perhaps, perhaps, perhaps...

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:: 2011 19 October :: 2.52pm

Ok, so I've decided to post my essay for the class I'm applying for..right now it's disjointed and it doesn't flow well. I can only have 300 words..which it is right now. I have the part in there about my dad (my adviser told me to def. include that part since I got an E and W's the previous semesters..so that part I can't really delete) Here's the prompt:

"The essay should be reflective of your academic and clinical experiences through observations and what you have learned as it relates to characteristics/skills of a "good" student clinician."

Right now it's a rough draft..very rough..but I wanted to get something down on the page as a starting point. Any feedback at all would be helpful b/c I'm kind of 'stuck.' Thanks!!

--My mantra in life is, "Never give up." I feel a good clinician is someone who is innovative and determined to never give up on finding an answer for their client or any problem they face, if you can't find an answer-figure it out. I apply this outlook to everything I do in life. Over the past year, I have overcome many obstacles that have made me realize how passionate I am about Speech-Language Pathology.
The previous year has proven difficult for me academically. My dad was admitted to the hospital last fall with swelling on his brain and diagnosed with Wernicke's encephalopathy. As his conditioned worsened, I moved home to help care for him. Over time, I realized that although I loved my dad, I couldn't give up on my dream of becoming an SLP. So, I'm back 100% this semester and striving to achieve the excellent academic status I had prior to this year. My major GPA was a 3.9 and my overall GPA was a 3.88. I believe this experience has made me stronger and more determined to accomplish my goals. I also believe it will help me to empathize and relate to families who have a loved one with a communication disorder because I understand how truly devastating it can be.
Through academic experiences such as volunteering as a tutor for CDO 335, ASHA conventions and working with Dr. Sturm at sites for her research project and clinical experiences in 494, I believe I have what it takes to be a good clinician. I don't let barriers stand in my way, I find a different way. I have also worked as a Customer Service Representative for 3 years and I feel these skills will help me to interact with my clients and turn negative situations into positive ones.--

It's due next week so I have a little bit to fix it up :/

:: 2011 19 October :: 2.23am

SEPTEMBER 1st 2011 It all began spiraling downward
Why are you so callous about my feelings?

How many times had I brought the issue up. You make me want to flip the switch and ignore you forever.

I hate knowing you right now. What could I have done with the time Ive wasted on you?

"Men can never be just friends with women"

You can be coworkers, colleagues,related by family, married, divorced, or roomates. Never just friends though.

:: 2011 16 October :: 5.46pm

Ya um fuck.

Another downer day. Not as bad as last time but its on its way.

Today was a day full of more being pushed away and being scorned. I dont like being made to always feel like I should be apologizing.

Im more than setteled on this issue. I gave up. Ill be friends but not like it was. I cant let her use me like this. I wont be her emotional feel better about her self person. Fuck that.

:: 2011 13 October :: 1.40pm

At this moment, I feel like Im good on the withstanding issue. Ive contemplated the issue, Ive skirted the issue, Ive wrestled with it multiple times. I think Im okay now.

Im drawing the line.

Im pulling back now.

I may not be the most comfortable now but I think Im good baring some unforeseen curve ball.

Friends it is. I wont always try to be there. I wont try to go the extra mile. If you want it, YOU have to ask for it. I tried doing it and got nothing but headaches and heartaches. I dont need to walk around with those chips on my shoulder anymore.

I dont go out of my way for just anyone. I go out of my way for everyone in some fashion, but this one I cant go any further with. I will withhold.

You cant assume the privileges of a status you dont accept the consequences for. Take responsibility of your actions on my feelings. Express more than just a terribly overplayed statement.

That wont cut it. Return to sender.

EDIT: Ive been searching for the words on this kind of statement forever now. I cant believe it never came to me. Commitment. Bam! Make a commitment to me. Ive been alive 24yrs and seen plenty of stuff to know what I require out of this word. So get to stepping.

:: 2011 12 October :: 11.42pm
:: Mood: listless

Im going crazy. 2 steps forward one step back all the damn time.

Ugh. The thoughts racing through my head.

Take a step back Kelly. Stop jumping to conclusions.

Nope. Im drawn.

Spent

Oiy vey

:: 2011 12 October :: 2.40pm

so, I have to apply for this class for my major. it's CDO 495 our clinic class. you have to apply and get accepted to get in. you basically ARE an slp and get assigned 2 clients that you have to do therapy with and everything. if you don't get in, they basically say you won't get into grad school. keeping in mind if i don't get in, i still have a back up plan and will STILL make my way to grad school..i really need to get into this class. my grades for the past year have been SHIT. (including an E, Incomplete and W's). HOWEVER, before that I had a 4.0 and am earning a 4.0 during this semester. I have to write a 300 word essay to turn in.

How can I express in 300 words HOW BADLY I want this and how much I have changed my life in the past year and overcome so many obstacles to do THIS. I was at rock bottom..i as in the hospital for 4 days, my dad was in the hospital, i went through two really rough life altering decisions that crushed me and I overcame these things to complete my schooling. I've completely taken myself off of anti-depressants and anxiety medication. I've lost 20lbs and exercise daily and meditate. I'm so much better than before. I am just upset b/c I KNOW my skills and abilities in academia and in a clinic setting and I'm confident in my skills and my ability to do it and do it well, but that's not going to come across in my transcripts. SO this essay could highly benefit me. I just am so worried that they won't see it. That they'll brush me aside, but I'm hoping not. I know I'll get some priority b/c I'm graduating in May, and they let people that are graduating have first 'dibs' so they can get it in. The essay needs to be about, 'What makes a good clinician"--I need more words so I can tell them what I think makes a good clinician and how I embody that. :/

I don't want to make excuses for my bad grades. Nobody cares about excuses because everyone goes through rough times etc..so, in my essay, I'm thinking writing 1-2 sentences tops expressing the fact that I own up to my poor performance and would just ask to still be considered based on my overall GPA and my experiences outside of class. IDK what I should say about it. I don't know if I should say, "yea I did crappy, but that's not the real me..blah blah etc.." or if I should just leave it out altogether and just let them wonder? Any opinions? I don't know what would be appropriate.

3 Comments | Good Job!

:: 2011 11 October :: 10.27pm

Seems to be easier when you can distract yourself with work.

I feel a little better today. I hope this is the case for the next week or so.

Friday when I get home from Cadi I guess I have to set a show at the YMCA for the GR Marathon. Tear down on Saturday.

We'll see how things go. One day at a time.

:: 2011 10 October :: 1.52pm

Show me you care Marley. Go over the edge. Show me some emotion behind this.

If you want me around, make me see it. Go out of your way to show it.

EDIT: You wish you could fix me. You can. Ive given you the tools, use them. Dont skirt the issue and Ill be on stable ground way faster.

:: 2011 9 October :: 3.48pm

Just finished[still going] a 30min shower.

EDIT: Just finished breaking down

EDIT: Having a break down

EDIT: Broke

EDIT: Broken

Ya....glad Im alone at home today.

:: 2011 6 October :: 6.47am

Her responses are just so dead. I dont have a better word for it. Does she even know how much shes torn my heart?

Im really sick of being alone.

I had such high hopes about her. About us.

Thats been torn to shreds.

:: 2011 5 October :: 12.54pm

Beans were spilled last night, albeit abruptly[read: poorly].

I probably left her in a mess around her friends. If I did I bet theyd say "dont go" "hes an asshole" or something of that nature.
Those sentiments really help right now...NOT.

I didnt mean for this to happen but it happened. I cant help that I feel this way about her. What I can help is whether or not I should bother trying to feel this way about her. If she cant tell me that, then I can try to decide.

Shes mad/sad about not having answers for me. Im mad because I need answers. I told her I would make them for her if she cant. I really dont like the answer Ill end up using but I know that its probably the best I can offer since shes "a free spirit" and she might "wake up one day and not like you[me]."

Isnt this what a relationship revolves around? Liking someone, then being with or without them over time. Changing with or without them. Then deciding if you dont want to be with them one day or staying with them for more days?

I really hate this.

This whole thing makes me think about Rachel and how I had that issue come up again and again. Makes me hate myself when my self esteem is already basically at rock bottom.

If bad things happen to good people, then do good things happen to bad people?

2 Comments | Good Job!

:: 2011 4 October :: 11.13pm
:: Music: The Beatles- "Eleanor Rigby"

Fleshed "IT" out
Thats just a dirty title. Ha....*empty laugh here*

All the lonely people
Where do they come from?
All the lonely people
Where to they all belong?

Im one of them. Where I belong is up to who I open up to. She is that person. So...I need to know if I put it away behind its lock or I make her a key. I cant just showcase it for everyone. That's not who I am or how I work.

Special attention, special treatment, and expectations from me are opened up.

This is how I show my love
I made it in my mind because
I blame it on my a.d.d. baby

This is how an angel cries...

:: 2011 4 October :: 2.15pm

Malarkey!

:: 2011 4 October :: 2.11pm

:: 2011 4 October :: 2.02pm

:: 2011 4 October :: 1.35pm

:: 2011 4 October :: 10.00am

:: 2011 4 October :: 9.56am

:: 2011 4 October :: 9.55am
:: Music: Cumbias Sonideras

:: 2011 4 October :: 9.49am

Georgia on my Mind

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