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spud

:: 2009 23 November :: 12.52am
:: Mood: Tired
:: Music: BnL - Barenaked Ladies are Men

hi journal. it's been a while.

umm... so. i'm just waiting for this cd to burn, and then i think i'm going to bed. i have to get up at like seven, so i'd like to shoot for around 6 hours of sleep anyway. that would be nice.

so, it turns out i'm waaaay waaay below the poverty line, so not only could i have been collecting welfare this whole time, i also qualify for deferment on my loans. but since my first payment is due in less than a week, and there's no online application, i won't have enough time to mail my application in and get it processed before my payment is due. so, we'll see what happens.

might try and call shannon tomorrow so i can get that damn coffee thing out of the way. not really looking forward to it at all, but maybe i can nab a few cigarettes out of the deal, and maybe she'll finally leave me alone after. that'd be swell.

so i found out that my gig on the 18th is at the eagles club in grand haven. first rehearsal is on the 2nd, somewhere in holland. i also got the set list. thankfully i'm at least somewhat familiar with most of it... even played a few of the tunes before. but here's what i have to spend the next three weeks learning:

867-5309 / Jenny.........................................Tommy Tutone
An American Girl..........................................Tom Petty
Back Door Man............................................The Doors
Brown Eyed Girl............................................Van Morrison
Can't always get what you want.....................Rolling Stones
Crazy little thing called love...........................Queen
Evil Ways.....................................................Santana
Fire............................................................Jimi Hendrix
Fly away.....................................................Lenny Kravitz
Gimme 3 steps............................................Lynyrd Skynyrd
Gloria.........................................................Van Morrison
Hard to Handle............................................Black Crowes
Hey Jealousy...............................................Gin Blossoms
Hoochie Koochie Man/Bad to the Bone...........Muddy Waters
I Feel Fine..................................................Beatles
I wanna be sedated.....................................Ramones
Keep your hands to yourself.........................Georgia Satellites
La Grange..................................................ZZ Top
Long Tall Sally............................................Little Richard
Money.......................................................Barrett Strong
My Generation............................................The Who
No Matter What..........................................Badfinger
One after 909............................................Beatles
Please Please Me.......................................Beatles
Pride and Joy.............................................Stevie Ray Vaughan
Revolution.................................................Beatles
Roadhouse Blues......................................The Doors
Road Runner.............................................Bo Diddly/The Gants/The Who
Rock & Roll...............................................Led Zeppelin
Satisfaction...............................................Rolling Stones
Sweet Home Alabama................................Lynyrd Skynyrd
Tina Marie................................................Kenny Wayne Shepherd
Twist and Shout........................................Beatles
What I like about you.................................The Romantics
Young Blood............................................. Bad Company

it's a pretty interesting mix, i think. should be fun. and i hope there are drink specials. because that's what my life seems to have become.

in other news, i've been told in no uncertain terms that i have to move to a big city if i ever want to have a career in audio. and i gotta say, it makes a lot of sense.

talk at you later, b.

3 hit Combo!! | Pull a combo!


sugarjackj

:: 2009 20 November :: 5.56pm

Ok Woohu. Look at me go.

The past few months of my life have been crazy, chaotic and life changing.

After being involved in a horrible domestic situation I spent a month and a half being homeless. I have lost almost everything I own. But I am better than I have ever been in my entire life.

Sometimes when things start to go so very wrong in your life you feel as though things can¡¦t get any worse. They can. But, I learned so much from losing everything.

I moved into a domestic violence shelter on the reservation in Mt. Pleasant. I have been here for just about a month now, and things could not be going better for me ļ

I recently got a job, and I move into a one bedroom apartment next week.

I¡¦ve been getting into many native American cultural activities. Getting in touch with the earth and my heritage.

I¡¦ve decided to take a few more years off of school. I¡¦m still trying to decide if college is really what¡¦s best for me. I still will be taking a few classes though. Just so I remain smi-educated. Lol.

Next week I start an apprenticeship. I will be learning the art of native American stone sculpture. I am extremely excited to be doing this. Who knows, maybe I¡¦ll make magnificent sculptures and make a living being an artist. Pipedream? Maybe. But it would be cool in any case. To beat the system and make a living doing what I love. :P

So, overall, life isn¡¦t perfect, but I¡¦m doing the best I can.

I really am very happy :)

Pull a combo!


valoth

:: 2009 20 November :: 2.43am

Suppose its time for bed. Insomnia leave me be for at least one night? k, thanks.

Pull a combo!


valoth

:: 2009 20 November :: 2.26am

Job did it better...
The friends spend 7 days sitting on the ground with Job, without saying anything to him because they see that he is suffering and in much pain. Job at last breaks his silence and "curses the day he was born".

-Last part-

Job, confident of his own innocence, maintains that his suffering is unjustified as he has not sinned, and that there is no reason for God to punish him thus. However, he does not curse God's name or accuse God of injustice but rather seeks an explanation or an account of his wrongdoing. Job does question God.

-Again, last part.-

God's speech also emphasizes His sovereignty in creating and maintaining the world. The thrust is not merely that God has experiences that Job does not, but also that God is King over the world and is not necessarily subject to questions from His creatures, including men. The point of these speeches, and ultimately the entire book of Job, is to defend the absolute freedom of God over His creation. God is not in need of the approval of His creation. He is free. Furthermore, Job's lack of knowledge and the ability to see the world as God does prevents him from fully understanding God's reasons for allowing Job's suffering.

-Grand scheme/Divine Plan, aside...how about some 1 on 1 talks? Aye?-



I dont find myself to be a religious man, as I see things for what science suggests unto me. Sadly, I question why things are like they are. I read sure things and add unto what reason I already had.

Though I find myself in a similar situation, however little it may seem. Job was a prophet renowned for his endurance (assumed to be of pain and suffering).
Ill take more pain. Ill deal with more suffering. In return I would at least like my chance to question that which is, but isnt.


Where does a man with no dream or ambition turn? Im at the end of my rope here. Thankfully I havent tied the knot on the noose.






The only woman I truly cared for, I have abandoned and cut myself off from. I shift away from social life. I continue to disengage my what one would call friends. I try to keep my mind from doing ration things like thinking about my situation.(This is becoming increasingly more hard) I hide behind walls...yet...I have pride. I have morals. I have eyes that see things that others cannot or choose not to. Then, I have sanity. It slips away more swiftly now.

So ya. Job did it better.




















I should really look into getting therapy or some fucking happy pills.


valoth

:: 2009 18 November :: 2.25am

Current mindset
Kill me if you dare
Hold my head up everywhere
Keep myself right on this train

I'm the Underdog
Live my life on a lullaby
Keep myself riding on this train
Keep myself riding on this train

Love in technicolour, sprayed out on walls
Well I've been pounding at the pavement
'Til there's nothing at all
I got my cloak and dagger
In a bar room brawl
See the local loves a fighter
Loves a winner to fall

Feels like I'm lost in a moment
I'm always losing to win
Can't get away from the moment
Seems like it's time to begin

Kill me if you dare
Hold my head up everywhere
Keep myself right on this train

I'm the Underdog
Live my life on a lullaby
Keep myself riding on this train
Keep myself riding on this train

It don't matter
I won't do what you say
You've got the money and the power
I won't go your way
And I can't take for the people
They don't matter at all
And I'll be waiting in the shadows
'Til the day that you fall

Feels like I'm lost in a moment
And I'm always losing to win
Can't get away from the moment
Seems like it's time to begin

Kill me if you dare,
Hold my head up everywhere
Keep myself right on this train

I'm the Underdog,
Live my life on a lullaby
Keep myself riding on this train

Tell me if you're down
Throw your weapons to the ground
Keep myself riding on this train

Paper on the wire
Sold your soul for another one
Keep myself riding on this train
Keep myself riding on this train

Pull a combo!


rayray

:: 2009 15 November :: 4.52pm

I have come to the conclusion that the human race is pathetic.
We're everything we say we're not, and we pretend to be the things we say we are.
I guess not everyone, but generalizations are always much easier than the specifics.
We're childish.

No one is every really as strong as they admit to being.
Everyone has a breaking point.
It is all part of pretending.
The truth hurts, life is hard, and people are pathetic.

....

So lately, my life has consisted of working during the day, and being alone at night.
I've been hanging out with Chelsea quite a bit lately, and it's a blast.
On my weekends I spend them with Mike, because thats really only the time I get to see him and it definitely sucks.

I am definitely excited that my sister is coming up Saturday and will be here til Thanksgiving.

1 hit Combo! | Pull a combo!


valoth

:: 2009 1 November :: 5.35pm

You are cold. I lean over the edge. I offered a hand. You paid me no mind.

And so, I give up. Im done trying. I dont know why I had tried this last time!

You speak of things you want. You will never have them. Not if you are so cold like this.














Ya feel hurt. I was hurt first. No sympathy now.

Pull a combo!


valoth

:: 2009 31 October :: 6.31pm
:: Music: Flobots - Happy Together

Update to an old song
Imagine me and you, I do
I think about you day and night
It's only right
Ta think about the girl you love,
and hold her tight.
So happy together

If I should call you up
Invest a dime
And you say you belong to me
And ease my mind
Imagine how the world would be
So very fine
So happy together

Imagine me and you
I do but I'm thinking too much and I'm studying
how they toss the dice
it had to be simpler back in the day when our folks were
pretty certain they would find someone
now none of it's assigned
we just want a date
whether deaf or blind or dumb
I look at your number and wonder if I should
call you up
or invest a dime in a message with text that doesn't
belong to me but it would
ease my mind to know if the songs I'm singin are
in a key you can comprehend
in tune with the thoughts you're pondering
if so we can both stop wondering if and
be together like Donner and Blitzen
but all reindeer games aside
it's like right when you came here, I came alive
it's like everything else was a glipse of you
giving hints and clues of where your name resides
now that I've found you it's changed the vibe
shattered through all the blame fear pain and pride
doesn't matter who calls and inversts a dime
they get a message saying we're staying inside
cause I imagine, you and me could make music beautifully
could make moves never lose the beat
I can imagine the food that we chose to eat
I see it all like a view from a movie seat
and imagine you and me
never knew that we
were never more than a few degrees
and how good it would prove to be
but the waiting is over I finally found you and...

I can't see me loving nobody but you
For all my life
When you're with me
Baby the skies will be blue
For all my life
Me and you
And you and me
No matter how they toss the dice
It had to be
The only one for me is you
And you for me
So happy together

Imagine me and you
and you and you me
no other way for we to be
toss the dice eventually
snake-eyes spells a tragedy
and I release unhappily
the magic now a fantasy
the another one for me than you
a some other one for you than me
and that's the way it has to be
an uncompleted masterpiece
deleted canvas atrophy
cut be another after me
a silent wound whose lips confess
Love's loss under Love's duress
a curse confessing hope
and then reverse the blessing emptiness
this hollow whole wont coalesce
regrets emote from hole in chest
as less remote emotions pull from
gravities growing depths
I have it easy knowing this
together we will never fit
So I'd rather bind my mind with rhymes
than blind my eyes and sever it

I can't see me loving nobody but you
For all my life
When you're with me
Baby the skies will be blue
For all my life
BA PA PA PA BA PARA ....
Me and you
And you and me
No matter how they toss the dice
It has to be
The only one for me is you
And you for me
So happy togetherAnd I don't know and I can't think
and I'm so smote that I can't see
and I look at the picture I have in my head and
I won't doze and I can't sleep
and it's so good that I'm locked down
and your quotes get put in my thoughts now
and there's nobody else to distract me
cause you've got me on lockdown
and it can't stop and it won't stop
and we rock on leavin shows stopped
so thank you for comin goodnight everyone we're the flobots...



Pro tip: don't wear your heart on your sleeve. Hurts more.

Pull a combo!


valoth

:: 2009 29 October :: 4.09pm
:: Music: Johnny Cash

When the Man Comes Around
I had a dream a few nights ago. Freaked me out.

Started with me sitting in some stupid classroom. The teacher ranting about something, I dont remember what now.

Im sitting there and suddenly something happens. Im looking at my hands trying to guess what. I cant figure it out, or better yet why Im in a class room. I feel like I always have. So I get up and start walking out of class. My mind freezes on a image of the teacher holding a paper rolled up ready to hit something with and asking me in a snarling voice, "Going somewhere Mr. Edly?"

I respond with a quick "Buzz off." Open the door and head out. He stares at the doorway for a moment before running out and shouting at me to get back in there. After I round a corner he goes to call for security or some such.

When I reach a door that goes outside Im met with opposition of guards. "Going Somewhere kid?"
-"Ya, where ever I damn well please."
"Kids shouldnt wander off the school, nor should they leave class. So why dont we go to the office and call your parents, aye?"
-"Fat chance Im..."
Thwack...Im hit with something on the back of the neck and black out. My eyes open again as I sit in a chair in a waiting room, cuffed to a desk. Im so confused! Who keeps someone locked in a building like this? Im 22! Then it hits me. Im in a school...Im...Im 12 again to everyone else.

Flash forward

Im running in a field and jump a fence. A police officer in pursuit. Im so confused.

This dream confuses me so much.

It ends with the officer falling off the fence and him watching me run into some trees.


This whole thing was so vivid in the moment. I woke up after having it enough to converse to myself about it so I would make myself remember. I hate having dreams when for the longest time I dont have any at all that I recall.

Pull a combo!


valoth

:: 2009 28 October :: 1.07am

You light me up little girl like the 4th of July
I love you more than every single star man in the sky
You are the best damn thing that ever happened to me
Want to take you home ____________
You are a damn fine lady like no other
Want to introduce you to my father and my mother
___________________________________________
Can't wait to get you home and get you under the covers

Pull a combo!


valoth

:: 2009 26 October :: 3.56pm
:: Music: Cage the Elephant

Back against the wall
Something is there...I don't know what...DAMNIT!


Tonight I'll have a look
And try to find my face again
Buried beneath this house
My spirit screams and dies again
Out back a monster wears a cloak of Persian leather
Behind the TV screen
I've fallen to my knees

I said you got me where you want me again
And I can't turn away
I'm hanging by thread and I'm feelin' like a fool
I'm stuck here in-between
The shadows of my yesterday
I want to get away
I need to get away

Blanket of silence
Makes me want to sink my teeth in deep
Burn all the evidence
A fabricated disbelief
Pull back the curtains
Took a look into your eyes
My tongue has now become
A platform for your lies

I said you got me where you want me again
And I can't turn away
I'm hanging by thread and I'm feelin' like a fool
I'm stuck here in-between
The shadows of my yesterday
I want to get away
I need to get away

Now you know
Yeah you got my back against the wall
Oh god
I ain't got no other place to hide
Chained down
Like a sittin' duck just waitin' for the fall
You know
Yeah you got my back against the wall

Deep in the jungle
Camouflaged by all the fallen leaves
A hand holds up the sky
While shamefully I make my plea
The alters callin'
But my legs won't seem to stand
Guess I'm a coward
Scared to face the man I am

I said you got me where you want me again
And I can't turn away
I'm hanging by thread and I'm feelin' like a fool
I'm stuck here in-between
The shadows of my yesterday
I want to get away
I need to get away

Now you know
Yeah you got my back against the wall
Oh god
I ain't got no other place to hide
Chained down
Like a sittin' duck just waitin' for the fall
You know
Yeah you got my back against the wall

Now you know
Yeah you got my back against the wall
Oh god
I ain't got no other place to hide
Chained down
Like a sittin' duck just waitin' for the fall
You know
Yeah you got my back against the wall

Pull a combo!


spud

:: 2009 20 October :: 2.30pm

well, my truck is done, apparently. but i don't have all the money up front, so i have to wait until friday when my check comes, and in the meantime offer the dude something as collateral. but at least i have wheels again. and now, no money for gas. *puts barrel in mouth*

another circumstance that makes me want to do bad things with guns is conservapedia.com. now, anyone who sees that name should have a pretty good idea of what it is. and if you don't, a few appropriately aimed clicks around the site should pretty much fill you in. i don't know whether to be amused or disheartened, but either way, i'll share some highlights.

first up is the "conservapedia commandments," which are their equivalent to the "editorial policies" found on wikipedia.

CONSERVAPEDIA COMMANDMENTS
1. Everything you post must be true and verifiable. Do not copy from Wikipedia[1] or elsewhere unless it was your original work.[2]
2. Always cite[3] and give credit to your sources,[4] even if in the public domain.[5]
3. Any content you create or change (including edits, new pages, images and links) must be family-friendly, clean, concise, and without gossip or foul language.
4. When referencing dates based on the approximate birth of Jesus, give appropriate credit for the basis of the date (B.C. or A.D.). "BCE" and "CE" are unacceptable substitutes because they deny the historical basis. See CE.
5. Do not post personal opinion on an encyclopedia entry. Opinions can be posted on Talk:pages or on debate or discussion pages. Advertisements are prohibited.
6. The operation of unauthorized wiki-bots is prohibited.[6]
7. Unproductive activity, such as 90% talk page edits and only 10% quality edits to Conservapedia articles, may result in blocking of the account.[7] See the Guidelines for more detail.
Edits which violate these rules will be deleted. Users who violate the rules repeatedly will be blocked. Administrators have discretion to act on matters not specifically mentioned here, such as vandalism and sockpuppets.

i find number 3 interesting, in that most of their articles consist primarily of the latest gossip, mixed with some history here and there. for 4, i'll admit i thought it was stupid to change it from BC to BCE, but at the same time the old notation was constantly under debate, and at least now there's a universal standard we can all stick to. what's so wrong with that? it does seem kind of messed up to base our entire timeline on a dude whose records of existence are hazy on the details, to say the least. and i would love to see them sick an admin on a sockpuppet.
------------------------
next, we have their article on the current president of the united states. (we'll take this one paragraph at a time)

"Barack Hussein Obama II aka Barry Soetoro[1] (allegedly[2][3][4][5][6] born in Honolulu Aug. 4, 1961) is the 44th President of the United States, and previously served as a first-term Democratic Senator from Illinois (2005-2008). Obama and his running mate Senator Joseph Biden won the presidential election[7] after 23 months of campaigning that spent over $700 million,[8] much of it raised from undisclosed or fraudulent donors.[9] Obama spent far more per vote than McCain did: Obama spent $7.39 per vote, while McCain spent only $5.78 per vote.[10]"

talk about another dude with some hazy life details, i can understand the skepticism to a certain extent. but more than that, they are just brutally bashing the living hell out of this guy, no pun intended. and all because he's *gasp* a democrat. i feel bad for him really, if half the stuff they say about his past is true. a rough life, and now given the helm of a country aimed straight at the gutter, with little to no help, not much experience, and a bunch of people constantly accusing him of being a muslim, kenyan, indonesian terrorist. the only thing i'd probably accuse him of would be getting in over his head. beyond that, does it really matter? soetoro was his stepfather - so, nonbiological (not that it would matter anyway). and barry's just a boring name. and, given the constitutional stipulation for the separation of church and state, along with the freedom of religion, he is perfectly allowed to be muslim if he wants to. his being muslim (not that he is, necessarily, but just for the sake of argument) should not affect his governmental policies and decisionmaking in any way, just as it was so HORRIBLY AGAINST THE CONSTITUTION for president bush to allow his christianity to influence his procedures while in office. not that bush was a bad guy. he was nice, wanted to be liked by people, made me laugh and feel good about myself. i have no problem with that. but, once again, perhaps he was just in a little too far over his head.

"As President Obama has pushed for establishing a Palestinian state over the objection of Israel's Prime Minister,[11] inclusion of Turkey in the European Union[12] and holding Guantanamo detainees indefinitely without trial.[13]"

this is not even a complete sentence. if you're trying to make an encyclopedia, that is unacceptable.

"Obama's budget and stimulus bill advanced his socialist idea of 'spreading the wealth.'[14] [15] His health care plan would force employers to purchase health care or pay a fine and will force many into a poorly run single payer system.[16] To announce his trip to Berlin in July 2008, Obama used posters which show a marked similarity to posters of Lenin and Che Guevara.[17][18] During Obama's youth in Hawaii, he developed a strong, almost Father/Son relationship with Frank Marshall Davis, a high level Communist Party functionary[19] while Obama has stated that his favorite professors in school were themselves Marxists. "

well, add socialist, marxist, and communist to the list, i suppose. and if he was born in kenya, as they would seem to believe, then why and how does he get to hawaii to promptly find himself a mentor to aid in developing his innate communist tendencies?

i could keep going, but i think that's more than enough. i do like some of the subheadings in the article though:
-Obamunism
-Barack Obama's Uncharitableness/Liberal Elitism, and Social Darwinism
-Early Life - Birth certificate controversy
-Obama is likely the first Muslim President
^^^ okay, hang on right there. i have to read some of this.

"The argument that Obama is a Muslim includes:
* Obama declared in prepared remarks, 'The United States has been enriched by Muslim Americans. Many other Americans have Muslims in their families or have lived in a Muslim-majority country - I know, because I am one of them.'[109]"

oh yeah, this is good. the first sentence of the quote is just a simple statement. end sentence, move on to the next one. subject of the sentence is "many other americans". so, saying "i am one of them" is in no way incriminating - although, neither is being muslim. also note the bolded words that they carefully selected, while once again ignoring the standard grammatical rules of the english language.

i'll stop ranting now, but it is pretty interesting stuff. i highly advise checking it out for yourself.

2 hit Combo!! | Pull a combo!


eddy

:: 2009 18 October :: 8.59pm

Life.....just sucks. Still in a rut that I'm trying to pull out of. I've changed so much in so many ways since a little over a year ago. I don't even remember the person I used to be. But I AM getting better, and I'm becoming a better person and I suppose that's just the way I should take it.

7 hit Combo!! | Pull a combo!


spud

:: 2009 18 October :: 6.22pm

my life is average

there isn't much to talk about.

went to a party last night for handyman matters. got pretty drunk. said some things i shouldn't have, but for the most part i don't think anyone really cared. they know bruce, so it's not too surprising.

lions suck. again, not surprising. i've never really gotten into football, though. i enjoy watching, but i'm not invested in any way. it's just something to do.

don't know what to do with the rest of my day. probably just screw around online. maybe read a book or something. pretty lame day.

Pull a combo!


valoth

:: 2009 13 October :: 5.54pm

Suburban days, they last so long,
In shop and office,
We sing our song we all sing...

We ain't got nothing, nothing to do,
A big fat nothing, Nothing for me, Nothing for you...

Suburban dreams, Just out of reach,
Work til you die, that's what they teach you at school,
With that in mind, what's there to lose?
My friends and I, doped up on tv fags and booze.

Hear them all singing...

[CHORUS:]
We're the ones that you've forgotten,
But we will not be denied,
Coming out of the shadows,
We rock the satellites!

Suburban Nights, They get so hot,
People get angry, We sing our song we all sing...

A Global terror they say, We are at war,
But I ain't got time for that cos,
These bills keep dropping through my door

[CHORUS:]
We're the ones that you've forgotten,
Out of mind, out of sight,
Coming out of the shadows,
We rock the satellites!

All these people who, criticize us,
We're only saying what we're seeing with our own eyes..

This one way system, It ain't - It ain't paradise,
Not everybody, Wants to race, wants to fight...

Hear them all singin...

[CHORUS:]
We're the ones that you've forgotten,
But we will not be denied,
Coming out of the shadows,
We rock the satellites!

We're the ones that you've forgotten,
Out of mind out of sight,
Coming out of the shadows,
Coming live via satellite...

Pull a combo!

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