Deanna and I can't dance. nor do we have any friends. But now we have anges. Wonder if she can dance.

 

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The names Brielle, bitch

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greyXmatter

:: 2005 26 March :: 6.33pm

so denied... so I lied. are you the now or never kind? in a day and a day, love, I'm gonna be gone for good again. are you willing to be had? are you cool with just tonight? here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well.. here's to the nights we felt alive. here's to the tears you knew you'd cry. here's to goodbye. tomorrow's gonna come too soon. put your name on the line along with place and time. wanna stay, not to go. I wanna ditch the logical. all my time is froze in motion, can't I stay an hour or two or more? don't let me let you go...

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greyXmatter

:: 2005 26 March :: 4.40pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: [Maroon 5] - [Sunday Morning]

Describe your ideal guy:
My ideal guy, heh? Uhm... can I mention any names? No? Alright. Alright, he's gotta be taller than me, but that's the only physical attribute I really care about. Any kinda hair, any color eyes, any color skin, any style... whatever. I'm not annoying, I'm not picky. He can't be annoying and call me every living second of every day, cause I'm a busy girl, I don't have time to sit around and talk most of the time, but one call every day will make me the happiest kid ever. I don't like it when people hang up on my answering machine... even if you were just calling to say hi, say so... I love that. I don't like a guy that'll try to change me like... and dress me... I'm not one to dress up, so don't like... ask me to prom, cause I'm not going. I don't want a pansy boy whos afraid to get dirty cause HELLO... I live on a farm. Shit happens. LITTERALLY. I want a tough guy that'll help get the cows and ride around with me and whatever. Uhm... He's gotta be outgoing and funny, I will not date a shy, quiet guy. I guess that's it!

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greyXmatter

:: 2005 25 March :: 1.55pm
:: Mood: cynical

we held hands on the last night on earth. our mouths filled with dust, we kissed in the fields and under trees, screaming, bleeding dark into the leaves. it was empty on the edge of town, but we knew everyone floated along the bottom of the river. so we walked through the waste where the road curved into the sea and the shattered seasons lay, and the bitter smell of burning was on you like a disease. in our cancer of passion, you said "death is a midnight runner." the sky had come crashing down like the news of an intimate suicide. we picked up the shards and formed them into shapes of stars that wore like an antique wedding dress. the echoes of the past broke the hearts of the unborn as the ferris wheel silently slowed to a stop. the few insects skittered away in hopes of a better pastime. i kissed you at the apex of the maelstrom and asked if you would acompany me in a quick fall, but you made me realize that my ticket wasn't good for two. i rode alone. you said, "the cinders are falling like snow." there is poetry in despair, and we sang with unrivaled beauty, bitter elegies of savagery and eloquence of blue and gray. strange, we ran down desperate streets and carved our names into the flesh of the city. the sun has stagnated somewhere beyond the rim of the horizon and the darkness is a mystery of curves and lines. still, we lay under the emptiness and drifted slowly outward, and somewhere in the wilderness we found salvation scratched into the earth like a message.

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greyXmatter

:: 2005 25 March :: 1.43pm
:: Mood: blah

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:Casey Noelle Schwind
Birthday:6/27/89
Birthplace:... my mom's vagina.
Current Location:Blairstown, NJ
Eye Color:Brown
Hair Color:Brown/Red
Height:5' 8"
Right Handed or Left Handed:right... I used to be ambidextrous when I was little.
Your Heritage:German... I don't know.
The Shoes You Wore Today:slippers, work boots, slippers.
Your Weakness:I'm defenseless if you smile for no reason..
Your Fears:Someone not kissing me when they want to... if you want to do it, just DO it. Believe me. It will be alright. Also I'm afraid of losing people that I love more than anything.
Your Perfect Pizza:I don't eat pizza much cause my brother owns a pizza place. ... so I got sick of it. But I'll just eat one slice of plain, thanks.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:Stop. Being. Afraid.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:"ha."
Thoughts First Waking Up:I normally think about the weather first thing. Or where the snooze button is.
Your Best Physical Feature:I don't know..
Your Bedtime:eh... I normally get tired around 11ish or a little later.
Your Most Missed Memory:Being loved.
Pepsi or Coke:Coke, but diet... regular soda is like drinking sugar water... so gross.
MacDonalds or Burger King:Burger King... I guess?
Single or Group Dates:doesn't matter...
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:I don't know?
Chocolate or Vanilla:Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:Coffee, one milk, two sugar.
Do you Smoke:occasionally
Do you Swear:too much.
Do you Sing:who... doesn't?
Do you Shower Daily:yeah mostly... unless I get home and crash.
Have you Been in Love:yes
Do you want to go to College:Do I want to, yes? am I going to? Probably not.
Do you want to get Married:yes
Do you belive in yourself:trick question.
Do you get Motion Sickness:no.
Do you think you are Attractive:I don't... i don't know. I don't really.. eh. I don't know, not really. I don't know.
Are you a Health Freak:no..
Do you get along with your Parents:my stepdad, not really, my mom, a lot.
Do you like Thunderstorms:no, but there is one exception.
Do you play an Instrument:a little piano and I used to play guitar for 2 years.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:yeah, Josh made me a... whaazza?
In the past month have you Smoked:yeah
In the past month have you been on Drugs:no. medication? yes.
In the past month have you gone on a Date:nnn... yes.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:no.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:ew, gross. for real.
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:I've never, but I've always wanted to..
In the past month have you been on Stage:I don't think so.
In the past month have you been Dumped:no..
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:yes, in my bath tub.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:I don't think so.
Ever been Drunk:yeah
Ever been called a Tease:no. wait, Dan called me one once, jokingly.
Ever been Beaten up:yeah
Ever Shoplifted:yeah
How do you want to Die:As long as I'm in control.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:athlete and or something with animals.
What country would you most like to Visit:.. I don't like to travel.
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:doesn't matter... Tyler Miller's eyes kill me, though.
Favourite Hair Color:Doesn't matter.
Short or Long Hair:doesn't matter.
Height:doesn't matter, just... be taller than me.
Weight:doesn't matter, as long as you're showing you take okay care of yourself.
Best Clothing Style:doesn't matter.
Number of Drugs I have taken:... two?
Number of CDs I own:like... 35?
Number of Piercings:12
Number of Tattoos:a couple but yeah. I want real real ones soon.
Number of things in my Past I Regret:The future freaks me out.

CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

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greyXmatter

:: 2005 25 March :: 9.15am
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: [Blaine Larson]

Matthew Cane... an amazing brother and friend... Nothing is the same without you.
It was just another story written on the second page underneath the Tiger's football score. It said he was only eighteen, a boy about my age. They found him face down on the bedroom floor. There'll be services on Friday at the Lawrence Funeral Home, then out on Mooresville highway, they'll lay him underneath a stone. How do you get that lonely? How do you hurt that bad? To make you make the call, that having no life at all is better than the life that you had? How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go? How do you get that lonely... and nobody knows. Did his girlfriend break up with him? Did he buy or steal that gun? Did he lose a fight with drugs or alcohol? Did his Mom forget to say I love you son? Did no one see the writing on the wall? I'm not blaming anybody, we all do the best we can. I know hindsight's 20/20, but I still don't understand...

How do you get that lonely?

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