thedarkerside
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2004 2 June :: 9.25pm
:: Music: Seether f. Amy Lee- Broken
Hmm
It's interesting what you overhear on phone conversations, especially with my mom. Talking about how her councelor was saying how she needs to confront her childhood problems with her parents and then she went into explaining how her parents use to be and I find it more than strange that she is them.. She has become them, and always has been. How they were never there for emotional support and how they were verbally abusive..It's just too ironic.
If she even raises her voice at me or goes to yell at me for anything I'll probably just burst. I'm going to tell her that I'm sorry that I'm stupid and can never be what or who she wants me to be and I'll never be good enough. Right now I think she's at the emotion point where if I say something along those lines I just might be able to break her...finally. Then we might actually get somewhere.
As bad as it sounds I think I would actually get satisfaction out of seeing her cry because of something I said to her.
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thedarkerside
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2004 2 June :: 6.23pm
Yeah....
I should probably go study for design and gym.
I had an incredible blonde moment today. I know Spencer..his dad and I are old friends.. Wow..I so didn't put 2 and 2 together lol I should tell Steph about that haha.
I can't wait until tomorrow is over. Hopefully I'll have a lot of good pictures too.
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thedarkerside
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2004 2 June :: 2.37pm
Awake and Dreaming
I can't lose anything
So what's left is mine
And I win this time
Consolation day
I'll make up a way
I'll know now just what to say
I'll get away from you
Wait and I'll be begging
I'll pull you down
I saw it all again
Fading memory became clear to me
I try but I can't say
That I'm yours for good
Support me you said you would
I'll get away from you
Wait and I'll be begging
I'll pull you down
Awake and dreaming
I'm only sleeping
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thedarkerside
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2004 2 June :: 12.50pm
:: Music: Finger Eleven- Bones and Joints
I've been down here before..Lost myself and so much more
I'm feeling creative. I think I'm going to go write and work on the cover for my notebook...hmm. sounds good.
Later...
Like I've said, You can never update your woohu enough... I can't help it lol
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thedarkerside
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2004 2 June :: 11.48am
:: Music: Finger Eleven- One Thing
I passed..
I passed all my exams so far... I feel relieved but I know I'll still be grounded this summer.
After school was out I happened to run into Stephanie in the hall and she took me out to Spencer's car to meet him. He's hot that's for sure..mm. Steph you're lucky! I love you..and your boyfriend lol.
I'm burning the ultimate Finger Eleven cd. It's a combo of songs from all 3 albums..
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thedarkerside
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2004 1 June :: 7.33pm
I'm going to copy this song and sketch something to go with it for the next cover on my notebook...
Finger Eleven- Quicksand
Slow sinking feeling
Kills the mood you're conveying
And it pulls me far down below
It might be best if you go
Can it not wait and hope for the best
Will it not stop a while to rest
I need to get up never mind cause i've done Enough
The world waits around
But i keep slipping and losing ground
Do i not try so hard so good
I can't keep changing just because you think I should
Said all i need to and you don't understand Still
Wish you saw picture my mind's eyes are Deep
And they're cynical
One taken four more kills the pain healing That sore
I've taken what's left i took it all
And now you won't let me forget
The world waits around
But i keep slipping and losing ground
Do i not try so hard so good
I can't keep changing just because you think I should
Stop you're talking down
I lack the strength to sit or stand
I lost my self confidence in the quicksand
Not now or ever
Sink slowly my treasure
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thedarkerside
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2004 1 June :: 7.25pm
I think I'll write tonight..maybe I'll study alittle vocab... I'm good with vocab though.. I'll try.
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thedarkerside
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2004 1 June :: 6.51pm
The dishsoap smelled good for some reason today...
Glad I'm not in the discusion on gays with my mom upstairs.... There's nothing wrong with gay people.. They shouldn't even be called gay they should be called a human being just like every single one of us. Gay guys are hot...sometimes. My mom can be so ignorant and plus I think she's a racist. What a bitch...
Exam day 2...I think I'll do better than I did today...:-/
I only have a couple more pages, as I said before, in my notebook. I used up 2 lastnight just regualar writing and getting started on a new poem. I can't wait until summer has officially started so I can get started sitting outside and writing...I hope there aren't a lot of bees out though..if so I'll have to write inside then.. lol
later
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thedarkerside
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2004 1 June :: 12.43pm
:: Mood: aggravated
I think I fucked up.
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thedarkerside
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2004 31 May :: 8.18pm
Wow how many times am I going to update today? Who knows.
3 days...only 3 more fucking days. Not even really... I get out at 11 I think..by the time I get home on the bus more like 11:30 grr..
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