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greyXmatter
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2005 26 April :: 9.47am
:: Mood: pessimistic
Keep the noise low. ...She doesn't wanna blow it. Shaking head to toe while your left hand does "the show me around." It quickens your heartbeat, It beats me straight into the ground. You don't recover from a night like this. A victim, still lying in bed, completely motionless. A hand moves in the dark to a zipper. Hear a boy bracing tight against sheets barely whisper, "This is so messed up." Upon arrival the guests had all stared. Dripping wet and clearly depressed, he'd headed straight for the stairs. No longer cool, but a boy in a stitch, unprepared for a life full of lies and failing relationships. Up the stairs: the station where the act becomes the art of growing up: He keeps his hands low, he doesn't wanna blow it... He's wet from head to toe and his eyes give her the up and the down. His stomach turns and he thinks of throwing up, but the body on the bed beckons forward and he starts growing up. The fever, the focus. The reasons that I had to believe you weren't too hard to sell. Die young and save yourself. The tickle, the taste of... It used to be the reason I breathed, but now it's choking me up. She hits the lights. ....This doesn't seem quite fair. Despite everything he learned from his friends, he doesn't feel so prepared. She's breathing quiet and smooth, he's gasping for air. "This is the first and last time," he says. She fakes a smile and presses her hips into his. He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides. He's holding back from telling her exactly what it really feels like. He is the lamb, she is the slaughter. She's moving way too fast, and all he wanted was to hold her. Nothing that he tells her is really having an effect. He whispers that he loves her, but she's probably only looking for... so much more than he could ever give: A life free of lies and a meaningful relationship. He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides. He waits for it to end, and for the aching in his guts to subside...
It used to be the reason I breathed, but now it's choking me up...
...Die young and save yourself.
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greyXmatter
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2005 24 April :: 8.30pm
:: Mood: blah
My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me...
So won't you kill me so I die happy?
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greyXmatter
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2005 24 April :: 5.15pm
100 Things About Me:
Starting time: 5:14PM
1. My natural hair color is really... light... blonde.
2. I have an obsession with eyebrows.
3. I bite my nails hardcore. I have like... no nails.
4. I don't own nail polish remover. If I ever paint them, I let it chip off.
5. I go on the computer too much.
6. I've been riding bulls for a year and a month.
7. I wish I started riding bulls this morning so I could say "I've been riding bulls since today."
8. I think that's funny.
9. I like watching people do stupid things... like on Wildboyz or Jackass... I don't know.
10. I love really stupid TV shows... If I ever watch tv, it's almost always something dumb.
11. I like trees that grow flowers on them.
12. If I see something really cool, regardless of what it is, I always say "I WANT IT!"
13. I always say "ugh, GOD!"
14. I always say "like" and "okay."
15. Rachel thinks it's a Blairstown thing.
16. My favorite number is 27.
17. My favorite letter when I was 6 was W... then I changed my mind and decided it was F.
18. I like to demand things from restaraunts that they don't have.
19. I type really fast.
20. I think I might be the first person to type faster than they talk.
21. I need to lose 20 pounds.
22. I have a crush on Darren cause he's such a hottie. Sara doesn't think so, and that makes me sad.
23. He's really fucking hott.
24. Have I mentioned that I curse wayyyyy too much?
25. I do. It sucks. Sometimes. I dunno...
26. I drink too much.
27. I like getting dirty.
28. I don't think I'll ever own a car... It's always gonna be a truck.
29. I looked at an F250 yesterday...
30. My perfect dates are weird... I just like to drive around aimlessly and do whatever.
31. I don't like guys who celebrate stupid shit. HAPPY ONE MONTH ANNIVERSARY.
32. I like guys that are crazy and outgoing and pick on me.
33. ...or pick me up. I like it when guys do that, cause it scares me, and I like being scared.
34. When I'm in a group of people I tend to do things I normally wouldn't do.
35. I'm really outgoing. ...probably too outgoing.
36. I don't like people who are really dry. Like... "Hi." "Whats up?" "Cool." "How are you?"
37. I want a guy who would think it would be fun to work on the farm with me.
38. I don't like perverts who take it out on me. Don't touch me.
39. I HATE it when you ask me to kiss you. DON'T... ask. JUST DO IT. Idiots.
40. I scare people away with my hyperness.
41. I get a knot in my right shoulder all the time.
42. I woke up with 6 cuts on my hands a while ago. Now they're just big scars.
43. I cut my finger yesterday and it bled. A lot.
44. I have cool friends. Best: Sara, Laura, Brielle, Ricky, Brandon, Rachel, Katie
45. I have cool friends. Darren, Tyler, Josh, Dan, Dan, Jason
46. I could never be friends with a really shy person.
46. I don't like it when people can't talk on the phone.
47. Some guys are jerks... I don't like cocky guys.
48. I'm not going to have sex with you.
49. I hate my psychologist. I really honestly do.
50. Sometimes I wish Miller still talked to me... he's a cool kid.
51. I got sick of him really fast.
52. I think I was meant to be single. Either that or people just aren't making moves.
53. Keyword: People
54. I don't like typing for long periods of time... this is sort of bothering me.
55. I have an abundance of sexually confused friends.
56. Is that weird?
57. My new cell phone number is 908 797 2824.
58. It's my mom's phone.
59. Same number as my old one, except with a 4.
60. People think of me as dorky because my hyperness is just... insane.
61. The last time I slow danced with someone was with Josh Slater.
62. I haven't been to a social event in a while. ...Coffee house.
63. WHICH by the way was RAD. I got to see Katie and Bri.
64. My favorite bands are definately Senses Fail and Brand New and... who else...
65. I love that song by Blaine Larson... "How Do You Get That Lonely?"
66. I don't think I could ever get out of being a redneck.
67. I hate girls who pretend they're rednecks. Don't even get me fucking started.
68. I work at a farm down the street.
69. Yeah, like I really need to do more farmwork than what I've got at my place...
70. Oh well, it pays good.
71. When I get a new cell phone, promise me you'll send me your number so I have it.
72. My neck hurts.
73. I have 11 horses. Is that weird?
74. And a bull.
75. Well actually, he's a steer now, but whatever.
76. I don't like stubborn bitches.
78. I wish I was more comfortable with myself...
79. I haven't showered since yesterday morning. ...heh.
80. How old am I? 15. My birthday's June 27, 1989.
81. ONE YEAR... Until I get my liscence.
82. That's 365 days, love.
83. I'm going to see a bunch of great bands next week with my closest friends.
84. I'm bringing Jason to a Senses Fail show.
85. I once had a crush on a teacher. Like... mad crush. Mr. Ross... hell yeah.
86. I don't like it when my room gets messy, but it gets that way anyway, and I don't do anything about it.
87. I love taking pictures... I do it all the time. I bring my camera everywhere.
88. Darren is fucking gorgeous.
89. His truck is almost as sexy as he is.
90. I really want him.
91. And his truck. As long as he pays for gas. heh.
92. I'm a lazyass when it comes to school work.
93. I'm nice to you wether I like you or not. I'm so decieving.
94. I always get bruises and I don't know where they come from.
95. I don't like surprises.
96. I don't like hugging girls. Friendship hugs? So gay.
97. I'm really strong and I don't like it cause I've got big guns.
98. Guns? I'm afraid of them. I won't shoot it unless its an airgun.
99. I used to draw a lot... I was really good... then I just stopped.
100. I can be a real bitch until you get to know me.
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greyXmatter
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2005 23 April :: 10.52pm
:: Mood: geeky
:: Music: [FoB]
Laura got a new horsiiiiiiie!
BABY KISS.
Isn't she a doll?
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greyXmatter
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2005 21 April :: 10.09pm
:: Mood: bored
When was the last time you.....
Smiled: before when Keith mentioned me and him being in a band together. HAHA.. ew, girl bands.
Laughed: ...when Jimmy left a message on my phone.
Cried: at like... 5:00 because my horse was dying.
Were sarcastic: who knows. all the time..
Kissed someone: yesterday? wait like... hardcore kiss? cause this was just a quick kiss on the lips, haha..
Talked to an ex: right now?
Watched your favorite movie: uh.. couple weeks ago with Laura and Sara. (SAW)
Had a nightmare: the other night when Josh Slater raped me.
Were lulled to sleep by the thought of someone: uh. I don't remember.
-a last time for everything-
Last book you read: wow, who knows. Romeo and Juliet?
Last movie you saw: ah... Grapes of Wrath.
Last song you heard: Brand New - Jude Law and a Semester Abroad
Last thing you had to drink: water
Last time you showered: this morning
Last thing you ate: a piece of this hardcore sourdough bread.
-body-
What do you most like about your body: theres some times when I really like my arm muscles. 13 inches when flexed come in handy sometimes. other than that... I like my teeth. cause they're square like little kids teeth. and uh... thats really it.
How many fillings do you have: none.
Do you think you're good looking: i think thats more a other people question.
Do other people often tell you that your good looking: yeah
Do you look like any celebraties: adriano moraes.
-fashion-
Do you wear a watch: nah.
How many coats and jackets do you own: 2?
Most expensive item of clothing: the most i spend on any clothing thing was 40 bucks. and it was a really nice jacket.
What kind of shoes do you wear: chuck taylors... work boots.... cheap shit.
Describe your style in one word: non-existant.
-friends-
Do your friends 'know' you: the only one that knows me knows me is brielle. and... uh. well.. ricky also. and josh.
What do they tend to be like: outgoing. caring.
Are there traits in you that are universaly liked: my stupidity on occasion.
How many people do you tell everything to: ricky. one person. and just him. it used to be josh. then he left me.
-other-
Favorite band ever: probably senses fail or van halen or coheed or.... gah, uh... bruce springsteen or billy idol I DONTKNOWICANTPICK.
Do you find any musicians good looking: yeah, travis from FFTL and uhhh... bruce springsteen is a babe cause hes old... same with Billy Idol and SHUT YOUR MOUTH... but I think Claudio from coheed is amazing. Also Keith is gorgeous.
Can you play an intrument: played guitar for 4 years..... piano... whatever. no.
-general questions-
Whom do you believe is the smartest man alive at the moment: ricky. at least the most intelligent man I know.
What do you prefer a sunny or rainy day: sunny, as long as it's not hot.
Do you consider yourself lucky: no. nothing it out of luck.
Do you feel pity for people who commit suicide: none.
Choose one word that describes how you feel most often: blah.
-stuff-
Do you own any plaid clothing: yeah... every shirt i have that i wear as a coverup is plaid.
Do you own converse: ugh yeah, and some days i wish i dont. black, pink, green
Do you own saucony shoes: no.
Do you own old school nikes: no
Do you own tight pants: yeah....?
Is there more than 1 zipper on your pants: on two pairs, yes.
Do you own a messanger bag: as in a tote bag? no.
Do you own braces: no.
Do you have short shaggy hair: HAHAHAHA BRANDY!
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