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greyXmatter
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2005 9 March :: 6.57pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: [Hootie & The Blowfish] - [Only Wanna Be With You]
How do I explain this?
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greyXmatter
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2005 9 March :: 6.04pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: [Wakefield] - [L7 Medication]
I know I am your worst enemy, but don't deny that you can't keep yourself from me. ...And yet, I find myself thinking that things are going to get easier, and you're going to pick up the phone and call, I won't have to try anymore. I've never been so in love and you know that. I hope that whatever's going on, you can find it in yourself to tell me what's up. I can't spend this long not talking to you in person, at least on the phone. I can't go a day. I want you to be with me so bad that it hurts... I just wish you knew how much. Distance makes the heart grow stronger, and this scene is not an exception. I love you Josh Belverio with everything that I have... you mean more to me than anything that I'm blessed to have. You're my absolute everything, wether you know it or not. You are my everything and I love you so much. You're the reason I'm around, and the reason I'm who I am when I'm happy. I wouldn't be able to cope without you right there keeping up with me. I want to have you and I want to love you forever. I always will love you. <3
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greyXmatter
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2005 9 March :: 5.07pm
:: Mood: aggravated
Braiinphreeze: < 333333333333
l Caught FlRE: you are disgusting, please stop.
Braiinphreeze: why am i disguisting?
l Caught FlRE: don't.
Braiinphreeze: cuz ur my best friend and i heartu?
Braiinphreeze: heart u*
l Caught FlRE: i'm your best frieind?
Braiinphreeze: dont wut? im not doing anything
l Caught FlRE: wow, that's sad.
l Caught FlRE: we're far from understanding one another.
Braiinphreeze: o kill urself
Braiinphreeze: u love me, u kno it
Braiinphreeze: get over it
l Caught FlRE: don't fucking say that to me.
l Caught FlRE: i swear to fucking god.
l Caught FlRE: don't ever fucking say that to me.
Braiinphreeze: have u had ur meds 2dai?
Braiinphreeze: seriously
l Caught FlRE: seriously? don't ever fucking tell me to fucking kill myself.
l Caught FlRE: fuck.
Braiinphreeze: lol
l Caught FlRE: it's not fucking funny, and i'm dead fucking serious.
l Caught FlRE: i really don't understand you sometimes..
Braiinphreeze: wuts 2 understand?
Braiinphreeze: im bullshitting
l Caught FlRE: why the fuck you'd say something like that
l Caught FlRE: joking or not
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greyXmatter
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2005 9 March :: 4.53pm
:: Mood: blah
Him and I are becoming so distant.
It's not me that's making it that way.
I'm trying my damn hardest to keep him around.
I think he just doesn't want it anymore.
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greyXmatter
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2005 9 March :: 4.47pm
:: Mood: okay
l Caught FlRE: how is he?
Braiinphreeze: hes good
l Caught FlRE: thank god.
Braiinphreeze: y wouldnt he be?
l Caught FlRE: well lets see.
l Caught FlRE: he could:
l Caught FlRE: get hit by a truck/car/van
l Caught FlRE: fall off a building
l Caught FlRE: get shot
l Caught FlRE: get a papercut that requires stitches
l Caught FlRE: break his leg
l Caught FlRE: fall off a ski lift
l Caught FlRE: um... his house could set on fire?
l Caught FlRE: uhhmmm...
l Caught FlRE: get jumped
l Caught FlRE: get in a plane crash
l Caught FlRE: get in a car accident
l Caught FlRE: ...
l Caught FlRE: yeah.
l Caught FlRE: thats why.
Braiinphreeze: lol wtf.. ur paranoid
l Caught FlRE: no, i'm a realist.
Braiinphreeze: lol
l Caught FlRE: and that was a dumb question.
Braiinphreeze: wut question?
Braiinphreeze: no1 asked a question
l Caught FlRE: Braiinphreeze: y wouldnt he be?
l Caught FlRE: that, my friend.. is a question.
l Caught FlRE: bev meet question. question meet bev.
Braiinphreeze: casey .. meet ur a dumbass.. ur a dumbass.. meet casey
l Caught FlRE: i'm a dumbass because i answered a question?
l Caught FlRE: gee, don't ask them then.
l Caught FlRE: i guess its just a bad habit of mine to answer questions when they're asked.
l Caught FlRE: i'm actually quite intelligent...
l Caught FlRE: too intelligent for my own good...
l Caught FlRE: but i forgive you for not knowing that.
l Caught FlRE: i understand that we don't know each other that well.
Braiinphreeze: wow
l Caught FlRE: what?
Braiinphreeze: taking it a little too personally
l Caught FlRE: yeah, well, i'm not one for fronting.
l Caught FlRE: and frankly, the half assed opinion on me being a dumbass has no relevance in this conversation.
Braiinphreeze: chill.. jeez
Braiinphreeze: wut r u so pissed at?
l Caught FlRE: i'm not pissed, i'm clearing up your fuck up.
Braiinphreeze: ok?
l Caught FlRE: okay.
l Caught FlRE: Was that a question?
Braiinphreeze: yip.. answer that 1 too
l Caught FlRE: perhaps you should rephrase it... I don't really understand the question.
l Caught FlRE: "okay" is normally a statement.. you've changed it to a question.
l Caught FlRE: are you asking me if something is okay?
l Caught FlRE: ..like for my permission?
l Caught FlRE: or did i miss something?
Braiinphreeze: ur a geek.. stop trying 2 be smart and stfu lol
l Caught FlRE: i don't have to try to be smart, i'm an intelligent person.
l Caught FlRE: you're seeming to say that i am actually dumb.
l Caught FlRE: you've thought that? all along?
l Caught FlRE: is that what people really think of me?
l Caught FlRE: is that why people have babied me my entire time at high school here in belvidere?'
l Caught FlRE: because they think i'm un-intelligent?
l Caught FlRE: that's really dissapointing...
l Caught FlRE: that people never got to know me before i kicked the bucket.
l Caught FlRE: its sad that people got one stupid... impression off me, no pun intended.
Braiinphreeze: well kicking buckets make messes unless they'r empty
l Caught FlRE: because i'm far from being a stupid person.
Braiinphreeze: in which ud have no reason 2 kick n empty bucket
l Caught FlRE: or less than a child prodigy.
l Caught FlRE: that really upsets me.
l Caught FlRE: ask everyone if that's what they've thought all along... i'd be interested to know.
l Caught FlRE: that's really unfortunate.
l Caught FlRE: fuck...
Braiinphreeze: wut? the kicking of the empty bucket? or the statement itself?
Braiinphreeze: lolno1 thinks ur dumb
Braiinphreeze: ur just teting 2 be a smartass with me and idk y.. soo..
Braiinphreeze: i wont bother
l Caught FlRE: you've told me that i'm "trying" to be smart. I don't have to try... to be smart. and that's not my ego talking.
l Caught FlRE: and i'm not testing, i'm simply being serious.
l Caught FlRE: i test people that i don't like very much,.
I'm cold.
Not physically.
I'm a cold person.
And as your blood runs through me, I say goodbye to what we had...
I miss North Warren, cause I miss Brielle... I miss what it's like to have real friends.
And if Brielle loves me, she'll come out and see me Saturday.
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