thedarkerside
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2004 7 May :: 7.05pm
All the good times are fading into bad ones again....I don't think I've been this filled with anger and hurt since then.....
They can all go to hell.
I don't know when I'll be on the internet next because I'm grounded..so until then..
later
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thedarkerside
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2004 6 May :: 11.36am
Wowww maybe I should start watching what I write in this thing, today at school like 5 people came up to me sayin stuff about somethin I wrote about Barnes...
Righttttttttt....Okay, to clear it up, it was all sarcasm and joking around? His girlfriend got pissed at him for who knows what so whatever, I guess I'm sorry?
Anyyyyyywayyyyy
I think I'm going to make ramen noodles and watch some tv...later
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thedarkerside
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2004 5 May :: 8.35pm
I need to write, I need to wrinte, I need to write, not cry, write. Why do I have this new lingering suspicion that everything I worked for this past year is worthless? It's like I've tried so hard to not be myself and for so long that I don't even know who or waht I am anymore. Okay, So maybe I'm crying now. Its the only way I know of to deal with this. Talking never helps, there is no one to talk to. I feel so overwhelmed with this sense of reality that's hitting me so hard.
Last night I went through all of my notebooks and re-read everything from these past 2 years. I don't know how I felt when I was done. I stayed up all night laying in the dark trying to make something, anything out of my life. I think I've been deeply effected by a lot that has gone on...I feel confused more so then the last time I questioned myself. I should be happy or atleast remotely pleasesd. I don't know what happy is to me anymore. I'm just returning to the old me and it's resurfacing faster each day. I don't want this summer to be like last. Where I sat and did nothing forcing myself to be trapped indoors. I didn't want to see anyone. I don't want to have to be put through all the endless questioning again on why "I don't hang out with people" or "Where are all your friends, do you have any?" which is an asshole thing to say coming from my own mother. I won't take that I've grown too wise for that. I just wish I could love my life and not have to be disrupted by constant doubts and feeling so alone. I just wish I had someone to be here for me in a physical affectionate aspect. I just want to be held, then maybe all this shit will go away...
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thedarkerside
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2004 5 May :: 6.38pm
The end is near.
My mom is going to quit taking her Paxil soon... All hell will break....I know it will
lol
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thedarkerside
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2004 5 May :: 3.07pm
:: Music: Usher-Burn
Wow.
I just got done scarfing down a pb&j sandwhich since I never eat lunch at school and if I do its like..cereal. lol Needless to say, I forgot my lunch card today. Kennen spilled hi-c stuff allll over Em today, she like made screeming noises that sounded like a dying cat and everyone in the lunch room was looking over at our table..it was still funny. I love you Emily you're silly lol.
We ran on the cross country track thing today and holy shit it was gay. I have blisters on both heels..Damn socks. Atleast I wasn't the last one done, I always have I weird fear about that. Anyways, it sucked ass. I hope we NEVER do that again lol There was like glass in the dirt, I was like woow this is safe....as people are tripping over stumps etc. lol
I think I did good on my math test. It will bring my grade up to a C range lol then I'll be ungrounded from the internet probably. WOW Grounded from the internet, I just sneak on anyways. What a bunch of dildos....seriously.
We'll I'm out, I think I need a nap!
Later
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thedarkerside
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2004 4 May :: 7.02pm
:: Music: Fugees-Ready or Not
I think I'm grounded off the internet because I have a D+ in math, that's my fault though and partially kyle's because according to mrs.finsh he "disrupts" my learning. Way to go Kyle..lol
I'm sneaking on the internet of course, there's no other way. I already studied for like an hr for a math test that I have tomorrow. If I get caught on I'll just say I'm asking someone for "help" hah.
Today was ok. It was weird in 6th hr without Carinna but I talked to Samara the whole time and we chilled and tried to get Stephanie Tucker to say stupid things or swear..I wanted to hear her say nigger but I didn't want to say anything lol she wouldn't even say shit. lol Carinna you missed that part.
Barnes needs to go shopping and wear shirts other than ones that say "waterpolo" on them. And he also needs to learn the golden rule not to wear black with navy..holy shit..lol
I think I'm going to go..I'll study some more..then just sit around I guess lol Maybe catch a movie on digital cable.
Chappelle show is on tonight
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thedarkerside
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2004 3 May :: 7.24pm
Wow today was gay I don't want to explain everthing because it's just like every other day..
We did 2 miles in gym today. Wow considering that it was like 30 degrees out and windy it sucked.
It will take me probably atleast 2 more hours to finish my Design thing. I'm only online right now because I'm on a bathroom break.
I have to send out woohu money tomorrow before I forget and it's too late lol.
Later
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thedarkerside
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2004 2 May :: 7.28pm
:: Music: Finger 11- Stay in Shadow
Shopping
Hey, Today was actually ok. It didn't exactly turn out like I thought but Hey, I still got clothes. I went to Charlotte Russe and got 2 tanks and a skirt. That's it my mom wouldn't let me get anything else lol Wet seal didn't really have anything and I didn't have much time in Hollister..oh well.
The wedding shower was ok. I sat around while people told me my outfit was cute and that I was pretty...also that I look like I'm 20..haha SCORE! I wonder if I can go buy alcohol now...Nah, not worth the chance of getting arrested lol
Oh yeah! MEAN GIRLS was a good movie! I wouldn't mind seeing it for a second time! Actually I think next time we go we'll probably see envy or something. At first it was just going to be steph and I because we couldn't get a hold of Carinna and Danielle but then Carinna came online and Danielle called like 20 mintues before we were going to leave so we all got there like 10 minutes late but thats ok. haha It was fun.
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thedarkerside
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2004 1 May :: 8.27pm
HOLY FUCKING GOD
"Why are you shaking your foot?" "Why are you rolling your eyes?" "What color underwear do you have on?" "You can't wear that under those white pants" "Whats going on?" "Why can't you get a ride home?" "When are you leaving?" "What movie are you going to see?"
Holy fucking shit if I don't end up shooting myself someone please do it for me.
Can someone also remind me how long it has been since I was 6? When am I ever going to be treated like and adult...Never is my guess.
And Ashley you don't help the situation either. I never ask you to take me anywhere or do anything unless its taking me to school and bringing me home. You don't have to be such an asshole and not pick us up because you want to fuckin talk to Matt. That's pathetic. Go tell on me after you read this too I know you will..and what, you are almost 19? Wow..just wowww!
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDD *screams*
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thedarkerside
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2004 1 May :: 6.38pm
:: Music: Mudvayne-Not Falling
I have a feeling this summer is going to be a summer of sin ;-) A summer of change and renewal. Who knows what will happen...
I can't wait until school is over with.
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