swimfan14
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2006 7 January :: 1.40am
Tonight was fun. I went to the basketball game at Forest Hills Central with Emily, Justin, and Logan. We definitely got lost on the way there. We even got directions and Logan is a moron and we were supposed to get off at exit 40B so what does he do? He gets off at exit 39 that takes us god knows where. We finally ended up at the game after like an hour of driving.
The game sucked. We lost.
After that we went to tgi fridays and we about died getting there. I'm not even going to get into that. When we were walking out Emily and I were reading something and I ran into a car. Emily said it was probably the funniest thing that shes ever seen. We just about died laughing.
Then we just went to Justins and watched Wedding Crashers or something. I don't even know. I just fell asleep anyways.
Logan said that Emily and I are exactly the same. Which come to realize after this whole past year after everything we pretty much are. We've been through alot together and somehow at the end, were even better friends than we were at the begining. We can't even listen to the same songs or it will make us cry. We pretty much should be twins.
Anyways after tonight I had tons of fun and I'm glad everything can just be back to normal for good.
Yes, each new day brings with it a new set of lies.
The worst are the ones we tell ourselves before we fall asleep.
We whisper them in the dark, telling ourselves we're happy.
Or, that he's happy.
That we can change.
Or, that he will change his mind.
We persuade ourselves saying we can live with our sins.
Or, that we can live without him.
Yes, each night before we fall asleep we lie to ourselves...in desperate, desperate hope, that come morning...
It will all be true.
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2006 6 January :: 10.49pm
Tired.
I love this.
He's making me realize that I am not perfect and I have to get over myself. I mean.. like, I can't just dish things out and not take them back. He doesn't just let me say what I want and then be all sweet back. He's blunt. He's honest. He's militant. And I like it. I don't need some fake ass, lovey dovey attitude.
And it's not like he's an asshole to me. It's not that at all. He just isn't fake and doesn't let me get away with being a bitch without him being a dick back. It just works and I like it.
I don't care if I sound crazy. I am very lippy and I need someone to let me know it.
Goodnight.
I can't wait for tomorrow.
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swimfan14
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2006 6 January :: 5.23pm
I almost didn't go to school today again. I couldn't fall asleep last night either and my alarm started going off this morning and I pushed snooze and then all of the sudden the buttons froze so I just turned it off and went back to bed and my mom came upstairs at like 7:10 yelling "Why isn't anyone up in this house yet?" so I pretty much was ready in like five minutes.
Today was a pretty boring day. I was just going to skip fifth hour because Brittani and Dani wanted me to go to Yesterdog with them but I figured I probably should make up all my missed work.
The Spring Hill meeting was today and I'm pretty excited for that. It's in a month.
And well I guess I don't really have anything to write about at the moment. Emily is almost here and we are going to Logans for a while and then going to Justins and then going to the game and then afterwards I was just going to come home but Emily wants me to hang out with her so we'll just go hang out with some people. I don't really know what else is going on this weekend but I should go.
<3 Ashley
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swimfan14
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2006 5 January :: 11.38pm
I'm throwing all the hints..giving you all the signs..why can't you just see it?
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2006 5 January :: 9.42pm
Devin asked me out and...
I said no.
Now, don't get any ideas. It was handled well and I had my reasons. I told him we need to hang out a few more times and when he knows, and I mean really knows, he can ask me in person.
I want things to go right with all of this.
And I want to be entirely honest with him.
He completely understood and thought it was for the best.
He said he didn't even want to ask me this way, he just felt like he had to and couldn't wait.
I understand completely, because I feel like I want to be with him as well. But, I know it's not smart for either of us right now.
We'll see what happens.
He's so great and I want things to go perfectly and to last. I don't want some lame one month thing.
So, in the end handling it how I did was a very good idea.
I don't want to lose this kid and I won't. Whether we date or stay friends, I want him there. And he will be.
With all that said, goodnight.
I am so glad tomorrow is Friday.
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2006 4 January :: 9.11pm
Hah.
...
Devin: You hate me apparently..
Stacy: I didn't say that!
Devin: Stacy: Ew, no I hate you!
Stacy: Hahaha.
Devin: Got you there!
Stacy: Yeah, pretty much.
Hahaha.
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2006 4 January :: 3.26pm
Awe, Mikey (Brad's cousin) got me a printer for Christmas! He ordered one offline and got it sent to my house (it's a Canon and it's so nice!) I got home and there was this huge box on my bed, haha.
It's such a thoughtful gift. He knows I want to be a photographer and I take most of my pictures digitally so he wanted to get me a nice printer for making a portfolio (to eventually get a job in the photography field). I can't wait to use it.
I am just so excited. Thanks Mikey! It's nice to know at least one person from that family doesn't hate me.
I love how unselfish some people are. He doesn't even want anything back, except some of the pictures I've taken. :)
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2006 4 January :: 12.22am
A fucking waste of time is ALL you've become.
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2006 4 January :: 12.03am
Today was anything but ordinary. I couldn't fall asleep last night for the life of me so I pretty much just stayed up all night watching the first season of Desperate Housewives. I'm pretty far, I must add. I am so used to being out all night with people and not falling asleep until around 3 AM so last night was definitely a challenge. I got to school, not looking forward to seeing a certain someone. There was a little tension going on there. So anyways, I'm in first hour (Modishers) and Mr. H called him and wanted me to go upstairs to his class room and I figured it had to do with my monologue or something like that. I walk up there and there standing in the hallway is Veronica. I just about died. I kept saying "omg". H then said that she remembered me and I just about died again. I ran up to her and gave her the biggest hug I've ever gave anyone and this hug was differen't than the last hug I gave her when she came in with her mom, not remembering anyone and she had to sit there and see me bawl my eyes out, and she had no idea why in the world I was crying. When we hugged that day, she barely hugged me back but today she wouldn't let go. I knew she remembered me and I was so happy. I've waited so long for this to come. H told me that she doesn't really remember everything in our friendship but she remembers alot of it so I just have to fill her in on the rest and then she told me she remembered me bawling when she came into school and she had to ask her mom why I was crying and her mom said because we were basically best friends. She told me she felt bad that I was crying but it's not her fault this happened. All in all I'm really happy that she remembers me. She asked me who about six people in our drama class were. She didn't remember them at all. But anyways things are slowly getting better for her and that makes me really happy and now I feel like a moron when we talk because I don't know what parts she remembers and what parts she doesn't so I have to ask her and either way I feel stupid but this is all worth it…..
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2006 3 January :: 9.10pm
He got me gummy worms. Oh yeah, that shows he cares. You'd understand if you knew how I felt about sour gummy worms. I think he just didn't want to die.
I love how he's always laughing and smiling. He just puts me in a constant good mood. It's like he can't be cranky. Awe man, I miss him all ready.
I'm so lame.
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2006 2 January :: 9.43pm
Awe, he told me that he likes me.
And that the entire night he wanted to kiss me, but he was afraid.
I feel like I'm in 8th grade again and I like it. Haha.
I love when things begin to start. It's scary, but I love it.
I'm excited in the dorkiest way. :)
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swimfan14
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2006 2 January :: 5.03pm
You pretty much just lost me.
So walk away like you always do.
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2006 1 January :: 10.54am
This is the new year and I don't feel any different.
New Years was awesome for me. Nothing exciting happened. I didn't watch the ball drop, I didn't get a new years kiss, I didn't even know it was the new year until two minutes later. But, that simplicity and it being treated like any normal day made it so special to me.
Lisa picked me up, we went to Skelletones (Aw, man.. I love that place), we met Devin there, watched a few bands, left, went to some lame party, left, drove around aimlessly then went to James's house to hang out and just watch movies for the night. We played 'Go Fish' too! I didn't know/remember how to play, so Devin taught me. Haha.
Devin is just...amazing. I've never instantly been so comfortable around someone. Nothing is awkward. It's like I have been this kids best friend for years. We talk all the time about everything. Serious things, past relationships, or about stupid shit that doesn't even matter. He makes me laugh so hard and I do the same for him. I love how he is so real and raw. He just says exactly what he's thinking, he's kind've... sassy in a way. And that's a bad word to describe a guy, but you get the point. He just won't sit back and not say what he thinks. I like how open he is. He'll just spill his heart out about the low times in his life and you can tell he doesn't feel embarrased about them. And it's not in this whiny way. It's in this real, 'This happened, I felt like this. So what? Take it or leave it' kinda way. And I love that. I need someone to just say something and not care if it sounds wrong. I have yet to sleep. We stayed up all night into the day just talking. It was never weird, we always had something to say or something to laugh about. It honeslty, like..hurt both of us to have to go home today.
The only thing that scares me is he is seriously such a nice guy. I feel like I can end up hurting someone like him. He won't talk bad about people unless he's joking. He actually sticks up for people and will tell the people talking shit that it's not cool. He honestly gets pissed off when people talk bad about others. I think that's awesome and it's nice to be around someone like that, maybe he can help me quit that habit.
He's also very well rounded. He's never stolen and doesn't ever want to. He doesn't smoke, because he thinks it's a disgusting habit, he has only gotten drunk four times in his life and doesn't plan on drinking ever again (He had to go to the hospital the last time he got drunk from alcohol poisoning. He almost died and that scared him, so he doesn't want to drink like that again.), he's smoked pot and is also done with that, because he wants to get a good job and just doesn't care about it. He was just talking about how he went through the stages he needed to and he doesn't have the urge to do those things anymore. And I could see that he was telling the truth, not just telling me things I wanted to hear. He's also very intelligent, you can tell by his vocabulary and the classes he is taking.
The best part of everything about him is...he's a virgin. Can you believe that?! Honestly, I can't believe it. I like that he is basically on the same level as I am in that area. You don't just find guys who haven't had sex around anymore. And it makes no sense. For the way he looks and acts girls should honeslty be throwing themselves at him. Seriously. He's extremely easy on the eyes.
I am a lot more mature than he is, but he's a year younger and a Junior so it makes sense. A year really changes a person. One year can make a person grow up in athousand ways. He's not perfect, which makes everything even better. He can drive me up the wall within seconds, but then just make me laugh it off a minute later.
I couldn't have asked for a better way to start off the year.
I don't know about all of this. Right now we're just friends. Close friends who are really comfortable with eachother and will spend any day they have to hang out to do nothing, yet enjoy every second of it. He even told me how he missed his ex girl friend and he wanted to be with her again. But, then he hinted a lot to me by asking questions about how picky I am with guys, if age matters, what annoys me about him, if I think he's cool, etc. etc. He asked a lot of questions that tip toed around us eventually dating or finding out if I liked him. We could end up dating (eventually), but I don't want to be serious with anyone until I get out of Highschool and expeirence a little more of my life. I don't even want to date him right now, I just want to be really good friends with him and enjoy his wonderful company.
It was so darn cute...he got up on stage and skanked at Skelletones. He looked sooo cute, seriously. He can actually skank right, so that was cool to see. I love how he always just lets go and has a good time.
Then he ate the last red and blue sour gummy worm! I told him not to eat any of those ones, because those were the only ones I liked and he ate them anyway! Then he laughed at me.
So, I killed him.
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2005 31 December :: 3.28pm
:: Music: Rilo Kiley
I can't wait for tonight.
I'm starting to get bored and when I get bored I get sad. When I get sad I kill people. When I kill people I go to jail. When I go to jail I sneak out. When I sneak out out I hide. When I hide I go crazy. After I go crazy I watch TV. When I watch TV I get tired. When I get tired I get bored. When I get bored I get sad. When I get sad I kill people.. and well, you see? The process just starts itself all over again.
So, let's go out tonight and hope I don't get bored.
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swimfan14
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2005 31 December :: 1.52pm
:: Mood: tired
I count the days that we have spent apart. I've got a bad liver and a broken heart. There's no salvation in the comfort of you. I finally realized your tearing me apart.
I think what hurts me the most is the fact that you don't hurt at all.
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2005 30 December :: 9.36pm
Everybody looks like ants!
Ron and I watching Family Guy:
Icicle shards says:
haha
Relentless says:
hahaha
Icicle shards says:
hahahahah
Relentless says:
lol!
[Repeat that about ten times]
Man, I love that show. And boy, do I love sour worms. I ate all of them, Ron. Now I feel sick, but it was worth it.
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2005 30 December :: 5.46pm
Puddin Flop (as Stacy/Dani says)
Last night once again was fun as always. Like Stacy said this is mostly just going to be more for my benefit than anyone else's. I went and hung out at Danielles house with Big Nasty, Ryan Case, Dan, Tyler, Shane, Dustin, and of course Stacy. Stacy and I decided we wanted to make bacon randomly and we had the worst time making it and then like an hour later we were finally finished. "The dacon is bangerous" lol one of Stacy's wonderful lines. Then at like midnight we went to IHOP and I said I wouldn't ever go there again after what happened to Erika and I but I went anyways since I wasn't just going to not go with my friends and it wasn't all that bad. Our waitress was extremely weird and we were all trying to be nice and all of the sudden she asked someone at our table "how they wanted their meats?" and I looked at everyone and they were all trying not to laugh and all of the sudden I just busted out laughing and I made Ryan and Dan bust out laughing too. She was definitely odd. And then when Ryan, Tyler, Shane, and Dan went by the Rockford Church some kids threw snowballs at Shanes car and they stopped and got out and beat them up. It was pretty funny to hear about but I didn't see it since I wasn't riding with them and at first when they called us we didn't believe them but it really happend because when we got back Dan's face had a huge hole in it and was bleeding and Ryan's face was swelling up. I couldn't believe it and then on the way to IHOP a cop pulled them over because Shanes lights went off because Ryan said "they were jammin' too hard"...I don't know but I just couldn't stop laughing last night. We always have some great times.
I should get going though because I'm hanging out with Logan, Emily, and Justin later.
So everyone have a good weekend.
<3 Ashley
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2005 30 December :: 1.56am
Dacon is bangerous.
Tonight was fun. Hung out with Ashley, Dani, Ryan, Tyler, Big Nasty, my bro, Shane, and Dan. (I am naming people in my entries lately so I can remember whenever I read through this. It's for my own benefit, so ignore it.). We hung out at Dani's house for a while, then went to IHOP. I hate that place with a passion, but the group made it fun. Those kids were hilarious. I love being around fun people. And I love to laugh. It's so nice.
I can't wait for new years. :) It shall be a good time.
Edit>> I know I am updating a lot lately about pretty much the same things. This journal is becoming more of a thing for me to read and look back on memories. I know who I hung out with and what I did doesn't matter to you, but it matters to me. And it is my journal after all. So, if it's annoying... "like be a big person and get over." Haha, only a select few will get that one.
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2005 29 December :: 6.54pm
:: Music: Rent Soundtrack - Rent
105.4!
Going out once again. I'm tired and grouchy and I wouldn't have it any other way, because of the reasons I am. That makes no sense to you, but it does to me. So, fuck off.
For break starting off so completely terrible, it seems to be ending well.
Who would of thought I could actually be happy and stay happy?
What the hell is this?
It's well deserved.
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2005 29 December :: 3.28pm
Stop, stare, and watch me burn. Someday it'll be your turn. You can't fool me. I can see all the things that you didn't want me to see. You threw my heart away and thats the price I paid. I know it's never fair, you promised me you'd always be there but you never really cared.
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