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2004 28 January :: 7.49 pm
I wrote this last night.
The Way to Go
Nevermind, the way you feel changes tomorrow
Nevermind, the things you say mean nothing now
And all I say has not effect
The way you still just aren�t impressed
And all I do to make you feel
All I feel to make you breathe
And all I do to let you know
Nevermind just let me leave
Nevermind, the way you always change your act
Nevermind, things that fall within your path
And all I say has not effect
The way you still just aren�t impressed
And all I do to make you feel
All I feel to make you breathe
And all I do to let you know
Nevermind just let me leave
Nevermind, the wounds that never heal
Nevermind, the way you never feel
And all I say has not effect
The way you still just aren�t impressed
And all I do to make you feel
All I feel to make you breathe
And all I do to let you know
Nevermind just let me leave
Nevermind, things change as they heal with you
Nevermind, I thought I�d found a way to deal with you
Nevermind, I guess I�ll leave
Nevermind, just let me leave
Nevermind, I still can�t breathe
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2004 24 January :: 4.56 pm
:: Mood: touched
:: Music: Nirvana
Goodnights & The Old Couch
Sweet dreams held between
Trials fade the time you wait
I still see that smile on your face
Even through the darkness
Lighting up my world
But I still see you like the first time
An unchanging picture in my mind
But I still see you like the first day
As hard as I try to make you fade
Goodnights and the little fights
Cold days, forever and always
A time and a place for us to go
Holds a place forever, when you don't seem to show
And I still see you in that same way
A smile folded onto your face
And I still see you in that same place
A mood forever left unchanged
But I still see you there
And you still seem to care
I still see you
I still see you
I always see you
When I close my eyes…
I wrote this yesterday, listening to Nirvana.
You seem not to be impressed
While I still have no effect
And I’ll choose the moment
For when it seems just right
And I’ll keep you guessing
Until you can’t stand to fight
You seem not to be afraid
While I know you still can’t wait
And I’ll choose the time
When we won’t be detected
And I’ll choose the place
Where we won’t be expected
You seem to be unscathed
While I’m still just not a match
And I’ll keep you at bay
Long enough to hear what I say
And I’ll keep you right here
So I can always see your face this clear
You seem not to be so close after all
Though I see you in the mirror on the wall
And I’ll choose the way
And I’ll choose the time
And I’ll choose the place
And I’ll choose the line
And I’ll lose my way
Lost track and time
And I’ll lose my place
I should have followed the line
I wrote this one today, listening to Nirvana again.
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2004 21 January :: 10.10 pm
Soul Fire
There is a rage building inside of me
I won’t let you in
I won’t let you feel my skin
I must protect you from this fire within
I repress every feeling of anger
To a candlelit refuge inside of my soul
A cave inside that makes me whole
Seizing so many pieces of the life you stole
Shadows splayed across the walls
Of a room full of things I never had to do
A knife and a letter, that never got through
Both feed the fire which grows for you
It’s always there, inside of me
Every ounce of pain
I feel every lick of the flames
Every time I hear your name
My eyes grow dark as it fills my body
My hands burn with the piercing desire
My mind goes blank with the intent to conspire
As this flame fills my veins with liquid fire
I scream your name and it grows even more
It takes me hostage and I fall to my knees
Clasping my hands, begging it please
It’s coursing through me just like a disease
My soul fire reaching its full potential
I can’t take this pain anymore
Too much anger, not worth fighting for
So I whisper your name as I fall to the floor
This is a pretty old poem. I wrote it on Christmas Day. So, about a month.
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2004 17 January :: 8.31 pm
Frenzied moths swarm within me
Searching for a light, not there to find
Clouds of doves blind my sight
Sending shivers down my spine
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2004 17 January :: 5.42 pm
Closed hearts and open minds
Fall apart in an ocean's eyes
Plumeting darkness inside of your soul
Regain consciousness and take control
Take me with you and make me whole
Then fall apart as I fake control
I've never been in charge
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2004 13 January :: 4.30 pm
These are the voices you live to hear
These are the memories that haunt your dreams
These are the pictures that aren’t so clear
And these are the words that turn to screams
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2004 10 January :: 7.55 pm
I feel the same old fears confronting me again
The loss of control
I see the same black shapes in the darkness
In the depths of my soul
the shortest i've ever written.
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2003 30 December :: 3.46 pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: Sevendust - Separate
Finished. Completed.
Out of the ashes I rise
I awaken and come to life
Slowly I open my eyes
Breathing for the first time
My skin cracks and bleeds
The moment comes and leaves
I feel the air as it breathes
Whispering what it needs
I shed this burning skin
And let loose the light within
Crushing darkness again
This life I’ll soon begin
I just need for time to wait
Slow down and separate
So I know what path to take
So I can finally find my way
Fire spreads through me like anger and deception
As the stars point me in the right direction
I follow to a point out of perception
Where lies the biggest fear of all conception
Well...There it is, I don't know what to name it yet, I just finished it. I know I like it though.
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696 87 December :: 3.19 pm
:: Music: Breaking - Skin
Raining Fire from the Sky
‘Raining Fire’
The clouds raining down fire
The sun glowing blue
What happened to desire?
What happened to you?
The holder of light
The one I had to kill
The essence of sight
But sight could never fill
This feeling of rage
I just can’t get out
Locked inside the cage
I scream I shout
But know ones there to hear
And then, from deep inside
From a nightmares fear
From what I always hide
Something calms me down
For just a second and then
Here comes the sound
Of thunder again
Maybe it was you
But how could you know
How could you do?
How could you show?
Everything I needed to see
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2003 29 December :: 3.05 pm
:: Music: Breaking Benjamin - Shallow Bay
“The Graves of Sadness”
Deep down in the graves of sadness
The dead sleep, nightmares of madness
As he walks he sees nothing but night
A cry of terror, a cry of fright
Is then thrown, from a soul un-kept
A life is stolen, and then all except
The dream is taken, it drifts away
Into the night, where it will stay
And everyone, unaware
Will walk around, without a care
But the one who knows it
Will forget, he never shows it
Then the story will be told
The story forever, long and cold
He thinks he thought it up one night
But the memories remain inside the mind
And to recall, without the sight
Everything, he once left behind
He will be killed in his sleep
So the secret, he is sure to keep
Down in his grave of madness
Nightmares filled with sadness
He awakes one night to find
He’s not the only one without a mind
Stole from him the only way
They know to have the secret stay
“The Graves of Sadness, Part 2”
Once dead I awaken again
My resurrection, brought back from death
Twice lived, once I’ve died
Brought back with life’s last breath
The infestation of this new body of mine
Will wholly leave all else behind
Except the memories that hide in me
That dark night so long ago
My eyes open and I realize they weren’t closed
I breathe only because now it’s imposed
Looking over I see my open grave
People standing over me in this new age
I sit up screaming life into the night
An open window, curtains blind my sight
Everything I see around me
Triggers memories inside the past
That dark night so long ago
The memories are sure to last
But their scars will never show
The pain inside is maddening
The grief I hold, the memory saddening
I can’t pay attention to what’s happening
I fall back into the grave
Hands pulling me down into the dirt
A terror built from memories
I can’t let go of pain and hurt
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