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greyXmatter
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2005 21 March :: 10.27pm
:: Mood: lonely
l Caught FlRE: i've never been so miserable with him
Bacardixo5507: yea
l Caught FlRE: he'd tell me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me
l Caught FlRE: and part of me wanted to believe it
l Caught FlRE: but most of me knew
l Caught FlRE: and he just won't tell me.
l Caught FlRE: and i know it. and.. him saying that kind of thing to me is just tearing me apart.
l Caught FlRE: telling me that hes in love with me and that he wants to be with me forever...
l Caught FlRE: i can't stand it, but i suck it all in anyway
Bacardixo5507: its alright..he will do it when he is comfortable..its a really hard thing to deal with....awww sweetie i am soo sorry..i did the same thing to despina
Bacardixo5507: i am soo sorry
l Caught FlRE: i wish he would just stop saying that kind of thing to me though
l Caught FlRE: because i want to believe it so bad
Bacardixo5507: i know, i know...i told despina i was madly in love with her and how i wanted nothing more than to be with her...all the while i was out with guys..and then i came out and it crushed her..i have never felt so bad..but the truth is i really did have feelings for her..just not physically..he is probably the same way
l Caught FlRE: and whats even more horrible ... he's the only one that i actually feel like he is sincere when he tells me this... and hes the only one i'm comfortable around.. and hes the only one i've ever loved
l Caught FlRE: i've never been so comfortable around someone
l Caught FlRE: ever in my life.
Bacardixo5507: wow..i dont know what to say..
Auto response from l Caught FlRE: ehhh... :squints: ...
.. i need a shmoke.
l Caught FlRE: that's fine.. you don't have to say anything.. i was just ranting.
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greyXmatter
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2005 18 March :: 5.19pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: [Alan Jackson] - [Monday Morning Church]
You left my heart so empty...
Do you have any idea how much it kills? How much it hurts? How much it makes you want to rip your hair out and scream and beg for someone to come back to you? Do you have any idea how much it tears at me the fact that I'm forgotten? I've done all I can to remind him that I love him so much and that I really want him in my life, and none of it gets to his head. I've given up. I've absolutely given up, and I'm so crushed right now that I could fucking... I don't know. I haven't felt this horrible in so long. I've been starting to fall onto other guys just because I feel like I need someone... but in the back of my head his name rings so loud, and it kills me. It shouldn't... I was being perfectly loyal until I started falling for the other kid. And "loyal" is an understatement. I called him every day, I wrote him letters, I told him I loved him more than anything, and meant it like I've never meant anything before. This whole situation is just turning me away, and I don't even know why he's not telling me anything. I wish he'd just say why the fuck he's ignoring me. I'm so fucking crushed that I have like.. butterflies in my stomach, it doesn't even make sense. None of this makes sense, and I should just back away, start over, with someone new, someone else. Someone who tells me that they love me and wants to talk to me every day... And here it rings.
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greyXmatter
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2005 17 March :: 9.51pm
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: [Sum 41] - [Chuck]
Email I got today.
>From: "Michele Underhill"
>To: sunsetfarm60@hotmail.com
>Subject: Public Presentation
>Date: Wed, 16 Mar 2005 13:15:31 -0500
>
>Hi Casey:
>Just wanted to let you know that you did a great job last night. Your passion for BRing and knowledge really showed. So now you can add this to your list of accomplishments! Those things we find challenging we can't always avoid. And... when we follow thru with those challenges, they become accomplishments and that's what success is. So you were successful and you should pat yourself on the back.
>See you soon.
>
>
>Michele Underhill
Its simple things like that, that really make me happy.
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greyXmatter
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2005 17 March :: 7.59pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: [The Mars Volta] - [The Widow]
SERiES 0NE// Y0U
Time of birth: 7:01PM
Color of Eyes: brown
Sex: female
Height: 5' 8"
Hair Color: brown.red
Zodiac: Cancer
SERiES TW0// DESCRiBE
Your current outfit: torn up jeans, hot rod circuit shirt, black zip up hoodie, california necklaces, addidas shoes, black and white tall socks... pink undies? black bra... uhm. yeah.
The shoes you wore today: my brown and cream addidas.
Your weakness: boys that look into your eyes... a lot.
Your fears: .
Your perfect dessert: tyler.
One thing you'd like to achieve: PBR Permit card
SERiES Three// WHAT IS..
The phrase you say most: "dude" and "like... what the hell."
The first thing you think of when you wake up: "ugh."
The last thing you think of when you go to sleep: I don't remember.
Your current worry: that i'll never see people again.
The best thing that has ever happened to you: getting on my first bull, and falling in love for the first time.
Your best physical feature: people tell me that my eyes glitter, and a lot of people like my cheek bones, which I absolutely despise of.
Your greatest accomplishment: getting on my first bull.
SERiES F0UR// Y0U PREFER
Sunrise or sunset: Sunset
comedy or horror: comedy
East or west: west
Stripes or polka dots: polka dots
Money or fame: fame? i guess?
Planes or trains: trains, for sure.
Metal or country: country..
Boxers or briefs: either?
Mustard or Ketchup: mustard.
Pools or hot tubs: both.. mixed together. I can't sit in a hot tub more than like... 10 minutes then I gotta get out and jump in a pool.
Candles or airspray: airspray... i use it all the time, i love it.
Lipgloss or Lipstick: gross, neither. chapstick.
Noise or Silence: Silence.
Ps2 or Xbox: neither! i hate video games.
SERiES FiVE// D0 Y0U
Curse: too much. everyone hates it except josh. <3
think you've been in love: yes... <3
Type with your fingers on the right keys: yeah
Like to take baths: once in a while.
Get motion sickness: nope.
Talk on the phone: often.
Like thunderstorms: depends. during the daytime, with someone, yes. during the night, with someone, sometimes. during the daytime or nighttime alone, never.
Play an instrument: some piano, a little guitar... and... tis all.
Workout: yeah... i run 4 days a week, and do weight training 3 days a week.
Like reading: yes, if it's interesting.
Like school: yeah.
do drugs: never.
Drink: yeah
Watch football: never. no interest.
Shop way too much: nah.. i don't like shopping much.
have braces: nah. i did in third grade.
dye your hair: all the time.
SERiES SIX// FAVORITE
Kind of fruit: grapefruiiiit... and green grapes.
CD: probably... uhm... Bruce Springsteen Hits or Van Halen hits or... I like... uhm... Coheed and Cambria, Second Stage Turbine Blade
Time of the day: daytime
Feature in the opposite sex: able to make fun, talking a lot, and... laughter.
Car: an old ford pickup works for me.
Number: 14 or 27.
Thing to do right before bed: .....yeah, close my eyes?
Thing to say when you're mad: GOD DAMNIT.
Era: nowzah.
sports team: don't really have one.
Colors: gray and yellow and green.
Sport: bull riding... rodeo in general.
Subject: spanish and science, sometimes math.
article of clothing: sweatshirts.. hoodies, whatever.
Food: grapefruit or... uhm... cheesecake? or... yeah.
game: truth or dare!
SERiES SEVEN// FUTURE
Age you hope to be married: not important.
Numbers and Names of Children: ...
Describe your Dream Wedding: casual and relaxed and fun.
How do you want to die: calmly... hopefully i'll have control over it, and... not ... with something controlling me.
Where you want to go to college: LullRossStateUniversityWOOH.
What do you want to be when you grow up: something in veteranary services and uh, a lot of jackpot bull riding and competing, and.. whatever.
What country would you most like to visit: uh. my. country.
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greyXmatter
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2005 17 March :: 11.39am
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: [I'm Dressed to kill, I'm dressed to thrill...]
Pics from my jumping lesson on March 15th.
POSTED SOON.
Computer issues.
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