godessalthena
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2012 29 July :: 2.32am
It's amazing what 60mg of a chemical can do.
Though I'm pretty pissed off about how my insurance is billing Rx's now. It's fucking bullshit.
Oh well. It's not that horrible. At least I'm not having those stupid seizures anymore.
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godessalthena
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2012 27 July :: 7.36pm
today started decently enough.. and it had so much promise.
now if i wasn't such a FUCKING CUNT and i wasn't so FUCKING STUPID maybe today wouldn't have turned out to be such a shitstorm.
and now i'm having tho stupid seizures, my hip hurts like a motherfucker, i've cancelled all my plans and i don't have enough alcohol to erase today from my memory.
honestly i know why all this happened. and i know it's all just chemicals being fucktarded in my brain. but it doesn't make everything easier to deal with.
its easy to feel sorry for myself.
and "it's not my fault" all this.
but if my brain was fuctioning normally we all wouldn't be here in this shitty mood, crying.
i wish i could just disappear.
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godessalthena
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2012 26 July :: 4.53pm
Well, it's official. My life is complete! I have an amazing epic jewfro.
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godessalthena
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2012 24 July :: 4.40am
Things I love:
Bjorne
High-proof liquor
Metalocalypse
Now to get messed up and enjoy the cold side of the bed.
1 theres so may fucking comments arn't there |
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godessalthena
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2012 22 July :: 8.37pm
:: Mood: optimistic
Pretty epic weekend is in the mix..
Wednesday hanging out with Peter, being silly partying like rockstars haha
Thursday hanging out with my baby sister, getting a dresser and picking up my bike, the going to PJ's to meet up with a friend and get some free drinks.. Maybe Samie will even come! I'm pretty stoked.
Friday is payday! Getting breakfast, going shopping and getting pedicures with Samie, then date night with Sus!
Hopefully plans all turn out. :) yay!
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godessalthena
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2012 22 July :: 12.58am
Today has been one of the worst days in recent memory. From before I went to bed up until this very moment.
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godessalthena
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2012 21 July :: 8.48pm
:: Music: Taking Back Sunday
Sometimes it just feels better to give in...
I'm just asking you to hear me
Could you please just once just hear me?
Still it's you I can't deny..
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mochababy49319
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2012 19 July :: 1.56am
Dos got a job at Latitude's in Howard City. He will be cooking your food and washing your dishes.
Now, I have been at Sally's for four years now and the place is really starting to get to me. Kind of like that fly that starts off chillin' by the window. It's alright at first, until he starts flying around your head. Then you wish you could just smack him.
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godessalthena
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2012 17 July :: 5.59pm
Home sick from work.. I'm tired and blecky. :/ it's too warm. Whine whine whine
Tomorrow having a biometric screening for work. Its free and I'll be able to find out all my stats. I'm excited and nervous.
I'm glad you reached out. Though, I have no idea where to go.
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godessalthena
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2012 14 July :: 3.40pm
:: Mood: crushed
And everything was going so well...
Over the past week or so I have been feeling so ridiculously depressed. Even with 60mg of Cymbalta I still have a hard time getting up in the morning, cooking, or even just being nice. I just want to crawl in a hole and cry until I'm dead. It's frustrating because I had been so happy and doing so well not letting things get under my skin. I have no idea what's happened.
I feel very alone and hopeless right now. And I know I have friends and family who would love to help me and be there for me.. But I don't know what to ask for since I have no idea what is wrong in the first place.. I just want to feel like everything really will work out fine..
The way I feel is very familiar. This is the same feeling I had constantly throughout my childhood and teenage years.. I have felt like the end is the only real peace I'll get and once again all I can think about is just calling it quits and giving up.
I'm just so tired of trying and not getting anywhere. I'm tired of being a bitch and being used. I'm just so tired of everything.
Hopefully things turn around soon.. I need to see my psychiatrist again.
4 theres so may fucking comments arn't there |
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mochababy49319
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2012 10 July :: 3.05pm
:: Music: Shoot The Girl First- Last Breath for a Capulet
The weekend was long. Work is driving me insane. One coworker in particular. I shouldn't have to babysit you. I shouldn't have to tell you how to do your job. Although, I feel like I need to start, otherwise shit doesn't get done and it falls on everyone else. Grow the fuck up, be an adult, and stop being lazy. Seriously. It's starting to get old.
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godessalthena
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2012 4 July :: 8.42pm
:: Mood: distressed
I dreamt my mom died last night. It was an unexpected death. And it hit me really hard. I was crying for the whole dream. I've never really been upset about death before, but that dream really made me try to wrap my head around it. I was completely devastated, and I was pretty disturbed for a good portion of my morning too.. It was horrible :(
Now I'm terrified she's going to die and I don't want that to happen :(
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godessalthena
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2012 1 July :: 11.35am
I'm really disappointed.. And I just need to get over it.
I have a paper clip standing in as a nose stud.. It's starting to get itchy. I can't wait to go home and change it.
Is it later yet?
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godessalthena
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2012 1 July :: 2.31am
:: Mood: demolished
:: Music: Army corps of architects
Alone.. In a dark stuffy room. My hair is wet, my face is dry.. I can tell my lips will peel.
I'm staring out into the room, vaguely seeing the shapes of curtains and a crib. Everything smells weird in here. I'm not the least bit tired, but I want so desparately to sleep.
I keep counting how many days.. Until I'll finally be free and happy. I feel so trapped and lost. I feel so confused, though the path is clear.
I'm just biding my time until growing up becomes second nature. It's a scary place, and I don't think there are too many people who really successfully make it.
I'm just so ready to dream. Anything is a nice break from all this stress. I put on an apethetic face, but inside I'm a tempest and I'm in constant turmoil and anger.
I just wish things could go blank for a little while. A quiet reprieve.
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