cJessicaPyne
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2009 12 January :: 12.03am
Dear Isaiah Jakob,
It's been a year and 3 minutes since I found you and lost you all in one moment. I'm going to see your grave today but it's more than that. I come by to say hello all the time and I leave you things, but selfishly keep your lamb and blanket and hats and clothes..
But today is different.
Today is more.
Today is my realization that no matter what, time is going to keep marching by but this will never hurt any less. Nothing will ever feel so right wrapped around my finger than yours. Or my arms around you.
I don't fight the tears anymore.
I'm not ashamed and I'm sorry that I ever was. I'm sorry that it took me a few days to confess to my father, but I was scared, and I'm so sorry.
I know you already knew that. You already knew everything I needed to tell you. One breath was enough, for you, little man.
I'll still always want a million more.
But that's because I'm your mama and I love you and I miss you, and damn it, 8 hours was NOT enough. These pictures, these clothes, these toys, these cards - they get me by. But they're nothing compared to being able to fall asleep with you, even if it was just one night.
I breathed you in and memorized your scent and face and could probably measure out perfectly how long your fingernails were.
Things have changed so much and this world is a mess. Sometimes I'm glad you're there, and not here, because this world sucks and isn't fit for you and your perfection.
If there were some way I could cut to the front of the line and be with you, I would.
Or maybe we'd cut ties and sneak away to string together stars and build our own world, just the two of us. We could race pirate ships to nebulas and back, drink laughter and feast on dreams, and just be happy.
Because Isaiah Jakob, talking to a cold stone and damp grass just isn't working for me.
I see Kaleb and Karis and Emilio and Eliseo run through the house on the holidays and sometimes I wonder what it would be like to see you running along behind them. Or beside them. Or in front. Or maybe you'd do your own thing. Maybe you would rather sit and watch.
I was a watcher too.
Maybe you'd be outgoing, charming the pants off of every lady in every supermarket. Or maybe you'd be shy, covering your face.
Maybe you'd have my curls and pull at them nervously.
I do know you had my lips and my eyes and my nose.
I've pictured them all scrunching up into a smile for so long.
One year and three minutes, to be exact.
Your aunt picked up your Christmas star from the funeral home and gave it to me on New Years. I wrapped it in your blanket and tucked it in your chest.
And I cried just as hard as I'm crying now.
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2008 25 December :: 5.48pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: "On top of the world" By: T.I. ft. Ludacris & B.O.B.
Christmas Day.
Today is Christmas, and suprisingly we woke up later than I thought we would. We were going to wake up at about 7:30, but, I guess it was around 9 when we finally woke up. It was alot of fun. It was us, the Grandpa, and Aunt Beth. She ended up coming over this morning. We had two stockings each this year. One from "Santa", and then one from Wolverine/YMCA cos they "adopted" our family to help us out. So, it was a good Christmas this year. I don't really feel like going into detail about the things I got right now, because I am going to go watch "The Nightmare Before Christmas" with Ava, but, I hope everyone had a a good and happy Christmas. So, no more countdowns from me. Bye.
-Samm d'Massacre.
365 more days until next Christmas. HaHa, Just Kidding.
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2008 24 December :: 7.40pm
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: "On top of the world" By: T.I. ft. Ludacris & B.O.B.
Christmas Eve.
Tomorrow is Christmas; the day I have been looking forward to since about November. And now, it's all going to be over soon in less than 24 hours. Oh well, at least we are the kind of people that keep our tree up until the middle of January. HaHa. My Aunt Beth is supposed to come over tonight, but, we don't know if she's still going to. Then tomorrow morning she's going to be here and so will our Grandpa Bennett. So, I'm excited. I'm also really excited to see the reactions of Mom, Doug, Bri, Dylan, Montanna, and Ava when they open the presents I got them. I'm going to say what I got them all, but you can't tell. HaHa.
-Mom: A very nice photo album and I already put some pictures in there. Ranging from us kids, all the way to pictures of her as a baby.
-Doug: Two Stephen King books. The first one being "The Green Mile", and then "The Bachman Books", which is four novels in one book.
-Brianna: Fuschia Semi Perminant hair dye.
-Dylan: A Breaking Benjamin CD.
-Montanna: A Tinkerbell purse.
-Avalyn: "Parachute Pig". It's a stuffed animal pig that has a parachute with a back pack and all included. It's pretty cute, if I do say so myself.
So, that's what they got. Not much, but, I did my best.
Tomorrow, we will, of course, wake up early and have our usual Hot Chocolate and Cinnamon Rolls. We will open presents, enjoy them for a little bit, then chaos will erupt. We will have to all get ready to go to my Aunt Diane's for lunch/dinner. And HOPEFULLY we will be able to go to my Grandma Schrivener's tomorrow after Aunt Diane's. I love it up at my Grandma's. Especially around the Holidays. There's like 150 people packed into a double wide trailer(that's not the part I like, in fact, I loathe that part), and there's a million things of food, and as for dessert...oh boy. There's way more than enough to go around. There's everything from finger jello, to pies, to Ice creams, and more. I love it up there. Then the guest bedroom is always the official PS2 playing room. Everyone in the gathers and plays racing games, Guitar Hero, and more. Then of course, there is always Sabrina's husband Derrick and his Viking Hat while he's been drinking. HaHa. It's great times.
But, I have to try and stay awake because my mom and step dad need my help transporting the presents from their hiding spot to our house. And, I'm going to watch "The Dark Knight", and hopefully finish it because I have had it for 4 days and I have not been able to watch the whole thing. But, going to go do that. Bye, and everyone, Have a Merry Christmas. And don't forget to party hard. HaHa.
-Samm d'Massacre.
The strangest Christmas Enthusiast EVER.
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2008 22 December :: 3.36pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: "If I ever leave this world alive" by: Flogging Molly
Ah, Christmas presents.
So, on Saturday our dad picked us up at about ten, and then I passed out on the couch immediately after arriving at his house. HaHa. But, the best was Sunday morning. We got our presents from him, our grandparents, and "Santa". I have to say, I have my own personal favourites when it came to what I got from them. The first being a box of herbal tea I got, it has a few different kinds of tea in it. It has the following: Chamomile, Peppermint, Lemon Zinger, Wild Berry Zinger, and Sleepy Time. Then, the second is a shit ton of art supplies I got. I got acrylic paints, sketch pads, a variety of pencils, erasers, sharpeners, paint palletes, and 25 brushes of different sizes and kinds. Then my Grandma T. got me "Twilight" and the new T.I. CD "Paper Trail". Those are my favourites.
So, one of these days, you will think to yourself "Hey, where is Samm, and why hasn't she posted anything?". I will be locked in my room, painting masterpieces, listening to T.I., and drinking awesome cups of tea. HaHa. Just so you know, that is where I will be. Or dead. HaHa.
OH! I almost forgot!!! I also got a new movie! "The Dark Knight". I was super happy when I opened it and realised it was now mine. Now, I will have one, and Doug(shh. He doesn't know yet) will have one.
And there are still presents coming. From Mom and Doug, whoever drew my name from the hat on one side of the family, and then doug's parents and grandma.
But, better be off. Have to get laundry and some chores done so either Jess can hopefully come over, or so I can get closer to locking myself away with my presents. HaHa. Bye.
-Samm d'Massacre
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cJessicaPyne
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2008 17 December :: 3.47pm
Parents?
I'm going to throw a curve-ball at you guys and I want feedback.
Unless it makes you feel icky and uncomfortable - in which case, you shouldn't even be creeping my blog.
How do you feel about your parents?
I know it's a loaded question. I'm wondering how you felt about the way they raised you, their rules, their flaws, their greatest moments and mistakes - and will you take any of this with you when YOU become a parent?
Duh, okay, I know you take some of your parents' tendencies with you everywhere but some people absolutely adore their parents and kiss ass to no end. Some would rather feed their kids tic-tacs for breakfast just because their parents never let them have any.
So are you grateful, or spiteful?
I think I'm a little bit of both, honestly.
(my mom, Lynnette, and step-dad Barry.)
My mom never got along with my dad, ever. What with his cheating and all. So I never spent time with the two of them together. Always back and forth. Always.
My dad got married when I was two and spoiled me because he knew my mom couldn't, being a single parent with two daughters. My mom always used to tell him, "You can't buy her love. She'll grow up and realize."
And I did.
But I also realized other things. Like my mom's drug addiction, her alcoholism, her depression. Looking back now, she made it look so easy, but I can tell it took its toll on her. Now she's divorced for the second time, stays in her room 22 out of 24 hours and regularly engages me in drunken arguments.
My mom was never big on affection or taking my sister Casey and I out places. Most of my memories from my single digit days are of Case and I eating popsicles on our front porch, watching the hot air balloons take off and float overhead.
There was a slew of new houses and abusive boyfriends before we actually got settled and my mom seemed to be consistently happy. For awhile.
My friends tend to love my mom because you can tell her anything and she's super easy going. She'll cook for you and teach you her trade secrets (my mom is an amazing cook), but only if you clean up afterwards. She'll come sit and play video games for hours, pressing other people's buttons and trying to cheat.
Sometimes she'll remember things I like and bring them home from the store, and announce it proudly.
And it hurts because she tries so hard.
(Myself and my dad, Carlos, at my sister's birthday dinner.)
My dad used to be my hero. He would drive anywhere to get me and back, and then back again because I forgot my Simba in his car, and then back.
But always with a smile.
I have baby shoes and letters he wrote me when I was growing up, memories of the toy-room he built for me, so stuffed with toys that I couldn't walk through it. I felt like a princess. But after awhile the Victorian dresses and painful hair-dos, and shiny new dolls got old.
Right about the time I did.
My dad is a Spanish (and also Mexican) Catholic. So I became the antichrist when I let my mother cut off my long hair, when I died it neon colors, when I listened to profane music, and when I got my first piercings.
My ears. Wtf?
My relationship has always been strained with my dad, and it only gets worse the older we both get. I have a 3 hour time limit that I allow myself to see him before all bets are off and the fists come out. My dad's a manipulator, guilt-tripper, and cheater. The first time I ever heard him say he was sorry to me, and admit that he was wrong, was when I walked in on him and his secretary in the living room.
It's crazy not to look up to your parents in some ways. Don't get me wrong, the respect is still there. My mom struggled and raised me fine, and my dad dealt with my step-mom's racist parents. Even though he hid me from her family for years.
But whatever.
When I'm with Emilio or Eliseo or Karis, or Kaleb, and I hear something come out of my mouth that sounds born from my parents, it scares me.
Because yes, they raised me successfully, but not without a lot of trauma and anxiety disorders and obsessiveness.
It's why I always loved Alex's mom - you could tell her anything. And Samm's mom never judges, just always wants what's best for you. I don't envy my parents but I'm grateful for everything they've done for me, good or bad, because I'd like to think I'm a strong individual that could deal with pretty much anything - that I haven't already.
How about your parents?
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2008 17 December :: 11.53am
:: Music: "Love you till the end" by: The Pogues
8 More Days!!!
It's nearing closer and closer. And it's getting hellish at stores and malls.
Speaking of hellish, last night, me and my mom left to go to Muskegon at about 10 o' clock, and usually it takes us 45 minutes to get there...well, we were driving in a snow storm. It was hell frozen over on earth! It took us an hour and a half just to get there. And on the way there, we had a couple scares. Mom could not see the middle of the road, or where the side of the road ended, so we were basically just guessing on where we were supposed to drive. Then, the speed limit on the road we take is usually around 60 mph, well, we were only going 35, and some guy came up on our ass, at about 70 mph, went around us, and left us in a shit ton of stirred up snow, and that blinded us. The majority of the street lights were not turned on, so it looked like star wars out there with the snow flying directly into our windshield. Well, when we got to Doug's Grandma's house, we stayed for a little bit, and we would have stayed over and slept there if Doug didn't have to work, but then we were off. We had to go to Wal-Mart to get cereal, milk, dog/cat food, "white elephant gifts" for the kids' church, and something for lunch for Doug to have. We got all of that....and then some. And on top of it all, mom wasted a few dollars trying to grab stuff in the crane machine. HaHa. Well, the ride home wasn't as bad, but it was still pretty bad. And we were actually kind of surprised that the kids had school today. I mean, we were, cos of the weather and the roads, but we also weren't because this new super intendent is a dick. Yeah. But, we didn't make it home until about 1:30am. And I had to clear off the back of the van and help put away groceries on top of it. So, I didn't get to bed until 2am. Which is when Doug wakes up for work. I have to say, it was the first night in a very long time where I didn't get a headache the next day. So, I am happy that today I am not going to be depending on Excedrin or Aspirin. But, I have a feeling that might change once Ava gets home. She was kind of cranky this morning, but, I hope she got better during school. Then, I also have to clean up the dining room and clean out our back closet, which is a mountain of shoes and coats. But, it's better than the chores I had to do two days ago. Which included cleaning behind the toilet. Gahh. Gross. But the funny thing is, I would rather do gross stuff like that, than the dishes. HaHa.
But, I think that is enough from me. Bye for now.
-Samm d'Massacre!
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2008 16 December :: 12.33pm
:: Mood: creative
:: Music: "If I ever leave this world alive" by: Flogging Molly
9 more days..
It's 9 more days until Christmas, my favourite Holiday EVER. It's funny because I used to be all about Halloween, and I went to the complete opposite and went to Christmas. I think it might have always been my favourite, but I never realised it. Yet again, back when Halloween was my favourite Holiday I was into darker things. But, I should let you know, Christmas isn't my favourite Holiday for the religious reason. Not at all. I am an Atheist, so, I don't believe that mumbo jumbo about Jesus and what not. For me, it's the traditions we have as a family, and it's probably the happiest day for my family. Not because of the presents or the food, it's because we are all finally together. There's not as much bickering and fighting, which when it comes to the younger kids it is partially because of presents and food, but when it comes down to me and my mom and Step Dad, it's the family time.
So, it's in just a little over a week. And I am torn because I cannot wait for Christmas day, but at the same time, I don't want the anticipation to end. I like keeping the decorations up, and I love making the cookies and putting the frosting on them, I love Having the lights out at night and the only thing going is the tree and decorative lights in the dining room, I like the Candy Canes and Hot Cocoa. I love the feeling I get when I look out the window with a cup of tea or hot cocoa in my hand and I all I see is gorgeous white snow. I like the wreaths that are hung up on the door. I like making my Wintry welcome signs. I love waking up Christmas morning and seeing all of the kids smiling and laughing. I like the traditional Christmas morning Cinnamon Rolls and Coffee we have. If I could, I would live in that damn Christmas Land in "The Nigthmare Before Christmas". HaHa. I'm a dork and I am aware of it. But, hey, at least I am fine and content with that fact. Pretty Proud of it actually.
But, here comes my Christmas countdown. So, if you are grouchy around this time of year, hide your eyes from my blog. Because I can almost guarantee these posts will have at least one thing about Christmas in them for the next 9 days.
But, a grumpy little Three year old needs my help with getting colouring pictures set up. Bye.
-Samm
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2008 8 December :: 11.23pm
:: Mood: productive
Don't mean to flip flop..
But I am sick of feeling angry towards my dad. I am tired of feeling like all he does is blow the chances I give him. Once again, do not mean to flip flop, but I am done. I really am. And not done as in finished with him. I think me and him just need to have a heart to heart. No, he is not the easiest person to talk to, in fact, he is the hardest person I know of to talk to. About anything. Unless it's cars, Harley's, Tattoos, Music, or whatever else he is into. But, I really am just exhausted with this whole mess. And so I believe now it is time to clean it up. Try my best to make things work. Make things decent at the least. Any step forward would be better than this, right now. I think I am doing the mature thing, and also the best thing for us both. I don't want to have a bad relationship with my dad. I don't want the only things I say about him to be bad ones. I would really hate it if me and him ended up in the future with no communication or relationship with each other. I want to hear things from him first hand. Not from extended family members or my siblings. I don't want to look back on this and think "Why didn't I just talk to him about how I was feeling?".
So I am making the decision to talk it out.
"I think you guys just need to sit down and hash all of this stuff out"...I think you're right, Mom. And I trust you. So I am going to.
No more angry blogs about my father...I hope anyways.
Wish me luck.
-Samm
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2008 6 December :: 6.24pm
:: Music: "Bad Influence" By: Pink
Good times..
After hearing about my bad night, I am greatful to say I have a great friend who was willing to brave the storms to come out to my house. Jess, thank you so much. That made me night. And once again, I'm sorry I wasn't able to make it to your Birthday dinner. But, it was the first time in a LONG time you stayed at my house. First time in a long time anyone has stayed at my house. I had a good time. And usually you stay awake way after I go to sleep, haha. But, like you said, you were running on an hour of sleep. So, I can't really blame you for passing out as soon as I put the blanket on you. We didn't go anywhere, other than the store and Burger King, but we had alot of fun. We watched "Ghost Adventures" and made fun of the guy doing the show. "Are you touching me right now, Raymond?" "I don't care, I hate snakes. If I see one, I don't even care. I'm running away and screaming like a girl. I hate snakes." "No one should go out that way..in a shower...or naked." "Our gift to you is Aaron." "What the hell dude!" Good times, good times.
I want you to know I really appreciate you coming over last night. If it wasn't for you, I probably would have a horrible night. Thank you and I love you!
-Samm
P.S.- Thank you for the King Size Reese's Cups, Some of your Hershey's Bar, and what was left of your small fries.
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2008 5 December :: 9.36pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: "It's all your fault" By: Pink
Father dearest,
It hurt on Monday when we saw each other at Brie's concert and you didn't say hi to me, or even acknowledge I was there. But, it's just getting ridiculous. I am going to let loose right now, because everyone who knows about you, knows I need to. You ignored me all night at Brianna's Choir Concert. No hi, no wave, nada. Okay, whatever, maybe you wanted to get in the Auditorium quick to get a seat. Fine. But, afterwards, you give all of the other kids a hug and say you love them and goodbye. What did I get? I'll tell you. A cold shoulder. If this is about me and dropping out of High School and getting my GED, you don't have to fucking treat me like I just told you I was addicted to heroin. You barely look at me, you don't say a word, until tonight.
Dad: So, you're not going then I take it?
Samm: No, I'm not feeling great right now, I have to help with Ava, and I have plans with Jess this weekend.
Dad: *Corners Samm* Are you mad at Allison[1]or something?!
Samm: Umm, no, why the hell would I be?
Dad: You didn't say anything to her all night Monday at Brie's concert.
Samm: I said hi and had a WHOLE conversation even about hair colour.
Dad: Fine.
[1] Allison is my dad's girlfriend. Right it seems to me that maybe she is running to my dad when I don't have a whole lot to say.
I didn't like the way you cornered me and towered over me, like you used to when I was a little kid. I wanted to cry, revert back to the five year old scared of her dad. I wish my mother had spawn me and the 3 other kids with someone nicer. Someone better. Someone who wouldn't go a month or so without a phone call or visit.
I would never pull the trigger,
But I have cried wolf a thousand times,
I wish you could feel as bad as I do,
I have lost my mind.
Alot of my blogs are about you. But, I wish that for once I could have a good blog about you. You crush that hope all the time. Right now, you are treating me like a disease. "Stay away from her, don't touch, barely talk to her, and don't really look at her". This damn song is on repeat. Because parts of it remind me of you. I wish we could have a good relationship. But, I am done trying. I'm the one making the attempt, and when I try to find common ground with you, you say "hmm, hmmph, uh huh, ok". Your usual responses. Like my ideas are stupid. And sorry to say this; Wait, strike that. Fuck being sorry. I'm done with that. But, frankly, your girlfriend, Allison, seems a bit stuck up. She tips her nose up everytime she's around us. Everytime I bring up a thought, she makes me feel stupid. With her polite frown and "hmm" remarks. Maybe thats why you think we didn't talk that night. I was doing the talking, she was just saying "hmm". One way conversation. I mean come on, why her? Now Brooke, she was the best. We were like friends, her and I. Her parents(I still call them Grandma and Grandpa Miller to this day) took us bowling, to karaoke, etc. Her dad was awesome. We all watched NASCAR together, he got me those "Metal Edge" magazines I loved, they both spoiled us. What happened? Fuck that up to?
You know Dad, I want you to be happy. But, lately, I just want you to feel half of the hurt I feel. So, if you are going to continue to ignore me, treat me like shit, make me feel like a horrible person, guilt trip me, etc..... then don't come back for me every other weekend. I want someone who is supportive, understanding, caring, loving, funny, genuinely nice, etc. for a dad. You try. But, you can't wear that mask forever. You can't pretend to be a family guy who loves to spend time with his kids. Because come on man, we know thats not true. Or, if it was, you wouldn't ditch them for concerts, parties, bowling, and, oh of course...Allison. Don't worry about me anymore. The tears will evaporate, my smile will come back..brighter than ever. And it won't be my dear old dad who gave me the thousand watt smile. It will be my mom. Because she is the definition of a parent. You are the guy who likes to pretend he doesn't have kids. Especially me because I am a High school drop out who had a pregnancy scare. Sorry we aren't all as perfect as you. Bye.
-Samm
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2008 5 December :: 11.59am
:: Mood: gahh
:: Music: "Bad Influence" By: Pink
I'm so glad..
He makes everything seem at least a little better. Everything seems less complicated while the other guy is IMing and saying I am wrong. I guess maybe I am. Oh, maybe you are a sweet, innocent guy. Or, maybe(more like probably) not. And when I finally say to you that I'm done, you come back at me with "Not the first person to say that". Maybe because you push people away without realizing it. Maybe it's because you treat girls like they are just some prostitute you picked up from the streets. Maybe because you don't even know when you're doing it. Deny, Deny, Deny all you want. I'm done. Honestly. Completely. Fed up. Things seemed okay, for a little while, then I just started to ignore everything dispicable about you. I'm done ignoring them. Done pretending they don't exist. Done saying "He's not that bad". Finished. To all of you out there who support me, thanks alot. I wouldn't have been able to do it without you. Now, I am going to have a good conversation. With the guy who makes me feel like a person. Instead of the one who makes me feel like a pile of shit.
-Samm
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2008 4 December :: 10.22pm
oh god...the conversations we have..
J A K E S T A Y # 3 1 says:
want me to make a rap?
Wall flower says:
how?
Wall flower says:
whats the topic?..lol
J A K E S T A Y # 3 1 says:
hmm
J A K E S T A Y # 3 1 says:
gimme some
Wall flower says:
umm.....eric chunn
Wall flower says:
I would love to hear that rap
Wall flower says:
lol
J A K E S T A Y # 3 1 says:
erica chunn
J A K E S T A Y # 3 1 says:
you gotta have fun
J A K E S T A Y # 3 1 says:
but not in that way bro
J A K E S T A Y # 3 1 says:
thats not how you treat a ho
J A K E S T A Y # 3 1 says:
wtf are you doin
J A K E S T A Y # 3 1 says:
what are ya thinkin bro
J A K E S T A Y # 3 1 says:
thats all i got
J A K E S T A Y # 3 1 says:
lol
Wall flower says:
it makes me laugh...I like it
Wall flower says:
lol
J A K E S T A Y # 3 1 says:
except your not a ho
J A K E S T A Y # 3 1 says:
DUDE I GOTTA RIGHT THis SHIT DOWN!
J A K E S T A Y # 3 1 says:
it needs to be quoted
Oh boy Jake, you sure know how to make me feel better about the assholes in my life. Thank you. HaHa.
(Copyrighted by Jake Stay. Any copying could result in a cap in yo ass)
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2008 4 December :: 9.51am
:: Music: "Gives you hell" by: All American Rejects
Bit of a change in lyrics, but, only made em' towards a guy.
I wake up every evening
With a big smile on my face
And it never feels out of place
And you're still probably workin'
At a 9 to 5 pace
I wonder how bad that tastes
When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
Now where's your pickett fence, love?
And where's that shiny car?
It didn't ever get you far
And you never seemed so tense, love
I've never seen you fall so hard
Do you know where you are?
And truth be told, I miss you
And truth be told, I'm lyin'
When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you find a girl
That's worth a damn
And treats you well
Then she's a fool
You're just as well
Hope it gives you hell
I hope it gives you hell
Tomorrow you'll be thinking to yourself
"Where did I go wrong?"
But the list goes on and on
But truth be told, I miss you
And truth be told, I'm lyin'
When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you find a girl
That's worth a damn
And treats you well
Then she's a fool
You're just as well
Hope it gives you hell
Now you'll never see
What you've done to me
You can take back your memories
They're no good to me
And here's all your lies
You can look me in the eyes
With the sad, sad look
That you wear so well
When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you find a girl
That's worth a damn
And treats you well
Then she's a fool
You're just as well
Hope it gives you hell
When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
(Hope it gives you hell)
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
(Hope it gives you hell)
When you hear this song
And you sing along
But you never tell
(You never tell)
Then you're a fool
I'm just as well
Hope it gives you hell
When you hear this song
I hope that it will give you hell
When you sing along
I hope that it will treat you well
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acidtears
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2008 4 December :: 8.53am
:: Music: "Someday(I will understand)" by: Britney Spears
Nothing seems to be the way
That it used to
Everything seems shallow
God give me truth
In me
And tell me somebody is watching
Over me
And that is all I'm praying is that
Someday I will understand
In God's whole plan
And what he's done to me
Oh but maybe
Someday I will breathe
And I'll finally see
I'll see it all in my baby
Don't you run too fast my dear
Why don't you stop?
Just stop and listen to your tears
They're all you've got
It's in you
You see somebody is watching
Over you
And that is all I'm praying is that
Someday you will understand
In God's whole plan
And what he does to you
Oh but maybe
Someday you will breathe
And you'll finally see
You'll see it all in your baby
You'll see it all in your baby
No moment
Will be more true
Than the moment
I look at you
It's in you
You see somebody is watching
Over you
And that is all I'm praying is that
Someday you will understand
In God's whole plan
And what he does to you
Oh but maybe
Someday you will breathe
And you'll finally see
You'll see it all in your baby
You'll see it all in your baby
You'll see it all in your baby
You'll see it all in your baby
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