad and kathy are great, and i'm really happy for them and the steps that they've taken together. and i would one day like to take those same steps. but not right now, man. not right now. right now i'm supposed to be crazy college party all the time like. i'm supposed to skip my classes. i'm supposed to ignore this paper i'm writing. i'm supposed to waste mommy and daddy's money.
right?
i'm supposed to be a general education loser. i'm certainly not the "honors" type. but now that i'm here, it's like i'm stuck in the commitment. like i have to finish what i started unwittingly. that's really fucking fair. say "hey, umm... listen, we're not going to tell you what you need to do. we'll just give you free reign, and you can guess a lot. and for every wrong guess, you get an anal probe and a loan to pay off. how does that sound? good." then when i fuck up, i guess i just should have known better, according to them. but HOW oh wise ones. HOW am i supposed to know better, when in actuality, i know virtually nothing at all. and what little knowledge i do have is so trivial, so mundane, that it's not even worth knowing.
feelings suck, because they lie to me. and i have a hard time discerning between them and the truth.
i wanna go to bed.
6 Open Fire |
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2006 5 April :: 9.13pm
I just spent the last 2 and a half hours in the emergency room.
Getting x-ray's done on my neck.
I cracked it this morning like I usually do, now I can't move my head.
Lots of pain. Feeling sick. Can't see.
I'm a wreck.
But I got good drugs. And I'm going to go back to bed once my soup is done! woo go me.
The doctor in the Emergency Room told me that the bones in my neck are perfect. Nothing is out of place, and I should be an x-ray model..
4 Open Fire |
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2006 5 April :: 9.38am
Who wants to come massage my neck and make me chicken noodle soup only for me to puke it up 10 minutes later?
Yeah thats what I thought. Bitches.
1 Open Fire |
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2006 2 April :: 10.04pm
Mike and I are back together.
My hair is purplish red with a brown tint.
I still have no job.
Knee surgery is a week and a day.
8 Open Fire |
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2006 31 March :: 1.16pm
:: Mood: mmmmmmm
liberal smatterings of dry humping.
so, i haven't updated in awhile. i've been pretty busy, i guess, with school stuff, and shannon stuff.
her play is tonight, and her family is coming up to see it. i guess we're having dinner with them afterwards. i'm very much looking forward to that. and then her brother, marty, will be staying up here with us for the weekend. that should be fun too. i need to figure out some things for us to go and do, though. i mean, i figured on stopping in at eDen, because marty is kind of a gamer. but beyond that, i don't really have anything in mind.
peace stuff!
4 Open Fire |
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2006 28 March :: 6.07pm
:: Mood: *ehhhh...*
:: Music: *unknown - lifehouse*
*some food for thought*
I'm on prozac to help my depression.
Yet I'm still depressed.
I used to be one of those depressed people that ate all the time and slept all the time.
But I've changed gears.
I barely eat, and I barely sleep.
After 5 days he tells me he's not ready to give up.
That he misses me.
And he actually wants to talk.
I really want to be with him. I love him more than anything. I've taken all perspectives into consideration. I need to do what makes me happy. What I think would be best. The thing is, I can't picture my life without him, again. I was ready to give up, to let go. I was doing fine, until he told me he missed me.
One thing that has stuck in my mind this entire time, after all the lies and whatnot, is that he didn't turn on me when I cheated on him. He gave me another chance. Even though he didn't fully trust me. He was still right there by my side. So why can't I do the same for him? Yeah yeah yeah, Just because I cheated on him, it doesn't give him the right to do it to me.
I'm not writing this post to tell you all that I'd get back together with him. I'm writing this post to inform all of you that I have taken all of your opinions into consideration. I thank everyone for their advice. But now its up to him and I. We have a lot of things to talk about. And after we talk, thats when I will make my decisions. I have a lot of unanswered questions.
2 Open Fire |
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