thedarkerside
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2003 2 May :: 5.00pm
:: Mood: Ok...tired...content
:: Music: Aaliyah- I miss you
I remember thinking we were poor when my mom use to get one layer toilet paper and I'd tear some off and it would dissolve in my hand.
My sister is turning into my mom. Manipulative..Just like my mom...always having to find someting that makes her feel like she has some sort of power over people
I dont like that
I dont like sitting at our lunch table and having hardly anyone talk to eachother. And I quote:"There are other people than just me that think you are using them...I'm just the only one who has said anything." "I shouldnt have said that I'm sorry."
But was it true?
I dont like feeling that I cant trust anyone. Or trust those few who I already trust now.
I dont like this feeling.
I'm doing nothing this weekend. Nothing. I'd rather have it that way though.
Tonight i want my dad to get Pizzaria Grande so I can get their breadsticks with the butter glaze and parmasan cheese sprinkled on top. That sounds really good right now.
i'm out.
I need to work on my poetry and drawings.
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Tbaby92588
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2003 1 May :: 4.06pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: Like A Stone [Audioslave]
Oh, these cobbwebs...
"Clean up your mess before you start on another one."
-Kathy Kline
I think I am secretly screwing up everyones life.... not sure, though.
Oh well, at least it's raining.
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thedarkerside
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2003 30 April :: 9.25am
:: Mood: ok
:: Music: none
AT SCHOOL
Yeah today has been pretty gay. Nothing new is going on at all. LOL Math was funny...megan and I were laughing at the aligator on davids arm. It looked like he had drawn it on his arm yesterday and tried to wash it off....it was funny because is not everyday that you see an aligator on someones arm...then david was all like "What are you guys laughing aboutt..whatttt" lol. Then Jeff H. turned around (LMAO carinna)
Oh btw carinna I think you'll like the note i'm going to give to you today.
Its going to be brilliant.
I'm going to the RHS variety show tonight w/ my sister and her friend. I hope i get a #7 w/ diet coke for dinna ... mmm...
Yes sheely I do agree with your whole summer slimming down plan. I need it to...muahahahahahaha......
We shall be anorexic...no doubts about it.
Eh...I'm tired *struggling noises to type* it hurts to type...muscles in fingers hurt....
bye
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thedarkerside
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2003 28 April :: 6.32pm
:: Mood: pissed
:: Music: none
Reminder.
Reminder:Just becasue I said sorry doesnt me I trust you now. I have too much other shit to sort through your last on my list.
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thedarkerside
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2003 28 April :: 6.02pm
:: Mood: pissed
:: Music: none
Still pissed
I'm just so pissed. God Big deal that they wouldnt let me go right? This is the 5th time that I'm not able to go anywhere without any explanation. They always say its because I have stuff to do. Bull shit. I always end up sitting on my ass with not a fucking thing to do. Now tell me why I cant fucking go.
I have to almost stop breathing so I can hear my mom bitching to my dad about me. How I cat like I dont care. How I never do anyhting around the house, How she had to clean the bathroom for once lastnight, How she thinks I lied and just threw all my clothes in the basement to make my room look clean.
I'm suffering right now. I'm sick of never being heard. I'm sick of never being allowed to do anything. Doesnt she ever think to step out of her own selfish existance to think that maybe I dont want to be stuck in the house with her. School is my first hell that last almost 7 hours. But then to have to go home and spend 17 hours with my asshole mom and my jackass dad and my dumb ass sister...I cant take it. I hate being locked up. Well for that matter I'm not eating tonight..nore the night after ...or the night after that...or the night after that...prove a point that i'm not going to listen to them for the rest of my life.See how they like that.
But the way. She says to me "you wouldnt have been able to go anyways. you dont have any money."
Mcdonalds cost 3$ for one person if even that.
She wouldnt even waste that money on me. She just wanted to sound like she was right.
Hypocrite
I hate you mom.
I'll neve love you.
Egostistical Fucking asshole.
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thedarkerside
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2003 28 April :: 5.58pm
:: Mood: Pissed
:: Music: none
Poem #3
I cant feel my trust
its slipping through
the cracks in the
shaddered glass
I'm being
Suffocated
By my own smile
My pain doesnt heel
Within time
It only leaves scars
And the black stains
Of Mascara
I only slip away
When I regain
Strength
The strength to find
The nothingness inside
Of Me
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thedarkerside
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2003 28 April :: 9.48am
:: Mood: bothered
:: Music: none
At school
Krystal and I plan to go to Mc.D's tonight. Mmmm.. Crispy chicken sammicch! School is sucking so far. So be it. I will be fine its not that big of a deal.
I think having space for a while will be nice.
Tomorrow I WILL go to starbucks w/ Krystal and Julie. If not there will be some serious ass kicking. and kissing...I'll probably have to clean to get my moms approval.
Hahah krystal fell out of her chair.. muahaha.
4 more minutes till us history .Woo not looking forward to it damnit.
bye.
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thedarkerside
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2003 26 April :: 11.26pm
:: Music: none
Today
The wedding shower was better than I expected it to be. My aunt made reall good food. It was all home made. There was pasta salad, lasinga, chocolates, keesh, veggies, and fruits. I didnt eat much of it but it was all good.
Apparently my sister and I dont do anythring around the house so i might be grounded off the internet for a couple weeks. Our house isnt taht bad. She over exaderates like usual. Thats what she does best
I have to finish a poem for someone. I have alot to finish on it yet. Innitially I was going to write a story like an inspirational story but it turned out blah and it didnt reall get my point acrossed.
All that had happened a couple days ago and even the new replys now I have now realized is completely stupid. But no, not on my behalf...everyone elses. To hell with them. I regret every crying over it because all I was doing was telling the truth and thats what got "people" so pissed off becasue it was the truth and they just iddnt want to hear it. I dont like the person shes become. I dont need it anymore I never did to begin with. So whaterver, everything has been said and done. I can take whatever comes my way. Trust me, I know i'm expecting something. If I could take anything i said back...I WOULDNT. This is beyond middle school..this is like elementary school...its stupid and I think some people need to grow up some. Dont like what i'm saying dont talk to me because i know i wont be talking to a few of you. Or if i do its going to be short i can tell you that much.
I got these really cool and comfy terry cloth capris that I'm going to wear to cedar pointe. With them I'm going to get this white shirt from abercrombie thats v nech and has lace and beads in it..its really cute.
2 weeks until the wedding in Chicago. Its going to be fun. We get to go shopping Thats what I'm looking forward to, shopping. I cant wait until the school year is over with. This summer will be cool. I plan to hang out with julie and krystal. Also hopefully theresa and lindsey.
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thedarkerside
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2003 25 April :: 3.17pm
:: Mood: Broken
:: Music: none
...........
All I can say is that I've found out that I'm not as strong as I thought I was. I cant take this....
I think I had an ok day until i was basically threatened and physically assulted then to come back and read journal replys.
Two faced..thats alll what people are arent they.
Most of the stuff I was talking about didnt even concern most of the people just some. I didnt need the reaction I got trust me. Things were said that were out of hurt and rage...and thats all I got back. I dont care if it was my fault or not....that doesnt justifye.
To hell with it.
To hell with it all.
I dont need shit like this.
Whatever.
I feel violated.
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thedarkerside
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2003 24 April :: 7.49pm
:: Mood: distressed
:: Music: none
Whatever
I am sick of all the back talking. They are our group. We don’t need to be talking behind people’s backs. These people are supposed to be our friends? Why don’t they act like it? This doesn’t concern some of you; so don’t worry too much about it. Some people are making others feel bad. And even if they feel bad for a stupid reason or more likely for a reason you don’t understand don’t continue. Say you’re sorry. Don’t do it again. Why make certain plots about people? Yeah..It sounds funny sure but it’s not right, its mean. Even if you are joking, you’re still plotting behind their back. I don’t understand why people continue. Do they feel that ignorant that they have to plot and make fun of other people? Its ok to do it to maybe people who aren’t are friends but when you sit there and make fun of someone who’s sitting no more than 3 seats from you…that’s taking it a step further. Its not funny anymore. It never was. I’m tired of feeling like I can’t trust anyone. I hear you talking about people and how do I know you don’t talk about me like that? It’s all so stupid and I’m not the only one who’s felling like this. There are others.
Why continue to put up with it? I wont. Many wont. Next year- I’m not going to lie, I probably won’t even hang out with half of you. Again…this only concerns some of you. But don’t feel like I’m being the bitch, its going to be your fault that people are starting to drift away from you. Its because people are being incompetent…. its so middle school, and if you are like that now…Chances are you’re not going to change.
I hate school. I hate most of the people. Yeah our school isn’t that bad but its still bad. School sucks. What ever happened to being nice? What ever happened to being nice to your friends?
School sucks ….I can’t say that I have ever really had “fun” at school.
I need to find at least “some” new people goddd. When will people get a fucking clue?!?!?
I need to finish my U.s. History homework. This is the first time I’ve ever waited that long to do it. I’m slipping. I need to at least devote some of my mind to homework. Lately I’ve been going home and sleeping. Sleeping all the way through dinner. Sleep is good…sleep makes you forget everything. I was sleeping today and I had a dream that Theresa, Lindsey, and I were eating alone at lunch and I bought Lindsey lunch. It wasn’t dreams where people were talking…it was like everyone knew what people were saying without talking…weeirdd. Its funny that I was buying Lindsey lunch because I owe her like a new car lol. That reminds me, I will bring like 10$ tomorrow and pay my library fines. ANDD I have to turn in my spring picture money.
Screw you guysss..i’m going to finish my homework.
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