:: 2004 26 December :: 12.00 pm
:: Mood: happy

This Diamond Ring
Gary Lewis & The Playboys
________

Who wants to buy this diamond ring
She took it off her finger now, it doesn't mean a thing
This diamond ring doesn't shine for me anymore
And this diamond ring doesn't mean what it did before
So if you've got someone who's love is true
Let it shine for you

This stone is genuine,like love should be
And if your baby's truer than my baby was to me
This diamond ring can be something beautiful
And this diamond ring can be dreams that are coming true
And then your heart won't have to break like mine did
If there's love behind it

This diamond ring can be something beautiful
And this diamond ring can be dreams that are coming true
And then your heart won't have to break like mine did
If there's love behind it

This diamond ring doesn't shine for me anymore
And this diamond ring doesn't mean what it did before
And if you've got someone who's love is true
Let it shine for you



Yes, it was sad and shocking to all but the inevitable has happened.
Contrary to most expected beliefs, I'm doing quite wonderfully and even at an amazement to myself, I'm having more fun and being more productive than I have been in a long time. so don't be sorry for me!! I'm way better off! Her loss, not mine.
So be happy for me, things are better off this way. :)

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:: 2004 17 October :: 4.48 am
:: Mood: refreshed

The number one best way to procrastinate homework is playing in the rain with friends at 1:30 in the morning. "playing in the rain"=wandering around/puddle splashing/puddle fights/puddle swimming/soaking wet/mud slidding/mud throwing/mud wresing/picture taking/hot showers/good memories! "playing in the rain"=fun!

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:: 2004 20 September :: 12.00 am
:: Mood: bored

dae dae with your long curly hair
and a cool ride over there
she has pretty eyes
and wants to be a punk
and like to run in cirlces
and fake cry to make angel laugh
she is very steller and spiffy and lickable
one day she will lick angel
and it will all be great
dae dae, the hip grovey chick
my friend, then end

dictated by Samantha
composed by me

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:: 2004 19 September :: 12.00 am
:: Mood: depressed

9-19-04
Emotional thunderstorm

A head full of false hopes
A sky full of dark clouds.
My heart tears and shatters in pain
Lighting rips apart the night.

I scream and cry out in pain and anguish
The thunder’s bellows fall upon a deaf man
My efforts are in vain
My feelings lost to all
The ground soaks the water up, but nothing grows from it.

Rain falls all around me soaking me through and through
Until I drown myself in my tears

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:: 2004 4 September :: 12.00 am
:: Mood: scared

9-4-04

Your actions stab like a knife in my back
Your words twist it around inside me
What did I do to deserve this pain?

You look at me with uncaring eyes
and tell me that you have done no wrong.
If you’ve done no wrong, why am I dieing inside?
Why do I feel lost and alone?
Where is the friend I used to know?

I cry and beg and plead to you.
Please take the knife out and help to mend to wound.

Then, if you do, no matter how hard you try the scar will always be.

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:: 2004 2 September :: 12.00 am

i just found this, i wrote it a while ago...

Feb. 2004
Free

I want to jump out the window and touch the stars
fly through the air and never look down,
off to my own world where I’m free to think,
free from my problems
free from my life.
I lean out the window and reach for the sky
I gaze at the star then close my eyes,
for a moment I’m there. I smile to myself.
Then open my eyes and realize through strife,
so close it seems, but yet, so far away.

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:: 2001 7 January :: 12.00 am
:: Mood: happy

I found this last night, I thought i'd put in here....

Best Friends

a best friend is someone who will stay up with you all night painting your bathroom before your parents get home the next morning
a best friend will buy you the car of your dreams, even if it does say hot wheels underneath
a best friends is someone who can be at your house without you, and not feel weird about it.
A best friend is someone that knows more about your family gossip than you do.
A best friends call you their sister, and people believe you.
A best friend is someone who will let you steer their car while they are driving, so that you can get that much closer yourself.
A best friend will get souvenirs from your parents when they return home from their vacation.
A best friend will talk about becoming roommates with you and going off to college together
A best friend is someone you can call crying at 3:00 in the morning after your break up with your boyfriend.

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:: 2004 18 January :: 12.00 am
:: Mood: lonely

Alone


Alone.
Completely and utterly alone.

Nowhere to go, no one to turn too.
My one true friend taken out from under me.
The one I go to when I’m feeling down,
The one that made even the worst of times turn around.

I am now left standing here,
My arms are empty, my heart the same.
What’s left of my live? I’ve got no more to give.
The empty feeling inside, devours me,
It threatens to consume.

Inside of me, my heart cries out.
Seeking desperately to ease the pain
Searching for something, anything,
but finds nothing.
It eats at me from inside out.

I sit alone and cry out loud
for tears have now escaped.
I’ve tried so hard but I have failed.
Now the tears fall from my eyes,
And land upon my face.

This loneliness I cannot take.
There’s nothing I can do to change
This hole inside of me.

My only way out is embrace the pain
and sit alone and cry…
alone…
completely and utterly alone

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:: 2003 6 November :: 12.00 am
:: Mood: lonely

they say that people feel the most alone when surounded by people....

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:: 2003 5 November :: 12.00 am
:: Mood: depressed

I want my little sound proof room where I can go and yell.
I’m dieing inside, and it all stays inside.
I have no way to get it out.
I want to yell, and scream, and shout, and cry.
But I can’t.

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:: 2003 20 March :: 12.00 am

Too Many Goodbyes

I hate to say Goodbye my friend,
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.
I'm moving away never see you again,
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.
You've one more chance, just hold me close,
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.

Goodbye my friend, goodbye old pal,
I know you'll miss me too.
Goodbye my love, goodbye sweet kiss,
oh please don't be to sad,
for in my heart you will always stay
until we meet again some day.
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.

2 comments | leave a comment

:: 2003 13 March :: 12.00 am

My Book

I long for my book
I beg for my book
I want to be taken away.
taken away out of my life and into another
to a place where my fantasies become reality...
please, just give me my book.
I beg you, pled you, just one request.
I can't stay wrapped up in this thing called life.
I need to be taken away.
just for a while,
taken away to a better place
a place where my life does not exist.

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:: 2003 13 March :: 12.00 am
:: Mood: frustrated and afraid

I'm Not Ok

I want to scsream at you "I'm not ok!"
Look at me, can't you see the agony in my eyes?
The pain I try so hard to hide?
Hidden behind the facad of my face.
A breath away from streams of tears
I compose myself and force a smile.
Sure I'm fine. I always am.
I have too many things to do to contemplate my own feelings.
Burried deep down inside it's ripping me apart
with every word, every movement i make,
it's cutting me deeply.
I'm afraid to move, afraid to look,
afraid to breath....
for fear that it might consume me.

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:: 2003 19 June :: 12.00 am

Sometimes I wonder…

I sit alone in my room and wonder…
Is it worth is?
Do the good times really outweigh the bad?
Sometimes I wonder….

Sometimes it’s yes,
And sometimes it’s no.
I guess it all depends on you.

When you smile at me,
And laugh at my jokes,
I know it’s worth it.

When you pick me up when I fall,
And put me back together again,
I know it’s worth it.

When I’m lost in the dark,
And you hand me a light,
I know it’s worth it.

When there’s no place I’d rather be,
Then right here with you,
I know it’s worth it.

When things are at their worst,
And we’re at each other’s throats,
And I know deep down that you still care,
I know it’s worth it.

I love you, and nothing you ever say or do will change that.
In my opinion, the good will always outweigh the bad.

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:: 2003 19 June :: 12.00 am
:: Mood: unsure

Unsure

I don’t know whither I should be hurt, mad, sad, none or all of the above.

Once again I feel alone.
Once again I feel forgotten.

Why should it matter?
Why do I care?
Why do I put myself through this misery?
This just isn’t fair.

Why do you love me?
Why do you care?
We never seem to see eye to eye
We only agree to disagree.

So why do we do this to each other?
The hurt, the pain, the sorrow.
Is it really worth it?
Please tell me now,
Don’t wait till tomorrow.

You say forever,
How long is forever?
This week? The next?
From the looks of things,
Forever, I fear, is coming too soon.

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:: 2003 12 June :: 12.00 am
:: Mood: angry

I never knew what it was like to hate until tonight…

Sitting there, listening to lies about myself,
And not being able to do a single thing.
And not just one lie, more follow.
Lies that are completely off the wall
Lies that have no ground to stand on.

My heart beats faster,
My breath gets short.
How can I contain myself?
I’m shocked, pure and utter shock
I couldn’t speak if I tried.

The lies continue
The anger builds.
My chest is heavy
I can’t think straight.
I wanna hit something…
But I can’t.

So I wait.
More lies.
The hatered builds more and more.
Stronger now, consuming me.
I’m turning to the dark side,
It’s taking over
and I can’t help it.
I’m losing control

I have a right to be mad.
I can’t believe the words I’m hearing
It must be a dream….
But I know it’s not…
There’s nothing I can do
But wallow in this pain.

I sit and cry.
Completely helpless at the mercy of hate
Now I know why they say that hate is so strong
I understand it now that I have felt it.

I never knew what it was like to hate until tonight…

5 comments | leave a comment

:: 2003 12 May :: 12.00 am
:: Mood: contemplative

My past comes back to haunt me.
My eyes fill with tears.
I know how she feels.
They try to tell me that that not true.
That I was not like her.
But how do they know?
There weren’t there
They weren’t there everyday to endure the hurt
They couldn’t see the pain in my eyes
The longiness for a friend.
All these feeling I’ve put aside
It doesn’t matter.
But it does.
Watching her, it all comes back.
I know we’ve both come far.
“Sometimes you have to take a step back
to realize that you have taken 100 steps forward”


thank you to those who have helped me get this far.

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:: 2003 23 April :: 12.00 am

k, I found this, and thought it was cool.

The Bible in 50 Words!

God made
Adam bit
Noah arked
Abraham split
Joseph ruled
Jacob fooled
Bush talked
Moses balked
Pharaoh plagued
People walked
Sea divided
Tablets guided
Promise landed
Saul freaked
David peeked
Prophets warned
Jesus born
God walked
Love talked
Anger crucified
Hope died
Love rose
Spirit flamed
Word spread
God remained.

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:: 2003 15 April :: 12.00 am
:: Mood: frustrated

Merry-go-round

It’s a merry-go-round of madness
And I’m getting to dizzy to hold my ground.
I tell you something then turn around
And now it’s something else.
You hear what you want to hear.
I explain to you then, what I ment.
You hear what you want to hear.
We go around in circles,
The ride never stands still.
This merry-go-round is making me sick
Round and round it never stops.
I want off this ride,
Please let make it stop!
You hold the key to the switch,
The key is common sense.
And by common sense I mean,
Taking things they way they are
And not what you exaggerate them to be.
So please, just listen to me.
Only you can end this crazy and demented ride.

1 comment | leave a comment

:: 2002 5 January :: 12.00 am

This Ring

A ring is a symbol of commitment
A symbol of trust and of love
Often times ment in the case of marriage
For now, love known only to best friends.

Best friends forever as a matter of fact
Although some may doubt, I know it’s true
God told me, he tells me what to do,
So I obey him and tell you what is true

You are my best friend, and with this ring for proof
I promise you this, a promise I can keep,
That no matter what happens, I will be yours and you will me mine
Best friends forever, till the day we die.

This promise we will keep
And if you ever doubt,
Just look inside and you will find,
The promise that we keep

BFF-Best Friends Forever

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:: 2003 31 March :: 12.00 am
:: Mood: drained/stressed/worried

Endless Circle

You don’t understand
You never will.
I can’t take it anymore.
We’re running around in an endless circle
I try running and running, looking for and end,
A solution, a way to stop the running around.
But I’m only getting tired more and more each day.
It hurts deep inside, more and more with each step I take.
My body twisted, muscles pulled, my heart wrenched, my emotions tangled
Running in the endless circle…
Until I stop.
I’ve reached my limit, I’ve gone all I can go.
I’ve tried chasing after you.
I’m done now.
The pain must stop.
I can’t withstand it anymore, as much as I wish I could.
I have stopped, but you keep going,
Farther and farther away, around and around still looking for an end which is never to be found.
Now it hurts more, to reach out towards you and have you so far away.
You need to stop running, you have to stop running….
It’s the only way to save me….

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:: 2003 17 March :: 12.00 am
:: Mood: disappointed

Self-contradicting Friends

Why do I bother?
What’s the use in trying?
You’re just going to lie again.
You say one thing
And act another.
At times I want to believe you,
And I think I almost do,
Then I turn around and, BAM!
Doubt floods my head again…
The darkness rushes in.
“Why do you do this to me?”
I scream inside my head.
Friends are supposed to be loving and kind,
Not hypocritical and self-contradicting.
You can’t see how this tears at my heart
My mind leads me towards what I should do….
but my heart tells me to hold on.
So why do I bother?
What do I get out of all this?
My emotions twisted?
My heart wrenched and torn to pieces?
I thought I knew you….
I guess I was wrong.

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:: 2002 0 November :: 12.00 am

after writing "A Cry for the Lost" I felt that "The Lost" needed defining, so I wrote this...

The Lost

Those who turn from you
Those who don't believe in you
Those who never heard of you
Those who do not care for you
Those who are confused for you
Those who have rejected you
Those who have defied you
Those who will never get the chance to know you
Those who will get the chance and not take it.
Those who know of you, but do not take the time
Those who think they know you, and place you in a box.
Those who keep you at a distance
Those who miss the point completely
They are the lost.
Are you among them?

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:: 2002 0 November :: 12.00 am

A cry for The Lost

My heart cries for the lost.
No words can express
How much I long for them to see.
There's so much they don't know.
They only think they do.
My heart cries out to them,
For they are the lost.

They're not sure which way to go,
Or just quite what to do.
They think they have it all together,
They think that they're so smart.
And yet, they've missed the most important thing,
To love and to be loved in return,
By God.

My hear cries aloud;
"Oh, God, why can't they see?
Oh, God please help them.
God open their eyes,
Open their eyes so they can see...
See that they are lost and need to be found...
Found by you."

My heart cries out to them

We must pray for them, but that wont be enough
We must talk with them and walk with them
Teach them to abide in Him.
For then, and only then, will they be found.
And when they are, my heart will cry for joy.

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:: 2002 0 September :: 12.00 am

I wrote this up the street from my house in the hills. from there you can see the whole city. it's so beautiful.

A Cry to God

I'm so comfortable here, surrounded by your love.
All my troubles are in your hands,
I can just gaze into the lights and know that you're there.
It's so beautiful tonight.
I could stay here for forever.
I don't want to face reality again.
It's too much work, to stressful.
and it's so easy up here.
I'll just sit and let you take care of my every need.
Just hold me close and never let go.
Don't make me go back down.
Alright, I know I have to.
Just promise you wont leave?
promise you'll take care of things.
promise me it will be ok.
Then, and only then will I come back down.

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:: 2002 27 September :: 12.00 am

This poem kinda go along with the last one, although I wrote it a frew years latter.

Lost

It's rather scary when you lose yourself.
your not sure what's going on or where you went.
there's a million thoughts running threw your head.
it confuses you.
the turmoil inside pulls at you from every angle.
What to do? Where to go? How to act?
I'm so lost.
How do I find myself again?
What happened to me?
I pause for a moment and think to myself.
"I forgot."
So now, I'll take my own advise and try to remember...

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:: 1998 0 September :: 12.00 am

this is one of my first poems that I wrote. (not counting the ones they forced me to write in class) It's also one of my favorit.

Remember?

Do you remember a long time ago when you were young? I remember when I used to go and play, not having to worry. I remember before I totally forgot how I used to go about inventing things, climbing trees, playing various made up and imaginary games, just plain having fun. I didn’t have to worry about what may happen tomorrow. Many people, like me, use to be like this; carefree and joyful. But as they got older, they start worrying about things, other than if they will get the next available swing or if they could borrow their mothers good pan to make mud pies, and they forgot. Things like money, work, homework, news, and welfare are all they think about today. I look back now and see young kids not worrying about a thing. They remind me of how I used to be, but other things have long since taken that carefree feeling away. I realize that as the kids today get older they too will be like people today and totally forget what it was like before they forgot, forgot what it was like to just go and have fun. They forgot what it was like to not have a care in the world. Don’t forget what it was like, if you have not already. I remember. Do you?

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:: 2002 24 September :: 12.00 am

this was a song i wrote for my friends band. This song does have to do with my own feeling, execpt I was never suicidal.

Easy way out

V1
Why do I bother?
Why do I try?
You never believe me
I think I’ll just cry

I’m all alone
No one here for me
What difference do I make?
What am I doing here?

Chorus:
I’ll take the easy way out
the easy way out
easy way out
I’ll take the easy way out
No one will miss me when I’m gone

V2
It’s really sad I know
I put up with all this stuff
I know I shouldn’t, but I do
I know it’s sad, and it’s true

You’ll never really see
Deep inside of me
It’s more than meets the eye
And this is why I cry….

Chorus:
I’ll take the easy way out
the easy way out
easy way out
I’ll take the easy way out
No one will miss me when I’m gone

Bridge:
Sitting here and wondering
Just what I’m going to do
Sitting here and pondering
Was I ever here for you?

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:: 2001 17 December :: 12.00 am

Yet another poem from my british lit class. and don't ask my why we were writing poems in a british lit class cuz I don't know.
This poem also has a picture to go with it, but i don't know how to put it in here, but it looks like a face made out of a cloud and it's blowing wind, and the lines of the poem make up the wind in the pic.

The wind blows to and fro
you can not see it, but it goes
It can be full of might and power
or it can be soft and comforting
It can be your friend or foe
but most of all the wind just blows.

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:: 2002 30 May :: 12.00 am

Sitting alone just pondering life.
Why I'm here, and what it's all about.
I'm missing something,
I need someone
I want someone here for me.
Someone here to walk beside me
to help me threw the day.
someone to call my friend
someone to call my own
someone to pick me up when I fall
and hold me close when I cry.
These longings I just can't subside.
I need someone, but who?
I sit alone and wonder
who would be my friend?
who would hold me close?
who would care for me like no one else?
I need someone
just anyone?
no
God

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