|
greyXmatter
|
::
2005 10 February :: 10.12am
:: Mood: lethargic
:: Music: [Keith Urban] - [Days Go By]
Last night I wrote another page onto the letter I wrote my mom and printed it out and put it on her bed. It was three pages long with really small font, I thought she would think I was phsycho, ha. Well, I went to bed and she turned on my light and woke me up and was all... "we need to talk." and she was crying and I felt really bad. Because I didn't mean to make her upset. I was just trying to explain things and tell her how I was feeling and whatnot. We sat on my bed and talked for an hour and things got a little better for now anyways.
When I came home I wanted to go online, but my stepdad had taken the cord out and disconnected the internet... figures. I "overuse" the computer, but my brother, who's on the video games shit for 3-4 hours straight after school is far from abusing his privlage. :cough: I was so mad, I wanted to cry. My cell phone battery was dead and I couldn't go online to talk to Brandon. I was seriously like... ripping my hair out I wanted to talk to him so bad. Yeah, so I stuck my phone on the charger and around 9 asked my mom if I could "please" go online... I told her that I really needed to go online and ask someone what the math homework was. (I just wanted to talk to Brandon) and she flipped. (this was before the whole letter thing) She told me that i should have been more responsible and had my homework list, and I was like "I WAS FUCKING ABSENT WHEN SHE HANDED THEM OUT." and shes like "Well I guess you'll have to hand it in late." and I was like "Too bad she doesn't accept late assignments." and I went upstairs and slammed my door and cried. I was so fucking frustrated because I wanted to talk to Brandon so bad. So then Bev called me to say hey. Then I called Josh and cried on the phone with him for a long time, but he wouldn't talk to me. I miss him a lot... that's part of the reason why I was so upset... grr... stuff is bad lately.
leave a comment
|
|
greyXmatter
|
::
2005 8 February :: 7.45pm
:: Mood: blah
we held hands on the last night on earth. our mouths filled with dust, we kissed in the fields and under trees, screaming, bleeding dark into the leaves. it was empty on the edge of town, but we knew everyone floated along the bottom of the river. so we walked through the waste where the road curved into the sea and the shattered seasons lay, and the bitter smell of burning was on you like a disease. in our cancer of passion, you said "death is a midnight runner." the sky had come crashing down like the news of an intimate suicide. we picked up the shards and formed them into shapes of stars that wore like an antique wedding dress. the echoes of the past broke the hearts of the unborn as the ferris wheel silently slowed to a stop. the few insects skittered away in hopes of a better pastime. i kissed you at the apex of the maelstrom and asked if you would acompany me in a quick fall, but you made me realize that my ticket wasn't good for two. i rode alone. you said, "the cinders are falling like snow." there is poetry in despair, and we sand with unrivaled beauty, bitter elegies of savagery and eloquence of blue and grey. strange, we ran down desperate streets and carved our names into the flesh of the city. the sun has stagnated somewhere beyond the rim of the horizon and the darkness is a mystery of curves and lines. still, we lay under the emptiness and drifted slowly outward, and somewhere in the wilderness we found salvation scratched into the earth like a message.
leave a comment
|
|
greyXmatter
|
::
2005 8 February :: 5.45pm
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: [Senses Fail] - [Lady In A Blue Dress]
I haven't had this bad of a day in so long. It really wasn't that bad, but then towards 5th period I started to get really tired and just like... gloomy and quiet. I fell asleep during World Cultures and Josh Slater woke me up at the end of the period by hitting me in the face with a paper ball.. haha that kid is awesome. Anyways, 7th period we watched a movie and I just kinda slept a little bit and rested my head which was killing me. By then I felt so shitty I wanted to die. 8th period was a little better, but I wanted to go home so bad, and the clock was working against me. I kept staring at it and I was like "ohmyfuckinggod I want to go hommmme..." finally my wish was my demand and the bell rang and for a second I was happy it was over, and then I began worrying about the next day and how I have to deal with shit all over again. I love the like... 2 seconds of bliss that I get when I'm walking out of the school.
Lunch I got to see Brandon for 2.5 seconds. =]
I saw him come in, and I figured he was leaving soon so I ran out in the hall to meet him and I was waiting and Bev came out and was all "Brandon's waiting for you in the cafeteria!" and I was like "oh shit!" and I went back in and I saw him for like 2 seconds and that was cool...
Um, the bus ride home was... eh... and from then on, it was all downhill. I got home and totally fucked myself up and I'm so fucking sick and so fucking ouchy and errg... It's really ... fff... I want something else. I feel a little better now emotionally, ha, but my horse ran out of the stall while I was cleaning it and banged my knee/leg against the wall and fuccckk.. it hurt so bad, I had to like... take a breather. All the horses got loose today somehow... that was shit. I'm not doing very good today.
3 comments |
leave a comment
|
|
greyXmatter
|
::
2005 8 February :: 3.18pm
:: Mood: drained
Once again, Mr. "I'm so fucking cool in front of my friends" is at it again... but of course when it's only us talking, he actually gives a crap about my feelings. Fuck, you need to get your priorities straight, Josh because you just aggrivating me isn't going to do anything except make you look like an idiot and piss me off. Who gains from that? Bev even told you to knock it off, and you did for a total of 10 minutes, then you were back at it again. I give up dude... come back to me when you're how you were when you cared about me, and when you were my best friend. Because I really miss that.
I'm so fucking... ugh.
I want to be home schooled or something. I hate... this school so much. I hate everyone in it and... god, I just want out. I want... out. Lately I don't want anything to do with going out and seeing people, especially when all I get out of it is critisizm of my choice of guys and zero respect out of anyone. People can be so fucking stupid.
Well...
I'll be moving in 2 years.
...2 years is a long time.
leave a comment
|
|
greyXmatter
|
::
2005 8 February :: 10.12am
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: [Yellowcard] - [Gifs and Curses]
Ohh boyyy... today sucks already... I've been so rediculously hyper the past 3 periods, I'm going to be completely dead by 6th period. First period I like.. spazzed... 2nd period I ran around the locker room and knocked people over that were doing yoga in the wrestling room... 3rd period I talked to Ricki and Josie about sex and now I'm like spazzing and tired at the same time and that's not good.
leave a comment
|
|