rayray
|
::
2006 26 March :: 5.13pm
Charter can suck my ass.
Consumers energy can suck my ass.
Both representatives I spoke with on the phone spelled my last name wrong.
Charters spelling of Van Zoest is "Banzoest"
Consumers spelling of Van Zoest is "Van Coest"
I don't have a lisp. I don't have a speech impediment.
I'm not retarded. I don't studder. I speak rather clearly when spelling my name on the telephone.
I think the representative I spoke with from Consumers was black. That however is still not an excuse.
The representative I spoke with from Charter was maile. That again however, is still not an excuse.
Charter is all straigtened out. Now on to Consumers. Bitches.
1 Open Fire |
[x]
|
|
rayray
|
::
2006 25 March :: 7.06pm
I've had quite the uneventful weekend.
Last night Ally and Jared came over. Jared put my spare tire on for me. And then I went to my moms where we cried together. Then I went for a little drive. Came home and watched a movie.
Got up this morning and went to belding to get my car from my dad. And then went for a drive. Ended up back here doing nothing til about 4 when my buddy Jay Parker called and asked if I wanted to go to dinner with him. So when he got here we talked a bit and then went to taco bell. And he just left a little bit ago. So now I'm alone. And I told Ally I'd go visit her at work but I'm not feeling up to it anymore. Justy and Bethy want me to come over, but I don't feel up to that either.
Just feel like curling up in a ball and crying myself to sleep.
4 Open Fire |
[x]
|
spud
|
::
2006 23 March :: 10.57pm
:: Mood: splunge.
:: Music: peanuts MIDI
funny video
Read more..
http://videos.streetfire.net/playlistbuilder/buildasx.ashx?fileid=3D2DE2BE-74D5-4885-8C64-15AFFC25839C&t=D596BFBA-20BC-4317-A794-B7186E087AF9
in other news, i really like these talks shannon and i have every so often. it's just so refreshing.
i'm super-tired.
and hungry. mmm. hungry.
3 Open Fire |
[x]
|
|
rayray
|
::
2006 23 March :: 6.20pm
My mom is freakin' crazy. Seriously CRAZY. She thinks something in the house is talking to her. She said it started a couple of weeks ago, and at first she was scared. Now she's used to it.
And because of the crappy luck I have, I'm stuck here. Ally brought me to my moms because I have a flat tire on my car. Go me. Mike is with his daughter and has to wait for her mom to get home because he can't leave her alone (because she's 7) so that is even longer that I have to wait here.
Fuck.
2 Open Fire |
[x]
|
|
spud
|
::
2006 23 March :: 11.11am
:: Mood: fantastic
:: Music: none
none
I put my muffins in the oven at exactly 11:11 am. i thought that was cool.
and i'm in 308,308th place for the facebook march madness competition. i wonder how many that's out of...
aside from that. shannon's great. but i'm failing college. and the two are only marginally related. very marginal.
8 Open Fire |
[x]
|
|
rayray
|
::
2006 22 March :: 11.26pm
:: Music: *you're beautiful - james blunt*
*ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*
I hate being alone. I hate it more than anything. I hate sleeping alone. I hate being in my bed alone. Everytime I lay their alone, I feel like crying. He's supposed to hold me when I sleep. He's supposed to be there. He's supposed to take care of me when I'm sick. But he's at work when I sleep. He was with his daughter today, and I was here sick. I have always told him to put his daughter first. But when he does, I get jealous. How fucking retarded is that?
Now that I have admitted I tend to get jealous of his daughter, onto other things.
I'm sick.
8 Open Fire |
[x]
|
jayzulla
|
::
2006 22 March :: 6.31pm
OK, nice and quick. Im selling all my paintball shit. if your interested, post here, or call me (915-8445). whoever finds a buyer will get 10 percent of what the stuff gets sold for.
4 Open Fire |
[x]
|
|
rayray
|
::
2006 20 March :: 3.38pm
Conversation with my dad
Me: Can I borrow $5,000?
Me: Well actually, can I have $5,000
Dad: i don't have 5000
Me: I need a boob lift though.
Dad: not
Me: No but seriously. I'm 18 with saggy boobs. Think about my reputation.
Dad: no
Me: Fine, then will you buy me a roll of duct tape.
Dad:it won't help
Me: Bra's don't help either.
Me: Will you pay for a reduction then?
Dad: not this year
Me:For Christmas?
Dad: maybe in a few years
Me: sweet.
6 Open Fire |
[x]
|
|
spud
|
::
2006 20 March :: 12.50am
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: bnl - break your heart
long weekend.
saw peter pan saturday night. that was interesting. weird to be back at school. i'll visit sometime in may, probably. just to see all my old teachers and friends and everything.
friday night i saw "V for Vendetta", and went to olive garden with shannon, stephanie, and sarah. it was stephanie's birthday. she's younger than addison, but she's a sophomore. tee hee.
umm. friday night went down to shannon's. saturday morning drove her to binder park zoo to fill out the paperwork and take her drug test and get fitted for her uniform. spent the afternoon loafing around her place. i played pokémon with marty. that was interesting. came back here last night, crashed for like 11 hours straight. french toast for brunch, and a nice long walk through the ravines. i took some pictures. did laundry. got a sharpie tattoo. dentist appt. tomorrow.
and i'm sick. but that's okay. i'm not crisp, but i can still function.
sleep well, kids.
edit: in case anyone cares, we kissed on the roof saturday, just for shits and giggles, and it made me laugh. but it did not, thankfully, provoke the evacuation of my bowels. just f.y.i.
4 Open Fire |
[x]
|
|
rayray
|
::
2006 16 March :: 8.29pm
Dustyns biggest goal, was to one day walk with God.
He achieved his biggest goal.
And for that, I am proud of him.
He will always be in my heart, and I will truly miss him.
[x]
|
|
rayray
|
::
2006 16 March :: 5.17pm
51 baby!
I've kissed...
01. [x] on the cheek.
02. [x] on the lips.
03. [x] on their hands or fingers.
04. [x] in my room.
05. [x] in their room.
06. [x] of the opposite sex.
07. [x] of the same sex.
08. [x] a little younger than me.
09. [x] a little older than me.
10. [x] with black hair.
11. [x]with curly hair.
12. [x] blonde hair and blue eyes.
13. [x] with red hair.
14. [x] with straight hair.
15. [x] shorter than me.
16. [x] with a lip ring.
17. [x] who i truly love/loved
18. [x] who was drunk.
19. [x] who was high....
20. [x] in the morning.
21. [x] right after waking up.
22. [x] just before bed.
23. [x] late at night.
24. [x] who i had just met
25. [x] who I really didn't want to kiss.
26. [x] just talking not dating.
27. [x] on a bed.
28. [ ] in a graveyard.
29. [x] at school.
30. [x] against a wall
31. [x] at a show. (what kind of show?)
32. [x] at the beach.
33. [x] at a concert.
34. [x] in a pool.
35. [x] who was/is a good friend.
36. [x] in the rain.
37. [x] with a mole on their body
38. [x] in the shower
39. [x] in a car/taxi/bus.
40. [x] in the movies.
41. [x] in a bathroom/laundry room
42. [x] in the dark.
43. [ ] on a roof top.
44. [x] under water
45. [x] while driving
46. [x] a stranger
47. [ ] more than one person at once....
48. [x] crying
49. [x] goodbye forever
50. [x] when i was drunk.
51. [ ] who didn't speak english
52. [x] in a hot tub
53. [ ] in an elevator
54. [x] an ex
55. [x] last night.
56. [x] Just today.
2 Open Fire |
[x]
|
|
spud
|
::
2006 16 August :: 11.49am
:: Mood: spät
:: Music: Frat Rock (various artists)
i've kissed 36 ways?
Read more..
who'da thunk it?
::
dude, that command was super-easy.
2 Open Fire |
[x]
|
|
spud
|
::
2006 15 August :: 10.42pm
i can't say no.
i can't even say "wait a minute baby, let me lock the door so jim doesn't walk in like last time."
like every time. this whole lack of discipline thing has got to go. but to discipline myself would mean to take myself seriously. and that just aren't happenin'.
alrighty. i should do homework. will i? we all know the answer to that one.
4 Open Fire |
[x]
|
|
rayray
|
::
2006 15 March :: 4.40pm
:: Mood: *pessimistic*
:: Music: *automatic flowers - our lady peace*
*the emotional change throughout this is drastic, read with caution and risk of being confused*
I currently lost a good friend of mine. He was also the brother of my ex-boyfriend Shaun. He was the boyfriend to my best friend Katelyn. He was also a co-worker.
When I started dating Brian, Katelyn, Jef, Shaun, Andy, and everyone else that I hung out with from belding, quit talking to me. Except one person. Dustyn would come check on me, to make sure I was doing alright. He always had his way of showing he cared. And I will never forget him.
When I found out he was in the hospital, I started thinking and I haven't stopped since. I keep thinking, why him, what caused this, what if it were me, what if it were another one of my friends, what if it was my brother or sister, what if it was one of my parents, or another family member, what if it was Mike. It made me realize that my relationships with some people, aren't up to par. But on the otherhand, it makes me want to stay away from people so I don't get too close. So I don't create this amazing relationship, only to have them die on me. Dustyns death has had a huge impact on my life. Not only because he was a friend of mine, but because he was such an amazing person with so many goals and dreams. He had more ambition than I have ever dreamt of having.
I'm so scared I'm going to lose all the people who mean so much to me. Right now there is one person in particular, that it would kill me if they died. Its bad enough that when I don't see him, I feel incomplete. When I'm not in his arms, or looking into his eyes or laughing with him, I miss him. The sound of his voice, comforts me. When I look at him, I smile so much and I stare. When my phone rings and the ringer is "U got it bad" by Usher, I get butterflies in my stomach, because it's him. When he sends me a text message and I hear "Photograph", I get this rush through me that makes me so happy. Even when we fight, I'm still happy. I still look at him the same. Everday our relationship grows. Everyday, I fall more in love with him. There are things I am unsure of, and things that aren't clear to me. Yeah, I am scared. But I haven't ever been this sure about my love for someone. When people ask me why I love him, I don't have an answer for them. I can't find the words to describe it. Sometimes I find that to be a bad thing. And I always question myself with "Do I really love him, if I can't find the words to describe it?" But yeah, I really do love him. I would do anything for him. I know I am only 18 years old. I am still quite young, and I have a lot to learn. However you're age does not decide whether or not you love a person. You're wisdom, or knowledge does not decide that.
I see how my sister and Derrick look at each other. You can tell by the way they look at each other, that they are so much in love. They would do anything for each other. I am so happy for the both of them. They are both very lucky to have found each other. And there is no one more perfect for my sister than him. They are so compatible. I am glad he's a part of our family.
Well.... I think I am done....
[x]
|
|
spud
|
::
2006 12 March :: 10.23am
:: Mood: shitshitshit
fluffy bunnies and rainbows?
sorry about the previous post. had i known that it would be that big a bother, i wouldn't have posted it.
somebody else sent it to me, and i figured i'd share it with those of you who appreciated it.
apologies to those who didn't.
LAN party right now. college later. anal rape soon to follow college.
just thought you ought to know.
8 Open Fire |
[x]
|
|
rayray
|
::
2006 12 March :: 2.49am
Today was my sisters wedding. Supposed to be a good day.
It was a horrible day for me, and several others.
A close friend from high school passed away today.
Dustyn Mogdis. He was currently dating my best friend Katelyn.
He had a brain aneurysm (Sp?). They had him on life support but there was no brain activity. His parents decided to pull the plug, and to donate all of his organs.
I feel horrible. I wish there was something I could do.
[x]
|
|
rayray
|
::
2006 9 March :: 12.32pm
I can't believe my sister is getting married saturday..
How outrageous. Yet, Awesome. I'm excited.
[x]
|
|
spud
|
::
2006 8 March :: 8.03pm
:: Mood: Hungry
met the famdamnily
yeah, so i met her folks, and her brother, and her friends, and her cat and dog (a.k.a. miss kitty and otto), and they were all very, very cool.
i do need to boost my proficiency in push rummy though. i have a feeling i'll be getting lots of practice.
okay, so rundown:
friday crashed at dad's. saturday, went out with hunter and cole. sunday, left hunter's, came home for awhile, went down to shannon's met pj and lulu, among others. meatloaf and potatoes and pumpkin pie for dinner. monday, took shannon and annie downtown k-zoo to the kvcc museum thing. that was cool. back home, ("home" tee-hee) spaghetti and strawberry shortcake for dinner. tuesday, went to saugatuck to work on teh car. had lunch at the kalico kitchen. went to the beach, walked on the ice. home again, tacos and brownies for dinner. today, went to the binder park zoo for a job interview (shannon, not me). went shopping at kohls and barnes & noble. at kohls i got a new kitchen knife, ladle, scoop, spatula, and ... i don't remember. and i also got shannon a skirt that was on clearance, and i got myself a green cashmere sweater for FIFTEEN DOLLARS!!! CASHMERE!!! FIFTEEN DOLLARS!!! IN THE SAME SENTENCE!!! shannon found it. i was super impressed.
oop. mom and lib are home now. i guess we're doing chinese for dinner.
bye!
6 Open Fire |
[x]
|
|
rayray
|
::
2006 8 March :: 5.56pm
At 7 Mike and I are going to look at a dog.
Funny? I think so.
[x]
|
|
rayray
|
::
2006 7 March :: 10.54am
I knew it was too good to be true. And had lasted longer than I or anyone else had expected..
And you thought I was talking about Mike and I. You were wrong..
I hadn't cried since January 11th. Would have been two months on Saturday.
But no, everything at work falls to shit.
My supervisor is turning everything back on me.
He's pulling shit out of his ass that I could get written up for and telling the people in HR.
He's threatening me. Pulling this "im bigger than you" bull shit.
Saying that everytime I talk to him I am nothing but disrespectful.
Thankfully HR is throwing away the write up's he's trying to give me.
I have to talk to a couple people to make sure that one of them will for sure get thrown away.
Work sucks. Never trust a man whose arms aren't the same length.
1 Open Fire |
[x]
|
|
rayray
|
::
2006 3 March :: 6.38pm
Have you ever sat there and watched a candle in a glass holder burn for so long, and down so far that it's all liquid. You can actually see the metal piece at the bottom holding the wick. And you are just waiting for the moment the glass shatters. All the suspense is building up. Creating more pressure. So you finally blow the candle out because the more you thought about it, if it were to shatter, you'd have quite the mess to clean up. But then you relight all your candles several hours later, including that one candle you thought was going to shatter earlier.. Thats how my head feels at this moment. My headache is so intense. It went away long enough for me to fall asleep. But came back to wake me up with excrutiating pain through my entire head. Leaving me feeling miserable, like my head is going to explode..
I'm so happy I don't have to work tonight anymore.
Lori told me she'd work for me.
Sadly work was the only thing I had to do tonight.
I have no friends. Well I do, but they won't drive to Greenville to hang out with my lame ass.
Oh well. I'll just sit here, with my candles, and my headache.
And sulk.
Kidding. I called my dad and told him to get his ass off his couch and come over.
And Mike is coming over too.
Funny thing is I think my mom said something earlier about coming over too.
That won't be the least bit awkward.
Eh, Next weekend will be filled with BOTH of my parents.
And I heart tanning. I went for like 7 minutes today. Boobs = slightly burnt already. Could be because I burn fairly easily. haha yay! I'll be tan by next weekend!
7 Open Fire |
[x]
|
|
rayray
|
::
2006 2 March :: 8.26am
Nothing is worse than being called a fucking cunt by a BLACK guy.
But being sexually harassed by your supervisor comes real close.
7 Open Fire |
[x]
|
|
spud
|
::
2006 2 March :: 1.40am
:: Music: cake - love you madly
i may be fucked.
...
yep. thinking so.
but at least i have good music to listen to. is it weird that i miss her? she's right here, i know. just that i haven't seen her. and i'll be seeing her soon.
right. business.
except for not.
EXCEPT FOR TOTALLY!!! bwahhahahahaha... oh, i'm one silly bitch.
k.
2 Open Fire |
[x]
|
|
rayray
|
::
2006 1 March :: 4.31pm
:: Mood: *exhausted*
:: Music: *automatic flowers - olp*
*love me for who i am not who you want me to be*
Having trouble sleeping again.
The neighbors baby won't stop crying.
I hate going to the dentist.
Got my hair cut.
A trim turned into about an inch and a half cut off. Whoops.
My best friend from when I was 3, Billy, is going to marry some nut job who thinks he's going to cheat on her with every girl he talks to.
They bought a house together. Neither of them live in it. She won't move in until their married. And he doesn't want to live there alone.
My sisters wedding is next weekend.
Mike's birthday is next weekend.
As well as Addisons.
My dads birthday is today.
My entries are always boring and pointless.
But I don't care because they represent me.
Boring, not exactly pointless.
Chris told me he'd cook for me, at my apartment. He's even bringing the food. You may have to bring some dishes too.
Anyone know of anyone who has a double or queen bed for real cheap? I am in desperate need.
My bed = Hurts my back A LOT.
Woo! I lose a point at work today. If I can make it to may without missing a day or being late, I'll be down to 2 points and I'll get my incentive back and I'll be making more money! Funny thing about that is, when I got my incentive, I didn't realize it until I lost it. haha
Anywhore. I'm done. I quit.
Maybe I'll sleep. Maybe not.
Food sounds good.
Bye.
I lied.
Here is a picture of my piercing that I got back in November...
Better not copy me or I'll put a boot in yer ass.
6 Open Fire |
[x]
|
|
spud
|
::
2006 28 February :: 4.55pm
:: Mood: whelmed again...
:: Music: ben folds - carrying cathy
"do you go 'round drenching everyone with flame retardent chemicals?!"
i got this like an hour ago (shoved through the crack under the door):
"although students do not need to vacate their living centers over spring break, those planning to stay for all or part of spring break MUST notify their living center director by completing an extended stay form which they can pick up at their front desk. students must register with their housing staff member no later than noon on tuesday, february 28th."
if i receive the message during class, to be retrieved when i get out of class at 4pm, tuesday, february 28th, how am i supposed to do all this running around filling out papers bullshit before noon today? i'm pretty sure that's not humanly possible. i just get sick of all the bullshit, and how i'm always the last one to know. like it's some big secret... or even if it isn't a secret, chris can't know, because it'll piss him off, and that'll be one funny reaction to watch. oh, what a laugh. (realistically, i know it's not a malicious thing, but still)
and like, katie calls me up this morning and is like "hey, we're gonna go get lunch and pick up our shirts that we ordered, since we need to do that by friday, or she's going to start giving them away". and i was like "frida... wha?!"
"yeah, it's on the message board downstairs, on the other side of the building"
"well, that's gonna help me a lot. you know what pisses me off? i sent her an email like a week ago, asking her when was a good time to pick it up, and she hasn't even replied to my message yet! and now she's threatening to give my shit away that i PAID FOR?!"
it's just little shit like that. always happening. homework assignments. get togethers. little shit. and i just hate that feeling of inescapable oblivion. it's not even blissful ignorance. it's the futile pursuit of enlightenment. and i hate the fact that it's futile. because apparently it's on a need to know basis, and i'm just not good enough to know. that's a sickening feeling. and i despise it.
thankfully it has not yet pervaded my consciousness completely. i've got many other, far better, feelings running around upstairs, to keep me good and distracted.
so, i have to finish two stats assignments, write a paper, lead a class discussion, do some german (but not much), vacuum, do laundry, clean the bathroom, fix the truck, get money, spend money, band practice tomorrow, hunter's party saturday, radio show friday, oodles of honors reading. and i have to clear out by 10pm on friday, since i didn't have a chance to fill out an extended stay form.
i'm trying really hard not to be angry, honest. it's just not working. time for food and loud music. then band tonight. but maybe i should get some pants on first...
6 Open Fire |
[x]
|
|
rayray
|
::
2006 27 February :: 8.48am
I am so sick and tired of everyone not liking who I date. It doesnt matter who it is, no one likes him. You all find something wrong with him. You say I'm wasting my time. You say I can do better. That he's wrong for me. Well guess what, it's my life, and I will date who I please. I don't need permission from any of you. None of you know the whole story with Mike. And if you haven't met him, your opinion of him means nothing to me.
Yeah, he broke up with me and was a dick when he broke up with me. However, he had good reasoning. You would have done the same thing. But things are better now. We aren't back together. And we haven't completely worked through our problems, but we're getting there. What we are trying to get passed isn't easy. I will be surprised if we get back together.
The story: I got drunk and I did cheat on him. I tried to deny it, because I didn't want to hurt him. But I was hurting him more by denying it. "I was drunk" isn't a good excuse. It's not an excuse at all. But it's all I've got. I don't know why I did what I did. After drinking a 5th of Captain Morgan to myself, I shouldn't remember anything. I regret it. But there is nothing I can do to change it. I am ashamed of myself. I always said I would never cheat on someone because I know what it feels like to be cheated on.
If there's someone you should dislike, it should be me. Not him. He hasn't done anything wrong.
I'm lucky he's even talking to me. I'm lucky that we have the relationship we do right now. I don't deserve it. If he forgives me, I don't deserve it. I don't deserve anything, except his hatred. But he doesn't hate me, and I don't understand it.
9 Open Fire |
[x]
|
|
spud
|
::
2006 27 February :: 2.10am
Aber, das war ein gut Wochenende, ich denke. Ich habe nicht gearbeitet. Ich habe immer etwas zu machen gehabt
Ich habe sehr viel Hausaufgaben für Deutsch. Acht Stunden bis morgen. Nicht lange.
: :
google it or something. see how bad my grammar really is.
: )
9 Open Fire |
[x]
|
|
rayray
|
::
2006 24 February :: 3.29pm
I think this is going to be one of those days where I dont hear from him all day and then he just shows up in the middle of the night.
I hate how I get so mad when I don't hear from him and then he just shows up. But it makes me happy when he just shows up.
6 Open Fire |
[x]
|
|
spud
|
::
2006 23 February :: 11.46am
thievery...
... with modifications, of course:
"
When you listen to the music and you like to sing along,
You want to get the meaning out of each and ev’ry song.
Then you find yourself a message and some words to call your own,
But don't go all alone; take them home.
Miffed again there is nothing I do;
Except for anything --- anything for you.
"
those were my favorites. and yes, i read the whole gol'durn thang.
last night was wonderful. i'm really quite a huge fan of cuddling. but my back is kind of upset with me. now i'm gonna hop in the shower, get some fresh clothes, make some lunch, and pretend i'm ready for this quiz. which, by the way - you know, in case you were wondering - i'm not.
: )
3 Open Fire |
[x]
|
|
rayray
|
::
2006 22 February :: 12.05pm
:: Mood: *stressed*
:: Music: *u got it bad - usher*
*sometimes the stress becomes too much to deal with*
I've had a stress headache since last Tuesday.
It was so bad on Monday I had to go to the doctor.
He gave me a shot to relieve the pain.
Didn't work.
He prescribed me some pills.
They work for like a half an hour.
The pain isn't in a specific spot.
It's my entire head.
I sliced my thumb at work the other night.
So Hans has me doing shit jobs until it heals a little bit.
A kid I know from high school works with me now.
He was a senior when I was a freshman.
He keeps making Mike jealous.
What can ya do.
2 Open Fire |
[x]
|
|
