Fuck it.
You know.. after 4 successful monthes of non-cutting, I thought I was actually making a come-back. That I had left that painful addiction behind, but, unfortuneately.. there are those who enjoy poking and prodding until the urge is just to great to bear. I found my old razor after an old attempt to hide it from my lusting eyes forever.. but I found it. I placed it to my wrists and thought about the events of the past few weeks. Plenty of good things, sure.. but several bad as well. The positive was almost outweighed by the negative, so what choice did I have? Well, quite a few, but I chose to take the path of blood. So, I did it knowing that everything I worked so hard for was being fucked up in the end.

I feel so empty. So fake. Like I'm a lie. And maybe that's all I am. A lie. Trying to mingle in with the rest of them. Lies upon lies with sprinkles of guilt placed ontop one by one until it is unbearable. Until you just feel like the only way to be clean is to die. Guilty you're alive.. (Random ranting until I deleted it all)

Anyways.. I had a fight with one of my friends and her bumfuck little buddy, Brittani. You know.. I hate how she thinks she's better than everyone else. Just cause she's in 8th grade and she has a lot of friends. She's nothing but a poser(as much as I HATE stereotyping) She's such a wanna be, trying to be all depressed and morbid like the rest of us. So what.. her dad back handed her for being a smart-mouthed little bitch? Some of us have real issues with our parents, sort of like Jocelyn and a few other people I will neglect to name. Me and Margueax are friends again, we cleared the whole thing up but Brittani is still being a stupid little bumfuck bitch. God.. I fucking hate how she thinks EVERYONE likes her and no one does >.< *more random ranting*

In other news, I'm glad because my snugglypuff called me last night! (Bob..) And we talked for like an hour and his cell phone kept cutting out and I'm like.. You're cell phone's going up my ass because.. it's just pissing me off. I havea fire-breathing ass!!!!!!! BWAR!!!

I hate my dad.

~Little Dark Child~

~Confusing what is real.. there's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface..~
I truely apologize for not writing everyday like I used to, I just figured the posts would be longer if I only did it like once a week, and besides, I've been cramming and staying awake alot so I'm like oober tired..

~Consuming.. confusing, this lack of self control I fear is never ending...~

Major problems in my life? A few, actually. Well, first off my dating situation is.. I've been dumped by Robert forever ago. So, now I'm going out with this girl named Tara. Tara is a tomboy, real big sports fanatic. Getting to the point, my father found out. Now, tomorrow, I have to leave her. I feel so bad about it, like there's nothing I can do to stop it! I can't do anything because I'm afraid my dad'll kill me ifI don't leave her. I have the note and all is explained.. I just hope she understands.

In good news, my friends whom I told about this is hooking me up with a guy to cover my bare ass. His name's Joe.. I've had a crush on him forever but I can't help but feel guilty because I love Bob, and I still love Tara. He has blue hair and reminds me of Bob.. He's really nice, too. He's in 7th grade, though I'm pretty sure he's older than me.

~It's haunting, how I can't seem.. to find myself again, my walls are closing in. (Without a sense of confidence, I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take.)~

My dad is really angry because my sister didn't want to come here. She's afraid of him even though I protect ehr most of the time. He made her feel horrible and cry and then when she apologized he blamed it on my mother! ::Feh:: So, she's coming here anyways. That was just a battle in the beginning of a large war that we're about to ensue. My dad will have no idea what will be happening.. my mother will take me away from his stained, dirty hands! But, in a way, I was never one for hurting someone elses feelings. I don't wanna hurt him and I don't wanna leave all my friends.

~I've felt this way before, so insecure. Crawling in my skin, these wounds they will not heal. Fear is how I fall, confusing what is real.~

It's hard enough for me to make friends as it is but having to move to her house and start everything brand new.. it just kind of frightens me. But, it's a chance to wipe the slate clean. I can be.. who I want to be and no one will know if I'm being myself or playing someone else. And she's allowing me to paint my room and do all this other stuff myself. In another words, being an individual! Something my dad doesn't believe in.

~Discomfort in this thing ha pulled itself upon me. Distracting, reacting.. against my will I stand beside my own reflection.. It's haunting, how I can't seem....~

It feels like I don't know myself anymore. I want to be gothic, not freak. All black.. to express my sorrow. I've been in that mood for the past week now.White makeup, black eyeliner. Black, grey and metal.

~To find myself again, my walls are closing in~

And with this, I leave you with the words of my idol, Chester.

These are the places that I can feel
Torn from my body my flesh it peels.
During this ride we can cut off what we like.
Waiting alone I can not resist.
Feeling this hate I have never missed.
Please someone give me a reason to peel off
Mmmmyyyyyyyy... faaaaace.
Blood it is pouring.
Blood it is pouring.
Blood it is pouring.
Blood it is pouring
SHUT UP WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!!!

(Have a bad day ^.^)
~Little Dark Child

Wow, that test drained me.
Alright guys, my dad had surgery for his gull bladder and he's acting like it's a major deal or something just because he has like 50 staples in his stomach. (so disgustingly awesome) And he's walking around with a cane because he's to weak to walk himself around. You know, if I was him I would have been up and going in no time. Then, he winces when he looks at the staples, and I'm sitting there being tempted to poke them. Pansy.
Yes, so yesterday, my aunt, uncle, g-ma and pa came over to see if he was okay after the surgery and my grandpa has to play this huge freaking baby because I didn't 'pay attention' to him. So now, pretty much my whole family is pissed off at me because he was being a whiney bitch and it's suddenly all MY fault. And I was just told I HAVE TO WRITE AND APOLOGY LETTER. For telling him not to touch me! Bull shit, I say! Bullshit! He was the one being the fucking prick, not me. I was chilling wth Austin and Matt and he got all huffy and slammed the door to his car and my Aunt yells at me. "Give your grandpa a kiss!" Not when he freaking locks the door and ignores me. And you know what, I have good reason to hate him. He tried to bribe my mother for custody and then threatened her with lawsuits! I mean, would you like him?
Anyways, we had this huge test called FCAT yesterday and today and I am sooo tired. It was from like 10:15-1:05 today and it was later yesterday cause Mr. LaGrange was on tv. He won the Golden Apple award!
I love him so much, he's like my dad. ^__^ Then there was nothing left to do until four o'clock but go outside. Been working on my manga (see my profile on my screenname for details) and I have to say, it's coming along even though it sucks, heheh. Austin has been coming around lately. I gotta go so, later.

Been a good week I reckon!
Well, on Monday we had no school.. so I sat around all day on my lazy ass and talked to Bob. I felt like painting a picture on me canvas I got for Christmas but I never got around to it.

Tuesday was a very dramatic day, after school I mean. Well, I got home and everything was fine and I was talking to Jocelyn on the computer. She went to eat and when she came back she was bawling and telling me how her dad said she couldn't be friend with any of us anymore because of the way we dressed. All black isn't as bad as a girl hanging out with a mini skirt and a tube top, is it? They may think it's cute but I think the things of today are just a little whorey. also, they say we'll never get along in life because of our clothes. Uhm, I make straight A's and I think I can manage to wear a uniform to work. Speaking of work, he also said that we'll never get jobs. A, I am not old enough and my dad gives me allowance. B, Tyler has a job at a boat marina. And he's like : "I guess they weere pretty desperate then." That makes me mad cause Tyler is a good friend of mine. What brought about this whole thing? Her dad saw Tyler and Andy walking down the street and said they were "planing to steal stuff". What a bastard. I hope he realizes that he can't stop our friendship in school. The worst part is, she can't even buy a birthday present for Shannon and she has to act completely like a stranger with us to her parents. I cried for like the first time since I almost broke my hand on the fucking dresser cause my dad pissed me off. Shannon was hysterical. Margeaux and I were joking around about it after me and Shannon talked to Jocleny on the phone generally relieving us. Then, another thing happened.. Robert was crying really bad because of his dad. I swear, his father is fucking evil and I just want to shoot him in his god damn head.

Wednesday. Pretty good day. Nothing bad happened. Ryan kept pestering me to go out with him.. I'm really not ready for another bf and he's really ugly and a pansy too. Oh, and I accidentally cut my hand open putting a knife away. ::rolls eyes:: I feel so stupid.

Thursday. I hit my hand on the soccer ball in gym (after I hypervenilated cause we had to run a mile) and I ussed really loud, which was quite comical. I got Zach to give me a piggy back ride back to the gyn cause my legs were all achy and he's like: "Damn you for volunteering me for stuff I don't wanna do. You're just like my parents!" That was really funny. Lunch went by as usual.. Gabe gave me a cookie ::feels privledged:: Felt really drowsy in math and Spanish. I swear, that lady fucking annoys me. And she kept touching me and I'm like: Get offa me! Got home. Emptied out a dresser. Talking to Bob now.. he might come to visit me this summer! ::giddy:: Oh, and he cussed out Ryan. lol


As she walks in everyone turns to stare.
Hair so dark and skin so fair.
Eyes alight with a feiry glow.
The wings she has as black as coal.
They spread out like the crow at flight.
Everyone gasps for this is the plight:
The angel of death has so shortly arrived.
Her tangable hatred so thusly defined.
She has come below from hell
With bloody roses as her smell.
She will kill them off, one by one
Until her wretched job be done.
She'll take her sickle and swing it once.
Off goes the head, their body to dust.
The first victim lay dead, nothing but ash,
The others fall down in a deathly flash.
With a grin on her face, she gets her coat.
Her wings pump softly and she begins to float.
For her chariot awaits
And she must not be late.
Seven black horses paw the ground
She seeks them out, they drum the sound.
Attatched to the back are the souls.
To send them to the underworld is her goal.
And off she rides into the night.
Dimming off her sigil light.

Test quiz answers

'Sadistic Bastard' PLEASE VOTE!!!


What Type of Lunatic are You? (With Cool Pics!!)
brought to you by Quizilla


Ghost or spirit: You are a lost soul. Very calm and
sweet, you are often the one who asks: What if?
With a clever mind, you want to explore the
world on a different level. Without the
answers, you aren't ready to move on. You are
most likely very creative and find yourself
thinking things through on a different level.
(please rate my quiz)


**Where will you go when you die?**(now with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla


You have a surprise kiss! Your partner is always
pleasantly pleased to have you jump outta no
where to dote them with a fun peck on the cheek
or more passionate embrace. super markets and
work places are your favorite places to attack
your loved one with all your love =p


What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla



you are the "I hate you so bad" happy
bunny. You hate everyone and eveything and your
not ashamed of it.


which happy bunny are you?
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You, my friend are a true individual. You most
likely hate trends and are creative. By seeing
things differently, people either admire you or
think you are a bit strange. I'm guessing you
are a lot like me. Perhaps a Good Charlotte
hater? I hope so. An inspiration to us all,
continue being you! (If you like GC, I'm sorry,
I am just expressing an opinion)


A Deeper Look Inside Yourself (with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla


Nihilist Bear


Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
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You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.


What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla


You are guided by darkness. Chances are you are
depressed, or you just always see things in a
negative point of view. You sit back and take
everything in. You are the gentle giant. But
one day you will snap. (Rate my test)


What force is your soul?
brought to you by Quizilla


Your wings are BROKEN and tattered. You are
an angelic spirit who has fallen from grace for
one reason or another - possibly, you made one
tragic mistake that cost you everything. Or
maybe you were blamed for a crime you didn't
commit. In any case, you are faithless and
joyless. You find no happiness, love, or
acceptance in your love or in yourself. Most
days are a burden and you wonder when the
hurting will end. Sweet, beautiful and
sorrowful, you paint a tragic and touching
picture. You are the one that few understand.
Those that do know you are likely to love you
deeply and wish that they could do something to
ease your pain. You are constantly living in
memories of better times and a better world.
You are hard on yourself and self-critical or
self-loathing. Feeling rejected and unloved,
you are sensitive, caring, deep, and despite
your tainted nature, your soul is
breathtakingly beautiful.


*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla


Lonliness dominates you. You can hide it well, but
its there, and your friends can see it. You
constantly feel alone, and need to do things to
fill your time. Your afraid to tell people
this, but sooner or later it gets out in a bad
way, and you think you screwed up everything.
And when you are in love is when you are sad
the most. (Pleas Vote)


What Emotion Dominates you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Sad... You use the darkness to hide yourself from
the world. Something has really hurted you,
which made you turn dark. Darkness makes you
feel save and that is why you stay there.

Please rate ^^


What kind of dark person are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


You're taffy!! You're a clever and kind person,
but you tend to hold grudges. You are not big
on dishing out forgiveness.


Which kind of candy are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


You know allot of Linkin Parks new music from
Meteora! You're f#ck!n awesome dude! Thank you
for taking my quiz, If you could, would you
PLEASE rate it? You don't have to if you don't
want to, but it sure in hell would help me out
allot if you would. Thanks again, peace out,
you RULE!!!


Can You Complete Linkin Parks Meteora Lyrics? (w/ LIVE Pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla

GOD! Boys are REALLY confusing..
Okay okay.. sorry I haven't been here for the past week.

Nothing eventful except I got a really kawaii online bf!! I mean seriously though, he is so adorable! And I know you guys are saying: "How do you know he's really 14 and not some 80 year old stalker?" Well.. Ijust do! You know how those things just click in your head?? Well yea... ^^;

I decided to call Ronnie.. earlier.. It was a very interesting conversation. He kept asking me what I looked for in a guy and all kinds of questions like that. Kinda weird if yah ask me.. I think he's dropping subtle hints!!! :coughes: Well.. that's what I mean by boys being confusing!

Then.. Alex left me for his gf.. no surprise really. Still love him but not as much as I do my Sesshy-chan!!! :clings to sesshy: Marry meh? Pwease?! :pouts: Just kidding. A lil early for that doncha think?

Hmm... and now for my wonderful little poem I made just for you all.

Always the one to be made fun of for her social complex
Always the one mistake for insane
Always the one who was to smart for her own good.
She was the shy one. The smart one. The crazy one. The happy one.
This all coincides with the story, my friend.
One rainy day in her little white cell she was sick.
She called her boyfriend but didn't utter a word.
"I love you." she whispers and hangs up.
Back in the little white room, she cuts her wrists with a small aluminum lunch plate.
Walking by the room they could only stare in disbelief.
On the wall was scrawled a note in crimson ink.
"Suicide and genocide
Everyone is going to die
Homicide, infanticide
Heave your heavy tortured sighes!
Razor blades, machete knives
Bloody hatchets, shimmering sycthes
Revving chainsaws, broken bats
Staple gun, rusty nails in your back
(The angels are fallen at my feet)
Sparring kinves and ancient swords
(Hush little babies don't say a word,
The grim reeper is here to take you home)
Bow down to your new Lord."
Twenty years later they think the slaughter is done.
Children ask questions but the parents ignore them.
They'd rather not talk about their mistakes..
Sometime later they found a note in the same room.
A crumpled up letter sealed with the blood of her victims.
Opening it up they find the final note.
"Didn't I tell you they would all die?
I commited genocide to the masses
Homicide to the hated
Infanticide to the worthless
And incouraged our races suicide.
But you can be sure the reepers soul will sleep tight."

~Little Dark Child

P.S.:THIS IS COPYRIGHT OF ME!!!!

Depressing.. just so depressing.
Dear truely beloveds,

Since last letter I haven't been here really. Neither in body or in mind or in soul.. I am really happy that my neko-sama is coming to see me soon. Perhaps I won't be so damn lonely. Lemme tell you a few of the reasons I'm depressed..

1. I found letter from one of my former bfs.. Anthony. It was from when he went to camp. He said he missed me and couldn't wait to get home to talk to me and I haven't really heard from him since. He went into a major attitude change.. :shrugs:

2. I haven't talk to Alex in a long time and I really miss him.. Whenever I talk to him, I feel really happy but I never tell him that.. I dunno why. I think love makes you weak.

3. My sister's here and shes being a little bitch..

4. No one I know understands how sad and lonely I am because of the whole boyfriend thing... I know I won't just give my love away I just want to be with someone.. especially Alex. But I'm really afraid I'll never get to see him and that makes me kind of sad.. however, when I turn 18, and get to drive (Or when he does) and we still love each other as much as we do.. then I think either of us will drive to where the other lives. I'd like that..

I'm listening to Good Charlotte: Young and the Hopeless. I like Riot Girl and Bloody Valentine. Riot Girl reminds me so much of myself.. :laughes:

Anyways, I'm gonna post all my quiz results so ja ne!

Word of the day: Ja ne -- In the Japanese language it means somewhat along the lines of 'See yah later!'

Three things that scare me:
1:	My dad.
2:	Being alone,without friends.
3:	Being home,alone.
Three people who make me laugh:
1:	Robert
2:	Kalyanee
3:	Joe
Three Things I love:
1:	Death
2:	Blood
3:	Kisses
Three Things I hate:
1:	Government
2:	Old People
3:	People who just want to get in your pants.
Three things I don't understand:
1:	Life
2:	Boys
3:	My pshychotic father.
Three things on my desk:
1:	Hershey's chocolate wrapper.
2:	Rings..other jewelry
3:	Papers..lots of papers with notes.
Three things I'm doing right now:
1:	Typing on AIM
2:	Roleplaying
3:	Taking up space
Three things I want to do before I die:
1:	Love...truely love.
2:	Find a man who likes mozart and is classy and cute and gothic-ish that loves me ^^
3:	Stop being tormented by people who hate me.
Three things I can do:
1:	Draw
2:	Sing(or so I'm told)
3:	Kiss really good!
Three ways to describe my personality:
1:	Innocent
2:	Depressed
3:	Funny
Three things I can't do:
1:	Get work done >___<
2:	Eat vegetables
3:	Fart in front of people!

Three Things brought to you by BZOINK!

** basics **
Name::	Alexa Rae Schenck
Nickname::	Bunny, Kyoko, Little Dark Child
Location::	Florida
Gender::	Female
Birthplace::	Maryland
Birthstone::	Topaz
Birthday::	November 10, 1990
Sign::	Scorpio
Righty or Lefty::	Righty
Screenname::	rabbitofmoon2
** your looks **
Height::	5'4"
Weight::	125 lbs
Shoe size::	8 1/2
Hair Color::	Red (Its only dyed..normally dark brown)
Hair Length::	A little past the shoulders
Eye Color::	Blue
Size::	34 A
Glasses::	No
Braces::	No
Piercings::	Ears,once
Tattoos::	No
** fashion **
Where do you shop::	Hot Topic, Spencer's
What do you usually wear::	Black..
What kind of shoes do you wear::	Shoes? I wear boots!
Do you wear a watch::	Sometimes
Color you never wear::	Pink...
Color you wear at least once a week::	blue
Something you wear everyday::	Black or red
Do you wear make up everyday::	Yes
Make up essential::	Eyeliner,extended at the corner of the eyes
Most cherished piece of clothing::	My anime shirt..
You wouldn't be caught dead wearing::	Anything pink or frilly
Do you wear belts::	Yes
Do you wear hats::	Sometimes
How many pairs of shoes do you have::	5
** music **
Favorite kind of music::	Rock
Least Favorite::	Rap and raggea
How many CD's do you have::	Dunno..
Last CD you bought::	Evanescence
Whats in your CD player right now::	Evanescence
Do you download music::	Yes
** Favorites **
Color::	Black and red
Number::	7
Season::	Winter
Ice cream::	Butter Peacan
Website::	~none~
Quote::	Its better to be hated for what you are, than to be loved for something your not.
Store::	Hot Topic
Band::	Linking Park and Evanescence
Singer::	Pink
Rapper::
Group::
Song::	Numb by Linkin Park
Movie::	Queen of the Damned
Actor::	Leonardo Decapprio
Actress::
Kind of movies::	Horror;Slasher Films
Place to be::	Surrounded by plants
Time of day::	Night..midnight
Clothing Brand::	KIKGirl
Animal::	Wolf
Food::	Kalamari
Holiday::	Halloween
Shape::	Pyramid
Restaraunt::	Chi-Chi's
Fast food place::	Mc Donald's
Boy's name::	Cristopher
Girl's name::	Anna
Word::	Penis
Month::	November
Candy::	Twizzlers
** love and relationships **
Sexual Preference::	Boy or girl,doesn't matter as long as there good.
Boyfriend or Girlfriend::	Currently single and hatin' it
Crush::	Charlie...^^
Do you believe in love at first sight::	No.
What do you look for in a guy/girl::	Gentleness..yet the ability to be rough as well.
Best physical feature::	Lips
Best hair color::	Black
Best eye color::	Cold blue,almost white
** randoms **
Do you paint your nails::	Yes,sometimes
What color is your tooth brush::	purple
What's on your desktop::	Sesshoumaru-kun
Do you like roller coasters::	Yes
Do you do drugs::	Never have..
Are you a virgin::	Yes
Do you have any pets::	No
What time do you go to sleep::	Whenever I get tired.

Basic Survey [ 87 questions] brought to you by BZOINK!

what`s the first thing you`d do if you found out there was no god?:	Laugh at everybody who said there was one.
ifCHANGINGyourLIFEtoSOMETHINGyouHATEDwasTHEonlyWAYtoLIVEwouldYOUchange?:	I'd rather die than be something I'm not.
pot/nature/drinks/one person OR pot/tv/money/food/ one person?:	pot/nature/drinks/ one person
order their way OR chaos?:	Chaos,I cannot be controlled,just like the wind.
please define FREEDOM.:	Freedom: The right to do, say, wear, worship, pretty much anything how you want to do it without someone telling you you are wrong or haven't a right to do it.
if you could have ANYTHING at all [money, house, cars...] what?:	Freedom from this hell house.
to you, what is love? what`s it about?:	Love is when your away from somebody and you feel terrible sadness,but when they are near they ease all of your pains and comfort you. Love is not about sex or kissing..
THINK: we`re not big.one star could destroy our planet.we`re not powerful.:	I could have told you that. Even though,those silly people think they can control everything.
WELL THEN, what else would you rather be doing?:	Probably cutting up my wrists.
do you think it`d be better without electronics?:	No! Then I wouldn't have meh music to listen to. ^__^oo
why can clouds hold TONS of water, and not people?:	I'd have to think about it..and I dun wanna use my brain at the moment.
[youre not supposed to answer all of these FACTantly] arent we a speck?:	In terms of the universe,yes. We are specks. Specks of dirt tainting things with our evil ways.
what was ever wrong with public displays of affection?:	Nothing. If thats illegal,then how come people strip at parties all the time?
what are you thinking right now?:	I have to go to school soon....damn.
WHO DO YOU LOVE? if no one. who do you wish you loved?:	Someone who was just for me..

IRISES SURVEY: brought to you by BZOINK!

+ Basics +
Are you emotional ::	Yes
Do songs make you cry? If so, name a few ::	Depending..
What about movies ::	If its really sad..like My Dog Skip
What emotion do you usually feel ::	Depression
+ Sadness +
What does it take to make you cry your heart out ::	Knowing my friends hate me
How many times have you done that ::	Twice?
Where do you cry ::	On someones shoulder or alone.
Do you hate crying ::	Yes.
Do you like it when others cry ::	No..
Do you think tears make eyes look pretty ::	Yes.
Who looks good when they cry ::	No one really..
How else do you express sadness ::	Self mutalation.
Are you sad all the time ::	Most of the time..
+ Anger +
What does it take to make you mad ::	Anything really,I'm extremely tempermental
What do you do when you're angry ::	Hurt people.
How short is your temper ::	Shorter than an eyelash!
How long does it take you to calm down ::	A few days
What's the worst thing you've done when you were mad ::	Broke my phone by throwing it into the wall.
Do you freak out when others are angry ::	No. I slap them and tell them I'm the only one allowed to be angry. lol
Has anyone ever recommended anger management to you ::	Yes,more than a few.
What's the worst thing someone's done to make you mad ::	Touched me in..places. Insulted my family.
Do you anger people ::	I guess I do ^^;
+ Joy +
How often are you happy ::	Not alot..I put on a mask often.
What makes you happy ::	When others are happy.
What do you do when you're happy ::	Laugh..ALOT.
How optimistic are you ::	Opti-what?
Do happy people make you mad ::	If they are overly happy.
What's the worst thing someone can do while they're happy ::	Take something to far.
Ever been so happy you were dying to tell everyone ::	Believe it or not,yes.
Ever been so happy you cried ::	Nope..
Do you smile a lot ::	For my friends and for them only.
Kiss people a lot::	No...
Who really makes you happy ::	Sayna-chan!
Do you like doing things for people when you're happy ::	Sure!
+ Fear +
What do you do when you're scared ::	Curl up in a ball..but I hardly get scared so.
What scares you ::	My dad
Do you like scaring people ::	Sometimes.
Do you like the trill of being frightened ::	Yes!
Does fear accompany anger in your case ::	::nods::
Ever been so scared you couldn't breathe ::	No
How often do you panic ::	Not often,I cna tell you that.
What's the one thing that scared you more than anything else EVER ::	When my dad pushed me into the pantry door..and caused all of the bruises.
What do you do to calm your nerves ::	Eat chocolate.
Do rollercoasters scare you ::	No.
+ The strongest emotion +
What song never fails to get your strongest emotions going ::	Intimate touching and kissing.
Movie ::	Titanic
Commericial ::	..........
Person ::	Sayna-chan!!
Thing ::	The moon.
Sight ::	The moon over the ocena
Sound ::	Violins..
Food ::	............
Thing you're looking forward to/want ::	A good boyfriend!
+ What do you do +
When the emotion suck ::	TRy to ignore it.
When the emotion rocks ::	live it out to the fullest!!
When there's no emotion ::	Be depressed as always.
+ Would you rather +
Never feel again ::	Yes.
Feel loneliness or anger for the rest of your life ::	No..
Be happy forever and never experience bad times ::	No..then whats the point of life?
Cause misery ::	To my enemies.
Feel misery ::	No.
Be alone ::	No.
Be with everyone you know ::	Maybe..
+ Who +
Cheers you up more than anyone else ::	Sayna
Angers you more than anyone else ::	Morgan,my dad.
Scares you more than anyone else ::	Dad.
Makes you think about your emotions more than anyone else ::	Eli..
Makes you really care about how they feel and what they think ::	Sayna

Emotions brought to you by BZOINK!

Your soul is bound to the Solitary Rose: The
Alone.

"When I wake up alone, the shades are still
drawn on the cold window pane so they cast
their lines on my bed and lines on my
face."

The Solitary Rose is associated with loneliness,
melancholy, and patience. It is governed by
the goddess Merope and its sign is The Sword,
or Unrequited Love.

As a Solitary Rose, you may be summed up as a
hopeless romantic. You desire love and have so
much love to give, but thing just never seem to
work out the way you want them to. In life,
you can be very optomistic, even when things
are gray and nothing works out to your
expectations.


What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla

No one would really know your name. You would be
called by what you do. For example, if you burn
your victims to death all the time, you would
be known as The Arsonist, or if you knife them,
you would be known as The Slasher. You would be
the mysterious killer who strikes at sporadic
times, and would be very difficult to catch.
You might dress up and mask yourself when you
perform your horrible killings. Your identity
would really be a mystery. Obviously you would
be wanted all over the place, and authorities
would desperately try to capture you. Even if
you were caught, you would not say much. The
public would greatly fear you because you could
just strike unexpectedly.


What Would Your Serial Killer Name Be? What Would the Public Know You As?
brought to you by Quizilla

A GAME-BOY. Youre like a tomboy without the love of
sports. Reality sucks, but as long as you have
your electronics you feel you can cope. Time
goes unnoticed when youre locked in your room
hooked up to your Nintendo, rocking to your
favourite collection of guitar-driven albums.
Your virtues: Intelligence, sense-of-humour,
individuality.
Your flaws: Inability to cope with real life,
action-freak spirit, reclusive nature.



Ever wanted your picture taken with your favourite
celebrity? Well why not fake it and fool all
your friends for fun! Click href=http://freekart.cjb.net>HERE


What kind of girl are you?
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borderline


Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

Broken Mask
Someone has Broken your heart and it has been
broken many times. You are hurting inside and
you don't know what to do you cry and can't
stop think about who is going to hurt you next.
Please rate my quiz for me thanks and I hope
you had fun


What mask should you wear?(new 19 outcomes with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
You think about suicide quite a bit. Everything
seems like shit to you and you frikin hate
life. (Just like me. dont worry. ur not
alone.) You have even considered cutting or
taking pills or doing drugs or some shit like
that. But please, dont do any of that. (Don't
start cutting! please! Once u start, its
almost impossible to stop. trust me. please)
You think that sometimes, suicide is the only
way out and you cant take life anymore. but,
dont commit suicide. it wont help anything.
please rate!!! `-)


Are you going to commit suicide? (PLEASE RATE) `-)
brought to you by Quizilla

Youre the Dark Fairy... you hate alot of things and
dont trust anyone people always feel awkward
near you. You are always in the Dark living in
shadows and dispair. (please vote it might make
you feel better) ;
















Which Beautiful Amy Brown Fairy Are You? (with pretty pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

I hate everything
Truely beloveds,

Since last letter I have been and found out many things.. one, for example was that Jocelyn was going out with Nic. Was I told? Eventually.. Later she dumped him.. Surprise? No.
Today, I find out he asked out my other best friend, Kalyanee (Yue). Was I told this? No. I just found out from Joe. I swear, I feel like I'm the only one unloved here!
Tyler finally told Shannon to choose between him and Andy and she picked Andy. Not a big surprise.. So now Tyler is going out with Margeaux.
So.. who is Alexa's lover? No one. Its because Alexa is to hyper. Shes to weird. She has moodwings. She's ugly. She's fat. She curses to much. Well you know what? Shove it up yours.
You know what else? I'll say fck when I want to. I hate god. I'm peagan. I do witch craft. I smoke. I drink. If you have a problem with that, say it to my fucking face, okay?!
Just a note if you live in Cape Coral, I like skater boys, punks, freaks and goths. I like pale skin and blue eyes. I like dark or unnatural colored hair. My turn on is biting and licking of the neck and kissing fingertips.

P.S: I like people being affectionate!

Little Dark Child

My dad is such a hypocrite!
Dear Sayna,

Well, I have alot of things to tell about,ne? Okay.. I met thias cute boy who asked me out at the movies last night and then dumped me this morning. I told Tyler that Brittany said Shannon was cheating on him with Andy.. (I don't think its true) and he called me and hes all like:
"Well.. is what you said about Shannon and Andy true?"
"Well.. I'm not exactly sure but it might be.*shrugs* Then again, it might not be. I still have to ask her. I simply said that Brittany said that."
"I can't believe you'd do that to your friend. I'm not as much of an asshole as you so I'm dumping you. Okay? Okay. Oravour! BYE!"

And he slammed down the phone. So my dad. I asked him if I could go to Amanda's house because I wanted to hang out with her and Robert and he said no. Why? Because hes a frikin hypocrite and because I already went to the movies this weekend.. yea.. so whatever. I'm leavin now. Peace.

~From Sayna~
yes this is Sayna again everyone!
not much to say other then im single again, i dumped my boyfriend and im looking for someone new...although i do have my eye on someone...but yeah thats a whole other story!

...oh so you saw the counslor to eh?
<><><><><><><><>
Yes i've beena little off lately..three huge fights each concerning my closets friends...fuckin shit!

one with kat, one with Nami another with Taku and Josh and Zach...i got some bruises to..great fun...

haven't been on lately...
im sery bunny, im not really in the best lately..im like total bitch mood along with depression so i may not be the best person to talk to...

Damn it all...well to some a few conversations up i'll give you the brief

Kat: "so why do you think im a bitch?
Sayna:"becvause your always being mean to me and alissa, and your mom..no wonder she wants you to go with your dad!
Kat: ....fuck you! *click off da phone*

~~~~~
Nami:yeah well i'm not in the best of moods to deal with your problems.. i reallycan't care about you when your the one who told scott that i was preg. it was our secret
Sayna: well jesus christ..your huge he knows on his own he just asked what the fuck was going on
Nami: he kicked me out
Sayna: yeah and now your living with Rani..thats good you hated him anyways!
Nami: i really can't talk now..im going *gets off phone*

***
Zach: yeah she was up on top of me giving me a lap dance
Sayna: i was not you nasty Jerk!
Aaron:....Zach;s my best friend and your my girlfrienmd..who am i suppose to believe?
Sayna/Zach: "ME!"
Josh: she wasn't on Zach
Aaron: "Stay out of this..."
Sayna: Josh was there just ask him! he didn't see me do jack squat to that nasty fuck!
Jos: she didn't do anything..she wouldn't do anything you knwo she hates him!
Aaron:..god damnit...i don't know who to believe
Sayna:....Aaron you believe me right?
Zach: dude she's a slut!
Sayna: fuck you Zach! *slaps zach*
Josh: you liked her your just trying to break them up ass hole!
Zach: Stupid bitch! *jumps on Sayna and starts punching he rand trying to choke her
Aaron: What the fuck?!
Josh:*pulls Zach off of Sayna*
Sayna: you stupid Nigger i hate you! (im not racist but thats what pisses him off the most)
Zach: fuck you!
Aaron: What the hell's your problem man?!
Josh: *lets go of Zach cause aarons standing infront of him*
Aaron:*pushes Zach back with his chest*
Josh: *helps Sayna up an holds her cause its cold as fuck outside*

Then we fought verbaly till Aaron had to leave...

Sorry to everyone.
Dear Sayna,

for reasons unsaid this journal will no loner be dedicated to my Nee-chan, Jocelyn. It will be instead, dedicated to Ke'Chara Sayna.

I had a mental breakdown a few hours ago.. because of Shannon and Jocelyn. I don't DESERVE this much. I got what I got.. but just calling someone a whore, is that any excuse to be mentally and emotionally abused? no.. I don't think so.. I think that people think because I'm so shy and fragile, they can use me as their punching bag. Just to see it break. They do it for the pleasure of seeing me hurt.

Ke'chara.. I was shaking so bad, I couldn't breath and I was sobbing so loudly. I am so glad no one was home. I was about to call a hospital at one point.. the police another. Well, Ke'chara.. I must go and resume my depressed thoughts.. nighty nightd. I love yahs bunches!

Yours truely: Bunny-chan

Hate you
...okay all, this is Sayna again, i just wanted you all to know that im not in a good mood, life is sucking and im depressed and all i want is some fucking ass...n/r, j/k. i really want to go out with this kid named greg, he's awesome but i am stuck with Aaron-taku, until i can break up with him...but greg is going out with another girl and i don't want to break them up..so i guess i'll wait til they break up before making my move..we already flirt alot.. (any comments or advice would be real real nice!)

Dearest Bunny, i am very sery about your troubles..who ever these damn people are who are spreading lies about you.. i wish them to burn burn burn until they can't burn no more...nasty lieing bitches deserve to die..so when they relize what they said isn't true..or when it comes to judgement day..they will either get what they deserve, or repent to you my Ke'Chara...tootles to all

Everybody can just go and shove s tick up there asses. I really don't care anymore.
Dearest Jocelyn,

Is it such a sin to be weak? Is that why they think it doesn't matter? To stop being my friend.. they think its not a crime. That it won't hurt. They're wrong. All wrong. Thats okay, I've never really had a true friend before you really. What do they think I did with the stranger? They were watching me the whole time.. why now would they spread a story untrue? Kristin, if you do not wish to be my friend, than just say so. Do not beat around the bush and drop subtle hints. I wished you would be there for me but your just like them! Just a sunny day friend! Well you can take your words and eat them up because I will not believe anymore lies. I will not tolerate anymore of this 'friendship' that is based upon nothing but hatred. So goodbye to you. Goodbye to you. I hope your friends leave and you'll see what its like. Living your life only trusting one person.

In commemeration to my life at this curent state, here is a poem.

I watch you laugh.
I watch you smile.
Oh, how it sickens me.
Our friendship, you defiled.

I will cut. I will cry.
I will bleed. I will lie.
A devil's scar has been awakened.
An angels song will fail.

For once I am the outsider,
Looking into your twisted little game.
I see what your doing, I see all to well.
I know all the shame.

So, take everything you've said.
Take it back; eat your words.
I don't need you! No I don't!
Shut up! Shut up! No more cords!

Cords saving lies, to that disk in your head.
Bloody handprints on the glass.
No more hiding behind your mask,
I ripped it off for you to last.

Bye bye bye bye
Falling forever in an eternal pit
Bye bye bye bye
The question is posted, the fire is lit.

By Alexa Rae


I know it is not that great, Jocelyn. Yours are better. That is my bleeding heart. It is down on the floor. Shes stepped on it to many times for it to be ignored.

Thought for the day: I question God and the little things He makes us suffer through..

People are pitiful
Dear Jocelyn,

Pitiful beings these creatures called humans are. What makes me think I am better, you ask? Nothing. I AM human..I know I am pitiful. But is being weak and innocent an excuse for walking all over someone?

You know, dear sister, I would never kiss anyone I didn't know. I'd much rather save it for someone I loved or knew. So who has been saying I kissed a complete stranger? Someones thrill for excitement has gotten me into trouble with the strangers significant other. Is that why onee-sama was being so mean today? I think I might take refuge with you..

Thought for the day: Lifes a bitch, then yah marry one.

I wonder..
Dear Jocelyn,

Nothing happened much at the party. I got to see Kristin's house. It is actually very nice and lavishly furnished. My father is really upset with me because Kristin's mom forgot to call and leave her number. He was yelling at me over the phone. It's amazing how easily you actually can cry. Please do not tell, Jocelyn. But.. yes. I burst out in a fit of tears. Kristin offered to take the blame..but I would not let her. Chantelle is alot nicer than we take her for, you know? Maybe, if I'm really good, I can come and sleep over with you. Would you like that? Anything to get out of this damned house..

Thought for the day: Oh my gosh! Lestat from Queen of the Damned is sooooooo HOT!

Sorry I haven't posted! Been really busy!
Dear Jocelyn,

I am sorry, sister, for not writing to you in so long! I will tell you what happened from the 13th- today..

November 13, 2003
Today was no acception from any other day. It was the same. Boring. So, not much to write here.

November 14 and 15, 2003.
Today was actually pretty fun. I think somebody told Kristin how left out I've been feeling because shes been paying alot of attention to me and being very nice, Onee-sama. Morgan was in a very good mood today and was actually nice. He gave me a hug to(which is odd considering him). Onee-sama Kristin got her eyebrow pierced. It looks cool! Shes coming to pick me up laterfor her party. The theme is gothic, so I gotta dress as old fashioned goth as possible! I'm thinking about wearing a violet sports bra underneath of my black fishnet shirt and then wearing some type of pants and my cloak. I love my cloak..it smells like pasta and cigarettes for some reason though.. So, I'm gonna go curl my hair. Wish me luck! Hopefully, I won't scald myself with the curlers!

Thought for the day: How can someone get turned on by READING or WATCHING porn? I just don't get it.. *virgin mind*

Sayna's bit
well ladys and gentlemen, this is Sayna, umm, bunny said i could and should post a few things now and then..so here my first post:
...i really have nothing to say.. i probably won't have much to say really...heh heh, love my bunny...and uh...well ...i should probably shut up now..its not like im even saying anything...well tootles everyone..be safe and have fun?
(except for that stupid robert kid, you can get killed..i hate you)

Yesterday and today.
Oh Jocelyn, why must we be fated to such cruelty? Why must everyone hate me so? My own father..why can he never let me do it the way I want? Is the way I want..really that bad?

I just wanted a pair of boots,father? Why may I not have them? I almost broke my ankle once,you say? Why does that matter? It was just clumsiness you know. The clutziness of a 9-year-old child,living a lie. You don't like what I've become. Its to spite you. Its to make you pay from causing me misery!

Flowers..pretty purple flowers. I carried them in my arms today. The sweet scent wafting upon the air. It truely was a sight, ne, sister? Do not feel obliged to buy me anything..please don't. All I want is your friendship. Your shoulder to cry on, your ears to listen, your words of understanding and your arms of reassurance. Thats all I wish, sister. Now please, let me dream just a little longer so that I may live the life of lies.



You are Form 9, Vampire: The Undying.

"And The Vampire was all that remained on
the blood drowned creation. She attempted to
regrow life from the dead. But as she was
about to give the breath of life, she was
consumed in the flame of The Phoenix and the
cycle began again."

Some examples of the Vampire Form are Hades (Greek)
and Isis (Egyptian).
The Vampire is associated with the concept of
death, the number 9, and the element of fire.
Her sign is the eclipsed moon.

As a member of Form 9, you are a very realistic
individual. You may be a little idealistic,
but you are very grounded and down to earth.
You realize that not everything lasts, but you
savor every minute of the good times. While
you may sometimes find yourself lonely, you
have strong ties with people that will never be
broken. Vampires are the best friends to have
because they are sensible.


Which Mythological Form Are You?
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You represent... anger.
Mad at the world, eh? You have a tendency to...
freak out easily. Overly emotional about
everything, you're most prone to bouts of
cruelty and moodiness. Other people may be
afraid of the fact that you explode so easily,
but at least you're honest... even if you're
honest about not liking anything.


What feeling do you represent?
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You are Daria from Daria. You are full of sadness
and everything bad. You love to read, and you
are very smart. However, you are cool to
others. Even though you are so smart and quiet,
you seem cool to others. You get mad at others
quickly, but you only show it in your face. You
are very anti-social, but you do have a couple
of friends one or two. You are pretty
depressed. You have very little happiness in
you. You are very different from others. You
make the school seem much better because you
are not the exact same as the other girls. You
are not very religious, however. Actually, you
are not religious at all. Most likely, you are
going to die of cancer - sorry for that. Good
luck desperate person!


What Cartoon Are You?
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A GAME-BOY. Youre like a tomboy without the love of
sports. Reality sucks, but as long as you have
your electronics you feel you can cope. Time
goes unnoticed when youre locked in your room
hooked up to your Nintendo, rocking to your
favourite collection of guitar-driven albums.
Your virtues: Intelligence, sense-of-humour,
individuality.
Your flaws: Inability to cope with real life,
action-freak spirit, reclusive nature.
EXTRA: Your personality type is the only one on
this quiz that would enjoy www.life-
blood.cjb.net. Check it out!


What kind of girl are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Comment of the day: (For those of you who know Brittany H..we crack on her all the time. It makes me feel really bad but..) You know how women get breast implants..well do you get penis implants?