cutie2187
|
::
2004 8 March :: 5.56pm
ill edit this later with a todays update maybe....
Bliss Tearing Eyes
by Dead Poetic
Cause you bleed all the time.
The pieces of a broken heart are wasted time.
And I can’t forgive myself for all the things I’ve done.
But you, you do.
Bleed one more time for me.
‘Cause my heart is filled with loneliness.
And this world is filled with loneliness.
Bleed one more time for me.
‘Cause the struggles of this world are blistering. Blistering.
Your cells run through my veins.
The times you lifted a dead man. That’s me again.
And I can’t forgive myself for all the things I’ve done.
But you, you do.
Bleed one more time for me.
‘Cause my heart is filled with loneliness.
And this world is filled with loneliness.
Bleed one more time for me.
‘Cause the struggles of this world are blistering.
Bleed one more time for me.
‘Cause the struggles of this world are blistering. Blistering.
Say what??
|
babaloo181
|
::
2004 8 March :: 5.23pm
:: Mood: high
:: Music: number 6 on matchbook romance cd colin made me
pure bliss
hey. well today was an awesome day....u know? lately...i've just been having such great days...im so scared that ima wake up one morning and everything's gonna suck again..and ima lose everything...im so scared that im gonna wake up and lose colin...and donna....and shilpa...and things'll be awkward again wit cesar....and spanish guy will bitch at me again.....i dont know im just so scared that this happiness isn't gonna last......im trying hard not to focus on the "what will happens" cuz if i spend so much time thinkin bout what mite happen in the future i wont enjoy the present...hmm well moving on lemme tell u y today was so wonderful. well colin was extra cuddly today. like at lunch...i was there for like 2 seconds and he wouldn't let me go to french...he's like who needs french anywayz?! stay wit me! and he just like held me close and refused to let me go....he's like no ur mine ur stayin...hehe and then he sat down at the table.....(btw i stayed at lunch for like 5 min cuz daph had to go to her locker) well anyway he like sits down and rests his head on the table cuz he was tired....and so i start like playin wit his hair...and i leaned in and gave him a kiss on his cheek and he's like....u need to bring me ur perfume bottle so i can spray my pillow wit it!! it was soooo sweet....he had his eyes closed and he just kept like caressin my hand..but then i had to go bye bye so he gave me a really big hug and i was walkin away and he's like BYE THAIMI! it was so cute....hehe then after school...i waited for him outside and as soon as he sees me he gets this big smile..and i smiled too....hehe and he comes up to me...grabs both my hands...puts his forehead on mine...starts singin "you are my sunshine" ... and i go..."my only sunshine"...hehe so yea we keep singin like that......till the end of the song where he goes "so please dont' take" and i go "my sunshine awayyyyyyyyy" and he looks at me...leans in and gives me a lil kiss...oh it was the sweetest thing in the whole wide world!!! i was like ....... wow.....i practically melted...hehe well friday i asked him to burn me a copy of this cd....and im listenin to it rite now...it's wonderful....just like he is.......haha could i BE any cornier?! hehe...i can't help it! alritey ima go before i make u guys throw up....hehe bye
tonite's song: yea by usher
5 comments |
Say what??
|
|
babaloo181
|
::
2004 7 March :: 8.59pm
great song
What I Really Meant To Say
by Cyndi Thompson
It took me by surprise
When I saw you standing there
Close enough to touch
Breathing the same air
You asked me how I'd been
I guess thats when I smiled and said just fine
Oh, but baby I was dying
What I really meant to say
Is I'm dying here inside
And I miss you more each day
There's not a night I haven t cried
And baby here's the truth
I'm still in love with you, yeah
That's what I really meant to say
And as you walked away
The echo of my words
Cut just like a knife
Cut so deep it hurt
I held back the tears
Held on to my pride and watched you go
I wonder if you ll ever know
What I really meant to say
Is I'm dying here inside
And I miss you more each day
There's not a night I haven't cried
And baby here's the truth
I'm still in love with you
What I really meant to say
Is I'm really not that strong
No matter how I try
I'm still holding on
And here's the honest truth
I'm still in love with you, yeah
That's what I really meant to say
That's what I really meant to say
That's what I really meant to say
Say what??
|
|
cutie2187
|
::
2004 7 March :: 3.09pm
awww thaimi!
Moments That Mean Too Much
you know, the things you don't want to remember at all
are the things you always remember the most.
like that night you said 'i love you.'
hell, i even thought it meant something,
but nothing means anything anymore.
i should have listened to your eyes instead.
those charming blue eyes,
they were covered in lies.
yet i still can't seem to get them out of my head.
i keep on getting this sinking feeling in my stomach,
maybe that's where my heart has fallen.
it's time like these when i realize i need you
when the tears get tiring but they don't stop rolling.
and all i need is just one more night..
just tell me that you need me too.
tell me you were only scared,
just tell me that you even cared.
(it's thoughts like these that bring me to you.)
and i've still been waiting up by the phone
just in case you change your mind.
(i have a feeling i'll be waiting for a few forevers,
but then again a few forevers would be worth the wait.)
and now i know what they mean when they talk about heartbreak
and how it never really goes away.
the nights spent in your clutch;
moments that mean too much.
now i wish i would have just asked you to stay..
and now i still dream about you all the time.
god i wish it would just stop..
10 comments |
Say what??
|
|
babaloo181
|
::
2004 7 March :: 11.37am
wow...i love it...poem i found on my forum
Moments That Mean Too Much
you know, the things you don't want to remember at all
are the things you always remember the most.
like that night you said 'i love you.'
hell, i even thought it meant something,
but nothing means anything anymore.
i should have listened to your eyes instead.
those charming blue eyes,
they were covered in lies.
yet i still can't seem to get them out of my head.
i keep on getting this sinking feeling in my stomach,
maybe that's where my heart has fallen.
it's time like these when i realize i need you
when the tears get tiring but they don't stop rolling.
and all i need is just one more night..
just tell me that you need me too.
tell me you were only scared,
just tell me that you even cared.
(it's thoughts like these that bring me to you.)
and i've still been waiting up by the phone
just in case you change your mind.
(i have a feeling i'll be waiting for a few forevers,
but then again a few forevers would be worth the wait.)
and now i know what they mean when they talk about heartbreak
and how it never really goes away.
the nights spent in your clutch;
moments that mean too much.
now i wish i would have just asked you to stay..
and now i still dream about you all the time.
god i wish it would just stop..
4 comments |
Say what??
|
|
cutie2187
|
::
2004 7 March :: 10.47am
arg aggravated and annoyed...everyone can guess who its caused by...my sister...oh wellz i jsut got 5000 in gold from kings of chaos so i have like 20000 in gold...whoopy and i have like 3 trained soldiers...i might train some more...who knows...im tired...and annoyed up the ass...anywho i decided to make a new journal cause i have no privacy in it anymore because my sister has came to that and fuck it up...so i guess im going to go read her journal and invade her privacy...oh wellz she is a gay ass...im going to go because im going nuts with her behind me...and i need to get cloths on cause we got to go to jens house because she wants to...grr people...oh wellz...i ate pancakes...yummy thats the highlight of my day...hehe mmmm pancakes...well yea im out...ill write later or ill put up the new journal link or maybe not who knows where shit is taking me...mmm idea i can make the journal friends only...i like that idea better...ill just make people join...hmmm lightbulb...anywho...bye bye
7 comments |
Say what??
|
|
babaloo181
|
::
2004 6 March :: 1.45pm
:: Mood: silly
:: Music: number 6 on the dashboard confessional cd
had to update to say some things....
haha this morning i watched a walk to remember for like the gazillionth time....and cried btw....hehe and i heard the bestest quote in the whole wide world! ... no not a mushy "aww so sweet" kinda quote......but this one.....hahahah they're lookin at mandy moore walkin by and talkin bout how she's so shy and junk....and this black guy goes
"you know....it's the quiet ones u gotta watch out for.... i mean she mite put it on a brotha like a pop tart!"
haha i never did understand what that meant....but i laughed sooooooo hard nontheless! hahaha omg speakin of funny things...this morning i watched like the first five minutes of newlyweds and jessica was like "oh u know what i did once? it was like the first day of 7th grade and my teacher asked our class if anyone knew the 7 continents.....and i felt sooo smart i threw my hand up immediately! i was like omg the first day of school and im already like the smartest kid in here......well i raised my hand and said...very proudly....A-E-I-O-U!.......hahahahahhahah (she thought he said consonants) and nick goes........hahaha and those AREN'T EVEN CONSONANTS MIND U!!!!! hahahah omg i laughed sooooo hard. and then her dad was tellin her how she's gonna perform at the post show at the golden globe awards and she's like...is that before or after and her dad's like...after......and she goes well i didnt know! i mean i'ts just a weird word! and her mom's like...well honey don't think like....fence post......and she's like no no i didnt think fence post i was thinkin...u know....post....u post an envelope BEFORE you mail it! ... haha omg her dad started rollin on the floor bawlin at her haha it was sooooooo funny!
ooh i forgot to tell u guys! the lady from the usf program i applied to wants to interview me!!!! im so nervous! it's on march 17th which is a half day...and i get out of class to go talk to her..i hope she likes me! hehe i ll just bust thru the doors yellin BABALOOOOOOOOOO! i mean come on....what's not to love?! :p
tonite's song: the way by clay aiken
4 comments |
Say what??
|
|
babaloo181
|
::
2004 6 March :: 1.32pm
haha omg i love these lyrics!!!
Ironic
by Alanis Morissette
An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
Isn't it ironic... don't you think
(chorus)
It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
And who would've thought it figures
Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids good-bye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
"Well, isn't this nice."
And isn't it ironic ... don't you think
It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
And who would've thought it figures
Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face
A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic... don't you think
A little too ironic.. and yeah I really do think...
It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
And who would've thought it figures
Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
And life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out
Helping you out
Say what??
|
|
cutie2187
|
::
2004 6 March :: 9.33am
gosh doug got me into kings of choas...hmm great game...i already got like 6 human people thingys...yes this is what i do when im bored now...play with this game...hmm im already addicted and discovered a few things with this "site"...hehe..well i got to go...everyone please go to the site at the bottem of this and dont even join just follow the directions and click the number...bye bye everyone
http://www.kingsofchaos.com/recruit.php?uniqid=j9n6c3m9
Tell Myself Goodbye
by Dead Poetic
These words roll of my tongue like second nature.
But I’m far from my womb, and you know I’m far from you.
So when do I come back to you?
Was this already written or have I fallen so far…
I can’t tell the light from the dark.
I thought you had me forever.
But I’m sure you thought the same about me.
And I’m sorry, so sorry.
These dreams run through my head that frolic through some tube of my brain.
I’m going insane, I’ve forgotten my name.
So I’ll use yours, like a dropped friend I wish I never left.
I wish I never left you. I wish I never left you.
I can’t tell the light from the dark.
I thought you had me forever.
But I’m sure you thought the same about me.
And I’m sorry, so sorry.
Winter’s come early this year.
Like a bird in the rain, I’ve tortured my everything.
The rain falls, and I never meant to leave you standing.
Say what??
|
|
babaloo181
|
::
2004 5 March :: 9.49pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: as lovers go by DC
not too shabby for thaimi....
well today was a purdy good day. got to school and shilpa wasn't there so i went and sat down and waited for everyone else to get there....colin came and sat on me...owwie...hehe and as we were like holding hands and stuff..spanish guy walked past me..i was like oh god....haha i kinda let go of colin's hand a lil bit while he walked by cuz i dont wanna make spanish guy feel bad...i mean he's an ass but....im too nice. hehe. well w/e we went upstairs cuz the bell rang...we= me, megan, adam, and colin. so w/e we go upstairs but colin was gonna leave at the second floor cuz he has to go to the 500 building....so he gave me a kiss....haha and he sniffed me again! he's like *sigh* the smell of my girlfriend's perfume...haha and he started laughin...it was purdy funny cuz he said it in this retarded voice haha. but then it turns out adam had to turn in his timeline so colin came wit me upstairs anywayz.....so we were sayin goodbye in front of gast and he puts his forehead up to mine..and we just stay there..hehe it was so cute....but then i was like oh shit ima be late! and i went bye bye. haha...aww today after we walked from physics to lunch...i had to go to french practice and im like i gtg and he's like to french again?! and im like yea..and he's like grr u know ppl who go to french and not lunch....r not cool! haha i was like...im ok wit that....and he's like....it's ok im not cool either..hehe and he gave me a kiss and we said buhz byez. haha omg it was so embarassing....he walked me to latin today and he was gonna keep goin up to his 7th period so he gave me a kiss and kept walkin....and when i walk in the room mrs. ibarra goes..oh so now i see why u dont come and practice during lunch..and im like wat!?! i was in french! and she's like.....that's not what i just saw....hahaha i was like omg! she laughed at me though....i was like grr that's not it! haha...but ya that was embarassing..well today i had to stay after for latin...so i walked wit him to the bus ramp and went upstairs...he gave me another kiss....haha today was a very kiss-y day. hehe .. but ya he looked really cute today...OMG SHILPA BOUGHT A TUB OF DOUBLE CHOCOLATE COOKIE DOUGH AND DIDN'T GIVE ME ANY!!!!!!!!!!! can you believe this atrocity?! i am APPALLED! SHOCKED AND APPALLED! hehe she says she's gonna bring me some cookies when her mom bakes em...pero still! im pissed! hehe alritey well i've babbled on for quite some time so my friends..it ends here. au revoir ;)
tonite's song: when i look to the sky by train
6 comments |
Say what??
|
|
cutie2187
|
::
2004 5 March :: 4.11pm
today kicked ass...hmm it just rocked...last night was pretty bad...now there is a hole in the wall that i hope someone fixes but its not my problem so fuck them...my dad makes me soo fucking insecure but i guess it will take time to get over and then become insecure again...this is why i dont trust guys AT ALL...anywho i got something i really wanted today but i cant say cause the shcool wont let me..damn it oh wellz....i missed cesar all fucking morning cause he came to school late...i was soo tempted to call him during 2nd but it was probably too early...oh wellz...im tired...tomorrow will be fun me and olivia and our mommies are going shopping...yippy...im going to go buy some cloths..cause i need an outfit for nhs....only bad thing that marcos is going to the induction is because he will meet my dad...yuck...i like to prevent this things.....oh wellz....he only going to be a "friend"....i lost my black nail polish...i need to find it....oh yea coach wood calls me a gothic vally girl...then this guy in my class calls me pepper ann...im like wtf...hehe...i found out something today but i forgot....i guess it wasnt that important....oh wellz...im going to go cause thaimi is going to call any minute...peace....bye
Memory
by Sugarcult
this may never start
we could fall apart
and not be your memory
lost your sense of fear
feelings insincere
can now be your memory
so get back back
back to where we lasted
just like i imagine
i could never feel this way
so get back back
back to the disaster
my heart's beating faster
holding on to feel the same
this may never start
i'll tear us apart
could now be your enemy
losing half our years
waiting for you here
i'd be your anything
so get back back
back to where we lasted
just like i imagine
i could never feel this way
so get back back
back to the disaster
my heart's beating faster
holding on to feel the same
this could never start
tearing out my heart
and id be your memory
lost your sense of fear
feelings disappear
can not be your memory
so get back back
back to where we lasted
just like i imagine
i could never feel this way
so get back back
back to the disaster
my heart's beating faster
holding on to feel the same
this could never start
we could fall apart
and id be your memory
lost your sense of fear
feelings insincere
can not be your memory
can not be your memory
Say what??
|
|
cutie2187
|
::
2004 4 March :: 8.23pm
im so tired...my dad has began again with his shit...he makes me feel so horrible..i iwsh one day i could be perfect for him...i work so hard for him i do everything just to make him happy...i dont know what else i can do...i hate him so bad...the sad part of all this im attracted to guys just like my father...im terried about that...arg he hurts me so bad...i have panic attacks now because of him...yes if people dont know what they are...they are not lovely...they are really umm odd...but im going to go...i did the dumbest thing tonight too...i called alex cesar and he looked so hurt...i didnt know what to do...im fucking horrible...arg...bye
4 comments |
Say what??
|
|
babaloo181
|
::
2004 4 March :: 6.01pm
:: Mood: horny
:: Music: #4 on the DC cd
not very interesting...
well i dont really have much to say..i gave spanish guy a note telling him that i have a boyfriend and that i dont feel that way about him anymore...he said he was ok wit it....so i hope he'll leave me alone now..i feel bad pero w/e it had to be done. agh today there was a fight at the ramp so i didnt get home till like a half hour later than i normally do! haha omg i was talkin to donna and she had asked me if cesar was a good kisser and i was like yea cesar was a very good kisser and she's like OOH I HAVE TO MAKE OUT WIT CESAR NOW!!! haha it was purdy fooony! a certain someone has been flirtin wit colin and it's pissin me off!...grr i need to be less jealous...hehe im terrible wit jealousy...oh wellz! i have physics wit him manana....i have absolutely nothing to do..well not true...i have tons and tons of hw...grr i should go do that rite now...i told donna i would log off at 6 but ima wait till like 6 15 ish just to see if colin logs on....haha he keeps sniffing me! like he'll just walk up to me and take a breath of my hair! it's so weird! hahahah he's like u smell so good! hahaha it's so strange to just have someone come up to u and sniff u.....hahaha. alritey wellz ima go read other ppls journals hehe buhz byez
tonite's song: my immortal by evanescence
1 comment |
Say what??
|
|
cutie2187
|
::
2004 4 March :: 3.56pm
today hmm was okay...1 month for me and marcos tomorrow...and sat is his birthday he is 16...wow...umm what else...i think im going to cheat on marcos i dont know its a feeling...i dont know i just yea...i havent been me for a long time so i dont know much right now...and really the only person that knows what really is going is mike so yea...and he doesnt even know half of it...so anywho im tired and i hate this...so i want to take a nap before alex gets here....when he does get here i got some ass to whoop...bye
horoscope:
Sometimes even disciplined people like you have to take a risk. It's a good day to talk to someone you've been too shy to approach -- your good luck and sense of humor will get you through even if you don't know exactly the right words to say.
Fine Again
by Seether
It seems like everydays the same
and I’m left to discover on my own
It seems like everything is gray
and there’s no color to behold
They say it’s over and I’m fine again, yeah
Try to stay sober feels like I’m dying here
And I am aware now of how
everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I’m in hell I am prepared now,
seems everyone’s gonna be fine
One day too late, just as well
I feel the dream in me expire
and there’s no one left to blame it on
I hear you label me a liar
‘cause I can’t seem to get this through
You say it’s over, I can sigh again, yeah
Why try to stay sober when I’m dying here
And I am aware now of how
everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I’m in hell
I am prepared now,
seems everyone’s gonna be fine
One day too late; just as well
And I’m not scared now.
I must assure you,
you’re never gonna get away
And I’m not scared now.
And I’m not scared now. No…
I am aware now of how
everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I’m in hell
I am prepared now
seems everyone’s gonna be fine
One day too late, just as well
I am prepared now,
seems everything’s gonna be fine
For me, for me, for myself.
For me, for me, for myself
For me, for me, for myself
I am prepared now for myself
I am prepared now, and I am fine again
2 comments |
Say what??
|
|
cutie2187
|
::
2004 3 March :: 4.53pm
:: Mood: ....
:: Music: Chevelle
yuckyness vs. yummyness...hmm who will win?!?!?!
anywho today was uneventful...wow i know aa entry..i think too much lately...look what i came up with now...well first let me begin where all this happened...am i wrong that im 16 and want to be with someone and want to be happy and shit...i just want to find someone that when im happy i go to them to share my happiness...then if im sad i go to them for help or talk to them because i know deep down that they are the only person that can make me feel better or cheer me up....i want to feel comfortable with them...and i want to be with them forever when im with them....i want just them...i dont want them to want me to change or i don't want them to change...i just want them to accept me and be happy with me....hehe okay im done with that...just babbling about wanting something...hehe...anywho well a couple days ago me and my friends were talking about the show one tree hill...btw last nights episode was soo ironic...wow...so well people said im like peyton so i was thinking about it and im like wow thats true im like her...she is all emo and depressed but then in school is happy and involved...but only her true friends know her...and thats me...i mean come on....not exactly but to any character on tv thats my soul mate...hehe...today at lunch it was a blast...it was me and marcos in the beginning...i dont know im starting to really like him...but thats beside the point right now...umm yea me anthony "padilla" crystal james and some girls...were just running around being dumb...it was fun....then my first...arg i hate my teacher now...whatever she can suck a dick for all i care...i know i said it...then 2nd...hehe hmm i wasnt in class barely....i got olivia out of 2nd and then we both got marcos out...yup and today he wrote my name down for military ball...i got mike taking nessa...so all me friends are going that are outside my lil groupie...it will be fun....whosh dancing...yey....WORSE part...DRESS ahh..hehe oh wellz...my plan is to wear a dress there and then put pants on under the dress so im good and happy....i hate dresses...oh shit i forgot to tell olivia about shopping saturday...oh wellz tomorrow...and tomorrow i might go with jerrica after school cause me and her need to go out and buy marcos’s b-day gift...hehe wow...he is 16...im older...hehe wow...i know...im a dork...im getting to many crushes now-a-days oh wellz...hmm i wish i had 8th period today...oh wellz i got to go..ttyl bye bye bye
Character Suicide
Why do I live?
Why do I die,
Why do I go through life,
Always wondering why?
The world seems to hate me.
They never understand
There always trying to mold me
Into something grand
I’m always criticized
I’m always punished for
Their Stupid laws
Which I really abhor
Yet indeed I am mourned
By my worst foe
Not one of them really cares
Their putting on a show
Their laughing at me now
As I watch from above
Its just another
Hurt causing shove
They one thing I wished for
The one thing I needed
Was the one thing
They hadn’t even heeded
All I wanted was
For someone to love me
For someone willing to
Show me mercy.
But instead I perished
I just gave up and died
I chose to get away
By committing Suicide
I gave up my body
I gave into my demise
Because I saw through
Your detestable lies
But I’m still alive
I’m still here
I just wear a mask
Of darkness and fear
So remember
When your looking at me
your looking at someone
Who hides to be free.
2 comments |
Say what??
|
|