Had a rough couple of days.
They were more or less just extremely emotional and frustrating.
Had a hard time dealing with the 5 year anniversary of my grandma's death, and then this being the first christmas without my other grandma.
Argued 2 days in a row, with probably the most ignorant person in Ionia County.
I have felt a lot of unnecessary stress this week.
I think I am finally getting over it.
Thought I would have more Christmas spirit than I ended up with, but I guess shit happens.
Better luck next year.
::
2009 22 December :: 7.56am
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: "Sometime around midnight" By: The Airborne Toxic Event
And it starts...
Sometime around midnight
Or at least that's when
You lose yourself
For a minute or two
As you stand...
Under the barlights
And the band plays some song
About forgetting yourself for a while
And the piano's this melancholy soundtrack
To her smile
And that white dress she's wearing
You haven't seen her
For a while
But you know...
That she's watching
She's laughing, she's turning
She's holding her tonic like a cross
The room suddenly spinning
She walks up and asks how you are
So you can smell her perfume
You can see her lying naked in your arms
And so there's a change...
In your emotions
And all of these memories come rushing
Like feral waves to your mind
Of the curl of your bodies
Like two perfect circles entwined
And you feel hopeless, and homeless
And lost in the haze
Of the wine
And she leaves...
With someone you don't know
But she makes sure you saw her
She looks right at you and bolts
As she walks out the door
Your blood boiling
Your stomach in ropes
And when your friends say what is it
You look like you've seen a ghost
And you walk...
Under the streetlights
And you're too drunk to notice
That everyone is staring at you
And you so care what you look like
The world is falling
Around you
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
::
2009 21 December :: 2.18pm
:: Mood: kinda stressed
My birthday weekend.
both gigs went well this weekend. friday was definitely more fun for me. saturday didn't really pan out at all how i hoped, but i still got a couple drinks from people, which was nice. the mix didn't sound very good for the first set or two on saturday because the bartender kept coming up to me and barking orders at me. seriously, the second time he came up to me and asked me to "turn it down... mostly the drums" and i kindly explained to him that i had no control over the loudness of the drums, and that if he wanted things quieter (as i had already acquiesced to his prior request) he would have to go ask the drummer to play more softly. as it turned out, i just told the drummer i was going to mix around him from then on... since the mix sucked because i brought the mains down... and that he would be the benchmark for whatever volume we wind up at. i also mentioned that we had a request to "turn it down," but that i wasn't his boss, so i wouldn't tell him what to do. he did play a little softer, which was actually nice for him, since it wasn't so much of a workout that way.
ultimately, though, people are dumb. especially people in charge of bars. you cram an acoustic drum set into an alcove with a big glass window and a tile floor and expect it to NOT be loud? that's just plain stupid.
friday night was fun, though. a total jam. it was so nice to play in front of a crowd, with other musicians. there's just something magical about that combination that makes it so much fun. the bass player had a nice pocket, so it was really easy for me to settle into a groove pretty much right away on every song. the hardest part was taking cues for changes, stops, endings, etc. especially from the guitar player. what a dick. i agreed to give him my vocal mic, so he could run his amp through the PA, and during sound check it was fine, but he kept turning his amp up throughout the show, so that by the end of the night it was waaaay too loud. and he was terrible at giving cues. it was like he expected me to somehow magically just know what he was thinking, and do exactly what he wanted me to. utterly ridiculous. diego's cues were much easier to follow. and my performance on the respective songs showed it. every song that roger led wound up being kind of a trainwreck. and did i mention that it really shouldn't have been, since every single one was the exact same 12-bar blues. i wanted to shoot myself. he did one that was in 6/8. that was kind of exciting. but then he still fucked up the cues, so i had no idea what was going on. diego's got the right idea, though. you start together, you end together, and you jam out in the middle. that's how it works. and you communicate effectively where the changes are TO THE ENTIRE GROUP so that everyone is together. otherwise, you wind up with what roger gave us, which is diddly, and sounds bad. also, there were several songs (most notably rock and roll by led zeppelin) that i had to drastically slow down, because roger was old and couldn't play that fast. i had not practiced at those speeds, which made it feel strange. then, he left early and didn't help tear down, because he had to work in the morning. but in the end, diego paid me extra, so he must've thought i had done a good job, and he said that anytime he needs a drummer, i'll be his go-to guy. so that's cool.
i was supposed to work today, but the truck is no longer road legal, as i have no registration OR insurance for it. so i emailed the office, and explained the situation and that i would not be able to work today. hopefully they got the message and understand.
i was kinda pissed at them anyway, because usually they ask me if i'm available before they schedule me. this time, they scheduled me without asking, saying that someone would call to confirm with me on saturday. i never received a phone call - still haven't. i was never asked if i was available (which i am obviously not, for one reason or another). i don't think i'm in the wrong here. i do feel bad in that i should have told them sooner, but i was holding out on the hope that i'd get enough birthday money, and have enough leftover from the gigs to take care of all those issues. unfortunately, that did not wind up being the case.
and my fucking loan payment is due in a week again. i haven't heard back at all from that deferment request i submitted.
all in all, life is bullshit, but i'm still trying to make the most of it.
Yeah!
We finally have our internet turned back on, and a new number and all that comes with it. So, that's good. Today though, not much internet time, I have lots of cleaning to get done. People from Amway who adopted our family for Chrsitmas are coming over to drop off food and christmas presents. So this house has to be spotless. Better go get started. Bye.
so, my birthday's coming up pretty soon here. that's exciting. i keep getting older. funny how that works.
so, if you want to come celebrate my birthday with me, i will be down at flanagan's on saturday, running sound. i'm technically on the clock, so i can't get totally wasted or anything, and i might be preoccupied from time to time, but once the mix is set, there's not a whole lot for me to do, and i can certainly chill with people during set breaks. so, if anyone's around, and that sounds appealing, feel free to stop on by.
we have lots of cookies in our house now. uncle chuck made molasses cookies, and mom gave me a random assortment of other cookies, so we have cookies coming out our ears. and unfortunately, far too many of them are winding up in my mouth. fucking christmas, man. always does this to me. not that i'm really that into watching what i eat, but i try and keep it healthier when i can. and this cookie situation is not helping.
but they are delicious. so i might as well enjoy it.
ummm... went to libby's choir concert last night. that was fun. the choirs weren't bad. i think she got kinda shafted, though, when she was placed in the choir she's currently in. she deserves to be in the next level up. i know she has the voice and the talent for it, but my guess is that her test anxiety kicks in when she has auditions or something. but i could be wrong. another theory i have is that it's because she's only a sophomore, she's a transplant to the school system, and our family doesn't have lots of money. those all probably factor into it as well. which is sad for her, and pisses me off. but that's the way egr works. and i blame mom for trying to make it in a place where they don't really belong. and i thank my stars that i never had to go there.
not that cedar is the end-all be-all or anything. every school has its fair share of shortcomings. but at least i felt comfortable there. felt like i was somebody, and knew people. anywhere else i would have been really intimidated, and would have been one of the faceless masses. not that she has that problem. she has lots of friends no matter where she is. she's just that way.
i need to make some phone calls and write up a cover letter. boooo......
I haven't updated in awhile..
Don't really have a good reason as to why.
I don't really have anything exciting going on in my life right now, but things are going great.
I am happy and all that.
Trying to get through this semester of school..
Working on trying to get a new job..
I am so sick of all the talk of them firing me.. They won't do it, and it pisses me off.
I wish they'd just get it over with..
pretty stoked about the snowstorm. it's always exciting when severe weather comes along. not liking this rain nonsense they're talking about for tomorrow morning though. that's gonna make everything reeeeeeeeeeeally icy tomorrow night. which is when i have to drive to holland, with drumset in tow, for band practice. hopefully i make it out alive. should probably bring some blankets, munchies, etc. along just in case, though. that'd be the smart move, anyway. and i have to dig up my scraper/brush. it's gotta be around here somewhere.
hope everybody had a stellar day. now it's time to party.
::
2009 23 November :: 12.52am
:: Mood: Tired
:: Music: BnL - Barenaked Ladies are Men
hi journal. it's been a while.
umm... so. i'm just waiting for this cd to burn, and then i think i'm going to bed. i have to get up at like seven, so i'd like to shoot for around 6 hours of sleep anyway. that would be nice.
so, it turns out i'm waaaay waaay below the poverty line, so not only could i have been collecting welfare this whole time, i also qualify for deferment on my loans. but since my first payment is due in less than a week, and there's no online application, i won't have enough time to mail my application in and get it processed before my payment is due. so, we'll see what happens.
might try and call shannon tomorrow so i can get that damn coffee thing out of the way. not really looking forward to it at all, but maybe i can nab a few cigarettes out of the deal, and maybe she'll finally leave me alone after. that'd be swell.
so i found out that my gig on the 18th is at the eagles club in grand haven. first rehearsal is on the 2nd, somewhere in holland. i also got the set list. thankfully i'm at least somewhat familiar with most of it... even played a few of the tunes before. but here's what i have to spend the next three weeks learning:
867-5309 / Jenny.........................................Tommy Tutone
An American Girl..........................................Tom Petty
Back Door Man............................................The Doors
Brown Eyed Girl............................................Van Morrison
Can't always get what you want.....................Rolling Stones
Crazy little thing called love...........................Queen
Evil Ways.....................................................Santana
Fire............................................................Jimi Hendrix
Fly away.....................................................Lenny Kravitz
Gimme 3 steps............................................Lynyrd Skynyrd
Gloria.........................................................Van Morrison
Hard to Handle............................................Black Crowes
Hey Jealousy...............................................Gin Blossoms
Hoochie Koochie Man/Bad to the Bone...........Muddy Waters
I Feel Fine..................................................Beatles
I wanna be sedated.....................................Ramones
Keep your hands to yourself.........................Georgia Satellites
La Grange..................................................ZZ Top
Long Tall Sally............................................Little Richard
Money.......................................................Barrett Strong
My Generation............................................The Who
No Matter What..........................................Badfinger
One after 909............................................Beatles
Please Please Me.......................................Beatles
Pride and Joy.............................................Stevie Ray Vaughan
Revolution.................................................Beatles
Roadhouse Blues......................................The Doors
Road Runner.............................................Bo Diddly/The Gants/The Who
Rock & Roll...............................................Led Zeppelin
Satisfaction...............................................Rolling Stones
Sweet Home Alabama................................Lynyrd Skynyrd
Tina Marie................................................Kenny Wayne Shepherd
Twist and Shout........................................Beatles
What I like about you.................................The Romantics
Young Blood............................................. Bad Company
it's a pretty interesting mix, i think. should be fun. and i hope there are drink specials. because that's what my life seems to have become.
in other news, i've been told in no uncertain terms that i have to move to a big city if i ever want to have a career in audio. and i gotta say, it makes a lot of sense.
I am unsure if i am going to support the ufc as much as i have after that horrible decision vic for couture, shit is bullshit. Vera won the fight hands down. shit is retarded and frustrating.
I have come to the conclusion that the human race is pathetic.
We're everything we say we're not, and we pretend to be the things we say we are.
I guess not everyone, but generalizations are always much easier than the specifics.
We're childish.
No one is every really as strong as they admit to being.
Everyone has a breaking point.
It is all part of pretending.
The truth hurts, life is hard, and people are pathetic.
....
So lately, my life has consisted of working during the day, and being alone at night.
I've been hanging out with Chelsea quite a bit lately, and it's a blast.
On my weekends I spend them with Mike, because thats really only the time I get to see him and it definitely sucks.
I am definitely excited that my sister is coming up Saturday and will be here til Thanksgiving.
::
2009 9 November :: 6.41pm
:: Mood: accomplished
How do you say, "Don't move, or I'll shoot you?"
Classes taken care of for this next semester.
Oh Joeyyy.. can you say 'open our own psychology practice?'
'Cause we're gonna.
You can block comments? Me too.
How do I start this? This is not the first time you have blown me off. I stand by, making sure I do not have plans, for YOU. I make sure I don't leave the house because YOU are supposed to be coming over. Fuck that, I'm done. Everyone knows that it's just common courtesy to call and say "Hey, I can't make it" or at least answer a goddamn phone call. This has happened so much, it's ridiculous. This is the reason you have to fill your life with new voices, memories, and laughs. Because the old ones are sick and tired of your shit. I'm stepping up and finally saying what I have been thinking for quite some time now. No more defending you, No more keeping your secrets, No more pretending I think it's okay that you sleep with a new guy every other week. DONE. I don't care if you don't answer your phone, because I won't be calling anymore. And if you call me, expect the same thing. I'm tired of your bullshit.
Death to the ladies first, then the gentlemen.
Last night, somewhere between my first beer and Casey coughing up blood all over me and Sam, something hit me.
I don't know what, exactly.
I just know that I felt.. hit, like something was staring me in the face and I couldn't single it out.
Every time Adam would make a smart remark, or funny quip, I'd laugh hysterically and lighten up like your typical girl-at-the-party-giving-hair-cuts-to-the-drunks.
And I look around at some of my oldest friends, drinking and laughing and singing around me, and console myself that whatever is trying to get my attention, it will never slip past these people.
My protection; my shields, my bodyguards, my dreamcatchers.
Because, no matter what, they have always been there.
Forget these so-called "besties" that pose for glorified photobooth snapshots.
Forget these amateurs that don't know what "anything" really means, but swear they'd give it readily for me.
I'm tired of them
and their needs
and their secrets
and their voicemails
and their take take take take lifestyles.
I have realized that I have given so much to so many people, who never offer anything in return.
No compassion, or concern, or regard for who I am.
You just want me to give you a ride,
or you need a hair cut, or colour,
someone to ride shotgun for you,
or someone to vent to,
someone to run to the store for you because you can't drive,
or you don't have a car,
because you don't have a job,
but you know you have me.
And that's enough for you.
It's a method called, "You get what you give."
My advice to you would be: expect nothing.
Exactly what you gave.
Exactly what you're made of.
Tonight I lack the strength to even move,
When you walked, now watch me die
But I know this is harder for you,
For love has let you down
yeah C'mon
I am not alone
The road ahead is lined with broken dreams,
So walk, yeah walk on by
And I failed to give you everything you need,
For the fears, behind your eyes
When I can’t feel you,
I’m not alright, I’m not alright,
When I can’t feel you,
I’m not alright, I’m not alright
When I can’t feel you
Jesus as you throw me on the rocks,
For love I left your side
'cus I believed in love and beauty’s wiles,
Where heaven shone from your eyes
Chained to your tree
I wanted you to say
I wanted you to say
I wanted to believe
Chained to your tree
I wanted you to say
I wanted you to say
Tell me that it wasn’t all for naught,
It’s such a waste now, It’s such a waste now c’mon
I know your scared but baby don’t you hide,
It’s such a waste,
You'll stand alone now, you'll make it somehow
well, my truck is done, apparently. but i don't have all the money up front, so i have to wait until friday when my check comes, and in the meantime offer the dude something as collateral. but at least i have wheels again. and now, no money for gas. *puts barrel in mouth*
another circumstance that makes me want to do bad things with guns is conservapedia.com. now, anyone who sees that name should have a pretty good idea of what it is. and if you don't, a few appropriately aimed clicks around the site should pretty much fill you in. i don't know whether to be amused or disheartened, but either way, i'll share some highlights.
first up is the "conservapedia commandments," which are their equivalent to the "editorial policies" found on wikipedia.
CONSERVAPEDIA COMMANDMENTS
1. Everything you post must be true and verifiable. Do not copy from Wikipedia[1] or elsewhere unless it was your original work.[2]
2. Always cite[3] and give credit to your sources,[4] even if in the public domain.[5]
3. Any content you create or change (including edits, new pages, images and links) must be family-friendly, clean, concise, and without gossip or foul language.
4. When referencing dates based on the approximate birth of Jesus, give appropriate credit for the basis of the date (B.C. or A.D.). "BCE" and "CE" are unacceptable substitutes because they deny the historical basis. See CE.
5. Do not post personal opinion on an encyclopedia entry. Opinions can be posted on Talk:pages or on debate or discussion pages. Advertisements are prohibited.
6. The operation of unauthorized wiki-bots is prohibited.[6]
7. Unproductive activity, such as 90% talk page edits and only 10% quality edits to Conservapedia articles, may result in blocking of the account.[7] See the Guidelines for more detail.
Edits which violate these rules will be deleted. Users who violate the rules repeatedly will be blocked. Administrators have discretion to act on matters not specifically mentioned here, such as vandalism and sockpuppets.
i find number 3 interesting, in that most of their articles consist primarily of the latest gossip, mixed with some history here and there. for 4, i'll admit i thought it was stupid to change it from BC to BCE, but at the same time the old notation was constantly under debate, and at least now there's a universal standard we can all stick to. what's so wrong with that? it does seem kind of messed up to base our entire timeline on a dude whose records of existence are hazy on the details, to say the least. and i would love to see them sick an admin on a sockpuppet.
------------------------
next, we have their article on the current president of the united states. (we'll take this one paragraph at a time)
"Barack Hussein Obama II aka Barry Soetoro[1] (allegedly[2][3][4][5][6] born in Honolulu Aug. 4, 1961) is the 44th President of the United States, and previously served as a first-term Democratic Senator from Illinois (2005-2008). Obama and his running mate Senator Joseph Biden won the presidential election[7] after 23 months of campaigning that spent over $700 million,[8] much of it raised from undisclosed or fraudulent donors.[9] Obama spent far more per vote than McCain did: Obama spent $7.39 per vote, while McCain spent only $5.78 per vote.[10]"
talk about another dude with some hazy life details, i can understand the skepticism to a certain extent. but more than that, they are just brutally bashing the living hell out of this guy, no pun intended. and all because he's *gasp* a democrat. i feel bad for him really, if half the stuff they say about his past is true. a rough life, and now given the helm of a country aimed straight at the gutter, with little to no help, not much experience, and a bunch of people constantly accusing him of being a muslim, kenyan, indonesian terrorist. the only thing i'd probably accuse him of would be getting in over his head. beyond that, does it really matter? soetoro was his stepfather - so, nonbiological (not that it would matter anyway). and barry's just a boring name. and, given the constitutional stipulation for the separation of church and state, along with the freedom of religion, he is perfectly allowed to be muslim if he wants to. his being muslim (not that he is, necessarily, but just for the sake of argument) should not affect his governmental policies and decisionmaking in any way, just as it was so HORRIBLY AGAINST THE CONSTITUTION for president bush to allow his christianity to influence his procedures while in office. not that bush was a bad guy. he was nice, wanted to be liked by people, made me laugh and feel good about myself. i have no problem with that. but, once again, perhaps he was just in a little too far over his head.
"As President Obama has pushed for establishing a Palestinian state over the objection of Israel's Prime Minister,[11] inclusion of Turkey in the European Union[12] and holding Guantanamo detainees indefinitely without trial.[13]"
this is not even a complete sentence. if you're trying to make an encyclopedia, that is unacceptable.
"Obama's budget and stimulus bill advanced his socialist idea of 'spreading the wealth.'[14] [15] His health care plan would force employers to purchase health care or pay a fine and will force many into a poorly run single payer system.[16] To announce his trip to Berlin in July 2008, Obama used posters which show a marked similarity to posters of Lenin and Che Guevara.[17][18] During Obama's youth in Hawaii, he developed a strong, almost Father/Son relationship with Frank Marshall Davis, a high level Communist Party functionary[19] while Obama has stated that his favorite professors in school were themselves Marxists. "
well, add socialist, marxist, and communist to the list, i suppose. and if he was born in kenya, as they would seem to believe, then why and how does he get to hawaii to promptly find himself a mentor to aid in developing his innate communist tendencies?
i could keep going, but i think that's more than enough. i do like some of the subheadings in the article though:
-Obamunism
-Barack Obama's Uncharitableness/Liberal Elitism, and Social Darwinism
-Early Life - Birth certificate controversy
-Obama is likely the first Muslim President
^^^ okay, hang on right there. i have to read some of this.
"The argument that Obama is a Muslim includes:
* Obama declared in prepared remarks, 'The United States has been enriched by Muslim Americans. Many other Americans have Muslims in their families or have lived in a Muslim-majority country - I know, because I am one of them.'[109]"
oh yeah, this is good. the first sentence of the quote is just a simple statement. end sentence, move on to the next one. subject of the sentence is "many other americans". so, saying "i am one of them" is in no way incriminating - although, neither is being muslim. also note the bolded words that they carefully selected, while once again ignoring the standard grammatical rules of the english language.
i'll stop ranting now, but it is pretty interesting stuff. i highly advise checking it out for yourself.
