Raise your glass
We have incorporated
Place your bets
We're all so sick of waiting
Queen takes jack
You got me this time but i'll get you back
So pick a number
To all the ones who tried the most was i supposed to cheer your efforts
Sorry that i chose so poorly
Golly gee am i the poster girl
She's the kind of girl who looks for love in all the lonely places
The kind who comes to poker pockets stuffed with kings and aces
She's the kind of girl who only asks you over when its raining
Just to make you lie there catching water dripping from the ceiling
Lift your hats
Off to the checkout girls with tattooed backs
They'd make an angels skin crawl
If you ask them for assistance
There's an even chance
You'll get a number
To all the girls at pearl the surly boys who get to masticate them
I've a prize for each and every one of you so just be patient
To all the ones that hated me the most a toast
You really had me
Going for a second i was nervous
Boy am i the poster girl
She's the kind of girl who gets her slings and arrows from the dumpster
The kind who tell you she's bipolar just to make you trust her
She's the kind of girl who leaves out condoms on the bedroom dresser
Just to make you jealous of the men she fucked before you met her
To all the ones who thought they knew me best a test to prove your prowess
Who was mine in '99 i want last names and current status
To all the ones who hated me the most a toast you really had me going for second
I was nervous boy am i the poster girl
For some suburban sickness
Better keep a healthy distance
Now its up to you know what to do
It's pretty dirty business
You wait, wanting this world
To let you in
And you stand there
A frozen light
In dark and empty streets
You smile hiding behind
A God-given face
But I know you're so much more
Everything they ignore
Is all that I need to see
You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in
I wish
Wishing for you to find your way
And I'll hold on for all you need
That's all we need to say
I'll take my chances while
You take your time with
This game you play
But I can't control your soul
You need to let me know
You leaving or you gonna stay
You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in
There's nothing we can do about
The things we have to do without
The only way to feel again
Is let love in
There's nothing we can do about
The things we have to live without
The only way to see again
Is let love in
You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in
We are now settled into the new house. It's not as bad as I thought it was going to be, especially because I ended the relationship with RJ. He was a great guy, but it wasn't going to work out for a few reasons, so I cut it short. But, had my 18th birthday Monday, it was a pretty good day. Had Mike and Jenny over for dinner, then went out after that. Got dry humped by Neilee, Highlight of my night. HaHa. But, gonna go. Bye.
And as strong as I seem to think I am, my distressing damsel.. she comes out at night, when the moon's filled up, and your eyes are bright; and I think I simply oughta fall over.
Life is hard. It always has been.
As a kid, you hear all about it, you co-exist with it.
You dance, twirl, and muddy yourself in life's sand box without ever really having to deal with it. Most of our parents do an amazing job and disservice of protecting us from reality and its evil ways.
I never appreciated growing up in a tumultuous home. I resented my family for not shielding me. All, of course, until I left that place and found myself surprisingly prepared for the horrors and stress waiting around every corner of my own day-to-day.
Whether or not they meant to, my parents gave me a gift with every first-hand experience I took in their respective worlds. A personal how-to on love, hate, abuse, addiction, redemption, struggle, and passion. I compare my notes with every person I encounter and am constantly editing the pages of my mentality, my values, my self.
It's a book that will never be complete. I can't wrap it in brown paper and twine to be sent off to an editor, because everyone would write this story differently. Life: a Memoir. A novella. A poem. A fantasy. Anything, and that's the horrific beauty of it; it's whatever you make it.
You.
No one else.
So dream big.
If there was ever a time to dare, to make a difference, to embark on something worth doing, it is now.
Not for any grand cause, but for something that tugs at your heart, something that's your aspiration. Something that's your dream. You owe it to yourself to make your days here count.
Have fun.
Dig deep.
Stretch.
Dream big.
Know, though, that things worth doing seldom come easy. There will be good days and there will be bad days. There will be times when you want to turn around, pack it up, and call it quits. Those times tell yourself that you are pushing yourself. That you are not afraid to learn by trying and working.
Persist.
Believe in the incredible power of the human mind, of doing something that makes a difference, of working hard, of laughing and hoping, of lasting friendships.
The start of something new brings the hope of something great.
Anything is possible.
There is only one you.
And you will pass this way only once.
Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would have work out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die
I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop
[Chorus]
I want you to know
That it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
But someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone
Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry
It started with the perfect kiss then
We could feel the poison set in
"Perfect" couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go
[Chorus]
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone
Ahhh already gone, already gone, already gone
Ahhh already gone, already gone, already gone
Remember all the tings we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
[Chorus]
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone
::
2010 21 January :: 11.36pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: Johnny Cash.
Cocaine Blues.
Early one mornin' while makin' the rounds
I took a shot of cocaine and I shot my woman down
I went right home and I went to bed I stuck that lovin' 44 beneath my head
Got up next mornin' and I grabbed that gun took a shot of cocaine and away I run
Made a good run but I run too slow they overtook me down in Juarez Mexico
Late in the hot joints takin' the pills in walked the sheriff from Jericho Hill
He said Willy Lee your name is not Jack Brown
You're the dirty hack that shot your woman down
Said yes oh yes my name is Willy Lee if you've got the warrant just aread it to me
Shot her down because she made me slow
I thought I was her daddy but she had five more
When I was arrested I was dressed in black
They put me on a train and they took me back
Had no friend for to go my bail they slapped my dried up carcass in that country jail
Early next mornin' bout a half past nine I spied the sheriff coming down the line
Talked and he coughed as he cleared his throat
He said come on you dirty heck into that district court
Into the courtroom my trial began where I was handled by twelve honest men
Just before the jury started out I saw the little judge commence to look about
In about five minutes in walked the man holding the verdict in his right hand
The verdict read in the first degree I hollered Lordy Lordy have a mercy on me
The judge he smiled as he picked up his pin 99 years in the Folsom pen
99 years underneath that ground I can't forget the day I shot that bad bitch down
Come on you've gotta listen unto me lay off that whiskey and let that cocaine be
::
2010 6 January :: 5.16pm
:: Mood: contemplative
Ultrasound results.
Well, my Doctor called me today and told me what they found on my ultrasound. As I figured, cysts, they keep appearing, then bursting, appearing, then bursting, etc. It's getting ridiculous. And because I'm still feeling some pain, she said I need to be monitored, cyst-wise. So, I'm making an appointment and talking to her about a possibility. I'll let you guys know what's going on.