::
2009 25 March :: 10.37am
:: Mood: contemplative
Contemplative, yet content.
Well, things have been going great for the past couple days. I watched the Twilight movie for the first time the other day. It was surprisingly good for a movie made from a book. Of course, they left some stuff out, but, what booke based movie doesn't leave things out. But, it was good overall. And update on the guy situation. HaHa. Well, I've been talking to this guy Darin for a while. I met him through Brendon. I never thought of Darin like that before, ever. But, the other night, we just got to talking, and I saw him in a different way than before. I realised he would be a great boyfriend. We like each other, long story short. But, there is a teeny tiny distance problem. Actually, when you look at it, it's not so teeny tiny. HaHa. I am in Michigan and he lives in...Arizona. So, it's a bit of a problem. I told him I didn't know how I would be able to handle the distance, but I heard(not from Darin) that he apparently has enough funds to visit. I just wish he wasn't so far away. Maybe if he was in Ohio or something, then I wouldn't have to think about it twice. But, when he's in Arizona, I have been thinking about it too much. I am overthinking, which I do all the time. I overanalyze possible relationships all the time, even when the guy is in the same town. He also plans on joining the National Guard. But, there's just so much to like about him. He's 18, around 6 ft. tall, Brown hair, Blue eyes, very muscular, etc. I know he's real, yes. It's not like I've never kind of seen him before. It's not just pictures. There's been webcam a few times, then just yesterday we talked on the phone for the first time. The entire phone conversation and even after we stopped talking, I couldn't stop smiling. Brie even noticed. She said "Aww, Sammie's happy. Maybe she should talk to Darin more often." And I agree with her. But, I've been in a great mood since me and him started talking to each other in a different way from being friends. He's sweet, hilarious, cute, HOT voice(HaHa. I wasn't looking for that, but, it's a bonus), he's honest, he helps me out, etc. He's just as close to perfect for me as anyone can be. He makes me happy. I just wish there wasn't so much of a distance between us. He'll be coming a little closer eventually. He said he'll be going to Missouri, but that's for training for the National Guard. But, amybe we can make this work, who knows? But right now, I'm going to enjoy this and smile and laugh. I'm doing both of those more often now. But, I have to get ready for Physical Therapy. Bye. :]
::
2009 20 March :: 1.00am
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: "Eyes on Fire" by: Blue Foundation
Bleh Bleh Bleh.
Well, I hope everyone had a good St. Patrick's Day. I didn't get to drink, I went to Physical Therapy though. It was the worst appointment of them all. I had a different lady doing my arm stretching. She put me in so much pain, it was ridiculous. Then my friend Jesse came over yesterday and he forgot about my arm completely, and he got a bit too rambuncious and was shaking my arm and grabbing at my shoulder. So, my arm felt like it had a pulse after that. It was just throbbing and ice was not doing anything for it. Just giving me shivers. It's a little better today though. But, I also want to thank Jenny again for taking me to my appointment. THANK YOU JENNY! :] HaHa. But, the weekend will be here shortly and I plan on going out and having fun. I also did some organizing in my room earlier. I felt very productive. I cleaned the dining room and folded laundry, then continued with the sudden burst of energy up to my room. Where I switched out some pictures that were in frames, hung my dresses up, cleaned/organized some of the junk under my bed, organized my books, etc. It was amazing how much I did actually. I was pretty impressed with myself. HaHa. But, I haven't had much going on since I updated last. It's been a sort of boring week. So, I'm going to end this entry here due to having no life and therefore nothing to write about. HaHa. Bye.
Arts and Crafts like never before
Lately I have felt nothing but the want and need to paint. I don't really want to paint on paper, but it's been more directed to wooden craft kits. And a lamp. I painted a wooden spring decoration that has a dragonfly, butterfly, and some flowers on it. It's hanging on our front door. Then I also painted an Easter decoration. It has a Banner that I painted baby blue then I painted "Happy Easter" on it and in the craft kit came three wooden shapes of carrots. I painted those and I put it all together. That will be on our front door when Easter gets closer. Mom's very proud of the job I did. She told me the Easter one looks as though a professional did it. Then Yesterday we went to The Serice Center, and I got a black desk lamp and painted it. The theme of the painting/colours on it are the Sea/Ocean. I painted Sea Gulls on it, a rock with waves crashing around it, the ocean itself, and clouds. I like it. I am feeling the need to paint right now too, but I don't have much paint left, so I have to save it. That and I don't really have anything to paint. I am definitely looking forward to possibly going back and getting more wooden signs/boxes to paint. My Great-Grandma DeVries also gave me a fiber optic Angel/Fairy last night. It's gorgeous, there's flowers, a waterfall(the fiber optics are in that spot), of course the Faiy/Angel, and then 2 children. I love it. And she's making me a blanket. The colours are going to be a peach colour and then a deep burgundy. She says she is giving each Grandchild and Great-Grandchild one. So, I am lookin forward to getting mine. But, I better go. Bye.
::
2009 4 March :: 12.37pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: "Eyes on Fire" By: Blue Foundation
Lazy Samm's Back.
Well, mom keeps waking me up early every morning. Strangely it seems to be an hour later each day. Monday- 6:30. Tuesday- 7:30. Wednesday- 8:30. Weird, but she says that I can't continue to sleep the days away anymore. Oh well. I guess she's right. But, more and more, I don't feel like waking up or leaving the house. I want to hang out, but, I just don't really feel like leaving. Weird, because just a week ago I was dying to get out of my house, and now I'm back to being a hermit crab. I haven't left the house for anything since Saturday. I'm not looking forward to next Monday though. That's the first Physical Therapy appointment. Gahh. Oh well. I don't have much to talk about. I've just been laying around, smoking cigarettes, watching Dane Cook, listening to music, and reading. Bye.
::
2009 3 March :: 12.44am
:: Mood: curious
:: Music: "I'm Gonna Be(500 miles)" By: The Proclaimers
Stephenie Meyers, Stomach Pain, and The Proclaimers.
Well, lately I've been spending alot of time on this computer. But, not so much on my usual sites like Facebook, Myspace, or here either. I've been reading the partial draft of "Midnight Sun". It's the unreleased 5th book in the "Twilight" series. No, it's not illegal where I'm getting it from. Stephenie Meyer posted it on her website. It's 264 pages, and I'm a little bit more than halfway through. So far, I love it. It's basically the first book, "Twilight", but instead of from Bella's point of view, it's from Edward's. I have always wondered what he thought and felt. And I love it, I'm getting to see sides of him that I didn't think were there. But, according to my sister, Stephenie Meyer might not even release it because people have been illegally dowloading and printing it. I really hope she does print it. I hope she does the rest of the books from his perspective as well. Because quite honestly, I'm addicted, and "Breaking Dawn" wasn't enough for me. The books left me yearning for more. I actually spent around a total of 5 hours reading today. Yes, I read very slowly. Oh well. But, I just sit here and read while listening to music on YouTube. And then, earlier, some crazy stomach pain came out of nowhere. It was like nothing I've ever experienced before. It's gone for the most part though. But, I'm just sitting here, about to read more, and I'm listening to one of my favourite songs. I'll put it on here. I loved it the second I heard it in "Benny and Joon". But, I have to get some reading in. Bye.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sd1IfDN6VKY
The embed or whatever thing was disabled, but, if you're interested or curious enough, take a listen. It's not my normal genre of music such as Sirenia, Richy Nix, or Marilyn Manson, but I still enjoy it.
Weekend.
It's finally Friday. It's been a long week. But, hopefully I will be able to make plans and let loose. At the moment I have nothing going on, but hopefull that will change.
Oh man, today, I tell you what..some people are lucky I am not one of those rude Atheists. Two women from some Baptist church came to the door, and I made mistake number one: I answered it. Me, the Atheist. I tell you what, they would not shut up. Asking me to come to their church, they gave me a little booklet with these steps to accept Jesus into my heart, and I was trying my hardest not to laugh. I think they realised it to, cos from there it sounded more like they were trying to save me. They were almost begging me to accept Jesus. And during this was when I made mistake number two: I didn't tell the to go away! I swear, they were on my door step for like 5 minutes. LONGEST 5 MINUTES IN EXISTANCE. They told me if I ever needed anything, and they stressed on anything, to call them at their church or their personal cellphones. Which, they gave me the number to. But, as soon as they were out of sight and hearing distance, I shut the door and started laughing. Then threw away their card thing. I walked in the living room and shhok my head, that's when my mom said "You answered the door". I'm never answering the door again. Sigh.
But, at least I'm not one of those rude Atheists. I think religion is bogus, but if you want to believe in God or whatever, good for you. If it works for you, then good for you. If the promise of Heaven makes you less afraid of Death, good for you. It's not my thing. Never will be. But, I better go. Bye.
::
2009 25 February :: 1.44pm
:: Mood: envious
:: Music: "Love Story" by: Taylor Swift
Cos you were Romeo, I was a Scarlett Letter.
We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes
And the flashback starts
I'm standing there
On a balcony in summer air
See the lights
See the party, the ball gowns
I see you make your way through the crowd
And say hello, little did I know
That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don't go, and I said
Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes
So I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew
So close your eyes
Escape this town for a little while
'Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
But you were everything to me
I was begging you please don't go and I said
Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes
Romeo save me, they try to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it's real
Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story baby just say yes
Oh oh
I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you is fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town, and I said
Romeo save me I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head? I don't know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring
And said, marry me Juliet
You'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress
It's a love story baby just say yes
Oh, oh, oh, oh
'Cause we were both young when I first saw you
Cos I don't ever wanna leave you for dead..
Okay. Time for an update while I'm still feeling a bit chatty. I went to the Bone Doctor again today. Gahh. I wanted to knee him in the face so bad when he started messing with my arm. He pushed back on my shoulder, but pulled the rest of my arm forward. It hurt so bad, I was in tears. God, talk about embarrassing. But, he gave me some more Vicodin, and they set up my therapy schedule. I don't know it off the top of my head, but I think it's 3 times a week for 4 weeks. Doug said if I didn't like what the Doctor did, I'm going to hate Therapy. I believe it. I've also had a realization or two.
REALIZATION #1: I've decided what to be this coming Halloween. Yes, I know it's not for another 8 months or so, but I'm one of those weird people that plans it months ahead. I am going to be Mrs. Lovett from Sweeney Todd. So, I need to make some changes for that to be possible. I need to change my hair. I'm getting my hair and eyebrows dyed brown, and I'm getting a perm. Not those frizzy looking tight curls, but looser ones. And, I have yet to decide on which outfit of her's I will wear, but, since wedding dresses are easier to come by, I might wear a wedding dress. For the scene where she fantasizes of marrying Sweeney Todd. So, people, get your cameras ready because this will be the only time you see me in a wedding dress. HaHa.
But, it was only one realization. But, I better go. Bye.
::
2009 14 February :: 3.32pm
:: Mood: eh
:: Music: "Moonlight Sonata" by: Beethoven
V-Day.
It's here. I'm glad it only lasts a day. It's the holiday single women hate. And I do not exclude myself from that category of women. Those who are lonely, bitter, cynical...but the ones that as soon as they get a card or some candy/flowers, they perk right up and say they've always loved this holiday. Contradicting what they said about hating it 5 minutes ago. Yes, that's me. HaHa. I mean, I've never really been fond of Valentine's Day, but, when you're in a relationship, it's easier to get through. But when you're single, you want to drop kick every happy couple you see. No pity please, I'm just venting. I will be fine tomorrow when every piece of chocolate is set at half-price. And it's Brie's birthday tomorrow, so I'll be happy when I see her open the re-gifted presents I am giving her. HaHa. I'm giving her some ear rings I never wear, cosmetic sponges, drawing pencils, candy, 2 nail polishes, and Sweet Pea body lotion. I didn't have any money to buy her anything, and I don't have the two available hands to make her something. I just hope she likes what I can give her.
::
2009 13 February :: 11.46am
:: Mood: creative
:: Music: "Moonlight Sonata" by: Beethoven
Nothing but Classical music, books, and further arm slings.
So, yesterday, Mom and I went to the Bone Doctor that did my surgery. I got the stitches taken out--the front one hurt the worst because some skin had grown over the stitch--and then we did some x-rays. I swear I wanted to punch the x-ray technician for twisting and bending and pulling my arm the way he did. It hurt like hell. No joke. But, we looked over the x-rays in the room and the Doctor told me that I have to keep my arm in the sling for another(get this) 6 weeks! 6 more weeks of not typing as fast as I used to, 6 weeks of not being able to do my hair or make up, 6 more weeks of embarrassing showers because my mom has to help me, and 6 more weeks of having to control my OCD urge to scrub everything in this house. Mom wasn't the least bit happy either. I can't say I blame her because I am...scratch that...was the one who would help out with Ava and get her eady for school and what not. Oh well. Lately I have been trying to relax by reading my books, listening to classical music, and smoking cigarettes. Ha. But, I am not going to continue staying home for the next six weeks or so. I am bound to go mad at any moment. Luckily Jenny has offered to take me on a "date" sometime next week. Where we are going and what we are doing is a mystery to us both. We have no clue what to do.
I find it amusing to go to the grocery store now. People pass me and see my left arm in the sleeve of my coat, but they look and wonder where my right arm is. I have also had plenty of people stare at my arm in the sling as if they are trying to guess what happened to my shoulder. Slipped on ice and broke it? Abusive household(never, fyi)? What could have happened? I hate the real story. "I went to take a swing at my brother and my middle-aged shoulder gave out". HaHa. Some people in Lowell said to my Grandma "Wow, she must have really upset you, huh?". Joking of course.
I also seriously need something to knock me out at night. Because I have been sleeping downstairs on the floor(my Grandpa claims the couch) and even if I go to bed before him, I still wake up around 3-4 in the morning. Either his LOUD snoring wakes me up, the TV that was never shut off or turned down wakes me up, or both. So, this morning I was awake at 3:30. And even going upstairs didn't help much because Brie was in my bed, a couple hours later the kids had to get ready for school, and I kept getting woken up. Shit for sleep. So, I seriously need something that will knock me on my ass and make it to where I do not wake up until at least 9. HaHa.
Anyway, I have nothing else really new going on. Bye.
::
2009 12 February :: 2.23pm
:: Mood: Lazy, tired, and content.
:: Music: "I will be" by: Avril Lavigne
I will be.
There’s nothing I can say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to me
All the pain the tears they cry
Still you never said goodbye and now I know how far you’d go
I know I let you down but its not like that now
This time I’ll never let you go
I will be all that you want and get my self together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life I’ll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make every thing OK
I thought that I had every thing I didn’t know what life could bring
But now I see honestly
You're the one thing I got right
The only one I let inside
Now I can breathe 'cause you're here with me
And if I let you down I’ll turn it all around
Cause I would never let you go
I will be all that you want and get my self together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life I’ll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make every thing OK
Cause with out you I can’t sleep
I’m not gonna ever ever let you leave
You’re all I got
You’re all I want
Yeah
And with out you I don’t know what I’ll do
I could never ever live a day with out you
Hear with me do you see your all I need
And I will be all that you want and get my self together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life (my life) I will be with you forever
To get you through the day and make every thing OK
I will be (I’ll be) all that you want and get my self together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
And all my life you know I will be with you forever
To get you through the day and make every thing OK
that one thing jess did..lol.
Dear Kayliegh,
I don't really know how to tell you this, I dislike your eyelashes. I think I think I realized it when I threw up in your sock drawer, in a clown suit. And I saw you drive over my boyfriend. I'm sure you're middle-class enough to understand that your driving sucks. I'm returning your Hanna Montanna underwear to you, but I'll keep your collection of butterflies as a memory. You should also know that I was interviewed about the car you stole and your cucumber-fetishism is weird.
Go drown yourself,
Samm
(I got this from Jess's blog, so here it is if anyones interested)
dear (someone with whom you have recently spoken),
I don't really know how to tell you this, (1). I think I realized it (2) (3) and I saw you (4)(5) . I'm sure you're (6) enough to understand (7). I'm returning (8) to you, but I'll keep (9) as a memory. You should also know that I (10) and (11).
(12),
(Your name)
1) What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - I'm in love with your cat
White - Our affair is over
Red - I'm joining the Convent
Yellow - Our romance is over
Green- Our socks don't match
Grey - You're a leprechaun
Black - I'm selling myself for candy
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're mean
Other -I dislike your eyelashes
2) Which is your birth month?
January - That night you picked your nose
February -When I quoted Forest Gump
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on peanut butter
May - When I threw up in your sock drawer
June - When you put cuffs on me
July – When you sma cked my ass
August - When I saw the purple monkey
September - Last year when you peed your pants
October - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
November - When your dog humped my leg
December - When I finally changed my underwear
4) What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Ignore
Red - Put whipped cream on
Black - Hit on
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - bit of
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the pants off of
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive over
5) What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My boyfriend
White - My father
Grey – The Catholic Priest
Brown – The Montreal Canadian's goalie
Purple - My corned beef hash
Red – My knee caps
Blue - My salt-beef bucket
Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana
Orange - My Blink 182 cd
Pink – Your ‘My Little Pony' collection
None – My prized statue of Michael Jackson in the nude
Other --The elephant in the corner
6) What do you prefer to watch on TV?
One Tree Hill - Senile
Heroes- Frostbitten
Lost - High
Simpsons- Cowardly
The news - Scarred
American Idol - Sexy
Family Guy - Open
Top Model - Middle-class
Annat -shamed
7) Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful you are
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That I get turned on only by garbage men
Angry - That your smell makes me vomit
Depressed – That we're related
Excited - That I may pee my pants
Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you
Worried - That your Ford sucks
Apathetic - That you need a sex-change
Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your earlobes
Cuddly - That Santa doesn't exist
Silly - That there is no solution to you being a dumb kid
Other - That your driving sucks
8) What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your toe ring
Yellow - Your love letters to me
Red - Your pet rock
Black - The pictures from Vegas
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - Your car
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your nose hair clippers
Grey - Our matching snoopy underwear
Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your Hannah Montanna underwear
9) The first letter of your first name?
A/B - My virginity
C/D - Your photo with the mustache drawn on it
E/F - Your neighbour's dog
G/H - The oil tank from your car
I/J - Your left ear
K/L - The results of that blood-sample
M/N - Your glass eye
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X – Your sucide note
Y/Z - Your credit cards
10) The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises
C/D - Always will remember the pep talks
E/F -Never will forget that night
G/H – Hate your cooking
I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly
K/L - Will tell the authorities that you did not steal that whale in the back yard
M/N - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching
O/P - Was interviewed about the car you stole
Q/R - Always wanted to break your legs
S/T - Get sick when I think of your feet
U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart
W/X - Haven't showered in a month
Y/Z – am better off without you
11) What do you prefer to drink?
Wine- Our friendship is ruined
Soft drink – I'm off to lead a new life as a lemon
Soda – I will haunt you when I'm reincarnated as an Eskimo
Milk - The apartment building is on fire
Water – I'm scratching my ass as you read this
Cider– I have a passionate interest for mice
Juice – You ruined my attempts at another world war
Mineral water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked
Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird
Whiskey - I love Oprah Winfrey
Beer – Thanks for the Cocaine
Other – you should stop picking your nose
12) To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand – Warm tingly sensations
Australia - Best of luck on the sex change
France - Love always
Spain - With tears of sadness
China – You make me sick
Germany – Please don't hurt me
Japan - Go milk a cow
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
USA - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt – Kiss my butt
England - Go drown yourself
Tomorrow.
So, tomorrow is the surgery day. My mom and I have to leave here anywhere from 5:30-5:45am. Gahh! I am very thankful for Jess though. She went and got me some m&m's, snickers, a sierra mist, and a card. She didn't tell me, probably because she knew I would protest. HaHa. Oh, and thank you Alex for your little tid bit in the card. HaHa. Thank you to those who are hoping the best for me.
Jess,
Thank you so much for everything, and that card is the best card ever! HaHa. And don't worry, I will definitely give you directions to my grandma's house so you can come hang out with me. I might just be bumming around in sweats and an over sized flannel shirt, but we can still have fun. And if Alex doesn't read this, tell the sympathy freeloader I said thanks as well. HaHa. And we definitely need to celebrate when I am fully healed. Fo Sho! But, even though it was only yesterday that you stopped by, I miss you already. But, better be off. Bye.
::
2009 21 January :: 8.30pm
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: "If I ever leave this world alive" By: Flogging Molly
Shoulder
Well, the other night I was joking around with my brother, and went to lightly punch him. While my arm was in mid air, no force applied, my shoulder popped completely out. It felt like a shoulder cramp, like when you get a charlie horse in your leg, but when I looked over, it looked disgusting. The top part of shoulder was over by my collar bone, and where it should have been was completely caved in. It has happened before, but it always pops right back into place. But, we went to the hospital and after some x-rays, they said that my tendons/ligaments were way too loose. So now, I am wearing a shoulder immobilizer and it sucks. I can't use my right arm at all, and the bone doctor said I can take my arm out of the immobilizer, but when I try, it's too painful, and it feels like my arm is going to pop out again. So, I leave it on. Here comes the worst part...
Next Thursday, January 29th, I have to have shoulder surgery. Yeah. I am not looking forward to that at all. And they said it would take me two months to recover, and on top of that I have to do rehabilitation therapy for my shoulder.
Then, my dad called earlier and apparently my Grandma had a suggestion. She wanted to know if I wanted to stay with her for a few days after my surgery. So, I am thinking about it. It would be nice. I wouldn't have kids or dog's jumping on me or bumping into me. And it is more relaxing there. So, I haven't decided yet, but I am thinking about it. Any opinions here? HaHa.
But, better go. It's hard to type. Just figured I would update, so you don't think I'm dead. HaHa. Bye.
Lately..
I am now on the third book in the Twilight Series. "Eclipse". So far it's a good book, unfortunately I haven't been able to read it much lately. I've been busier than usual. Hopefully this weekend will give me more reading time, or time to hang out. Because I swear, I am going to lose it if I'm forced to stay here all weekend. We were supposed to go with my dad this weekend, but he's going to be in South Carolina. So, maybe I will be able to relax this weekend. I highly doubt that, but, I still hope. Yesterday I had to clean the dining room lamp above the table, I had to clean the chairs in the dining room, and I had to do laundry. I was going to have to do dishes, but since Tanna was the last to do the dishes, her dishes were greasy and still had food on them, which meant I didn't have to do them, she did. I hate dishes. The sad thing is I would rather scrub floors, toilets, and all that deep cleaning stuff instead of do dishes.
So right now, I would definitely rather be somehwere else. Ava is screaming at the top of her lungs, she is trying to hit, kick, and bite me, and I am so sick of it. I am sick of this being what makes up my daily life. Screaming, Kicking, Yelling, Stealing, Biting, Hitting, Cigarettes, Cleaning, and what not. I deal with this everyday, while others sleep in until the afternoon. I wish I could sleep, I wish I had time to read, had time to dream. But I don't. I have to keep my head out of the clouds, or else I will get in trouble. If chores do not get done in a timely fashion, I get bitched out. But, it is pretty hard to do some of these chores, while watching a 3 year old hurricane who can scream so loud it will make your ears bleed. It gets very tiring. And, if I stay here this weekend, I will have to deal with it some more. Because god forbid any of the other kids help with her and the house. God forbid I try to get some much needed sleep. So tonight, I will be begging for an escape. Somewhere else to be; somewhere away from here. I wish there was a place to go on the weekends where not even a phone call can reach me. Somewhere I don't hear "I hate you" on a daily basis from a mouthy toddler. This is why I cannot wait until I become 18. I don't want to grow up, but if it means I can get away from this, then I am ready.