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greyXmatter
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2005 20 January :: 10.32pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: [Senses Fail]
OKAYISWEAR!
This is the last entry for the night.
I just forgot to mention.
Rest in peace, girl. Your death is such a shame. The paper setup only got in your way.
Anyways.
So I was in the elevator... and I was trying to get to level four to see my mom. This lady came in with her fucking annoying as fuck kid in the stroller that it was way too big for. From a distance, I noticed this buisness-like man approaching the same elevator we were in, but the doors were closing. So the lady reached over and pressed the "close" button. I gave her this look like... "What the fuck are you doing?" and I reached over and pressed the "open" button. When the door began to open, the man thanked me, and I put my hand on the door opening so it wouldn't close on him. Before he got close enough to step in, the lady fucking reached over and pressed the "close" button again. I was like "What the fuck is your problem?" and she was all "Why do the doors keep closing?" and I was thinking "Wow, you're a fucking moron." and I just walked out and found another elevator.
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greyXmatter
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2005 20 January :: 10.29pm
I was thinking about it, look, see my icon? That's exactly what my hair used to be like. Back when I was going through my hardcore lesbian phase when I looked like the biggest dyke and I loved it. I loved it. Ew, but I'm never going todo it again. That was gross and it took so long to grow out.
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greyXmatter
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2005 20 January :: 10.24pm
:: Mood: amused
I remember my first detention ever. It was in 3rd grade and it was with Kaleb Wisner. I guess we were making noises or something and cracking up and the music teacher didn't really 'preciate that very much. We had a lunch detention. OH! Diss.
It amazes me, and bothers me at the same time, how rediculously vulnerable I am. I hate how I let people do things to me and they get away with it. I hate how I let myself fall into situations that I know will kick me in the butt in the end. I hate how I let people kiss me and touch me whenever they want to. Sometimes I kiss and touch back. Sometimes when I just kind of sit down and think about it I realize how dumb it is. And how I should really stick up for myself. I need to love. Soon. And it needs to be real. And honest. And true. I can't fucking take what I'm doing. I can't.. fucking.. take it.
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greyXmatter
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2005 20 January :: 9.33pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: [Silverstein]
I couldn't stand looking at her tonight. I kept my tears to a minimum, but yeah. She looks so helpless and so unlike herself. I hate how there's tubes sticking out of every inch of skin she has and how she can't even move around on her bed to get her book to read. I hate how it's so hard for her to breathe. I hated it. I hated being there, and I wanted nothing to do with it. As far as I was concerned, that was not my mother. I sat and talked to her for 2 hours about nothing, really. The nurse gave me jello. I was like... "RAD!" .. ha. I was dying.
My ears are ringing and I have a slightly painful headache. It's probably because on the way to the hospital and on the way back I was blasting Bruce Springsteen tunes. God, I can never get enough of those. Music God.
Lol, I wonder what went wrong. You know? I mean like... what I did. Or perhaps it was what I never did. I don't even remember, and it's kind of sad that I don't feel like mending anything. Ha, I'm such a lazy ass. Maybe it's just not worth it. I love her with everything I have, but it's just not worth it. We still talk and I love her as much as I did back then. Whatever.
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greyXmatter
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2005 19 January :: 8.59pm
:: Mood: thirsty
:: Music: [Bayside]
American Idol is the shit, the first couple episodes. I love it.
I uh... feel all clean and such because I just took a shower, but the upsetting thing is, my so called "Vanilla" body wash smells like coffee and that's sad because I wish it smelled like the scent that I payed for. Damn.
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