so denied... so I lied. are you the now or never kind? in a day and a day, love, I'm gonna be gone for good again. are you willing to be had? are you cool with just tonight? here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well.. here's to the nights we felt alive. here's to the tears you knew you'd cry. here's to goodbye. tomorrow's gonna come too soon. put your name on the line along with place and time. wanna stay, not to go. I wanna ditch the logical. all my time is froze in motion, can't I stay an hour or two or more? don't let me let you go...
Describe your ideal guy:
My ideal guy, heh? Uhm... can I mention any names? No? Alright. Alright, he's gotta be taller than me, but that's the only physical attribute I really care about. Any kinda hair, any color eyes, any color skin, any style... whatever. I'm not annoying, I'm not picky. He can't be annoying and call me every living second of every day, cause I'm a busy girl, I don't have time to sit around and talk most of the time, but one call every day will make me the happiest kid ever. I don't like it when people hang up on my answering machine... even if you were just calling to say hi, say so... I love that. I don't like a guy that'll try to change me like... and dress me... I'm not one to dress up, so don't like... ask me to prom, cause I'm not going. I don't want a pansy boy whos afraid to get dirty cause HELLO... I live on a farm. Shit happens. LITTERALLY. I want a tough guy that'll help get the cows and ride around with me and whatever. Uhm... He's gotta be outgoing and funny, I will not date a shy, quiet guy. I guess that's it!
we held hands on the last night on earth. our mouths filled with dust, we kissed in the fields and under trees, screaming, bleeding dark into the leaves. it was empty on the edge of town, but we knew everyone floated along the bottom of the river. so we walked through the waste where the road curved into the sea and the shattered seasons lay, and the bitter smell of burning was on you like a disease. in our cancer of passion, you said "death is a midnight runner." the sky had come crashing down like the news of an intimate suicide. we picked up the shards and formed them into shapes of stars that wore like an antique wedding dress. the echoes of the past broke the hearts of the unborn as the ferris wheel silently slowed to a stop. the few insects skittered away in hopes of a better pastime. i kissed you at the apex of the maelstrom and asked if you would acompany me in a quick fall, but you made me realize that my ticket wasn't good for two. i rode alone. you said, "the cinders are falling like snow." there is poetry in despair, and we sang with unrivaled beauty, bitter elegies of savagery and eloquence of blue and gray. strange, we ran down desperate streets and carved our names into the flesh of the city. the sun has stagnated somewhere beyond the rim of the horizon and the darkness is a mystery of curves and lines. still, we lay under the emptiness and drifted slowly outward, and somewhere in the wilderness we found salvation scratched into the earth like a message.
Matthew Cane... an amazing brother and friend... Nothing is the same without you.
It was just another story written on the second page underneath the Tiger's football score. It said he was only eighteen, a boy about my age. They found him face down on the bedroom floor. There'll be services on Friday at the Lawrence Funeral Home, then out on Mooresville highway, they'll lay him underneath a stone. How do you get that lonely? How do you hurt that bad? To make you make the call, that having no life at all is better than the life that you had? How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go? How do you get that lonely... and nobody knows. Did his girlfriend break up with him? Did he buy or steal that gun? Did he lose a fight with drugs or alcohol? Did his Mom forget to say I love you son? Did no one see the writing on the wall? I'm not blaming anybody, we all do the best we can. I know hindsight's 20/20, but I still don't understand...