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gillette

:: 2009 1 December :: 11.44pm
:: Music: Life

hm. I need a change in my life. I know I'm not supposed to be negative, but right now I'd just like to rant..or just state..my 'problems' that I'd like to work on..

number 1) my room is ungodly messy, i mean i can barely walk to my bed and it's horrible. i feel claustrophobic in here, but i really have no motivation to clean it,..i need to. number 2) i am very unorganized..i forget important things and my homework and books are sprawled all over the floor of my room. instated of using folders for classes (i bought folders) i shove all of my papers into my notebook for the class. this causes me to shuffle endlessly through stacks of papers to find things i need. number 3) i have no money. i need to call financial aid and go make an appointment with them to see if i can get more loan money. number 4) i'm overwhelmed by work and school. i need to quit my job before next semester, but i'm not sure if that's financially possible. my grades have suffered this semester and i've been nap happy all semester long. in fact tonight i slept through my 6:30pm class, which upsets me! i hate missing class b/c then i miss crap and it's just annoying. number 5) i want to volunteer more and do other things like that. it would make me happy and i need to do those sort of things to write on my resume. i don't have time though b/c of work. i need time for more important things! number 6) i don't know what to do about living next year..i know it's next year, but i need to sign a lease here soon if i'm going to live here. i most likely will, but part of me is dying for a change! i feel like i've just been trudging along on this same path and i need something different..maybe i can find something different in a different area of my life besides living arrangements but i just don't know what. number 7) i've been stressed this semester so much..i haven't enjoyed myself. i don't do anything fun. i want to have fun! it wears on you after a while..the monotony of school and work. i need some excitement. number 8) i'm not going to get all A's this semester which reaaally upsets me. i need to accept it i guess, but still try the best i can at finals. i could maybe get all A's and A-'s, but as of right now i'm not sure. i don't want my 4.0 in the major to be gone :( but i think it might be. i don't want to beat myself up over it though..i need to just move on.

so that's that. i don't know exactly what to do about all of them, but i'd like to work on them. i just need to find the motivation. i'm exhausted. i wish i lived on the beach so i could just go lay on the sand and veg out. i've seen a counselor twice, but it's not that helpful i don't think. she mostly just makes me talk and doesn't say anything. hmm. i'm going to keep going to give it a full try though i guess. anyway, time to play farmville.

1 Comment | Good Job!


spud

:: 2009 1 December :: 2.01am

oh, also... happy december!

i turn 23 in a couple weeks.

damn.

6 Comments | Good Job!


valoth

:: 2009 24 November :: 2.29am

Im out of my mind.

Totally correct.

EDIT: Correction. I suffer from insomnia. Included in my package deal is anxiety and obsessive compulsive tendencies. This results in rumination. The end result of which is a mild and random psychosis.

Agoraphobia
Social anxiety disorder
Obsessive-compulsive disorder

These are my new words.

6 Comments | Good Job!


spud

:: 2009 23 November :: 12.52am
:: Mood: Tired
:: Music: BnL - Barenaked Ladies are Men

hi journal. it's been a while.

umm... so. i'm just waiting for this cd to burn, and then i think i'm going to bed. i have to get up at like seven, so i'd like to shoot for around 6 hours of sleep anyway. that would be nice.

so, it turns out i'm waaaay waaay below the poverty line, so not only could i have been collecting welfare this whole time, i also qualify for deferment on my loans. but since my first payment is due in less than a week, and there's no online application, i won't have enough time to mail my application in and get it processed before my payment is due. so, we'll see what happens.

might try and call shannon tomorrow so i can get that damn coffee thing out of the way. not really looking forward to it at all, but maybe i can nab a few cigarettes out of the deal, and maybe she'll finally leave me alone after. that'd be swell.

so i found out that my gig on the 18th is at the eagles club in grand haven. first rehearsal is on the 2nd, somewhere in holland. i also got the set list. thankfully i'm at least somewhat familiar with most of it... even played a few of the tunes before. but here's what i have to spend the next three weeks learning:

867-5309 / Jenny.........................................Tommy Tutone
An American Girl..........................................Tom Petty
Back Door Man............................................The Doors
Brown Eyed Girl............................................Van Morrison
Can't always get what you want.....................Rolling Stones
Crazy little thing called love...........................Queen
Evil Ways.....................................................Santana
Fire............................................................Jimi Hendrix
Fly away.....................................................Lenny Kravitz
Gimme 3 steps............................................Lynyrd Skynyrd
Gloria.........................................................Van Morrison
Hard to Handle............................................Black Crowes
Hey Jealousy...............................................Gin Blossoms
Hoochie Koochie Man/Bad to the Bone...........Muddy Waters
I Feel Fine..................................................Beatles
I wanna be sedated.....................................Ramones
Keep your hands to yourself.........................Georgia Satellites
La Grange..................................................ZZ Top
Long Tall Sally............................................Little Richard
Money.......................................................Barrett Strong
My Generation............................................The Who
No Matter What..........................................Badfinger
One after 909............................................Beatles
Please Please Me.......................................Beatles
Pride and Joy.............................................Stevie Ray Vaughan
Revolution.................................................Beatles
Roadhouse Blues......................................The Doors
Road Runner.............................................Bo Diddly/The Gants/The Who
Rock & Roll...............................................Led Zeppelin
Satisfaction...............................................Rolling Stones
Sweet Home Alabama................................Lynyrd Skynyrd
Tina Marie................................................Kenny Wayne Shepherd
Twist and Shout........................................Beatles
What I like about you.................................The Romantics
Young Blood............................................. Bad Company

it's a pretty interesting mix, i think. should be fun. and i hope there are drink specials. because that's what my life seems to have become.

in other news, i've been told in no uncertain terms that i have to move to a big city if i ever want to have a career in audio. and i gotta say, it makes a lot of sense.

talk at you later, b.

3 Comments | Good Job!


valoth

:: 2009 20 November :: 2.43am

Suppose its time for bed. Insomnia leave me be for at least one night? k, thanks.

Good Job!


valoth

:: 2009 20 November :: 2.26am

Job did it better...
The friends spend 7 days sitting on the ground with Job, without saying anything to him because they see that he is suffering and in much pain. Job at last breaks his silence and "curses the day he was born".

-Last part-

Job, confident of his own innocence, maintains that his suffering is unjustified as he has not sinned, and that there is no reason for God to punish him thus. However, he does not curse God's name or accuse God of injustice but rather seeks an explanation or an account of his wrongdoing. Job does question God.

-Again, last part.-

God's speech also emphasizes His sovereignty in creating and maintaining the world. The thrust is not merely that God has experiences that Job does not, but also that God is King over the world and is not necessarily subject to questions from His creatures, including men. The point of these speeches, and ultimately the entire book of Job, is to defend the absolute freedom of God over His creation. God is not in need of the approval of His creation. He is free. Furthermore, Job's lack of knowledge and the ability to see the world as God does prevents him from fully understanding God's reasons for allowing Job's suffering.

-Grand scheme/Divine Plan, aside...how about some 1 on 1 talks? Aye?-



I dont find myself to be a religious man, as I see things for what science suggests unto me. Sadly, I question why things are like they are. I read sure things and add unto what reason I already had.

Though I find myself in a similar situation, however little it may seem. Job was a prophet renowned for his endurance (assumed to be of pain and suffering).
Ill take more pain. Ill deal with more suffering. In return I would at least like my chance to question that which is, but isnt.


Where does a man with no dream or ambition turn? Im at the end of my rope here. Thankfully I havent tied the knot on the noose.






The only woman I truly cared for, I have abandoned and cut myself off from. I shift away from social life. I continue to disengage my what one would call friends. I try to keep my mind from doing ration things like thinking about my situation.(This is becoming increasingly more hard) I hide behind walls...yet...I have pride. I have morals. I have eyes that see things that others cannot or choose not to. Then, I have sanity. It slips away more swiftly now.

So ya. Job did it better.




















I should really look into getting therapy or some fucking happy pills.


valoth

:: 2009 18 November :: 2.25am

Current mindset
Kill me if you dare
Hold my head up everywhere
Keep myself right on this train

I'm the Underdog
Live my life on a lullaby
Keep myself riding on this train
Keep myself riding on this train

Love in technicolour, sprayed out on walls
Well I've been pounding at the pavement
'Til there's nothing at all
I got my cloak and dagger
In a bar room brawl
See the local loves a fighter
Loves a winner to fall

Feels like I'm lost in a moment
I'm always losing to win
Can't get away from the moment
Seems like it's time to begin

Kill me if you dare
Hold my head up everywhere
Keep myself right on this train

I'm the Underdog
Live my life on a lullaby
Keep myself riding on this train
Keep myself riding on this train

It don't matter
I won't do what you say
You've got the money and the power
I won't go your way
And I can't take for the people
They don't matter at all
And I'll be waiting in the shadows
'Til the day that you fall

Feels like I'm lost in a moment
And I'm always losing to win
Can't get away from the moment
Seems like it's time to begin

Kill me if you dare,
Hold my head up everywhere
Keep myself right on this train

I'm the Underdog,
Live my life on a lullaby
Keep myself riding on this train

Tell me if you're down
Throw your weapons to the ground
Keep myself riding on this train

Paper on the wire
Sold your soul for another one
Keep myself riding on this train
Keep myself riding on this train

Good Job!


gillette

:: 2009 3 November :: 2.33am

awkward turtle is awkward. and highly annoying. and pregnant. or maybe just fat. probably fat.

1 Comment | Good Job!


valoth

:: 2009 1 November :: 5.35pm

You are cold. I lean over the edge. I offered a hand. You paid me no mind.

And so, I give up. Im done trying. I dont know why I had tried this last time!

You speak of things you want. You will never have them. Not if you are so cold like this.














Ya feel hurt. I was hurt first. No sympathy now.

Good Job!


valoth

:: 2009 31 October :: 6.31pm
:: Music: Flobots - Happy Together

Update to an old song
Imagine me and you, I do
I think about you day and night
It's only right
Ta think about the girl you love,
and hold her tight.
So happy together

If I should call you up
Invest a dime
And you say you belong to me
And ease my mind
Imagine how the world would be
So very fine
So happy together

Imagine me and you
I do but I'm thinking too much and I'm studying
how they toss the dice
it had to be simpler back in the day when our folks were
pretty certain they would find someone
now none of it's assigned
we just want a date
whether deaf or blind or dumb
I look at your number and wonder if I should
call you up
or invest a dime in a message with text that doesn't
belong to me but it would
ease my mind to know if the songs I'm singin are
in a key you can comprehend
in tune with the thoughts you're pondering
if so we can both stop wondering if and
be together like Donner and Blitzen
but all reindeer games aside
it's like right when you came here, I came alive
it's like everything else was a glipse of you
giving hints and clues of where your name resides
now that I've found you it's changed the vibe
shattered through all the blame fear pain and pride
doesn't matter who calls and inversts a dime
they get a message saying we're staying inside
cause I imagine, you and me could make music beautifully
could make moves never lose the beat
I can imagine the food that we chose to eat
I see it all like a view from a movie seat
and imagine you and me
never knew that we
were never more than a few degrees
and how good it would prove to be
but the waiting is over I finally found you and...

I can't see me loving nobody but you
For all my life
When you're with me
Baby the skies will be blue
For all my life
Me and you
And you and me
No matter how they toss the dice
It had to be
The only one for me is you
And you for me
So happy together

Imagine me and you
and you and you me
no other way for we to be
toss the dice eventually
snake-eyes spells a tragedy
and I release unhappily
the magic now a fantasy
the another one for me than you
a some other one for you than me
and that's the way it has to be
an uncompleted masterpiece
deleted canvas atrophy
cut be another after me
a silent wound whose lips confess
Love's loss under Love's duress
a curse confessing hope
and then reverse the blessing emptiness
this hollow whole wont coalesce
regrets emote from hole in chest
as less remote emotions pull from
gravities growing depths
I have it easy knowing this
together we will never fit
So I'd rather bind my mind with rhymes
than blind my eyes and sever it

I can't see me loving nobody but you
For all my life
When you're with me
Baby the skies will be blue
For all my life
BA PA PA PA BA PARA ....
Me and you
And you and me
No matter how they toss the dice
It has to be
The only one for me is you
And you for me
So happy togetherAnd I don't know and I can't think
and I'm so smote that I can't see
and I look at the picture I have in my head and
I won't doze and I can't sleep
and it's so good that I'm locked down
and your quotes get put in my thoughts now
and there's nobody else to distract me
cause you've got me on lockdown
and it can't stop and it won't stop
and we rock on leavin shows stopped
so thank you for comin goodnight everyone we're the flobots...



Pro tip: don't wear your heart on your sleeve. Hurts more.

Good Job!


valoth

:: 2009 29 October :: 4.09pm
:: Music: Johnny Cash

When the Man Comes Around
I had a dream a few nights ago. Freaked me out.

Started with me sitting in some stupid classroom. The teacher ranting about something, I dont remember what now.

Im sitting there and suddenly something happens. Im looking at my hands trying to guess what. I cant figure it out, or better yet why Im in a class room. I feel like I always have. So I get up and start walking out of class. My mind freezes on a image of the teacher holding a paper rolled up ready to hit something with and asking me in a snarling voice, "Going somewhere Mr. Edly?"

I respond with a quick "Buzz off." Open the door and head out. He stares at the doorway for a moment before running out and shouting at me to get back in there. After I round a corner he goes to call for security or some such.

When I reach a door that goes outside Im met with opposition of guards. "Going Somewhere kid?"
-"Ya, where ever I damn well please."
"Kids shouldnt wander off the school, nor should they leave class. So why dont we go to the office and call your parents, aye?"
-"Fat chance Im..."
Thwack...Im hit with something on the back of the neck and black out. My eyes open again as I sit in a chair in a waiting room, cuffed to a desk. Im so confused! Who keeps someone locked in a building like this? Im 22! Then it hits me. Im in a school...Im...Im 12 again to everyone else.

Flash forward

Im running in a field and jump a fence. A police officer in pursuit. Im so confused.

This dream confuses me so much.

It ends with the officer falling off the fence and him watching me run into some trees.


This whole thing was so vivid in the moment. I woke up after having it enough to converse to myself about it so I would make myself remember. I hate having dreams when for the longest time I dont have any at all that I recall.

Good Job!


valoth

:: 2009 28 October :: 1.07am

You light me up little girl like the 4th of July
I love you more than every single star man in the sky
You are the best damn thing that ever happened to me
Want to take you home ____________
You are a damn fine lady like no other
Want to introduce you to my father and my mother
___________________________________________
Can't wait to get you home and get you under the covers

Good Job!


valoth

:: 2009 26 October :: 3.56pm
:: Music: Cage the Elephant

Back against the wall
Something is there...I don't know what...DAMNIT!


Tonight I'll have a look
And try to find my face again
Buried beneath this house
My spirit screams and dies again
Out back a monster wears a cloak of Persian leather
Behind the TV screen
I've fallen to my knees

I said you got me where you want me again
And I can't turn away
I'm hanging by thread and I'm feelin' like a fool
I'm stuck here in-between
The shadows of my yesterday
I want to get away
I need to get away

Blanket of silence
Makes me want to sink my teeth in deep
Burn all the evidence
A fabricated disbelief
Pull back the curtains
Took a look into your eyes
My tongue has now become
A platform for your lies

I said you got me where you want me again
And I can't turn away
I'm hanging by thread and I'm feelin' like a fool
I'm stuck here in-between
The shadows of my yesterday
I want to get away
I need to get away

Now you know
Yeah you got my back against the wall
Oh god
I ain't got no other place to hide
Chained down
Like a sittin' duck just waitin' for the fall
You know
Yeah you got my back against the wall

Deep in the jungle
Camouflaged by all the fallen leaves
A hand holds up the sky
While shamefully I make my plea
The alters callin'
But my legs won't seem to stand
Guess I'm a coward
Scared to face the man I am

I said you got me where you want me again
And I can't turn away
I'm hanging by thread and I'm feelin' like a fool
I'm stuck here in-between
The shadows of my yesterday
I want to get away
I need to get away

Now you know
Yeah you got my back against the wall
Oh god
I ain't got no other place to hide
Chained down
Like a sittin' duck just waitin' for the fall
You know
Yeah you got my back against the wall

Now you know
Yeah you got my back against the wall
Oh god
I ain't got no other place to hide
Chained down
Like a sittin' duck just waitin' for the fall
You know
Yeah you got my back against the wall

Good Job!


gillette

:: 2009 22 October :: 1.26am

so i found out a few weeks ago that my old friend dan had called my house looking for me. my dad told him that i had a boyfriend (which dan already knows) and that it would be best if he didn't call me. apparently he said he had gotten a new phone number and wanted to give it to me. i haven't talked to him in like a year.

i was like his only friend. the only one who understood him, or listened to him and made him feel better about himself. i think i have a slight attachment to him because he was in the same place my dad is and he has overcome it and works through it every day. i'm not sure if he's still sober, but when i last talked to him like a year ago, he was. i hope he still is.

i do miss his friendship, and it brings tears to my eyes that my dad did that.

Good Job!


spud

:: 2009 20 October :: 2.30pm

well, my truck is done, apparently. but i don't have all the money up front, so i have to wait until friday when my check comes, and in the meantime offer the dude something as collateral. but at least i have wheels again. and now, no money for gas. *puts barrel in mouth*

another circumstance that makes me want to do bad things with guns is conservapedia.com. now, anyone who sees that name should have a pretty good idea of what it is. and if you don't, a few appropriately aimed clicks around the site should pretty much fill you in. i don't know whether to be amused or disheartened, but either way, i'll share some highlights.

first up is the "conservapedia commandments," which are their equivalent to the "editorial policies" found on wikipedia.

CONSERVAPEDIA COMMANDMENTS
1. Everything you post must be true and verifiable. Do not copy from Wikipedia[1] or elsewhere unless it was your original work.[2]
2. Always cite[3] and give credit to your sources,[4] even if in the public domain.[5]
3. Any content you create or change (including edits, new pages, images and links) must be family-friendly, clean, concise, and without gossip or foul language.
4. When referencing dates based on the approximate birth of Jesus, give appropriate credit for the basis of the date (B.C. or A.D.). "BCE" and "CE" are unacceptable substitutes because they deny the historical basis. See CE.
5. Do not post personal opinion on an encyclopedia entry. Opinions can be posted on Talk:pages or on debate or discussion pages. Advertisements are prohibited.
6. The operation of unauthorized wiki-bots is prohibited.[6]
7. Unproductive activity, such as 90% talk page edits and only 10% quality edits to Conservapedia articles, may result in blocking of the account.[7] See the Guidelines for more detail.
Edits which violate these rules will be deleted. Users who violate the rules repeatedly will be blocked. Administrators have discretion to act on matters not specifically mentioned here, such as vandalism and sockpuppets.

i find number 3 interesting, in that most of their articles consist primarily of the latest gossip, mixed with some history here and there. for 4, i'll admit i thought it was stupid to change it from BC to BCE, but at the same time the old notation was constantly under debate, and at least now there's a universal standard we can all stick to. what's so wrong with that? it does seem kind of messed up to base our entire timeline on a dude whose records of existence are hazy on the details, to say the least. and i would love to see them sick an admin on a sockpuppet.
------------------------
next, we have their article on the current president of the united states. (we'll take this one paragraph at a time)

"Barack Hussein Obama II aka Barry Soetoro[1] (allegedly[2][3][4][5][6] born in Honolulu Aug. 4, 1961) is the 44th President of the United States, and previously served as a first-term Democratic Senator from Illinois (2005-2008). Obama and his running mate Senator Joseph Biden won the presidential election[7] after 23 months of campaigning that spent over $700 million,[8] much of it raised from undisclosed or fraudulent donors.[9] Obama spent far more per vote than McCain did: Obama spent $7.39 per vote, while McCain spent only $5.78 per vote.[10]"

talk about another dude with some hazy life details, i can understand the skepticism to a certain extent. but more than that, they are just brutally bashing the living hell out of this guy, no pun intended. and all because he's *gasp* a democrat. i feel bad for him really, if half the stuff they say about his past is true. a rough life, and now given the helm of a country aimed straight at the gutter, with little to no help, not much experience, and a bunch of people constantly accusing him of being a muslim, kenyan, indonesian terrorist. the only thing i'd probably accuse him of would be getting in over his head. beyond that, does it really matter? soetoro was his stepfather - so, nonbiological (not that it would matter anyway). and barry's just a boring name. and, given the constitutional stipulation for the separation of church and state, along with the freedom of religion, he is perfectly allowed to be muslim if he wants to. his being muslim (not that he is, necessarily, but just for the sake of argument) should not affect his governmental policies and decisionmaking in any way, just as it was so HORRIBLY AGAINST THE CONSTITUTION for president bush to allow his christianity to influence his procedures while in office. not that bush was a bad guy. he was nice, wanted to be liked by people, made me laugh and feel good about myself. i have no problem with that. but, once again, perhaps he was just in a little too far over his head.

"As President Obama has pushed for establishing a Palestinian state over the objection of Israel's Prime Minister,[11] inclusion of Turkey in the European Union[12] and holding Guantanamo detainees indefinitely without trial.[13]"

this is not even a complete sentence. if you're trying to make an encyclopedia, that is unacceptable.

"Obama's budget and stimulus bill advanced his socialist idea of 'spreading the wealth.'[14] [15] His health care plan would force employers to purchase health care or pay a fine and will force many into a poorly run single payer system.[16] To announce his trip to Berlin in July 2008, Obama used posters which show a marked similarity to posters of Lenin and Che Guevara.[17][18] During Obama's youth in Hawaii, he developed a strong, almost Father/Son relationship with Frank Marshall Davis, a high level Communist Party functionary[19] while Obama has stated that his favorite professors in school were themselves Marxists. "

well, add socialist, marxist, and communist to the list, i suppose. and if he was born in kenya, as they would seem to believe, then why and how does he get to hawaii to promptly find himself a mentor to aid in developing his innate communist tendencies?

i could keep going, but i think that's more than enough. i do like some of the subheadings in the article though:
-Obamunism
-Barack Obama's Uncharitableness/Liberal Elitism, and Social Darwinism
-Early Life - Birth certificate controversy
-Obama is likely the first Muslim President
^^^ okay, hang on right there. i have to read some of this.

"The argument that Obama is a Muslim includes:
* Obama declared in prepared remarks, 'The United States has been enriched by Muslim Americans. Many other Americans have Muslims in their families or have lived in a Muslim-majority country - I know, because I am one of them.'[109]"

oh yeah, this is good. the first sentence of the quote is just a simple statement. end sentence, move on to the next one. subject of the sentence is "many other americans". so, saying "i am one of them" is in no way incriminating - although, neither is being muslim. also note the bolded words that they carefully selected, while once again ignoring the standard grammatical rules of the english language.

i'll stop ranting now, but it is pretty interesting stuff. i highly advise checking it out for yourself.

2 Comments | Good Job!


spud

:: 2009 18 October :: 6.22pm

my life is average

there isn't much to talk about.

went to a party last night for handyman matters. got pretty drunk. said some things i shouldn't have, but for the most part i don't think anyone really cared. they know bruce, so it's not too surprising.

lions suck. again, not surprising. i've never really gotten into football, though. i enjoy watching, but i'm not invested in any way. it's just something to do.

don't know what to do with the rest of my day. probably just screw around online. maybe read a book or something. pretty lame day.

Good Job!


gillette

:: 2009 14 October :: 5.44pm

Next semster I'm taking..

CDO 439=3
CDO 402=2
CDO 494=3
ASL 201=3
HDF 307=3

hmm on my way to graduation! kind of..

Good Job!


gillette

:: 2009 14 October :: 12.40am

so. i've realized that life isn't that great unless you are with the ones you love. i can fill it with superficial acts like working, walking, class, eating. but, it's not worth it in the end. i know i need to go to school to get a job and do the career i want to do, but i'd rather just be with him. i'd rather just be surrounded by love. it trumps everything else.

everything around me is fake. i long for what's actually true in my life, what actually means something deep to me. it's painful to get out of bed, go to class and suffer the monotony of the day without him. i have to force myself to do the things i need to do, there is nothing i want to do. i don't want to go to work. i don't want to go to class. but without these things, i would just lie in my bed and stare at nothing. my life would become useless.

...

i am over burdened by my family's suffering. i cannot handle it anymore. because i've realized that i can do nothing about it, it's out of my hands, i have to back away from it all. my dad has no desire to be happy, no desire to change. my mom is depressed. they are frozen in that house. literally. and i can't do anything. i sit here in my room, feeling cozy, and they are shivering. it breaks my heart, but i can't let it anymore. but that thought just seems so cruel.

Good Job!


valoth

:: 2009 13 October :: 5.54pm

Suburban days, they last so long,
In shop and office,
We sing our song we all sing...

We ain't got nothing, nothing to do,
A big fat nothing, Nothing for me, Nothing for you...

Suburban dreams, Just out of reach,
Work til you die, that's what they teach you at school,
With that in mind, what's there to lose?
My friends and I, doped up on tv fags and booze.

Hear them all singing...

[CHORUS:]
We're the ones that you've forgotten,
But we will not be denied,
Coming out of the shadows,
We rock the satellites!

Suburban Nights, They get so hot,
People get angry, We sing our song we all sing...

A Global terror they say, We are at war,
But I ain't got time for that cos,
These bills keep dropping through my door

[CHORUS:]
We're the ones that you've forgotten,
Out of mind, out of sight,
Coming out of the shadows,
We rock the satellites!

All these people who, criticize us,
We're only saying what we're seeing with our own eyes..

This one way system, It ain't - It ain't paradise,
Not everybody, Wants to race, wants to fight...

Hear them all singin...

[CHORUS:]
We're the ones that you've forgotten,
But we will not be denied,
Coming out of the shadows,
We rock the satellites!

We're the ones that you've forgotten,
Out of mind out of sight,
Coming out of the shadows,
Coming live via satellite...

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valoth

:: 2009 13 October :: 4.12am

I think my Ego has some issues to talk to me about. Its growing too big for its own good. Its attempts to satisfy both my superego and id just fails. It overcompensates both and ends up rushing into recovery mode. The superego and the id just end up bashing the ego together making a mess in my head. Neither of the two parts is getting what it wants because the ego fucked up. It doesnt know how to tag things on one side and make the other end understand its meaning. This sersious lack of inner correspondence is my fault. My black hole. Every problem it eats only makes the hole grow and become worse.

When do i get my cut in this process? when do i get to let go of the leash making this mess?

If you want me to just cut my losses and start over, then fucking give me a sign about what to do once Ive cut and run.

Cut. Run. Ok what now?

Good Job!

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