::
2003 18 June :: 11.07 am
GUITAR PLAYLIST ...
here are the songs that i'm working on with guitar ... they're in abc order. if you need any of the tabs, just email me at vintagepink_x0Oo@yahoo.com. all of them are in standard tuning. i'm kind of a beginning player so i probably can't answer all the questions about the tabs but i'll try! lol.
1. All Those Days Are Gone - Jump Little Children
2. All You Wanted - Michelle Branch
3. Angel - Sarah McLachlan
4. Best of Me - The Starting Line
5. Black Balloon - Goo Goo Dolls
6. Drama Summer - The Starting Line
7. Getting Into You - Relient K
8. Goodbye to You - Michelle Branch
9. In Love With the 80's - Relient K
10. Iris - Goo Goo Dolls
11. Remember to Breathe - Dashboard Confessional
12. The Saddest Song - The Ataris
13. Slide - Goo Goo Dolls
14. Standard Lines - Dashboard Confessional
15. Time of Your Life - Green Day
16. Unopened Letter to the World - The Ataris
a few of them i don't play much at all ... but hey, that's okay. i'll polish it up. lol.
next post will probably be a play list ... if some of the guitar songs listed sounded unfamiliar, CHECK EM OUT! some of them are AWESOME. love love!!
<333, au†umn
2 hath felt christ's love =D |
(( cAN i gET a AMEN ?? |
::
2003 18 June :: 10.02 am
:: Music: [ +] reLieNT K_geTTiNg iNtO yOU
MARCH 29TH
"getting into you" is my favorite song!! i can play it on guitar ... =p well here's the song i forgot to include. i was thinking, there's a song missing ... and then i remembered this one. it's an actual journal entry of mine from, yes, march 29th. haha, figures, right? lol. hope you like it.
p.s. later i'll include a list of the songs i'm playing on the guitar, and a couple cd mixes/playlists of mine. love love!! =*
Hey
Saw you last night at the game --
Didn't want to bother you
So I didn't acknowledge myself.
Makes me kinda sad
Because I really don't wanna grow up --
I don't want to leave everyone behind.
I wish we could all be young forever,
Reliving these past two years.
And it makes me think,
What will become of us all?
I don't want to believe --
I don't want to know --
That the person sitting next to me will be just a memory in fifteen years.
But aside from that,
I still miss you a lot.
No year in the world will ever be as awesome as the last two years.
It was so fun
And I'll never forget it.
So right now, I'm passing the time,
Waiting for you to stop by --
Even though I know you won't.
So basically, I'm waiting for something that will never come.
But before I go, please promise me that you won't drift away --
That would be the worst thing that could ever happen.
P.S. Let's talk sometime.
I know it's "against your rules."
But we have a lot of catching up to do.
Should I sign this "love"?
Yeah. That'll do.
copyright 2003, Autumn E.
(( cAN i gET a AMEN ?? |
::
2003 18 June :: 9.22 am
:: Mood: i'ma happa gurl!
:: Music: [ +] iT's raiNiN' mEN
KEEP A-RUNNIN' ...
hello ... got up at 6:10 this morning to go running at the high school. i always dread the thought of going and running, but i always end up loving it -- running always makes you feel so fit and healthy, no matter how much you walked it out. i just love it -- especially the group. the group is like a big crazy family.
today we ran through a couple neighborhoods near the highschool, and there was one where these mexican construction guys were just sittin around. i was running and they like drove beside me! and brittni (cool chick from cc) was running when one of the dudes started to run beside her. she was like, "i was trying to go faster so i would lose him but he ran for like a minute until he finally stopped." aahahah ... i'm never going near construction people again. especially when they're in huge groups. what if i got raped? i'd beat the living crap outta them. yeah. that's what i'd do. hahaha ...
we won the game last night!!! eeeeh! lee started out pitching and was doing a good job ... but i kinda missed part of the game shacked in the corner of the building because it started to rain. they eventually took him out and put hal in. he pitches sidearm, and one time he fell over smack dab on his butt ... poor guy. but i don't feel bad for him because everyone thought he was so cool after he fell -- it was hilarious! they all like gave him high-fives like he'd done it on purpose, lolll ... that game was the best. blake was sitting down, not playing yet, and then he turned around and there was this cobweb on the fence, and he starts to freak out. he's like, "get it off! i hate spiders!" and he's poking the baseball bat through the fence to get the web away, and then he had to lie down just so he wouldn't be near the spider web. and you'd think someone going to the citadel would be all macho. it was hilarious ... he freakin' cracks me up. the team would be oh-so quiet without him.
but last night's game was great. the rain wasn't all that bad -- it helped us in the end because the game finished early. after seven innings (considered a complete game; they usually play nine), we were heading 6-9 so they called it a game. amanda, danielle (her good friend), and i had a great time back there. jeffrey is so entertaining. his little funny things get old after a while but it was just hilarious to the girls, because they weren't used to the way he usually acts. they were laughing their butts off the entirreee time, it was fun as poo. i love amanda. why can't she and andrew GET MARRIED??? sheesh! she's been my favorite girlfriend ever, besides kendall (former gf, long story, not going into it) -- but kendall's just ... gone, i guess. i don't think i'll be seeing much of her anymore. =\
let's see ... today i'm possibly going to jeff's swimming lesson so i can go to linens 'n' things with mom to look for some more stuff for my room. it's gonna be swell. =p i finished "homeless bird" last night after the game -- i highly recommend that book. it was one of my choices for summer reading, and my aunt had given me that book as a gift, so i checked it out. it was great -- not any crappy unneeded stuff. if you read that you'll see my inspiration for making the blanket, lol.
hrm. confusion. i mean i'm verrry happy at this point in time -- "life couldn't get any better." i mean, it could get better, but i mean it in the way that life is perfect. mistakes make life perfect, even though there aren't many problems in my life. only minor ones. i'm starting to look past them, which is great. but lately i've been going through this identity thing -- how i want to be, what i want to do. there are so many identities and traits i can have, and it's like i can't have them all -- some are mutually exclusive with eachother. i think that everybody acts a certain, different way around certain people, and that's definitely true. but i want to be someone that has the same traits with every person, having all the good stuff i want to have in myself, and not being afraid to show everyone the same person. i mean one person can have a thousand traits, and those traits make up the person. i just want to have those exact thousand traits with the same people, same friends. and if someone brings out another trait in me, i want that trait to be shown to everybody else. *deeeep breath*
(this is a little random, but i wanted to include it) a couple weeks ago at the wednesday service at my friend's church, the youth guy asked us to ask ourselves what god wanted us to receive this summer. i know that everybody was asking him/herself, and maybe some still are. but i know what god wants to give me. he wants to give me 100% faith in him, my complete trust and belief and everything -- the faith that, no matter WHAT happens, everything will be all right. when you reach adolescence you question everything -- what if this person was hurt, what if someone i loved died, what if, what if ... and you don't feel secure. you feel like, at any moment, time could collapse on you with some unbelievably horrible something that could emotionally kill you. but it will be all right. there is no "worst thing in the world that could happen." people die. people destroy. things ... happen. they just do. you have to ask yourself, what is the worst thing that could happen? you could die. and if you had that optimistic, nothing-can-break-me faith and bond with god, you would say ... if i died, i would go with heaven. i would live forever. and no matter my loneliness, because everybody dies. dying is not a horrible word. you think of the word "die" and you think black, red, horrible pain. but the word die is just the beginning of life. to die is ... to live. what if someone you loved died? well you'd see them again eventually. having 110% faith means that your strength and love in god can disintegrate anything else in a snap. i think i'm getting that faith. right now i'm at 90%. only 20% more to go 'til one-ten, baby ... =D
<333, au†umn
p.s. i picked "it's rainin' men" because, when we were running today, a couple of us passed amber lee and she looked at us with this huge smile on her face and started to sing it. it's funny as poo because i mean, here we are, 8 in the morning, and there's this girl singing it's raining men on the side of the road ... hahahahah ...
(( cAN i gET a AMEN ?? |
::
2003 17 June :: 5.44 pm
:: Mood: pooped =\
:: Music: [ +] jLc_aLL tHOse dAYs aRe gONe
BORED
well let's see ... waiting waiting ... every tuesday and wednesday i'm always tired, because tuesdays and wednesdays are the days i have to get up early to go to cc. we have to be there at 7:30, so that kinda explains it ... and for the rest of the day i'm just pooooped. now i'm waiting to eat and then go to my brother's baseball game. i love love LOVE summer ball. it's just great. britney would be there but she's with some relatives in a faraway place (heh, NO i'm not giving you locations!). no brit! please come baaaaack! valerie's also gone to see her dad for most of the summer, and it REALLY sucks because she'll be gone the week we go to the beach. which means no friend to bring to the beach. i don't feel close enough to anyone else to bring them to the beach for a week. i don't think any of my friends' parents feel that free either, lol.
oh yeah!! you know how i was talking about those fabrics? well i found ANOTHER perfect thing. my mom brought me to k-mart because they have some awesome bedroom stuff -- we recently got this three-bulb colored lamp and it's GREAT. and now i got this awesome body pillow that has the EXACT color theme of my room. hawaiian flowers too ... oooooooh ... awwwwww ...
woot woot! i'm a happy girl. a happy tired girl.
err. i really want my psp7 back. i downloaded it off kazaa and i made some OFF THE HOOK graphics and banners but NO, kazaa just haaaad to give us 2,000 viruses (i'm serious, it was 2,000), and we just haaaad to completely reboot our computer, and when i put it on a cd it just haaaad to not work! argh! and i had this AWESOME brad sig but i just HAAAAD to forget to save it, didn't i!! because my sigs weren't saved on aol when we shut it down! and neither were my custom colors or html codes! compaq presarios SUCK!! and so does freakin' kazaa!!
... i miss kazaa ... i can't burn songs anymore ...
ok i'm cool now. i'm cool. i'm cool ...
ergh. gosh you guys. i love jesus so much ...
ok well i gotta go. i'm getting tired again.
<333, au†umn
p.s. isn't my layout AWESOME?? it's part of the color theme for my room ... =p
(( cAN i gET a AMEN ?? |
::
2003 17 June :: 5.22 pm
BRO
okay there are a lottt of people that have to do with my brother, and for privacy's sake, i'm going to change their names. cool? cool.
+[amanda] brother's former girlfriend, now she's his reallllly good friend; very sweet, ridiculously straight hair
+[blake] brother's good friend from baseball, one year older, goes to citadel for baseball; very hyper and crazy -- i think he has adhd ...
+[hal] brother's other good friend from baseball that's also a year older, is playing baseball in college, very southern ... thinks i like him ... i think ...
+[jacob] another baseball friend, same age, mr. stud man with a bunch of girls that idolize over him (in other words he's ... attractive)
+[lee] baseball friend, year younger, pitcher, odd in a hilarious way, crazy, has an awesome sister my age
+[todd] baseball friend, big and cuddly, going to play football in college, same age, very funny, very southern, awesome parents
+[ashley] andrew's awesome friend, in college wayyy up north, sweet as heck, has a tongue ring, hal's former girlfriend
+[jerry] andrew's best friend and future clemson roommate; known as the "blonde kid with glasses"
+[john] andrew's best friend that comes over about every day; refers to my parents as "mom" and "dad"; is going to be a fireman; buff kid that played baseball with andrew; former "bad kid" but you wouldn't ever think so
well that's all i can think of ... i'll do what i said before. introduce them when they're mentioned. i guess that's all ...
<333, au†umn
(( cAN i gET a AMEN ?? |
::
2003 17 June :: 5.06 pm
:: Mood: happy
INTRO
i just realized that, before i should officially start writing entries that have a bunch of stuff about people, i might as well give you a little list of who's who. that would help now, wouldn't it? haha ... ok, here goes ...
+[andrew] older brother, graduated 2003, going to clemson, plays baseball and used to play hockey (stopped playing because of busy schedule)
+[jeffrey] younger brother with down syndrome, extremely wild and crazy, cute as heck; loves spiderman, the disney channel, and all disney movies, especially monster's inc. and toy story; learning to swim
+[valerie] very best friend since first grade; cheerleader, plays in orchestra, good taste in music, stud with the guys, funniest person i know
+[britney] other best friend, known her since about second or third grade; athletic, short, good friends with alex f.; plays school volleyball and softball; older brother on my bro's summer baseball team, older sister good friend of my bro
+[kerin] other great friend since sixth grade; spunky, cheerleader, lots of friends, crazy
+[alex f.] great girl friend i met beginning of this year; religious, funny, hyper
+[alex b.] great guy friend i've known since seventh grade; a ton of girls are in love with him but he's oblivious about it; football player, funny as crap
+[michelle, kara, katelyn, christy, bethany, michi, akal, kerin] my awesome buds that i met in sixth grade -- we've split to two different schools; kara, kerin, michi, and i went to one school and the rest went to another; saw charlie's angels together two years ago, still love them all to death, but michi disappeared somewhere
+[jasmine] my buddy i met this year, loves jt, great taste in music, extremely hyper
ok those are the main people ... if there are people i don't introduce now i'll introduce them when i mention them in entries. i'm going to post a separate section of those "affiliated" with my brother.
<333, au†umn
(( cAN i gET a AMEN ?? |
::
2003 17 June :: 12.21 pm
:: Mood: unbalanced
:: Music: [ +] aLkaLiNE tRio_aNothER iNNocENt giRL
BLAH ..
went to hancock with my mom and got some awesome fabrics for the pillows i'm making for my room. :-D i'm so excited! i have this ridiculously awesome plan for redoing my room, and, at first it seemed totally out of my league, but i've hit the bargain stores ... and dude, it's unbelievable what you can find at those places.
aside from that ... err ... i went to cc this morning (st. john's on tuesdays), and i really hate myself for not running much after track season was over. i could've kept up that running thing i had going on -- i was able to run up to four miles, but i stopped running after the season, and now i can't even run two. it's horrible. and my eating habits are just BAD. i mean i'm not big or anything, but i could lose some weight. or stop eating at all! sheesh! err ... i really need to get more running in lately. jackie's insane. she can run nine non-stop and non-walk ... i'm like shazzam! and i thought four miles was a lot! just shoot me!
nothing much is new. blake came over (brother's friend). he's awesome. he's just simply ridiculously awesome. i love my brother's friends to death, they're the coolest people around. my mom was talking about teaching me how to sew -- actually she pretty much told me that, YES, i am making those pillows by myself once she teaches me! i was like, hey, sounds cool. but i decided that after i'm done with all my room projects, i'm going to make a quilt or blanket or something -- a memory one. a memory one for the past two years. these past two years have been just amazing for me, and i can't believe how much i've grown. i wanted to make a blanet with something that signifies each one of my brother's friends, especially the baseball guys -- a baseball blanket thing. like, i already know what i'm gonna do for john -- i saw some fireman fabric at hancock and i'm definitely gonna do that for him. and for jerry, i'm doing glasses, since he's known as "the blonde kid with the glasses." near blake i would put, "unleash the legion!" and for hal i would put a little hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat. see! i got it all planned out! lol. but anyway, enough of arts and crafts time.
but i'm gonna go work on some songs. it feels like i've fallen short by a couple songs ... it feels like i'm missing something. but i'm gonna head on out, maybe work on my room or something. and please, don't take any of the songs. if you want to put them somewhere, put my name, because otherwise it would be like stealing. i'm not trying to grab any attention or say that i'm all high and mighty, but those songs are a big means of self-expression for me, and if someone copied or took them, it would feel like all that work was chucked into the toilet. i'm just sayin ... you know what i'm sayin! ahahaha ... well bye for now.
<333, au†umn
"he likes to pretend that he's all sewn up; it makes for a much stronger case. but there is blood underneath that skin -- that scar is not so easy to erase."
(( cAN i gET a AMEN ?? |
::
2003 17 June :: 12.10 pm
FOR YOU/UNDERSTAND
this one was originally called "benny's song" but i decided to change it ... but i couldn't make up my mind. so as of now it's going to be called for you/understand, since i couldn't decide, lol. it's not my favorite but oh well. ya have good stuff and bad stuff, right?
It seems that
Nowadays the time flies by
And I'm running out of open chances
To reveal myself as me.
You say life's getting busy
And there's no more time to talk.
So I guess I'll just get it over with --
Humiliation can only last so long.
Paranoia is my daily routine --
I can't imagine living life without you.
You make me feel so crazy
That I want you to leave me alone
But that thought I now regret.
So what's the good in goodbye --
Goodbye spells "alone"
And sorrow takes its place.
Who's that in the mirror?
That's me without you.
Sometimes it feels like I have no one to turn to
Because my friends are growing up too fast
Leaving me to soak in my solitude.
So I turn to you
Even if you're days away
Not in reach, not there, nowhere,
Or just in my imagination.
Did you know
That everyday
I turn around,
Hoping that you're there
Because you're my comfort when I'm scared.
I just wish you knew.
And sometimes when I hear a voice,
Any voice,
I let myself believe that it's you
Even if I know that it's not.
Ever since I've known you,
I could swear that late at night
I hear your footsteps pounding in my ears.
But later I realize that
It's just all the hope of my heart.
And I've gotta laugh
Knowing that my life is half-based on your child-like oblivion.
And I laugh because such a simple person
Drives me delirious.
copyright 2003, Autumn E.
(( cAN i gET a AMEN ?? |
::
2003 17 June :: 12.01 pm
GROW UP
simple but good. i think everyone can relate to this one, definitely when you're getting to "that age." i love this one sooo much *hugs notebook tight* it's about a couple things you learn as you get older ... "enjoy" ...
Back when I was younger,
Living out the euphoria of my years,
I would sit out by myself and be amazed by the stars,
Wishing things impossible --
Wishing things I knew would never come true.
Well here I am,
All grown up but still wishing;
I guess some things just never change.
Reminiscing on old times,
Old wishes,
Old memories,
when I was too naive to know that life wasn't perfect.
But of course I learned over time
That life wasn't always a playground
Or the perfect childhood friend
Or a pristine recollection.
It's reality.
Punch in the glass of the mirror you're facing,
Tear up old entries that were zestfully blithe,
Erase all the happiness of the past.
I don't regret to admit that I'm jealous,
Just as long as you're listening.
Are you listening?
Do you even care?
I wish you knew that I felt unimportant,
I wish you took the time to think about me.
I wish I existed in any hint of your life.
But wishing never gets you anywhere.
This is what childhood has taught me.
Well here I am again,
All grown up but still wishing;
I guess some things just never change.
Reminiscing on good times,
Good wishes,
Good memories,
Wishing I could be that "great friend."
Am I destined to grow old this way,
Thinking back on the past so much that I never truly get to live more memories?
Growing up doesn't mean that the color of life is gone.
copyright 2003, Autumn E.
(( cAN i gET a AMEN ?? |
::
2003 17 June :: 11.55 am
LAVENDAR SUMMER
this is one of my very favorites, and it means a lot to me because the irony of it just hit the spot for the moment that i wrote it.
I take a seat in this empty chair
In this empty room
In this empty house,
Knowing that it will be the last time
That I sit in here again.
The lavendar painted walls are cracked and peeling
Of antique vintage worn,
Indifferent and callous as they leave the sheetrock walls exposed.
Reminds me of how you came to be --
Disinterested in everything.
Your sudden change was an aberration --
It wasn't normal anymore,
The feeling that you left me and that all hope was lost.
One kick and the wall has crumbled in --
For you and your stupid alterations.
I hate how you abandoned your true self
For stereotypical change.
Didn't you care that I missed you,
Or did your new "friends" not approve of me?
A friendship gone because of social life --
It was your fault, not mine.
How stupid of you
To let your best friend go.
I'm not coming back this time around.
So I take a seat in this empty chair,
Letting its instability remind me of
How I was after you deserted me --
My insecurity tried to torment me
On those dreadful days without you,
Not having the strength to watch you
Bond with this other crowd.
One side of me says
That we should catch up on lost time,
But the smarter side begs to differ.
Too many memories --
I don't know how I let myself remember them.
So I leave this old chair
Without wrecklessly heaving it across this empty room,
And walk away,
I walk away,
Knowing that
This will be the last time I ever do.
I guess I just wanted to tell you
That I woke up every morning
Drenched in sweat
Because in my dreams you told me
That I couldn't live without you --
And for good times' sake I believed it.
But after that I told myself that
You weren't worth it anymore --
It wasn't worth the anger
To fix things up again.
Just like these lavendar painted walls,
I'm broken
But I'm still standing.
copyright 2003, Autumn E.
(( cAN i gET a AMEN ?? |
::
2003 16 June :: 5.31 pm
PERFECTION
I think my jealousy has gotten the best of me,
Curiosity is now the color of my blood.
You always had a way
Of making all the stupid things look cool,
A way of getting everyone to laugh at your irrelevance.
It seems impossible,
But I've come to believe
That your faults and broken lines are perceived as perfection.
I wish I could be the imperfected perfection that you always are.
I wonder why everything you do has to be so unpredictable --
I wonder how it is that you're always happy,
No matter how much everything really sucks.
How do you get everyone to admire you?
How can you turn everything into a joke that makes everybody laugh?
Where do you go when the world is spinning too fast for your own good --
Or am I the only one that is always so confused?
It seems that anything that would tear me down
Would be the one thing you would hold your head up high for.
I wish I could say something so nonsensical that it would be cool.
I wish that nothing could bother me;
I wish that my imperfection wasn't a big deal.
I want to be perfect the imperfect way.
copyright 2003, Autumn E.
(( cAN i gET a AMEN ?? |
::
2003 16 June :: 5.27 pm
MISSING YOU (YOUR SCENT)
Funny how your scent filters through my lungs,
And drowns me in my misery of missing you.
Yet when I'm away
It's the exact thing that I hunger and crave.
I want to go back to the night you snuck into my room
And slipped under the covers
Just because "there wasn't any room."
But it's obvious that there was more than one reason as to why you decided to leave your scent lingering
Even after you were gone.
So now I lie in the spot where you once slept,
Pulling the blankets over myself
And absorbing the only hint of you that is still left.
And I know it's stupid, completely dumb --
But I continue to reminisce on the night
That we grew closer --
The night that I grew comfortable with my own flaws --
The night I listened to you sleep.
When I'm around you,
It feels like forever.
I love the way I feel when I'm in your presence,
The way my lips curl at the corners after everything you say,
And the way it feels
To know that nothing in the world
Could ever ruin this moment.
copyright 2003, Autumn E.
(( cAN i gET a AMEN ?? |
::
2003 16 June :: 5.23 pm
ONE PERCENT CHANCE
this is a shortie ... it's a little goofy but maybe you'll understand it, lol.
Sometimes I wonder where your mind wanders
When you look into my eyes --
I wonder if you ever think about me
When there's nothing else to do.
I wonder if you ever picture
Life without me,
Or wonder where I am,
Or what I'm doing,
Or if I'm thinking about you --
I wonder,
I wonder.
Sometimes I wish I could get into your head
So I could change your perceptions of me,
Just so you would look past my mistakes.
But there's that one percent chance
That maybe it's already been done,
And I'm just suffering amnesia --
But I doubt that I'm perfectly fine
In your eyes.
And when I'm feeling hopeful
And I'm really optimistic,
I think, yeah --
What about that one percent?
It's not as impossible as it seems.
I'm just a person, not a plague,
I can't be all that bad.
copyright 2003, Autumn E.
(( cAN i gET a AMEN ?? |
::
2003 16 June :: 5.15 pm
ROAD OF FORGOTTEN
this was the first song i ever wrote, so it's quite important to me ... enjoy ...
It's one of those days when
I don't wanna wake up
Just to end up crying and screaming to empty space
That "life's not fair"
Because the thought of you
Brings me to tears
Because all the countless efforts
Ended up worthless.
For many nights I've dreamt of you,
Of you.
For you to want me,
You to need me,
To have love undying strength.
But I guess I wasn't good enough,
Not old enough,
Not your type.
And there are a thousand things
Imperfect about me --
I guess one of them was your reason.
But weren't you the one that said,
"Nobody's perfect,"
We all have our flaws.
But I guess I'm left to wonder
Which road to take from here --
The road of leaving
Only to be forgotten.
And it makes me wonder what the halls were like in '97,
When you were class clown and they all shouted your name.
And I'd give up my life for just one day of the past,
Just so we could be friends
Without all this mess.
And it pains me to see that look in your eyes --
The one that says "things won't work."
Why do differences have to tear us apart?
I thought mistakes were motivation,
I guess I was wrong.
So which way do I take from where I'm standing?
The road to keep trying
The road to keep smiling
The road to keep wondering.
The road of forgotten.
copyright 2002, Autumn E.
(( cAN i gET a AMEN ?? |
::
2003 16 June :: 5.08 pm
I WANT TO HATE YOU
When I'm bored
Lying in bed and staring up at the ceiling
I wonder why you're so nice to me.
I wonder if it's because you like to mess with my head,
Like to see me smile at your false attempt to make me feel good,
Like to absorb the fact that I admire you --
Just as a joke with your friends.
It's so wrong,
It's not true;
I wanna scream at you so bad,
Yet I can't grasp it;
I want to believe that somebody cares about me for once,
Somebody that devotes himself to making me happy and trying to keep it that way.
I guess this is why --
Why I'm so irrational that it makes me crazy,
Makes it so that I don't even make sense to myself.
I'm so torn that I want to hate you --
I want to think that you hate me too,
Just because feeling different because of you scares me to death.
I want to hate you so bad that it makes me want to run into your arms once again.
I want to hate you so bad that it makes me love you again;
It forces me to admit that yesterday was the best day of my entire life.
I wish I hadn't seen you yesterday
Because it makes me question what you really are to me.
I want to hate you so bad,
But that's impossible.
Because I love you too much.
copyright 2003, Autumn E.
(( cAN i gET a AMEN ?? |
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