:: 2014 12 June :: 12.07 pm

E and I decided that until her life get's back on track we are separating. We are going to try to relearn each other and be friends and then once life settles we may try again. I was borderline tears all yesterday and today I just feel detached from the whole situation. It has tampered some of my excitement about the changes in my life but I think this was the best choice for both of us since neither of us wanted an LDR and neither of us expected to be separated for a year or more, but life has a way of getting in the way of ones expectations.

:: 2014 7 June :: 1.54 am

I'm wide awake when I should be going to sleep for work tomorrow. Instead I'm looking at recipes on pinterest and planning all the ones I will try in my new apt.

:: 2014 5 June :: 12.08 am

Come home to find a notice on my door saying they are showing my current apt tomorrow at 3. Mass panic ensues to make sure everything looks nice instead of like I'm packing and a bomb has gone off in my apt*

* Also panic of taking Zigen to the shop tomorrow so they don't realize I have three cats instead of two. Zigen will not be pleased.

:: 2014 1 June :: 11.05 am

This upcoming weekend and the following will be spent cleaning up my apt and packing, then the next weekend will be the big move. Pretty excited to be moving into my new apt. Ready to enjoy a brighter more open space. Once in, my goal is to 100% change my life around. I'm going to start doing Yoga, go to the farmer market thats just across the way every Saturday and start making healthier food choices. I also think I may have found a possible psychiatrist, all the reviews of her are really good so I just have to see if she is accepting new patients and book an apt. I'm also going to look into going back to school, which means applying for financial aid. Hopefully, I can qualify for that.

:: 2014 25 May :: 10.59 am

Tonight after work I'm going to start pre-sorting my stuff. Throwing stuff out and pre-packing stuff that will go to the new apt but that I can survive without. That means memorial day is going to be spent doing the same thing. If I can get a jump start on it the move shouldn't be too stressful.

Thinking I might start making my beaded stir sticks once I'm in my new apt and selling them on etsy.

:: 2014 3 May :: 9.16 pm

Personality of a pissed off rottweiler.

:: 2014 1 May :: 3.20 pm

Got most of the goods for Lauras birthday bash today. Pretty sure tomorrow will be a blast!

:: 2014 6 April :: 7.52 am

The more I think about my new job, the more anxious and stressed I feel about it. I'm unsure if this is a result of my anxiety problems or if this job is just not the right fit for me.
I think its most likely my anxiety problems cause I'm getting more and more anxious about everything from work to social situations. It's taking more and more effort for me to leave my apt.

:: 2014 3 April :: 7.42 pm

I think my anxiety is slowly getting the better of me. I think it's time to see a psychiatrist again. Now to just find one. *le sigh*

:: 2014 10 March :: 6.07 am

I just want to stay in my bed and never get out.
Got no solid sleep last night and woke up with so much pain in my lower back and hips it felt like someone had attempted to draw and quarter me.
Absolutely no desire or drive to go to work for the rest of the week. The head honchos for the company are here for the next 3 days and I don't feel like pretending I love my job or like things aren't completely screwed up at work. I don't feel like making the managers look good when in reality they are pieces of shit.

:: 2014 4 March :: 6.16 am

9 days left at my current job and it takes everything in me to get out of bed and go to work. I've never had such a hard time completing my two weeks notice. I just want to sleep for the next two weeks.

:: 2014 25 February :: 5.06 pm

This is a PSA: I'm disengaging from everyone. Deactivating Facebook and no longer going to be hanging out with anyone. May or may not continue to post on here sporadically as per usual. At least until I get this figured out, then I will be back on all counts.

:: 2014 10 February :: 3.54 pm
:: Mood: irritated

Nifty thing about iphones is knowing when someone has read your text. That being said, I would much prefer you telling me to my face why I'm no longer worth even acknowledging. Your inability to use words or even respond to a text just solidifies in my mind how much of an immature and truly worthless person you are. I can only hope the 4 kids your raising turn out better then you

:: 2014 5 February :: 7.51 am

Enjoyed my birthday. Had so much fun just being a bum at Amelias.

:: 2014 3 February :: 5.29 pm

I'm sure I will get accused of being a racist for this but I'm listening to various tv shows auditions and there is something so distinctive and beautiful about a black mans voice. I just.... chills man. And if you've never heard someone sing and had it given you chills because there just so much soul in their voice then I pity you.