It's god damn 2010 and people still don't know how to do the most simple things on their work computers. Now I could understand if you don't use a computer much, but these people, it's a part of their damn jobs. The company gives them these machines that are a part of doing their jobs, they don't know anything about these machines so really they don't know how to do their jobs. Do your damn job.
::
2010 16 February :: 6.57pm
:: Music: Life After You - Daughtry
Life.. it happens whether we want it to or not..
I feel like I have hit a stand still in my life.
I don't feel like I am moving forward or backward.
I am completely happy with everything that has happened.
I love my life, just feel like it's too straight and narrow.
I hate my job; getting up at the same time, leaving at the same time, doing the same thing everyday, and seeing the same people.
I hate the repitition.
I understand that no matter what job I will end up doing, I will be doing the same thing over and over.
But after 2 years, I need a new scene. I need a different atmosphere.
I need to be able to go to work, and know that I'm not going to get into an argument with my boss over something petty.
I need a drastic change on the job front, like yesterday.
Something where I will see different people everyday.
I might be able to handle getting up at the same time, and leaving at the same time, if i had a different atmosphere to go to, and enjoy.
Having my nights to myself is lonely, and although I should be filling it with my homework, I don't.
I don't have the ambition to do my homework, because I am too caught up in being exhausted from work, and thinking about how I am just going to be going home to an empty, well almost empty house.
And as strong as I seem to think I am, my distressing damsel.. she comes out at night, when the moon's filled up, and your eyes are bright; and I think I simply oughta fall over.
Life is hard. It always has been.
As a kid, you hear all about it, you co-exist with it.
You dance, twirl, and muddy yourself in life's sand box without ever really having to deal with it. Most of our parents do an amazing job and disservice of protecting us from reality and its evil ways.
I never appreciated growing up in a tumultuous home. I resented my family for not shielding me. All, of course, until I left that place and found myself surprisingly prepared for the horrors and stress waiting around every corner of my own day-to-day.
Whether or not they meant to, my parents gave me a gift with every first-hand experience I took in their respective worlds. A personal how-to on love, hate, abuse, addiction, redemption, struggle, and passion. I compare my notes with every person I encounter and am constantly editing the pages of my mentality, my values, my self.
It's a book that will never be complete. I can't wrap it in brown paper and twine to be sent off to an editor, because everyone would write this story differently. Life: a Memoir. A novella. A poem. A fantasy. Anything, and that's the horrific beauty of it; it's whatever you make it.
You.
No one else.
So dream big.
If there was ever a time to dare, to make a difference, to embark on something worth doing, it is now.
Not for any grand cause, but for something that tugs at your heart, something that's your aspiration. Something that's your dream. You owe it to yourself to make your days here count.
Have fun.
Dig deep.
Stretch.
Dream big.
Know, though, that things worth doing seldom come easy. There will be good days and there will be bad days. There will be times when you want to turn around, pack it up, and call it quits. Those times tell yourself that you are pushing yourself. That you are not afraid to learn by trying and working.
Persist.
Believe in the incredible power of the human mind, of doing something that makes a difference, of working hard, of laughing and hoping, of lasting friendships.
The start of something new brings the hope of something great.
Anything is possible.
There is only one you.
And you will pass this way only once.
Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would have work out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die
I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop
[Chorus]
I want you to know
That it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
But someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone
Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry
It started with the perfect kiss then
We could feel the poison set in
"Perfect" couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go
[Chorus]
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone
Ahhh already gone, already gone, already gone
Ahhh already gone, already gone, already gone
Remember all the tings we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
[Chorus]
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone
All the cool kids are doing it..
Has a hate list of her own today..
I hate that I have to be mean to get anywhere with morons that have better jobs than me.
I hate that I suck as a friend.
I hate that I don't realize that some things have boundaries, until its too late.
I hate that there isn't anything I can do in certain situations.
I hate that my boyfriend is back on second shift.
I hate that I have no ambition to do the ass load of homework that I have piled up on my desk.
I hate that I hate so many things.
::
2010 21 January :: 11.36pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: Johnny Cash.
Cocaine Blues.
Early one mornin' while makin' the rounds
I took a shot of cocaine and I shot my woman down
I went right home and I went to bed I stuck that lovin' 44 beneath my head
Got up next mornin' and I grabbed that gun took a shot of cocaine and away I run
Made a good run but I run too slow they overtook me down in Juarez Mexico
Late in the hot joints takin' the pills in walked the sheriff from Jericho Hill
He said Willy Lee your name is not Jack Brown
You're the dirty hack that shot your woman down
Said yes oh yes my name is Willy Lee if you've got the warrant just aread it to me
Shot her down because she made me slow
I thought I was her daddy but she had five more
When I was arrested I was dressed in black
They put me on a train and they took me back
Had no friend for to go my bail they slapped my dried up carcass in that country jail
Early next mornin' bout a half past nine I spied the sheriff coming down the line
Talked and he coughed as he cleared his throat
He said come on you dirty heck into that district court
Into the courtroom my trial began where I was handled by twelve honest men
Just before the jury started out I saw the little judge commence to look about
In about five minutes in walked the man holding the verdict in his right hand
The verdict read in the first degree I hollered Lordy Lordy have a mercy on me
The judge he smiled as he picked up his pin 99 years in the Folsom pen
99 years underneath that ground I can't forget the day I shot that bad bitch down
Come on you've gotta listen unto me lay off that whiskey and let that cocaine be
i just made a post on farmville that contained the phrase "asexually reproduce" and they censored the phrase thusly: "a***ually reproduce"
what the fuck?
edit:
i realized i forgot to mention that over the christmas holiday, i was offered a full time position drumming with the machines (that band i played with in grand haven on the 18th). as of yet, we have no gigs lined up, and are still working on compiling a set list. if you have any suggestions, please shout them out at the top of your lungs. or just post a comment, if that's easier for you. i think we're trying to stick in the oldies/rock/blues-type area, and we need stuff that's kinda danceable. not necessarily slow, but danceable. and easy, did i mention easy? i mean, i don't want this to be like actual work or something. ; ) just whatever you'd want to hear a band play while you're out at the bar. and the bar is full of "old" people.
i have a subwoofer/amplifier combo that i need to sell, so i can get plates and insurance on my truck.
it's a JL Audio 12W3 woofer in a custom enclosure, matched with a 250/1 class D amplifier. they are awesome together, and i am very sad to see them go, but it's cargo i'm not currently using, and making money is hard without legal transpo. so there you have it.
i paid over $300 for this setup when i bought it, and have taken very good care of it. i mean, it gets pretty loud, but i've never abused it. just don't try and win any SPL competitions with it and you should be fine. it'll warm up the bottom end of your stock sound, and actually take some of the strain away from speakers that struggle to reproduce lower frequencies. and maybe even shake your mirrors a smidgen.
if you're interested, just let me know. offer whatever you feel is fair, and i'll see if i can make it work. amplifier comes with all original hardware and packaging, for your convenience.
::
2010 6 January :: 5.16pm
:: Mood: contemplative
Ultrasound results.
Well, my Doctor called me today and told me what they found on my ultrasound. As I figured, cysts, they keep appearing, then bursting, appearing, then bursting, etc. It's getting ridiculous. And because I'm still feeling some pain, she said I need to be monitored, cyst-wise. So, I'm making an appointment and talking to her about a possibility. I'll let you guys know what's going on.
Early.
Well, it's early, and I didn't sleep very well last night. I slept in the recliner. Talk about uncomfortable. But my plan for today is to call my doctor's office, check out the results of my ultrasound, and make another appointment. I am so happy to have this routine back. Doug back to work, Kids back to school. No one here to bother me, yell, scream, fight, whine, or nag. So, that's good. Luckily my pain level has gone down a bit, I can now stand up straight. I'm not all hunched over like some old woman. Still can't lift anything heavy, or stretch. I miss stretching in the morning, it's nice. But it hurts too much, so I don't dare do it. But most of the pain is now in my left side, and its the exact same pain I get everytime a new cyst appears, or bursts, or both at the same time. Ugh. But I better go wake Ava up for school. Bye.
-Samm
Check it, peeps.
So the holidays have come and passed. Kaleb is 8, Karis is 6, Eliseo is five. FIVE. And Emilio is 2 1/2. Let us not forget the 1/2, else he'll turn into a "mean alligator" again and bite my boob.
I've been gone awhile. But I've got myself moved into a new house, with a new puppy, new inspiration, and a lot of new shoes.
Yes; things are good.
The photo is me and Mealy on Christmas, ft. one of his many motorcycles - they're his fav. Although he much prefers to call them "mexicos."
Why? because he can, that's how he rolls, and with a name like Emilio you'd just better be crossing your fingers, toes, and ankles in hopes that he isn't packing heat.
The holidays gave me a ton of time to think and observe all of the things that were/are important to me. Family, friends, things I've lost and things I've recovered.
See, I love my life right now. But I definitely miss the way things used to be.
Some things at least.
(my uncle Jamie carries on an innocent conversation with my grandma, Christmas '09.)
(he's about to find out what I've been doing.)
If you're reading this, I love you.
And if you're still hanging around, I miss you.
If you haven't given up, I'm still here.
And if you're sorry, I am too.
But if you're happy, I'm happy.
So happy.
