Update

Well I havent updated in awhile. So recap time.

The last week in June I got to see Bill again, hung out at his house with everyone playing football most of the evening. Me and PJ took him out to lakeshores field to play airsoft on that sunday. Doc, Prez, and Osiris followed suit. As well as the other FMF members for the morning. The day before that was the cookout at Doc's place with everyone. Good enjoyable day.

Ive been fairly distant with the family. I shouldnt be so distant but I just am. Im not one to reach outwardly for talking. I have managed to make sure that I at least go get my mail and stop to talk to my mom for awhile. Its alot easier to deal with my parents now that Im not in the home.

Weekend of the 4th I stayed home for the most part. Just stopped by the parents house and had friday night pizza with them.

I was going to go airsofting last weekend but sunburn left me defininetly not wanting to do that. So I stayed home again. Im sunburned from going on the tubing trip with PJ's family. Friggin hate sunburn so much.

Relationship: Me and Rachel are still together. Ive been in need of seeing her again. I get fairly emo'esq alot lately. We are both fairly good at keeping busy so talking to her helps ease those wounds for the time being.

It would see she is taking a big step on her end to move out. We talked about it last night, although Im not sure how much got threw to her. She was on crappy internet stolen from neighbors in town. On top of this she had been drinking. We got to talking about her situation and it started to irk me more and more that she was doing this. I should be estatic that she wanted to move out. I should. But the costs of which she is doing it isnt so great. She was told she has to be on the lease and its likely it will be a 1yr lease. I asked her to see if she could be off the lease and just be an occupant. She was like "well I cant do that, I mean I cant just leave them with that higher payment." "Valid point. But do you want to be there for another year?, I responded. She says no. Then is like "we will see more of each other than we ever have this next year." (True-possibly)

[Edward Norton style Self Narration:] Thats about the time I was most irked.

I dont know how to respond to that without getting into a fight and have it end with those words spoken that I know I dont want to hear. Chances are she really doesnt want to say them either.

I just feel like she may be sabotaging herself whenever it gets to be us being close. The date of when we get to be together and not just for a visit seems to just fall farther and farther away.

[ Edward Norton style Self Narration:] And there we go...deep sigh....heavy blank stare into the abyss...yup. 3...2...1....ladies and gentleman emo moment status is a go. I repeat go for emo marker.


Rachel. I know Im asking alot to be with you and be distant from your family. I cannot apologize for that. It just feels like this is turning into perpetual long distance relationship.

EDIT: Im happy for the changes you want to make to better your life in the way you want to do it Rachel, know that first and foremost. Im just afraid you may be getting in over your head with this rent/lease issue.

EDIT 2: One of the guys here at work happened to just quote yoda for no reason and it totally was moment fitting but completely random. "I sense much fear in you...fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate...hate...leads to suffering."

Edit 3: Ugh Im totally not one for arguments. I feel one brooding and nothing has happened yet.

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