Do you ever wonder why life gets so bad?

I can't help but worry about mom and dad. And I keep having all these bad dreams about my friends getting breast cancer and my parents don't have enough money to eat and I'm always so helpless to do anything worthwhile.

I know it's not my fault why things are the way they are.. but on the ride to work, looking at the snow on the trees on hills far away.. I couldn't help but wonder why we keep going, where this is all going and what are we really doing here?

I remembered how much animosity I used to have for my parents, and how much hatred I used to feel towards certian people and how that's all so meaningless now. I have always wanted a family I was close to and friends who loved me. Now I finally have both and I am so glad.

But this sadness has really seems to have taken up roots into my heart and I feel like they will never come up. I just can't help but feel like my insides are just all black and cold.

Sometimes I just have to try and remind myself that it's not my fault I'm like this. And sometimes that really isn't enough.

I just wish I didn't feel so.. helpless and terrified.

But the future will never be certain, and the only certainty I have is who I am inside.

But what do I stand for anymore?

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