home | profile | guestbook


What Do I Have To Do

recent entries | past entries


acidtears

:: 2010 6 January :: 7.08am
:: Mood: cranky

Early.
Well, it's early, and I didn't sleep very well last night. I slept in the recliner. Talk about uncomfortable. But my plan for today is to call my doctor's office, check out the results of my ultrasound, and make another appointment. I am so happy to have this routine back. Doug back to work, Kids back to school. No one here to bother me, yell, scream, fight, whine, or nag. So, that's good. Luckily my pain level has gone down a bit, I can now stand up straight. I'm not all hunched over like some old woman. Still can't lift anything heavy, or stretch. I miss stretching in the morning, it's nice. But it hurts too much, so I don't dare do it. But most of the pain is now in my left side, and its the exact same pain I get everytime a new cyst appears, or bursts, or both at the same time. Ugh. But I better go wake Ava up for school. Bye.
-Samm

leave a comment


cjessicapyne

:: 2010 5 January :: 10.35pm

Check it, peeps.
So the holidays have come and passed. Kaleb is 8, Karis is 6, Eliseo is five. FIVE. And Emilio is 2 1/2. Let us not forget the 1/2, else he'll turn into a "mean alligator" again and bite my boob.

I've been gone awhile. But I've got myself moved into a new house, with a new puppy, new inspiration, and a lot of new shoes.
Yes; things are good.



The photo is me and Mealy on Christmas, ft. one of his many motorcycles - they're his fav. Although he much prefers to call them "mexicos."
Why? because he can, that's how he rolls, and with a name like Emilio you'd just better be crossing your fingers, toes, and ankles in hopes that he isn't packing heat.

The holidays gave me a ton of time to think and observe all of the things that were/are important to me. Family, friends, things I've lost and things I've recovered.



See, I love my life right now. But I definitely miss the way things used to be.
Some things at least.


(my uncle Jamie carries on an innocent conversation with my grandma, Christmas '09.)




(he's about to find out what I've been doing.)

If you're reading this, I love you.
And if you're still hanging around, I miss you.
If you haven't given up, I'm still here.
And if you're sorry, I am too.
But if you're happy, I'm happy.
So happy.

Hope everyone is well!

leave a comment


acidtears

:: 2010 3 January :: 8.36pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: "Say(All I need)" By: One Republic

djfsmgnsdjkfgjsilagk!
I love you facebook, but if you don't stop being a bitch, you're gonna die.

1 comment | leave a comment


acidtears

:: 2009 22 December :: 7.56am
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: "Sometime around midnight" By: The Airborne Toxic Event

And it starts...
Sometime around midnight
Or at least that's when
You lose yourself
For a minute or two

As you stand...
Under the barlights
And the band plays some song
About forgetting yourself for a while
And the piano's this melancholy soundtrack
To her smile
And that white dress she's wearing
You haven't seen her
For a while

But you know...
That she's watching
She's laughing, she's turning
She's holding her tonic like a cross
The room suddenly spinning
She walks up and asks how you are
So you can smell her perfume
You can see her lying naked in your arms

And so there's a change...
In your emotions
And all of these memories come rushing
Like feral waves to your mind
Of the curl of your bodies
Like two perfect circles entwined
And you feel hopeless, and homeless
And lost in the haze
Of the wine

And she leaves...
With someone you don't know
But she makes sure you saw her
She looks right at you and bolts
As she walks out the door
Your blood boiling
Your stomach in ropes
And when your friends say what is it
You look like you've seen a ghost

And you walk...
Under the streetlights
And you're too drunk to notice
That everyone is staring at you
And you so care what you look like
The world is falling
Around you

You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her

And you know that she'll break you
In two

leave a comment


acidtears

:: 2009 18 December :: 10.09am
:: Mood: calm

Yeah!
We finally have our internet turned back on, and a new number and all that comes with it. So, that's good. Today though, not much internet time, I have lots of cleaning to get done. People from Amway who adopted our family for Chrsitmas are coming over to drop off food and christmas presents. So this house has to be spotless. Better go get started. Bye.

leave a comment


cjessicapyne

:: 2009 9 November :: 6.41pm
:: Mood: accomplished

How do you say, "Don't move, or I'll shoot you?"
Classes taken care of for this next semester.
Oh Joeyyy.. can you say 'open our own psychology practice?'
'Cause we're gonna.

5 comments | leave a comment


acidtears

:: 2009 8 November :: 11.07pm
:: Mood: content

You can block comments? Me too.
How do I start this? This is not the first time you have blown me off. I stand by, making sure I do not have plans, for YOU. I make sure I don't leave the house because YOU are supposed to be coming over. Fuck that, I'm done. Everyone knows that it's just common courtesy to call and say "Hey, I can't make it" or at least answer a goddamn phone call. This has happened so much, it's ridiculous. This is the reason you have to fill your life with new voices, memories, and laughs. Because the old ones are sick and tired of your shit. I'm stepping up and finally saying what I have been thinking for quite some time now. No more defending you, No more keeping your secrets, No more pretending I think it's okay that you sleep with a new guy every other week. DONE. I don't care if you don't answer your phone, because I won't be calling anymore. And if you call me, expect the same thing. I'm tired of your bullshit.

Which is why I won't be answering my phone.

leave a comment


cjessicapyne

:: 2009 7 November :: 3.15pm
:: Mood: anxious

Death to the ladies first, then the gentlemen.
Last night, somewhere between my first beer and Casey coughing up blood all over me and Sam, something hit me.
I don't know what, exactly.
I just know that I felt.. hit, like something was staring me in the face and I couldn't single it out.

Every time Adam would make a smart remark, or funny quip, I'd laugh hysterically and lighten up like your typical girl-at-the-party-giving-hair-cuts-to-the-drunks.

And I look around at some of my oldest friends, drinking and laughing and singing around me, and console myself that whatever is trying to get my attention, it will never slip past these people.
My protection; my shields, my bodyguards, my dreamcatchers.

Because, no matter what, they have always been there.
Forget these so-called "besties" that pose for glorified photobooth snapshots.
Forget these amateurs that don't know what "anything" really means, but swear they'd give it readily for me.
I'm tired of them
and their needs
and their secrets
and their voicemails
and their take take take take lifestyles.

I have realized that I have given so much to so many people, who never offer anything in return.
No compassion, or concern, or regard for who I am.
You just want me to give you a ride,
or you need a hair cut, or colour,
someone to ride shotgun for you,
or someone to vent to,
someone to run to the store for you because you can't drive,
or you don't have a car,
because you don't have a job,
but you know you have me.
And that's enough for you.

It's a method called, "You get what you give."
My advice to you would be: expect nothing.
Exactly what you gave.
Exactly what you're made of.

There's a reason I don't answer your calls.


acidtears

:: 2009 27 October :: 2.27pm
:: Mood: calm

Why not just throw in an onion?

leave a comment


acidtears

:: 2009 23 October :: 12.11pm
:: Mood: calm

Tonight I lack the strength to even move,
When you walked, now watch me die

But I know this is harder for you,
For love has let you down

yeah C'mon

I am not alone

The road ahead is lined with broken dreams,
So walk, yeah walk on by

And I failed to give you everything you need,
For the fears, behind your eyes

When I can’t feel you,
I’m not alright, I’m not alright,
When I can’t feel you,
I’m not alright, I’m not alright

When I can’t feel you


Jesus as you throw me on the rocks,
For love I left your side

'cus I believed in love and beauty’s wiles,
Where heaven shone from your eyes


Chained to your tree
I wanted you to say
I wanted you to say
I wanted to believe
Chained to your tree
I wanted you to say
I wanted you to say

Tell me that it wasn’t all for naught,
It’s such a waste now, It’s such a waste now c’mon
I know your scared but baby don’t you hide,
It’s such a waste,
You'll stand alone now, you'll make it somehow

leave a comment


acidtears

:: 2009 20 October :: 10.17pm
:: Mood: calm

It's settled. Going with Jess, Casey and a couple more people to the Michigan Speed party in Wyoming. :)

2 comments | leave a comment


acidtears

:: 2009 20 October :: 9.45am
:: Mood: content
:: Music: "The Underdog" By: Spoon

Picture yourself in the living room
your pipe and slippers set out for you
I know you think that it ain't too far

But I hear the call of a lifetime ring
felt the need to get up for it
oh you cut out the middleman
get free from the middleman

You got no time for the messenger,
got no regard for the thing that you don't understand,
you got no fear of the underdog,
that's why you will not survive!

I wanna forget how convention fits
but can I get out from under it?
Can I gut it out of me?
It can't all be wedding cake
It can't all be boiled away
I try but I can't let go of it
Can't let go of it,

Cause you don't talk to the water boy
and there's so much you could learn but you don't want to know,
You will not back up an inch ever,
that's why you will not survive,

The thing that I tell you now
It may not go over well
And it may not be photo-op
in the way that I spell it out

But you won't hear from the messenger,
don't wanna know bout something that you don't understand,
You got no fear of the underdog,
that's why you will not survive!

leave a comment


acidtears

:: 2009 16 October :: 11.52am
:: Mood: cold

Finally the hills are without eyes
They are tired of painting a dead man`s face red
With their own blood

They used to love having so much to lose
Blink your eyes just once and see everything in ruins

Did you ever hear what I told you
Did you ever read what I wrote you
Did you ever listen to what we played
Did you ever let in what the world said
Did we get this far just to feel your hate
Did we play to become only pawns in the game
How blind can you be, don`t you see
You chose the long road but we`ll be waiting

Bye bye beautiful

Jacob`s ghost for the girl in white
Blindfold for the blind
Dead siblings walking the dying earth

Noose around a choking heart
Eternity torn apart
Slow toll now the funeral bells

”I need to die to feel alive”

Did you ever hear what I told you
Did you ever read what I wrote you
Did you ever listen to what we played
Did you ever let in what the world said
Did we get this far just to feel your hate
Did we play to become only pawns in the game
How blind can you be, don`t you see
You chose the long road but we`ll be waiting

Bye bye beautiful

It`s not the tree that forsakes the flower
But the flower that forsakes the tree
Someday I`ll learn to love these scars
Still fresh from the red-hot blade of your words

...How blind can you be, don`t you see...
...that the gambler lost all he does not have...

Did you ever hear what I told you
Did you ever read what I wrote you
Did you ever listen to what we played
Did you ever let in what the world said
Did we get this far just to feel your hate
Did we play to become only pawns in the game
How blind can you be, don`t you see
You chose the long road but we`ll be waiting

Bye bye beautiful

2 comments | leave a comment


acidtears

:: 2009 8 October :: 1.40pm
:: Mood: content

Yay!
Finally got my internet back bitches.

leave a comment


acidtears

:: 2009 21 September :: 6.48pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: "Here(In your arms)" By: Hellogoodbye

Brie and I are bored
Mad:)Glibs - free online Mad Libs
The Walmart Difference
Come Kick at WALMART, where you`ll receive Disgusting discounts on all of your favorite brand name Cheerleaders. Our Smelly and Kissing associates are there to Fuck you 123,456,789 hours a day. Here you will find Gorgeous prices on the Stoners you need. Jocks for the moms, Moms for the kids and all the latest electronics for the Moms. So come on down to your Sweaty Wet WALMART where the Dads come first.

1 comment | leave a comment

Woohu.com | Random Journal