Life sucks sometimes... Friendships turn to lies

:: 2003 24 November :: 6.41pm
:: Mood: hopeful
:: Music: what if god was one of us

i want to be a hero (rlg)

right now: i want to fly

when im done with highschool: i want to be smart

when im done with college: i want to be educated

when i grow up: i want to be an astronaut

when im ready: i want to be a mother

when i die: i want to be a hero

thats only a dream, and only one in a million dreams come true....... so what are my chances?

can i become a hero?

how?

help me......

*i love you kevin*

6 made me bleed | take a stab

:: 2003 23 November :: 8.40pm

im bored

Last Cigarette:: never have, never will
Last Alcoholic Drink:: ha, nope
Last Car Ride:: after church
Last Kiss:: last week sometime
Last Good Cry:: friday
Last Library Book checked out:: to space and back- sally ride
Last Movie Seen in Theatres:: school of rock
Last Book Read:: people magazine...does that count?
Last Movie Rented:: monster's inc.
Last Cuss Word Uttered:: the "d" one
Last Beverage Drank:: diet coke
Last Food Consumed:: turkey potpie
Last Crush:: kevin :)
Last Phone Call:: to sheely
Last TV Show Watched:: rush hour
Last Time Showered:: this morning
Last Shoes Worn:: my neighbors
Last CD Played:: train-phil collins mix
Last Item Bought:: tuna sub
Last Download:: phil collins- look through my eyes
Last Annoyance:: dad
Last Disappointment:: lying to lindsay's momma
Last Soda Drank:: diet coke
Last Thing Written:: my "eating blind" paper
Last Key Used:: "tab"
Last Word Spoken:: "minute"
Last Sleep:: 4 hours ago
Last IM:: to landon
Last Sexual Fantasy:: um....probably when i slept last
Last Weird Encounter:: yesterday at the mall
Last Ice Cream Eaten:: mackinaw island fudge
Last Time Amused:: um, a couple hours ago
Last Time Wanting To Die:: friday
Last Time In Love:: now....now....now....now.....still am.......
Last Time Hugged:: yesterday
Last Time Scolded:: two seconds ago
Last Time Resentful:: two seconds ago
Last Chair Sat In:: my sister's
Last Lipstick Used:: it smelled like coconut
Last Underwear Worn:: blue ones
Last Bra Worn:: my white one
Last Shirt Worn:: that bright striped one
Last Webpage Visited:: www.spaceflight.nasa.gov

"Last" Survey brought to you by BZOINK!

i love you kevin!

:: 2003 22 November :: 8.13pm

I'm sick of every guy letting her down. Do they even think to know how it would make her feel. Do they even think. I'm sick of always not having anyone either. Guys are jerks..thats all that needs to be said.

ARRRRRGGGG

2 made me bleed | take a stab

:: 2003 22 November :: 5.13pm

OCTOBER:
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

thats pretty much right except i hate children... arrgh lol

:: 2003 20 November :: 7.34pm

I dont know things are weird I guess. I don't feel as low as I use to. Sometimes i'd bing myself down soo low that it was like there was no end to it. I haven't really gotten that way in a long time. I'm sortof relieved that I'm able to hold back my tears just instead of getting sad I just get angry and annoyed..I'd rather feel that way then to feel how I did before. i guess. either way still sucks.

I've never had anyone really care for me as much as I've seen lately. I want to get use to it but I find myself rejecting it. I can't always have things the way I want...but I want to feel like someone actually cares so much about something that isnt really a big deal but to them is a big deal. I'd rather have someone call me the day after asking how things are and what is going on. I don't know..it was like one of those moments where you feel so different that you want to cry. Like..I dont know even I can't explain it.

Today went by pretty fast. Hell, this whole week did. I just have to do some studying tonight and I'll be all set for my weekend. I get my Gauge 32 cd tomorrow from Ryan. That should be good. That will be good.

Can't wait until another day is over.

:: 2003 19 November :: 5.27pm
:: Mood: mellow
:: Music: cant stop loving you//phil collins

its my turn to write something (rlg)
hey linds- thanks. lyf. cya tomorrow.

...love u kevin...

1 made me bleed | take a stab

:: 2003 18 November :: 8.05pm

carinna's recent entry gave me an idea....

Things I'd like to do in my life...

Get my own place
Become someone who makes a lot of money where I enjoy my job
Find someone who makes me happy
Live somewhere unbelieveably beautiful
Write a book
Live in another country for a period of time
Keep intouch with people from highschool
Meet Elsbeth, my knowledge source and party girl
Play Guitar and piano
Write my own music
Take a few years off to go on a road trip alone or with a friend or two
Go to Hollywood
Meet someone famous/ become famous
Change someones life unintentionally
Be remembered as a remarkable person..or just be remembered...

:: 2003 17 November :: 3.12pm

We had a 2 hr delay today because of the fog. Thats like the second time in two weeks. So I got to sleep in for like an hour and a half that was pretty nice. We had 1st,2nd,5th,6th hr today. It was pretty gay but its all good I guess.

I got home did some stuff..Yeah pretty boring.. I'm thinking about making over my woohu again. hmm..

later