mochababy49319
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2012 29 June :: 4.04pm
Hot date tonight with the boyfrand. I love his scruffy face. I really could not be any happier.
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godessalthena
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2012 24 June :: 4.51pm
I've caught the summer cleaning bug. I swept the deck, the kitchen, did all the dishes, going to organize all the drawers and put paper down.. Going to buy some cleaning supplies, take down all the wine jugs, sort thru the boxes in the bedroom, create a craft table to make marvelous things on.
Now to get the money to do it all haha! Going grocery shipping with Samie on Friday! That should be fun :) cleaning the rest of the time. Hopefully will have some friends over, maybe see my parents!
Samie and I have been REALLY slacking in the workout department, but onthe bright side, it's been a month, I've been eating nothing but crap, and I only went up 2 lbs.. Which is terrible, but not the end of the world!
I really enjoy this upbeat and positive attitude I've adopted lately. It's really refreshing and it just feels good. Also.. I finally got a pinterest and I'm pretty much addicted haha hello crockpot ideas!
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godessalthena
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2012 21 June :: 11.29am
Went to PJ's last night with Samie, Icky, Drew and Sus. We met a girl named Erin who seemed pretty awesome. I got a lot of compliments on my dye job. Ran into a lot of high school people who I thought were always assholes. Got laughed at by several men, when really won't have bothered me if Sus didn't tell me "don't get hit on too much" every time I was left alone. Had a mini breakdown, which luckily was only minor oh caught and easily dismissed. Then we went to Shari's. I only had a little bit to drink, but Drew was completely dog-faced wasted. Samie was adorably drunk and it made me happy. Icky was kinda grumpy, but I blame his quitting of smoking haha so it's forgivable!
All in all I had a good time. I wish I had had a better time, but it just wasn't my night. Wednesday was so full of activities and PJ's was sooo packed I thought it was Friday haha
I want to find a bar where the music isn't deafening and it isn't a hole in the wall haha tho I did get complimented on my awesome nails haha
This weekend is so crammed full of things.. I'm so tired of driving haha I'm volunteering, helping Samie while her car is dead, having a going away party, trying to fit in time with my family, a new puppy and Sus. Three days just isn't enough!
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godessalthena
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2012 12 June :: 1.52am
:: Mood: sleepy
sometimes i just get so caught up in the rat race.. i forget to do what is really important..
but honestly i have a hard time even determining what is important.. i used to find so much pleasure in art and nature, and now i just work, drink, watch television and occasionally see my friends and family.. i really love having close relationships to people, but i find myself getting so scared about the future of those relationships that i end up running away or avoiding interaction..
i find a lot of joy and pride in my hair.. it is a part of myself that i have always loved.. i think i did a really beautiful job on it this time, and it finally is starting to feel healthy again. and that just makes me feel so giddy inside. it is so stupid and silly, but it is something i have always found comfort in.
i have been getting more and more exhausted as days go by, and i am not really sure why.. i sleep enough, i do not overexert myself, i have not felt overly stressed out... i am starting to worry that i have developed diabetes 2 or something. i know how to fix it, it is just such a long road and i always feel like i am facing it all alone.. and it is so daunting.
i am sitting in samie's living room all by myself, writing this in dead silence.. there are 5 other people in here asleep right now. and i feel so isolated. i am always so scared that she is going to get bored of me or find someone else she likes more. i am terrified i am going to mess things up. i just wish i didn't like people as much as i do. i hate feeling this constant fear that they too will leave me.. i hate losing friends, especially the ones i have invested so much time into.. i mean look at sarah, peter, dale, josh, lauren, brooke, jeremiah, kirk... danny.. tammie.. all these people that were my entire world for quite a long period of time.. all gone, save jeremiah. i don't ever see these people, talk to these people.. but i think about them all almost every day.. and i miss them. i feel so angry that after all that time and love and patience eventually turned into bitterness and hatred and distance.. and now.. it's just a big empty place in my heart where they all used to be..
it is almost like having a part of you taken away, losing someone who was essentially your whole life for years at a time. and just up and saying "you never get to see this person again". i mean, basically they are dead.. and it is ridiculously depressing.
maybe someday bridges will be rebuilt.. but sometimes people can not forgive. and they can't move on.. i don't dwell on the things i have lost, though i do look back on them with certain nostalgia. i miss them, but i am happy with where i am now..
i am just having a hard time seeing anything to come of the future.. and that is very terrifying..
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godessalthena
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2012 10 June :: 8.19pm
Feeling a little better.. Looking forward to the weekend for sure. Halfway through the week already!!
I've decided I'm going to try manic panic's virgin snow to get my hair to white. I'm just hoping my roots aren't too yellow. I don't want to rebleach them :/
I've been so tired lately, not sure why. Probably poor diet, no exercise.. Bleh.
I have been trying to make a lady Rainicorn and the dimensions are really hard to get right. I'm getting frustrated! Bleh.
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godessalthena
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2012 9 June :: 2.28pm
:: Mood: exhausted
I'm so depressed today. Not sure why. I just feel sad and angry and frustrated.
I just want to crawl into a hole and sleep. :(
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godessalthena
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2012 6 June :: 6.46pm
Today is the last full day in the land of the midnight sun. I haven't slept much because of the light and all these motherfucking mosquito bites >:(
Emily got hired in Leavenworth so that means she's moving away in July :( I'm really upset and sad. I never see her now, and once she moves I REALLY will never see her :( she won't be here for her birthday either.. Unless she comes by... I am happy for her, she needs to leave this place to be happy and I want her to be happy.. It's just hard to say good bye to a really amazing friend.
I think I need some puppy lovin's to help heal my aching heart. I miss my little baby. I can't wait to see him!
I bought Samie some little kids books to read with Zeke. I think she'll really love them. They're made by local Alaskan artists. I also bought zuzu a gift too. And one for Emily. I would have bought more, but money is tight..
This was a weird vacation. I went flight seeing and that was pretty spectacular! Hung out with Danielle, who removed both Sus and myself from her friend's list because we got to go flight seeig and she didn't because she's pregnant. Boo fucking hoo, you wanted a baby just STFU and be happy you got what you wanted. She is really a piece of work. She bitched and bitched about rob being included on his birthday, so when we went out to dinner later, he stayed at home to give her space, which pissed her off because it made her feel like an ass. Really? No fucking shit.
She's always been queen of the universe, but with that baby in her belly she's gotten a million times worse. I feel bad for the baby. She is going to have some serious damage.
Haha which I find this funny: baby is due November 1 and Danielle wants to name her Alexandria hahahahha so strange
Anyway I can't wait to be home. Laundry was washed here so I don't even have to worry about that on Friday!!
Then hanging with zuzu on Wednesday, going away party on the 20th, and prometheus somewhere in between :)
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godessalthena
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2012 3 June :: 11.00am
Well I've lost my workout buddy, so I'm going to need to start self motivating. It'll be hard, but I know I can do it.
Yesterday I was stolen from. Today is the jackass's birthday. I think in addition to stealing my rum he took my god damn toothbrush. I have torn the place up looking for it and I can't find it anywhere :( so I need to buy a new one. I'm not upset about what was taken, just that anything of mine was stolen in the first place.
Anyway, I'm just trying to stay positive. I have like 7 mosquito bites, all in places like my foot and where shirt straps go :( but it's all good. I have a new belt, I have cute hair, I got to connect with Danielle and Brian and Corky.
I'm just hoping that today turns out not to be a total loss.
I miss Bjorne :(
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godessalthena
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2012 31 May :: 7.57pm
Two-faces
I am really disturbed at how two-sided people are.
I honestly thought we were friends, but apparently for the last 3 years you've been thinking I'm some kind of a dirty rapist who masturbates to her pictures. And that I'm a complete alcoholic.. And yet you act like we're best friends.
Well.. I'm done with that bullshit. And once over home I'm getting rid of all connections to you. And I'm really upset that you might be getting married into the family. That guy is a cute and funny man, and I'm pretty sure he's just settling with what he can get due to his age.
But whatever. You can continue down your path to being a fat animal collector. I'm fucking done.
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godessalthena
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2012 30 May :: 11.33pm
It's 2333 and outside it looks like 0800. It's hilarious! I don't feel tired at all. It's crazy how much our body works off photons.
All the booze is spoiled. It's kinda sad, but I'm not heartbroken.
After all, I can French braid like a boss.
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godessalthena
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2012 29 May :: 8.14pm
:: Mood: Nervous
Flying up to Alaska tomorrow for 8 days. Going to see Sus's family and get some professional photos taken.
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godessalthena
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2012 22 May :: 12.34pm
I did this to try and get away from feeling like #2, but it seems like I'm right back where I started.
I think.. I've learned a lesson and I am going to try something different.
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godessalthena
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2012 21 May :: 12.26pm
Essentially I'm a very confused little girl.
But I didn't dream of the solution.
Damn it.
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godessalthena
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2012 19 May :: 3.30am
Growing up is ridiculously difficult.
Everytime I think I'm done something else happens.
I feel like I'm learning to walk all over again.
I'm tired of all the fights. And the miscommunications.
I just wish I had someone to turn to who knew what to do.
I feel like I'm at a crossroads and I have no clue where to go.
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godessalthena
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2012 18 May :: 9.20pm
Extensions are installed, roots touched up. Hair completely fried!
But they are very pretty and I'm excited to actually grow my hair out this long.
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