godessalthena
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2012 2 November :: 1.21am
Is it bad in the same day I've believed, whole-heartedly two things:
I couldn't be happier with my life
-and-
I hate my life
I feel these two thoughts are mutually exclusive..
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godessalthena
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2012 23 October :: 1.27pm
I need to shower. But I don't want to. Grr...
It's FRIDAY!! And I have a jam-packed weekend in the mix! I'm going to see my parents and see Danielle and plan a Halloween party and and and.. I don't really have much more planned than that.
Oh.. and pay my parking tickets and get my emissions test and renew my tabs :( stupid adult responsibilities..
I'm just happy it's Friday. I need a break from work, that place just gets to me sometimes! But I still love it.
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mochababy49319
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2012 19 October :: 2.08pm
Spoke to soon..
Why do you even bother? You try and try and you have an opportunity to turn things around, and then life pisses all over you like a dog pisses all over a tree. Fuck Play N Trade. That place is a joke.
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godessalthena
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2012 15 October :: 3.03pm
staying home sick from work, but that doesn't mean i'm going to slack off.
I completed my budget for when my disbursement for school comes in. I am really excited to get my financial life in order :)
I'm also hopefully going to do all my homework, but I'm not super worried about that just because I have all week to do it.
Last night Samie really made me feel terrible about myself, but more so she just made me extremely mad at her. I won't go into details, but the way I live my private life is not wrong, and she has no room to talk when it comes to making good choices in life. I love Samie, and she's am amazing woman, but sometimes she only sees things in black and white and it makes me angry because the world has so many different shades and hues it's not even funny.
I just really want to forget we had that conversation, but it just made me so insanely upset.
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mochababy49319
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2012 13 October :: 2.30am
Happy birthday to meee.
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godessalthena
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2012 10 October :: 5.46am
Totally re-purchasing Battle Royale..
Watching Hunger Games.. And thinking.. WTF REALLY?!?
Ugh
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godessalthena
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2012 6 October :: 5.27pm
Too much drinking :(
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godessalthena
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2012 1 October :: 10.43pm
What would you do if somebody stopped you? What would you say to the world?
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godessalthena
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2012 30 September :: 12.09pm
I'm hoping the up-coming weekend will make out to be some much-needed therapy.
I have been taking my temperature everyday at the same time per Dr.'s orders to see if I "run cold" especially during my "girly times" if you catch my drift.. The hard part of it though, is with Mirena, I don't really have anything besides spotting.. On average I'm about a 98.1, on my one spotting day I was at a 97.1.. Is that just a fluke or what? I need to set up another appointment with him. He was saying that having a low temperature, especially when your period happens can be a sign of hypothyroidism, which is something every Dr. I've seen in the last 6 years has thought and had me tested for.
So I guess we'll see what happens there..
I just need a distraction right now.. I'm already doing full-time work, full-time school and I'm still just feeling like I have no wind-down time. I don't feel like I get to have a little mental vacation every weekend. I just need something fun to make me forget about this ugly patch.
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godessalthena
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2012 29 September :: 5.28pm
:: Mood: pessimistic
This hollow feeling won't go away. I feel it deep inside my heart, and it's terrible. I feel so depressed and hopeless.. I'd say numb but I think that sounds fucking stupid. I am in a transitional state and I'm just scared.
What if I make the wrong decision?
What if I never make it up to baseline?
What if what if what if...
I hate being grown up. All I want to do right now is dye my hair black, put on my armor for sleep hoodie and listen to angels and airwaves until I pass out. Then wake up and have to deal with stupid high school drama, because that was so much easier than this.
I just want to retreat into somewhere else and pretend none of the last 6 years ever happened. I'm just trying to find something to hold onto before my ego is permanently washed away.
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godessalthena
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2012 28 September :: 10.34pm
I am so confused right now. And I need some guidence. But I don't want it from anyone I know.
Idk sometimes I wish I could believe in a higher power, and was crazy enough to feel like they are talking to me.
I feel like such a ninny.
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mochababy49319
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2012 26 September :: 1.51pm
Sometimes I wonder why I put up with the shit I do.
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mochababy49319
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2012 15 September :: 10.30pm
Feeling like no one goes on here anymore...
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m&ms487
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2012 14 September :: 6.49pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: Fun: Walking the Dog
I survived getting sick from my students/colleagues until the end of week three. I'll take it.
I'm getting back in the groove. Things seem more like a clusterfuck, but they seem easier.
I'm taking Old English this semester, for no other reason than it's a degree requirement for a linguistics credit. I'd rather take French. With that being said, apparently two hellish years of French have really beefed up my language skills, and it's going quite easily. Perhaps I'll be one of those people who knows like five (useful) languages eventually.
Thesis. Blech. I don't want to talk about it.
Teaching is going well. I get their first drafts of their first paper by Monday at midnight. We're having fun in class, and they're all really good kids. I expect at least a quarter of them will fail the first draft, but the good thing for them about English is that we offer revisions. Lots and lots of revisions.
Other things are going well, but clouding the periphery--union stuff, graduate literary journal, other groups, non-profit work, academic senate/the eboard for that, too, and now I'm enrolled in a teaching academy through the university (only about 15 people university-wide were selected in total).
PhD applications in a few months.
I guess I should go parse some Old English or grade some papers. What else is there to do while being sick on a Friday night?
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